May 21, 2007 7:15 PM
The two men sat beside each other at the table with a comfortable silence between
them. Their attention was focused on the infant that Spike was holding. Benjamin
waved his tiny arms while blowing bubbles in appreciation for the attention
that was being bestowed on him. A finger was run along the inside of his arm
finally coming within the reach of his own fingers and his little fist wrapped
around the digit offered grasping it with all the strength his eight pound body
held.
“Yeah, you are going to be a big tough Scoobie one day, aren’t you?” The Big Bad asked in his version of baby talk that was a cross between his usual English growl and a high pitched panic voice.
Giles smiled at the vampire holding his son so close. The first time that he had seen his one time enemy holding a child a chill had gone through his body. He knew Spike’s history and the evil he had caused. The mayhem he could create and the fear that he had wrought upon innocent lives was not lost on the watcher. But neither was the fact that love and time had changed Spike on a fundamental level. Now, instead of hurt he brought tenderness to the youngest members of the family.
“Here.” Kate said, walking back into the room bringing a bottle of formula for Benjamin.
“Thanks.” Spike took the bottle from her outstretched hand. “Here you go. Don’t want the baby to go hungry.” His attention turned to the squirming bundle in his arms as he brought the nipple to the infant’s mouth. Spike made cooing noises when the bottle was hungrily attacked. “That’s good isn’t it? You just eat it all up.”
“Have you ever told Buffy how much you want a baby?” Giles gently asked already knowing the answer. Buffy had visited alone earlier that day causing him to wonder why they hadn’t come together but the misery on Buffy’s face had told him everything he needed to know.
Spike looked briefly at Giles in surprise.
“I don’t.”
Giles sighed and pulled his glasses off to lay them on the table.
“Spike, it’s obvious how much you love the children. It would only be natural to want one of your own.”
“It’s not something I should want because of the things I have done.” He laughed harshly and added, “Or should I say who I have murdered.” This time he looked up to hold Giles gaze. “And she doesn’t need my guilt on top of everything else.”
“Did you ever think that maybe if you talked to her. Told her what you’re feeling it would help her to understand your reluctance? To let her know it has nothing to do with her.” Kate injected her opinion to the conversation. Over the last couple of months Buffy had been confiding in her about her relationship with Spike. She would never break the trust that had been placed in her but if she could figure out a way to help she would.
“Why would she think that my not wanting a baby has anything to do with her?” Spike turned to Kate with confusion in his eyes. It didn’t have anything to do with Buffy. The only reason he felt that he should want one was for her. Because she deserved to be a mother despite whom the father would be.
Spike shifted Benjamin onto his shoulder putting the almost empty bottle on the table. With gentle pats he tried to get the infant to burp away the excess air.
“Think about it. Why wouldn’t a man want to have a child with his…woman?” Kate asked trying to lead him to Buffy’s fears without revealing too much.
“I don’t know.”
A quiet burp interrupted his thoughts as he shifted Benjamin back into his arms.
“Why haven’t you ever married her?” This wasn’t the time for gentleness as Giles threw the whole thing on the table. By this time everyone knew that the couple was having troubles in their relationship and something drastic had to be done before they walked away from each other.
Kate stood as soon as she realized that Giles could handle this. She held out her arms for Spike to put Benjamin in them and after settling her baby against her she leaned over to kiss Spike on the cheek, whispering good night to him.
As soon as she left Spike turned to face the man he thought of as a father.
“Because I am a vampire or have the whole bleeding lot of you forgotten that minor detail?”
Giles rested his forearms against the table pinching his nose while he decided how to proceed. But in truth, there was really only one way; direct with total honesty.
“When was the last time that you fed from a human? And I’m taking about for food ending in death for the victim.”
“Almost seven years. That doesn’t change anything.” Spike stood to get away from the brutal honesty in the other man’s eyes. “I’m dead. A corpse. Do you want Buffy married to that? Because I don’t.”
When Giles laughed Spike turned to look at him.
“My God man, you and Buffy are already so married it puts the rest of us to shame.” Then he sobered. “You took her back when she left someone who was alive. You fought for her with everything you had. Being a corpse sure as hell didn’t hold you back then.”
