June 14, 2007 12:35 PM

“I’m hungry.” A small hand patting her arm woke Buffy from her sleep. She slowly opened her eyes to see Elijah standing next to the bed.

“Hey, good morning.” She couldn’t help but smile at the child waiting for her. This was her son she told herself trying to get comfortable with the idea. It still seemed too surreal for words. The sudden changes in their lives brought by someone who wanted to take her place. She wondered briefly how Spike would have reacted if it had been Riley or Angel bringing the children to them. But the answer was already known and there was no way it would have gone this way. Her own need to nurture had driven her to try to accept what they had been given. And if she admitted it to herself a small part of it had been to be better than Donna.

“Hungry.” Elijah repeated to her, breaking Buffy from her thoughts.

Then a panic ran through her as the responsibility of the situation hit her. What would she feed him? Her mind quickly ran through the contents of their refrigerator and cupboards not finding anything suitable.

Buffy sat up to get out of bed only to find the comforter being held down. Looking over her shoulder she saw Spike watching her while she tried to unthinkingly expose him. Coloring slightly she remembered the nudity with which he always slept.

“Sorry, baby.” Buffy mouthed to Spike before putting her hand down next to him to hold the covers in place while she slipped out of the bed. Once she was standing she took Elijah by the hand smiling down at him. “Let’s go see what we can find for you to eat.”

Hand in hand they made their way out into the hallway, turning Buffy shut the door to give Spike the privacy he needed to get dressed. Then she made her way across the hall to check on Raven who was still curled under the covers with her eyes closed. Certain that she was still sleeping Buffy led Elijah down to the kitchen. He chattered the entire way about waking up in a new room and that he thought the house was great. There were lots of places for him to play hide and seek and other games. Buffy tried to concentrate as he jumped from one subject to the other and make the appropriate responses.

The boy went to sit at the table while he watched Buffy rummage through the refrigerator to find something for his breakfast. She pulled out a carton of eggs that were hidden behind the jars of blood. Quickly checking the expiration date she sighed in relief when she found that they were still good.

“Do you like eggs?” Buffy asked hoping that he did then brightening when he nodded his head. “How about scrambled eggs and toast?”

“Okay.”

She hurriedly stared to prepare his breakfast feeling proud that so far she was handling it. This whole thing was scaring her to death because she had no clue how to deal with a child this age on a full time basis. Thankfully Aidan, Xander and Anya’s little boy, was only about a year younger than Elijah. Babysitting him had given her some experience but nothing like the whole package at one time. Her whole parenting dream had always started off with an infant that she would learn to care for as she went.

Just as she placed a plate of food in front of Elijah his sister wandered into the kitchen.

“Good morning.” Buffy smiled at Raven hoping that things might be easier than earlier that morning.

“Morning. Is there any coffee?”

“I haven’t made any yet. Do you always drink coffee?” Buffy asked hesitantly.

“No, I just thought I’d ask for you.” Raven responded sarcastically. “What’s for breakfast?” She made her way over to the table to run a hand over Elijah’s hair. “How you doin’, squirt?” To her brother she acted naturally and affectionately totally unlike the sarcastic brat she showed Buffy.

“We don’t have a lot in the house right now so it seems like scrambled eggs and toast.” Buffy responded to her question.

“I like mine over easy.”

“I’m not that great of a cook so if you want something decent this morning, scrambled eggs are it.” Buffy explained calmly and swore to herself that no matter what Raven did she was not going to react to it.

“Great, we’re going to starve to death. Our mom was a great cook.” Raven offered defiantly as she slumped down in a chair with arms crossed. She knew she was being rude but didn’t care. Her whole life had been taken from her in one night and all she wanted to do was punish someone. Since the people responsible weren’t around it may as well be this woman who was not only the Slayer but was also trying to take her mother’s place.

Elijah following his sister’s lead pushed the plate away from him. “I want eggs the way my mommy made them.” His lower lip started to tremble as he looked from Buffy to Raven.

“So, do I.” Raven told him as she pulled him onto her lap hugging him against her.

