Know that something very strange
Is happening to my brain.
I'm either feeling very good
Or else I am insane.
The seeds of doubt you planted
Have started to grow wild
But feel that I must yield before
The wisdom of a child
And it's love you bring,
No that I can't deny,
With your wings,
I can learn to fly,
Sweet young thing.
Monkees (Gerry Goffin, Carole King, Michael Nesmith)

When the knock came on the door Buffy and I looked up at each other. It was early Sunday afternoon and we sitting on the couch together. The newspaper spread out around us. Nobody ever knocked they just walked in. I guess they figured that a vampire didn't deserve any courtesy. But it was probably because Buffy was here. She deserved manners when I didn't. Shrugging her shoulders she pulled her feet off my lap and headed for the door. It was Giles. He seemed a little nervous looking around the place.

"Hello, Buffy." He hesitated a moment then looked my way. "Spike."

I nodded a greeting to him and began to gather the newspaper in a pile. Buffy led him to the chair and offered him something to drink. He sat in the chair and declined her offer.

"Is Dawn alright?" Buffy asked when he was being hesitant about saying anything. Just sat there cleaning his glasses.

"Yes, yes, Dawn is alright. I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you." He looked over at her. She sat on the edge of the cushion wringing her hands. A habit she had picked up lately. The first sign of her going into emotional overload. I scooted closer to her. Just enough that she could feel me there.

"What's going on?"

"Well, I heard some things. First that you were patrolling again. I was glad to hear that." Then he stopped again. He ran his hand over his face. "Buffy, this isn't easy to say. But I was told that you were…that you were patrolling in your underclothes."

Buffy turned to look at me in astonishment. Then her face turned bright red. She turned to look down. Looking at neither of us.

"It's true then?" Giles asked. His voice betrayed his confusion and pain. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything is fine. And it's not like she was naked. She had shorts on and a camisole. Not like she was running around in just her knickers or something." I interrupted defending her. Giles looked over at me.

"How did you know?" Buffy looked up at him. It had only been a few hours since it had happened. And as far as we knew the only one around besides us was the vamp that got away.
Giles looked down at the floor. The conversation was apparently uncomfortable for him. This Buffy had him confused and at a loss. She just wasn't his little girl anymore.

"Angel called me this morning." We both turned to look at him. "He apparently has been having someone watch you."

Buffy stood quickly and walked away. Keeping her back toward us. She had probably been thinking the same thing as me. Last night on the roof. The drinking, the pot, the dancing, The almost sex and finally us running around like crazy. It was just us. But to someone else it would probably look bad.

"I was also told about the drinking and the other stuff." He couldn't even say it. But I knew that she would be mortified. "I'm sorry, Buffy. This just isn't you and we are worried about you."

She whirled around and walked right up to him. Her anger making her shake.

"Are you in on this? Watching me. Watching us. Did you all like the show? Maybe they should be taking videos. That would be really good, wouldn't it?"

I stood and picked up her glass of orange juice and threw it so that it shattered against the wall. They both turned to look at me. But I didn't care. Every single fucking time we got close he was there. Between us. Every time she got a little bit happy he brought her down.

Giles turned from me back to her.

"Buffy, I didn't know until he called me. He cares and he is worried about you being with Spike. Like we all are." He reached for her but she stepped back away from him.

"More like he's bloody jealous." I interrupted throwing in my opinion. He couldn't be the one in control of the girl for once and he couldn't handle it.

"He doesn't have the right to care anymore. He's the one who walked away. Left me alone. Told me to stay away from Los Angeles. It was his town. You tell him to stay away from me. And from Spike or I will dust him myself." Buffy went back to sit on the couch putting her face into her hands. I started to go to her but Giles beat me to it. He sat beside her and began to rub her back. She leaned into him and started to sob.

He turned to look at me. Questioning me in silence if she was okay.

"She was. Until you showed up. You know if you blokes would leave her alone she might actually get happy again."

"By having sex with a vampire in public? Drinking, doing drugs, running around undressed? Is that your idea of being happy?" His sarcasm was thick and dripping with contempt.

"No, it wasn't like that." She sniffed and sat up. "We were just having fun being together. Spike takes care of me."

Yeah. You tell him baby. Tell him how good I am for you and to you.

"Buffy, you need to learn to take care of yourself. You are far too old to have someone take care of you."

"Oh, is that why Angel is watching me? Because I am such a grown up." She stood up again and backed away from him.
"It's not like that. This is getting all twisted. If it was Dawn acting like that you would be having a fit."

"She's also sixteen. I'm twenty-one. And I am not running around. And by the way Mr. Proper you had sex with my mother on a police car. And you broke a window of a shop to steal something for her."

All of a sudden he started laughing. Buffy and I looked at each other then back at him.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. Look I don't agree with Angel having you watched. And I told him to stop. But when you get a call before 7:00 AM on a Sunday morning and get told what I was told, you would probably be upset too."

She nodded in agreement. "Giles, talk to me. I am right here. Maybe last night wasn't the smartest choices but I was okay."

Not the smartest choice? Maybe I was back into the disgusting category again. Who knew from one minute to the next? I sat back down and waited for my execution. I heard Giles ask Buffy to go to lunch with him to talk things over in more detail. And she agreed to go. Just great. He would have lots of time to convince her to get rid of me. She disappeared downstairs to change. Giles stood by the door and I stayed on the couch. Neither of us spoke.

