August 7, 2007 3:45 AM

In the blood was life and with each life there was hopes and dreams and love. Buffy’s life was laid out before Spike as he drank from her in brilliant colors that were blinding in their demand for his attention. Her love was like warmth he had never known before keeping him safe as he saw what made her life so valuable. Their children flashed before his eyes, their laughter and tears, their fears and their hopes to have a stable home again. The Scoobies and her memories of them and the way they were today reminded him that she was the core of all of them. The people she had saved screamed to him of the ones she had yet to save. Other people’s lives that she touched in some small way showed him that without her things would be thrown off kilter.

In a rage he pulled her closer telling himself that he deserved to have her for his and only his. The world had no claim on this woman that was stronger than his. To justify his taking of her he reached back for the anger and pain that he always carried but found it was gone. In her love, acceptance and desire to protect him, she had healed his heart. In the act of laying his shame and guilt open for her scrutiny it had been vanquished and it no longer held him in its vice like hold.

Tears flowed from him as he pulled back from her but found something opening to him that he had never heard of in the drinking of the blood. The future. Buffy’s future, one small moment of time that would change his world forever. She sat in a rocker by their bedroom window bathed in the sunshine. Her small hand lovingly rubbed against her belly that was swollen with child and as the babe kicked her she laughed with delight. Her free hand reached to the man that sat near her on the windowsill. With obvious claim to her the man allowed her to lay his hand over their child so he could feel its movements. It was a moment of true peace between a couple in love and the child they had created from that love.

Spike released her and as she collapsed in his arms he was afraid that he had ruined everything for her. His legs gave out beneath him and they fell to the floor with her still cradled in his arms.

“Wake up, Baby, wake up,” Spike begged as he ran a hand over her face trying to bring her back to consciousness. As he rocked her back and forth he realized that Buffy was not going to be his forever. The father of her child couldn’t be him. The sunlight they were bathed in was literal not part of a vision lighting effect. As he accepted this he also knew that he wanted it for her, no matter whom this man was that she ended up with she was happy, and that was what was most important.

“Please wake up, Buffy, don’t do this to me.”

Finally she shifted against him trying to get closer to him.

“I’m okay,” Buffy whispered and opened her eyes. With a smile she reached her hand up to cup his face. “You didn’t do it.”

It was something in her eyes and her smile that told him that Buffy had believed he would never go through with changing her.

“You knew? You knew I wouldn’t do it? How?”

“You taught the grasshopper well, Master. When you bit into me I opened myself to you, all of my heart and all the things that are important to me. I trusted you enough to make the right decision for us and if that was for me to be a vampire then,” she shrugged her shoulders slightly, “I would still have you.”

Spike hugged her to him, “Oh, my God, Buffy, I could honestly beat the shit out of you for doing this to me.”

Her arms tightened around him, “I will always be yours, Spike, no matter what incarnation that happens to be.”

There was nothing he could say to answer that because he knew that it wasn’t true. He felt like he was dying inside as the pain of losing her took hold of his heart.

“Come on, we need to get out of here before that guy brings help.” Spike stood bringing her with him. Both of them were still weak and they held onto each other for a moment until they felt comfortable enough to begin moving.

Their arms around the other they moved through the bowels of the Initiative. There were a few moments of trying to decide which direction to take but soon they recognized the hallway that would lead them to the exit at Baker’s Woods.

“We have a lot to talk about. A lot seemed to happen while you were gone.”

“Dawn? I know about that one. Those bastards took great pleasure in telling me that my own sister-in-law thought I deserved to be punished and was nothing more than an animal.”

“She’s sorry and she helped to find you.”

Buffy hated this. Her first loyalty was to Spike but Dawn was her sister, the one she had sworn to protect until the end of the world, just like Spike had but Dawn’s betrayal was hard to just let go.

“Buffy, it’s going to take more than a tearful apology to make this go away.” Spike said sadly. He had tried so hard not to believe the Soldiers but his wife’s confirmation only made one more rip in his already broken heart.

“I know, baby, I know.”

The exit door was standing wide open and they stepped through it cautiously. There was no one around, human or otherwise, as they left Spike’s prison behind and moved into the woods. Spike was thinking rapidly trying to devise a plan for getting away from Buffy. There was no way he could go home with her and pretend he didn’t know that it was almost over. There in the horizon was the first flicker of daylight fighting its way through the inky blackness of night. In resignation Spike looked around him and made his plan.

“Buffy, I’m feeling pretty weak. Why don’t you go find the others? Let me rest a minute.”