Grabbing the edge of the counter Buffy leaned into it trying to keep herself from exploding at the girl. It was one thing if she wanted to go hungry but to upset her brother was another. And if she was honest Buffy was angrier at the fact that this girl wouldn’t give her a chance than at her rejecting her cooking. Reminding herself of how she felt when her mother died Buffy tried to put herself into this girl’s place and get over the resentment she felt at taking in children of Donna’s choice.

“What’s going on?” Spike stepped into the room looking from Elijah silently crying in his sister’s lap to Buffy looking like she wanted to slay something badly. “Buffy, what happened?”

She turned to look at him wanting to run crying to him but knew she couldn’t. Taking a deep breath before starting she told herself to remain calm.

“Raven wanted her eggs cooked in a way that I don’t know how to make. It upset her which upset Elijah. Now, he won’t eat what I fixed.” Buffy explained softly staring down at the counter. Nervously she waited for Spike’s response. After last night she didn’t know what to expect from him. There hadn’t been any more words spoken after his pronouncement. He had just led her into bed spooning her against him while they fell asleep.

Spike walked over to the children taking Elijah from his sister before sitting in his previously vacated chair. After the boy was settled in his lap he looked over at Raven.

“Buffy isn’t the greatest cook but she probably already told you that. I know that she will do everything she can to learn what you like but you are going to have to give her a chance.” He patiently explained to the girl. After staring down her glare he turned back to the boy. “Now, Elijah, aren’t you still hungry? I bet it’s good.” Taking the fork he stabbed a bit of eggs taking it for the child to try. After that, still sitting in Spike’s lap, he started back in on his breakfast.

Buffy smiled gratefully at his support of her. She knew she still needed to figure out what was going on with him since things were never settled between them last night. Vowing to keep an eye on him she went to brew the morning coffee for her and Raven then a heated a mug of blood for him.

After handing Spike his breakfast Buffy sat down at the table with her mug cradled in her hand. Raven frowned at her for a moment before standing to pour her a cup of coffee. While she was up she made herself some toast once she realized that Buffy wasn’t going to offer to fix her breakfast again. And there was no way that she was going to ask. Starvation would be a sweeter alternative.

“Is Eli and I going to have to share a room?” Raven directed her question to Spike as she rejoined them at the table.

“No. There is a smaller bedroom upstairs that we can move him into leaving you with the larger one.” Spike answered.

“Can I change it? Cause it looks like someone vomited flowers in there.” Raven asked hoping that the room’s décor was Buffy’s doing.

Spike chuckled looking up to see Buffy’s reaction because she had even admitted after she had finished that she had overdone it with the floral theme. Since it was the guest room they had never gotten around to redoing it. Buffy’s eyes flew up to meet Spike’s as he laughed letting him know that she wasn’t happy about the insult. As soon as he saw her frustration he stopped but left a smile on his face.

“Maybe later. Right now we have other things to deal with.” Spike answered her. “Buffy said that you only have a suitcase of clothes each, so I thought we could take you both shopping tonight.”

“I go to bed at eight.” Elijah informed him.

Spike’s eyes closed as his earlier doubts of parenting became reality. There was no way that he could just go to the mall in the middle of the afternoon. Or all the other things that human parents needed to do during the day. Humiliation flooded through him as his limitations became clear.

“Maybe I could just take them.” Buffy offered already knowing what her partner was thinking.

His eyes flew open to meet hers searching for pity or revulsion in her eyes. The compassion that he saw was almost as painful.

“I’ll meet you there.” His words were coldly directed at Buffy. “While everyone gets dressed, I’ll call the lawyer and get things started.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” Buffy told him ignoring the change in his mood. Then turning she directed her question to Elijah. “You ready to go take a bath and get dressed?”

Nodding his head he slipped off of Spike’s lap to take her hand.

“Do you want to help me out with this?” Buffy asked Raven trying to include her and make her feel important.

“Sure, since you obviously can’t handle it. Donna knew what to do without asking.” She said cruelly before leading the way out the door.

Before Buffy followed she turned to look back at Spike still sitting at the table with his eyes fixated on her. She smiled hoping to get some sort of encouragement from him but only felt the chill from his eyes.