“He didn’t fucking deserve her.”
“And we all agreed you did. So did she. She came back to you. Because she loves you.” Giles stated, placing emphasis on the last four words. “Spike, you’re 130 something years old. Grow up and settle down. She needs it and you sure as hell want it. You own a bloody house. You have all the paperwork to make it legal. This damn reluctance of yours, these excuses of being dead, is making her feel like she isn’t important enough to you.”
With trembling hands Giles picked his glasses up and slipped them back on his face. This was the first time he had interfered in Buffy’s relationship with Spike like this. At first he had fought their being together as his reasoning was the same as Spike’s current misgivings but Giles had been there to witness the changes in the creature before him. Sometimes it startled him when he almost forgot that he was a vampire. His habits so much of a human that it made them all forget sometimes.
“Did she tell you that?” Spike asked his voice barely above a whisper.
“She didn’t have to.”
~~~~~~~~~~
May 21, 2007 11:47 PM
Before he had left Giles house Spike had called Buffy to let her know that he
would do patrol before he came home. He needed time to think before he saw her
again as the other man’s words had torn through his heart and left him
questioning the life he had. They could forget. Buffy could pretend. But he
couldn’t. He lived with the demon inside of him wanting to reassert its
authority. The soul barely could contain it at times. And he knew there were
times if it wasn’t for the chip that he might have lost the battle.
He sat on their bench smoking a cigarette. That was a battle that he had lost. The cigarettes had been banished for years then in the last few months he had given in to temptation again. The comforting burn in his throat and lungs like a familiar friend when he sometimes felt he didn’t have any.
Tonight was one of those times that he felt lost and alone again, similar to the time when he first was chipped. Then he had learned what it was really like not to belong anywhere. He couldn’t be a vampire and he was no longer a man. His identity was found, established and shaped by a beautiful blond girl and her friends. The very ones he called family now.
There were no regrets because each battle, each hurt and each rejection had led him to where he was now. To her arms. To her love. To these people burned in his heart. Each moment fought for became all the more sweet now.
Spike stood, dropping the cigarette before he ground the burning butt out with the heel of his boot. It was time to head home.
The walk was short as he hurried through the cemetery. He hesitated for a moment as he surveyed his home. The lights burned a welcome home for him. Solid beneath his touch, this was his sanctuary as no other place had been. Its presence was not dependent on a whim of the heart.
As he walked through the back door she was sitting at the table. Buffy was eating her way though a pint of ice cream while reading a magazine. As soon as she saw him the magazine was closed and placed beneath another one.
“Hi.” She smiled up at him with only a hint of something besides love in her eyes.
“Hello, Love.” Spike ran a hand down her hair as he kissed her softly. This he could never tire of. Buffy waiting for him and for his touch.
He came to sit beside her at the table. His hand reached over to move aside the Cosmopolitan magazine on top to pull out the one beneath. American Baby. He glanced briefly at her when she looked away from him, an expression of guilt on her face as she realized that he had seen her try to hide the magazine.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to hide it from me.”
Her eyes widened at his words. Lately she felt anything to do with babies had to be hidden from him. Ever since the fight they had both avoided anything confrontational between them.
“I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize either, pet.”
“Well, gee aren’t we being just magnanimous tonight. What happened? Did you have an epiphany on the way home? See the light?” Her words were sarcastic in her attempt to hide her vulnerability. The egg shells they had been walking on for so long had become comfortable and this gentle and sweet Spike was a stranger to her. Someone she didn’t know how to handle. And was afraid would leave again.
“Yeah, as a matter of a fact it was at this very moment. Don’t forget what a bitch Buffy is.”
Spike pushed away from the table unable to hide his hurt. Her spiteful words destroyed his plans of making things right with her. It seemed like he would never learn. As he stood he felt something cold hit the side of his face. He glanced at her now standing beside him with the spoon clenched in one hand. She had childishly thrown ice cream at him.
“And in times like this I wonder why I ever wanted to keep my demon under control.”
Her gasp made him realize that he had spoken aloud. Her chair scraped across the floor as she moved away from him but his hand wrapped around her wrist and he pulled her to him.