Spike could hear Willow talking to Xander not too far away. All he had to do was get Buffy away form him and then he could take off in the other direction and stay away from her until the sun found him. That was the only way she would be free from him. If she thought he was alive she would never rest until she found him. In order for her to find that man or accept him Spike had to be dead.

“Sit here and I’ll be right back,” Buffy told him as she helped him to sit with his back against a tree. He was already beginning to heal with the aid of the human blood he had drunk, especially hers, but his body was still deeply marked from his torture.

Before she left he pulled her back to him for a moment and kissed her gently, “I love you, woman, I always will.”

“I know. I love you, too.” Buffy replied in confusion. It almost sounded like he was saying good-bye but that was impossible. They had gone through too much to lose each other now. “I’ll be right back.”

As soon as she was gone, Spike struggled to his feet and stumbled in the other direction but found he was still too weak to make it on his own. Finally he began to crawl on his hands and knees trying to do the right thing for her. The sobs ripped through him as he prayed for help. He prayed for Buffy, for her to have all the things she deserved in a mate, all the things he couldn’t give her. He prayed for his children, that they have the kind of father he couldn’t be. And he prayed for the babe that Buffy would someday bear. He prayed for his death so that Buffy would be free to find everything that would make her happy and he prayed for the man that she would someday love.

“You’re prayers have been heard, William.”

Spike looked up to find himself staring at a woman with a kindness he had never known before in the gentle brown of her eyes. She smiled at him and he saw the ageless wisdom that shone in her eyes. Her body seemed to be lit from the inside, bathing her in a brilliant glow that was yet soft and warm. For a moment Spike was sure that he was imagining things.

“I’m not a figment of your imagination.”

“Who are you?”

“A friend,” she shrugged her shoulders lightly. “Someone who wants to help give you what you deserve and what she deserves.”

Spike looked again and smiled slightly at what he saw, “So, you are.”

She returned his smile then turned serious again, “Are you sure that this is what you want? Once it has been done it can never be undone.”

~~~~~~~~~

Buffy was quickly relaying her news to the others as she led them back to where she had left Spike. Once Willow’s ankle was feeling better they had been searching futility for her. Only a short while ago they had decided to head back to the safe house and get more help in order to find her and Spike.

“Buffy, who is that with Spike?” Giles asked as they came to the edge of the ridge.

They all turned to look at Spike kneeling on the ground in front of a strange woman. Buffy stared at the brunette with her husband but shook her head when she realized that she had to be wrong. There was no way it could possibly be anyone they knew.

“I don’t know,” Buffy replied.

~~~~~~~~~~

Spike turned to look at Buffy still too far away to see clearly but he could feel her confusion and the fear as she tried to figure out who was with him. The options had been laid before him and knowing that Buffy’s happiness was the most important thing to him, he made his decision.

“I choose death,” Spike said softly.

“Very well,” the creature responded as she stepped forward and held her hand out to Spike. He accepted it and was gently pulled to his feet.

A smile was exchanged between them as she laid her hand on his chest. The touch of her hand against him was initially warm but quickly turned to a burning heat and it was like nothing Spike had ever felt. It didn’t take long for the soothing heat to transform into pain and it slammed through his entire being, wracking his body with convulsions as it snaked through his flesh.

And right before the merciful blackness overtook him, he thought, “It didn’t hurt so bloody much to die the first time.”

~~~~~~~~~

At first Buffy moved cautiously toward Spike and the woman with him. Then when she touched him and Spike’s first scream tore through the morning Buffy tried to run to him and found she couldn’t. A field surrounded the area and prevented her from going anywhere. The others felt the wall as they too tried to go to their friend.

“Willow, do something, break through it.” Buffy commanded as she saw her husband convulsing, “Damn it she’s killing him.”

The Slayer threw herself against the invisible barrier over and over and it was not lost on her the similarities to Spike’s struggle to tear down his cage a short while ago to get to her. Her screams echoed his as she saw the pain he was in. Giles and Xander tried to hold her back but it wouldn’t do any good. The instinct to protect him was stronger than any reason to reserve her strength. How could she just stand there and watch him die? It was better that she destroy herself in an attempt to save him no matter how feeble it might be.

After what seemed an eternity Spike was released from this woman’s touch and collapsed to the ground. She looked briefly over at the mate that this vampire would sacrifice all for and saw and felt the matching love in the Slayer and knew the right decision had been made. And without a word or gesture she disappeared.

The moment she was gone, Buffy took off running, knowing that the barrier would be gone. Giles, Willow and Xander were right behind her.

“Spike, Spike,” Buffy cried as she gathered her husband in her arms. He didn’t respond to her and the only thought that crossed Buffy’s mind was how hot he felt to the touch.

TBC