June 14, 2007 3:45 PM

The three of them stood by the main entrance of the mall for Spike to meet them. He had left a few minutes before them because he had to walk to their destination using the old sewer tunnels his method of travel to avoid the sunlight. He had been curt to Buffy and joking with the children before they had left the house. As illogical as it was he felt anger toward Buffy for being able to do the things he wanted to do. It was just one more thing in his life that he felt he had to suppress to be the man that he was expected to be.

While he had been waiting for his family to get ready to leave he had taken it upon himself to call Giles to inform him of the changes. The other man had been floored by the rapid changes in Buffy and Spike’s life asking several times if they were sure about this. After assuring Giles that it was, Spike asked the watcher to call the others to let them know and to give them a couple of days to get used to each other before bombarding them. He also asked Giles to find out anything he could on the Soldiers of Light. After hanging up he had told Buffy that he would see them in a few minutes leaving through the tunnels that they had opened under the house.

With relief Buffy saw his familiar swagger coming toward them. As she watched him walk toward them she let it flow through her how beautiful he was. How much she had grown to love him. Once she had let go it had flooded through her, feeling like it was the only place that she belonged. A smile of appreciation crossed her face as he came closer to her.

“Hi, guys, ready to spend my money.” He joked as he slipped an arm around Buffy. Her look hadn’t gone unnoticed and it warmed the vampire. His decision to ignore his earlier feelings seemed like the best thing. Leaning over he kissed her on the cheek before turning to lead the way into the department store.

The four of them stuck together as they shopped. First they took care of Elijah outfitting him from top to bottom with more than he would probably ever be able to wear. Spike actively roaming through the racks to find suitable attire for his son. Raven acted bored most of the time as she waited her turn but offered suggestions when Eli wouldn’t comment on what he liked or didn’t like.

Then they migrated to the juniors department for Raven. She attacked the racks thinking that she could get whatever she wanted. Price of the clothes hadn’t even been mentioned as they had outfitted her brother so she just grabbed whatever looked good to her.

“Why don’t you start trying some of that stuff on? That way we can see what it looks like on you.” Buffy told her as the pile began to grow.

Raven turned to Spike hoping for an ally but was disappointed when he agreed with Buffy. She grabbed a bunch of stuff and headed for the changing room. As she came out with different outfits Buffy checked to see how they fit and if the quality was any good. Spike looked the items over on the teen vetoing some as being too revealing or too tight for his taste. The first time he did he looked over at Buffy to get her reaction but she didn’t say anything. Secretly she was glad that he was doing it because she didn’t want to be the bad guy knowing that it would only lead to the fight she had been trying to avoid.

Finally an hour or so later and Spike’s credit card squeaking from the use they exited the store with everyone but Elijah laden down with packages.

“Is there anything else that you need?” Spike asked as he looked over at his girls.

“There is something else.” Raven answered. “Can I just get some money and get it myself.”

There was a faint flush on her cheek as she looked at the floor.

“What is it?” Spike asked not sure about just handing her cash if he didn’t know where it was going.

Buffy looked up from where she had been talking to Eli to catch the tail end of the conversation. Raven was refusing to look up while Spike waited for an answer. Finally she looked up to catch Buffy’s eyes jerking her head over her shoulder. Looking to where she had gestured she spotted a Victoria’s Secret behind them.

“Oh, Spike, why don’t you and Eli go to the toy store and we’ll catch up with you in a few.” Buffy said trying to relieve Raven’s discomfort.

Catching on Spike nodded his head reaching for his wallet to hand Buffy a credit card.

“Thanks.”

The guys headed off for the toy store while she and Raven headed to the lingerie shop.

“So, he doesn’t trust you with his money. Is there anything that you can do right?”

Buffy stopped in her tracks turning to the girl. All day she had been ignoring her comments but she had just about had enough.

“Yeah, I can save the world a bunch of times and come back from the dead. Can you manage to stop insulting me long enough for us to do this or do you want to go home now?”

Without waiting she headed for the store leaving Raven to follow or not. At this point she didn’t really care. But the girl followed Buffy, knowing that without the blonde, she’d be stuck with what she had. She hated this situation but giving credit where credit was due, Buffy kept trying and hadn’t given in once. And she was taking her into to buy grown up underwear not the plain things her mother had made her wear. Her eyes ran over the rainbow of lingerie around her not even knowing where to start.