“Spike, come on. I’m sorry.” There was actually a trace of fear in her voice as she struggled against him. But he was determined as he reached his hand out to grab the spoon away from her. It was flung backwards in the direction of the sink. Then his arm snaked out around her waist bringing her body against his.
“Lick it off now.”
The hand that had held her wrist moved to wrap itself in her hair. With a gentle pull to let her know who was in control he shifted so that he was bringing her face to his. Buffy squirmed in his arms trying to break free but his anger had given him the rush he needed to hold onto her.
“Lick it off of me.”
“No! Damn it, Spike, let go of me.”
Her body thrashing against his brought his body to attention. When she realized that she froze momentarily before resuming her efforts. This time she was going to fight him with everything she had. But he was ahead of her walking her backwards into the wall pinning her there. This time her head was pulled back so that he could look down at her.
“Are you going to lick it off? Or am I going to have to hurt you?”
Buffy stiffened as his words hit her. But then she saw something in his eyes that changed everything.
“No, I am not going to lick it off. Go to hell.” She only prayed that she was right as she refused to give in to his demands.
She was right.
Spike brought his face down to rub against hers, smearing the ice cream between them as his hand slipped under her shirt. His fingers played against her rib cage tickling her unmercifully.
Buffy giggled under his torture bringing their bodies together again and again. Her face turned from his as he continued to smear the ice cream all over them.
As his assault continued she decided to change the rules. He had relaxed as he moved against her giving her the edge she needed. She pushed Spike in the chest, sending him back enough to escape. He growled as she took off running down the hall with him behind her. As she slipped on an area rug he pounced bringing her down with a whoosh of air from her lungs.
“Give it up. You are going to lick this crap off of me before the night is over.”
Spike moved so that he was straddling her body. Not putting his whole weight on her he sat on her bottom. He quickly divested himself of his duster and t-shirt as she tried to turn over. Her efforts were stifled as he bounced against her sending her into the floor with each one.
“Now, now, pet, you were a bad girl and Spike is going to have to punish you.” He growled into her ear as he lay against her back.
“Wake up because you are dreaming again.”
With a push of her hands she came up throwing him off of her enough so that she could crawl out from under him. He laughed as he let her go because she was going the direction he wanted her anyway which was upstairs toward their bedroom. As she started up the stairs he caught her again rolling slightly so that she landed on him.
“I am wide awake.” He told her as he rubbed his erection against her hip. She stilled as he moved against her. “It must be you dreaming.”
He rolled them so that she was below him sprawled face down on the staircase. Her momentary loss of movement didn’t faze him as he flung one leg over hers to keep her steady. His hands moved to pull her shirt up so that he had access to her back. They moved against her flesh as he undid her bra.
“Spike, we can’t.” She whispered to him in a tortured breath. The last thing she wanted to do was break this mood but her last ovulation of the agreement was only four days away. She could almost feel the hurt from him as he stopped touching her. She closed her eyes as the tears threatened.
She felt him move over her again welcoming his weight as he settled on her. His mouth kissed her shoulder moving to nuzzle her neck. His tongue flicked along her ear making her moan in response.
“Let go, Buffy. Trust me just for tonight. Can you do that?”
Somehow he knew of her reluctance to lose herself in him. That she had to always be in control because she didn’t trust him enough to always keep her safe. That he wouldn’t always put her first. With it so open now how could she refuse his request for that trust? To hurt him was the last thing she wanted.
“Yes.”
That was all he needed before he continued what he had started. He moved back again so that he could continue his assault on her back. This time his mouth joined his hands as he felt her relax. A smile crossed his face as he kissed her between her shoulder blades while his hands moved across her waist. His fingers slipped beneath her undoing the fastenings on her jeans.
With an upwards movement her hips allowed him to tug her jeans down. His mouth licked and nipped its way down the flesh of her back and Buffy kneaded the carpet with her fingers as he played with every nerve ending along her spine. Unwittingly she arched upwards when his tongue dipped into the crevice of the first separation of her cheeks.
As her pants were peeled from her body his mouth continued to follow. Bite marks from his teeth were left imprinted in her bottom. Gentle licks across where thigh met curve of bottom. Kisses trailed down her leg with special attention to the back of her knees. Spike knew every spot, every move to make her turn to putty in his hands. This night he paid special attention to them intent on reclaiming what was his.
He sat up for a moment to finish pulling her jeans off. Then his hands pulled on her to bring her over. When she did her hands reached for him, desperately wanting to feel him. To have her hands moving somewhere useful instead of the scratchiness of the carpet. He grabbed them and tenderly pulled her to a sitting position. His hands came to pull her shirt off then removed her bra. As soon as she was naked she reached for him.
“No.” He took her hands and stretching over her moved them so they lay behind her. “No touching.”
His kiss came unexpectedly to her and as he moved his tongue feverishly in her mouth he rubbed his hardness between her thighs. Bracing her feet on the step near his knees she pushed herself up to meet him halfway. All thoughts of abstaining were lost as her lover brought back all the need she thought they had lost.
“Please, Spike. Your jeans. Take them off. I need you.” She panted in his ear as he moved the weapon that was his mouth from hers. It was now attacking her throat moving their way down toward her breasts. The nipples were already hard from wanting him.
“No. It’s only four days. And I am not going to be the one to mess things up.” He told her right before her nipple was savagely devoured by his lips and tongue. His fingers came to roll the other one between them. Alternately his mouth suckled then bit the one it was working on. As he suckled the other one was pinched, creating alternating sensations of pain and pleasure in both of them.
Buffy fought against herself to keep her hands away from him. She needed the feel of his flesh beneath them. To return the turmoil that he was causing in her. Then everything froze as she sensed him vamp out. His fangs broke through the skin on her left breast and Buffy’s first reaction was to push him away before she remembered his request for trust. So, she waited. He drank for only a moment before he returned to his human guise, gently licking the puncture wounds.
Spike never looked up or apologized for his action but continued down her body. His lips, tongue and teeth returned to pleasing her. Once she had made the decision to trust him she relaxed enough to let herself go in his arms again.
“I love the way you smell when you want me. It’s intoxicating.” He whispered before his tongue separated her folds. At his words her nerves danced along her skin ending at her most sensitive needs. Her body quivered as she felt her body release moisture under his ministrations. His fingers joined in the bringing of her pleasure. As they penetrated her warmth she began to move impaling herself on their cool length.
It was almost better than the first time he had taken her. She was careening out of control beneath him and he greedily pushed for more. The closer she got to the edge the more she moved against him and she went from calling his name to indistinguishable babble to groans.
He felt the power move through him as he took her to the edge. No one had ever reached her this way before him. He was the one who broke through her inhibitions. The one who had taught her it didn’t matter what they did as long as they both wanted it. That she wasn’t a bad girl for giving in to her needs and being able to vocalize them.
Buffy needed her release. She needed him to give it to her as she rose up on her hands. Her hips lifted off the stairs making him move back some. But he never broke contact as she pushed him for what she wanted. He hesitated only for a moment before he folded his hand completely to push into her. Her head flew back as he filled her making her cum around him. As she collapsed against the stairs he withdrew his fingers from her but continued to lick her. He wasn’t satisfied until she had crested several more times leaving her a trembling mass of flesh.
Spike moved over her resting on her as she came down. His hands moved around her back as he once again rubbed himself against her. As he felt her breathing return to normal he wondered how long it would be before she said something about biting her. It wasn’t something that was planned. Everything tonight had happened in a moment’s blink. It was a runaway train that couldn’t have been stopped.
Her hands moved across his back feeling the smoothness of his chest against her. The place from his bite still tingled. It was the bite that had made her lose control like never before. It had sent waves of pleasure through her. And even though it had scared her for a moment he hadn’t broken her trust. He hadn’t hurt her. She pushed him back so that she could look up at him.
But she couldn’t summon all the words that she wanted to say for his unselfish loving of her. It was a sacrifice for him to give to her but be unable to take. She reasoned that was why the demon had emerged. Brought forth from his tortured emotions and unsatisfied need for her.
“I love you.” She whispered to him as her hand caressed his face.
Spike’s relief was evident as he realized she wasn’t going to yell at him about the bite.
“Always, Buffy,” he said as he kissed her on the forehead, “Always.”