“Do you know what size bra you wear?” Buffy asked waiting for a smart retort but relaxed when the girl said that she wasn’t sure because what she had didn’t fit anymore. The two flagged a sales girl for Raven to be measured then once they knew the proper size they went on a spree. As they went through the merchandise they began to relax around each other. Buffy told her no on anything that was too adult for her just as Spike had but pretty much let her pick out what she wanted otherwise.

“And while I am here I may as well save a trip.” Buffy justified picking out some new things for her too.

The two were giggling about their shopping when they caught up with Spike and Eli. As soon as Eli saw them he took off running toward them. Not having any hands free to catch him Eli ended up wrapping his arms around Raven’s legs.

“Spike got you cookbooks. To feed us.” He laughingly told Buffy.

She looked up from the boy to meet Spike’s gaze.

“Thanks.” Not really knowing whether or not it was an insult or not and not having any indication from him as to which way it was meant she decided to let it go. To take it as it was probably meant as an aid to help her learn to cook. He smiled down at her once she reached his side letting her relax from the tension she was imagining.

“Is anybody hungry? I thought we could grab some food before heading home.” Spike asked in general.

Everyone quickly agreed that dinner would be good and because it was still daylight outside they decided on a restaurant that was inside the mall. Raven and Buffy took the packages out to the car to get them out of their way. After everything was loaded Buffy grabbed one of the cookbooks before closing the trunk.

“What are you going to do with that?” Raven asked curious since they were returning to the mall.

“Thought we could flip through it during dinner and start a list for the store. You and I can go after we drop Spike and Elijah off at home.” Buffy suggested hoping the good mood would continue. “That way we can get food the two of you like.”

“Cool.” Was Raven’s only response.

June 14, 2007 8:25 PM

Once last check upstairs, she told herself, and then she would be free to go downstairs. Softly opening the door to Elijah’s room she found him curled up softly snoring while holding tightly to the new stuffed dog that Spike had gotten for him. Buffy leaned over to kiss him on the forehead while tucking his covers tighter around him. Satisfied that he was settled for the night she turned to make her way across the hall to check on his sister.

Raven was sprawled across her bed sound asleep, headphones still attached to her ears. Buffy smiled down at the teen as she removed the portable CD player from Raven’s hands and ears. As she put it down on the nightstand she reflected on how the evening had been relatively calm between them. There had been fewer snide remarks about Buffy from her as she was starting to realize that Buffy asked questions not because she couldn’t make a decision but because she wanted Raven to have the things she needed and wanted. This realization made things a little easier on both of them but the tension was far from gone. It had just relaxed a little a bit as they had gotten to know each other a little more.

Once the teen was settled under the comforter Buffy left the room with an air of anticipation. After she had first tucked Elijah into bed she had retreated to her room to change into the new lingerie she had bought and sprayed herself with Spike’s favorite scent. Then before she had went to do her last check on the children she had slipped on her heavy terry cloth robe. A quick stop in the bathroom to brush her teeth then she was ready. It was time for some Spike. Things had changed so much in the last 24 hours and she needed him. Needed his touch to get her focused again. To relax her. To make sure that he was still hers and not the demon that had been between them last night.

His study door was closed. Hesitating she bit her lower lip then knocked softly on the door before opening it. Buffy walked toward him but he seemed not to know that she was there. His gaze focused intently on the screen.

Spike knew she was there having heard her knock and the opening of the door. He wondered what was wrong or what she needed help with. Before the whole baby thing she had rarely entered in here. Now it seemed like she was always intruding. Always needed him or wanted something. Sometimes it seemed that she had lost some of her independence clinging to him for reassurance. His hands came to cover his face as she stopped behind him. The baby monitor was placed on the corner of the desk.

“Spike?”

“What’s up, Buffy?”

Her arms came around him as she kissed his cheek slowly making a trail down his neck.

“I was thinking about you.” She whispered before nipping on his ear lobe.

One of his hands came up to cover one of hers. Gently he pulled on her drawing her around the chair to stand in front of him. Until she was standing between his spread knees with his hands resting on her hips.

“What were you thinking about me, pet?” He asked in a low growl.

Buffy smiled in response as her hands slowly moved up his arms. With her hands on his shoulders for support, one knee came to rest on the chair beside his leg bringing her closer to him. He steadied her as she brought her other knee to rest on the other side of the chair. After she was balanced he brought his hands around to undo her robe sliding inside to feel the satiny material until his hands settled on her bottom. She dropped the robe from her shoulders as his eyes wandered in appreciation over her.

Spike’s tongue flicked out of his mouth as he brought her down onto his lap. His fingers floated over the pleated babydoll that she wore. Midnight blue with matching lace across the bodice and hem danced over her flesh. Needing to confirm he lifted the edge to spot the matching thongs that she wore underneath.

“Nice. Very beautiful you are tonight. Is this for me?” He asked mockingly. “Or is this for…”

Her lips pressed against him hungrily to stop him from ruining this moment. To keep him from hurting her with words they both knew weren’t true. There was no place for breathing as she forced her tongue through his unresponsive lips. His hair was pulled as her fingers ran through his locks to hold him close to her.

Needing her as much as she needed him he was unable to resist her demands for him to respond Unable to deny his own passion any longer his hands came around her to pull her against him. Their lips and tongues fought together as they tried to blend into one.

Scooting back a little Buffy’s hands dragged his shirt up over his chest pulling him forward so she could take it over his head. As the material came between they reluctantly separated so she could remove it. Her hand cupped his face.

“It’s only you I need. Only you.” She whispered to answer his earlier question. Then as if they couldn’t exist without the other their lips joined again. While her hands explored the newly bared flesh moving up so that her fingers could dig into his shoulders.

Her words and actions pushed him beyond his control. His decision to keep her at a distance lay forgotten somewhere under the sensations she was sending through his body. It was always her. No one else could do this to him. He wanted to bare everything that he was to her as her spell wound through his entire being. To take her into the darkest dungeons of his demon and the sunlit dreams of his soul to see if her love would still be his.

Needing to possess her he broke free from her lips to whisper against them, “Did you take care of it already?”

It wasn’t that he minded removing it for her but wanted to know before anything else happened between them. He was just thankful that over the years they had become this comfortable with each other’s bodies.

“Mmmhmmm.” She muffled against his neck the recipient of her mouth since being denied his.

After grabbing her robe from the floor he cradled her bottom in his hands then rose from the chair. Her legs wrapped around him as they headed for the couch.

“Stand up for a minute, pet.” Spike directed her.

Reluctantly she dropped to her feet stepping away from him. She waited impatiently as he threw the robe over the couch for her to lie on. Her arms wrapped around him before he could turn all the way around again. His feet danced as used them to kick his boots off while he held onto her. She wrapped herself around him needing him to make her whole. Teeth against the flesh of his shoulder. Sucking on where she had bitten. Now. She needed him now.

Going down on one knee he lowered her onto the couch. Her hands drifted down his arms as he stayed above her. She couldn’t…wouldn’t lose contact with him. Eagerly she lifted her hips as he slid her panties off. Mewling sounds in response to his hands drifting down her legs as he pulled the skimpy piece of material from her.

“I’ve missed you.” He whispered as he lowered himself on top of her sending a thrill of power through her. His kiss was hard and demanding as his tongue moved in her mouth. The satin rustling as hands moved over her creating goose bumps in their wake. The lace on the bodice itched along his skin causing him to squirm against her.

“Love me. Please love me.” She implored as her body tried to move closer to him in its aching hunger.

Finally freed from her lips he slowly started his way down her body. Her hardened nipples strained through the lace begging for his attention. Stopping only long enough to tease them he continued downward even further. His face rubbed against the cool softness of the satin as he made his way down her stomach.

The heady scent of her and blood teased at him making him harden even more. Before giving in to his appetite he reached below him to free his cock from its confinement. Her hands pushed against the arm rest while she opened herself even wider for him. One leg rested over the back of the couch while the other foot went to the table in front of it. An arrogant chuckle of her obvious desire for him coursed through him. The Slayer wanted…needed…lusted for him. A vampire. The thought still amazed him after all this time. His touch could make her so vulnerable. So willing to leave her bare to harm.

But his power over her was the same as her power over him. It only grew with time he thought as he lowered his head to give them both what they craved.

She moaned as he attacked her even more voraciously than usual almost as if he couldn’t get enough of her, of this. She felt his tongue seeking its way inside of her licking along her walls. His hands dug into the flesh of her hips. Almost painfully they kneaded at her as he pleasured her. She thought idly that she would have bruises in the morning. As he licked her up and down she felt him change. His fangs nipping at the skin as he sucked at her clit sending her to the brink. The tongue lapping at her was replaced by fingers as his face moved away from her.

“Spiiiiike….” Buffy groaned at the change in sensations.

A low growl answered her then she felt his face against her thigh. Losing herself in what he was doing to her she didn’t pay attention to the sound until he bit into her inner thigh.

“Ohmigod.” Buffy exclaimed as pain warred with the ecstasy that was already taking her over. Swiftly in a moment the pain wrapped itself around the pleasure taking her catapulting over the edge in a rush of overwhelming bliss. She had to remind herself to breath as things slowly came into focus again.

But he hadn’t stopped his fingers continued to caress her. His thumb running circles around her clit while his fingers pushed into her. As the sensations of his bite and fingers started the heat building again she fell back against the couch. Not knowing what was greater the pain or the pleasure she moaned at the sensations assaulting her. As she surrendered to him she felt his fangs sink deeper into her thigh taking more blood than he should.

Fear broke through the haze she was in telling her that he wasn’t going to stop in time. In response to the fear she reached into his hair and pulled.

“Stop, Spike, you’re scaring me. Stop, please.” She whimpered out to him.

His head came up leaving a trail of blood across her leg. Then he raised himself up moving to cover her. Looking down into her frightened desire filled eyes he surged into her in one stroke

Gasping she arched up as he pushed deeply into her. Not understanding why he had let the bite go too far she didn’t say or do anything except what he wanted. What the demon looking down at her wanted.

Still above her resting on his forearms he stared down at her with her blood still on his chin.

“I wouldn’t hurt you, baby. Never take more than I should.” His voice was low as it caressed her battered heart.

Her trembling hand came to his face and with her thumb wiped the blood from him. She stared at it for a moment before his mouth took it in to suckle softly on it. Tears filled her eyes then slowly trickled down her face down into her hair. Not being able to bear looking at him anymore her eyes fluttered closed while she waited for what he would do next.

He shook himself back to his human visage at the realization of what he had done to her.

His lips gently kissed her jaw. “I love you.” Then kissed her chin. “Would never hurt you.” Took her lower lip into his mouth then let it slowly slip out. “Could never live without you.” His hips slowly withdrew him from her warmth. “Need you too much.” Then quickly thrust back into her just so he could hear that tiny gasp again. “I’m sorry, baby.” His tongue traced the hollow at the base of her throat. “Do you forgive me?” He settled into a slow rocking pace within her. “I’ll always take care of you.” His hand caressed her sides drifting to cup her bottom to hold her tighter to him. “Never leave you alone. Love you.”

She sobbed as he turned gentle above her. It was too much this pushing her away only to tell her how much he loved in the next instant. Her arms betrayed her by slipping from his sides to wrap around his neck pulling him down on her. The legs still resting where they were came to encircle his waist. “I love you.” She whispered into his ear. Her lips licked her tears from his shoulder as she was rocked by him. All was forgotten as their bodies settled against one another melding into one living thing fueled by their desire for the other.

He denied the screaming in his head so he could give her the tenderness she needed. To be what she needed him to be. In these moments of raw passion their love was truly clarified. Stripped of pride their bodies gave what their words never could. Instinct to shelter and protect, to mate, wound around them as their primitive origins came to the forefront strengthening the bond between them. Here there was no need to hide their fear. All insecurities were forgotten as he possessed what was his. All defenses were dropped as she gave him what only she could.

Their moans and pants sheltered them as they climaxed, first her then him only seconds later. Whispered words of love were stifled as their lips connected in desperate reunion. The first connection, the last connection, their only connections as they slowly drifted to sleep still joined. Content.