A few minutes later she came back up dressed in slacks and a proper top. Nothing showing. I watched her walk across the room toward the door. Didn't say a word to me. Then she turned around and came back to me. Sat on the table in front of me. I was leaning my arms on my knees with my head down. Her hand came under my chin and brought my head up so that I was looking at her.

"I'll be back. I promise." I just nodded my head. The tears were fighting to spill and I was fighting them not to. She sighed because she knew I didn't believe her.

"You don't believe me?"

I looked up at her and shook my head. There was no intention at manipulation. Just my damn insecurity. The whole Angel thing again. The fact she didn't love me. I closed my eyes as a tear got away and started to slide down my face. She leaned over to me and kissed me softly.

"We'll talk later."

She stood and left with Giles. I just sat there running everything over in my head. He would talk to her and convince her to leave me. Bloody hell.

"Spike?"

I looked up and saw Dawn standing inside the door with Janice. Janice and I had met over the summer when I was spending so much time at the house.

"What are you doing here, Nibblet? Looking to get into trouble again?" Then I realized she was supposed to be grounded this weekend. "Did you sneak out of the house?"

She laughed and Janice giggled. Just what I needed to put up with was teenage girls.

"To see you. No. And No. I talked Giles into letting me go to the mall today." She then strutted into my living room with her friend right behind her. Wonderful. Another Summers female thinking she was a bad ass.

"Well, the last time I looked around this wasn't the mall. So, why don't you and your little friend go about your business? Before we all get into trouble."

They just came in and plopped themselves on the couch.

"Do you have any soda?" Dawn asked me looking around.

"No. But Buffy does. Why don't you wait until she and Giles get back and ask her yourself?" I sat in my chair as she took that as consent for her to help herself. Dawn walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed two sodas.

"We brought a Monopoly game with us. Dawn says you like to play." Janice was looking at me with her eyebrows raised. Then she reached out to take the soda Dawn was holding out for her.

"No, I tolerated the game because she likes to play." Which was actually a lie. I had tolerated it at first but the game gave a thrill of power that I liked.

"Come on, Spike. Let us stay. We'll leave before they get back. I promise." Dawn gave me this wide-eyed innocent look that Buffy used sometimes. One I couldn't resist. She knew she had me because she squealed and broke out with a huge smile.

"Fine. Get it set up." My hide was probably gone so may as well go the whole way. And I had missed the girl while I was gone.

Just as we were sitting down Clem walked through the door.

"I brought hot wings and snacks." He hesitated as he saw the two girls. And then looked at me. I knew he was thinking that I was just a little too human these days.

"Come on in, mate. We are just getting ready to play Monopoly. Why don't you join us?" My sarcasm was getting as thick as Giles' was.

"Quit being mean, Spike. We just wanted to see you." Dawn tried to defend her being here.

"And to do something naughty. Give yourself a thrill on how bad you are." I retorted to her. She raised her eyebrows at me.

"And I thought we had already established that I was badder than you." She smiled that innocent smile. Her words reminding me of the time I had helped her break into the Magic Box.

"Oh, of course the little girl is absolutely evil." I turned to Janice with my eyebrows moving up and down. "She will lead you down the path of ruin. Run while you have a chance."

I had to give Clem credit because even through the comments being thrown around he came and sat down anyway. We started to choose who would do what. Clem offered to be the banker but I said no. He cheated at poker. Janice ended up being banker and the real estate person. The girl liked to have control. Dawn insisted that I be the guy on the horse. Said it was the closest to a motorcycle. Over the next few hours we played. Each of us taking a turn at having the most money. Dawn pouted when I wouldn't give her a break on rent and she had to mortgage some property.

As she was doing a running monologue on the unfairness of it and that I didn't love her any longer Giles and Buffy walked in.

"Dawn." They both said in unison.

"Shit." Dawn and Janice said in unison under their breaths.

The two girls stood up and faced Giles. Who did his typical response to unpleasant situations he pulled his glasses off and cleaned them.

"Giles, I'm sorry. I just wanted to spend time with Spike. We've been good. All we did was play a game." She tried the 'look' on him. Which didn't work.

"That's not the point. You promised that you would behave and you did the most irresponsible thing possible." He told her pointedly.

"Like the old bat is going to be traipsing through a cemetery to check up on me." We all gave her a stern look at her disrespect. "Well, I'm sorry she is. Did you talk to Buffy about my plan?" She looked from Giles to Buffy.

"What plan?" Buffy turned to Giles and asked.

"No, not yet, Dawn. It's just not a good idea." He gave her a look to tell her to be quiet. But Dawn was never one for following orders.

"It is a good idea. If you adopt me then the social worker would be off of our backs and I could see Buffy and Spike whenever I wanted." She took a deep breath after she had finished.

"Adopt you?" Buffy looked from one to the other.

"Nibblet, I don't think…" I started to offer my opinion as Buffy's face went pale.

"We don't need your opinion, Spike." Giles interrupted me.

"Yes, we do." Buffy said in an unwavering voice.

Everybody in the room turned to look at her. And waited for her to continue.

"He's been a part of our lives for two years. He has given as much as everybody else. In some ways more. He loves me and Dawn. And I.." She looked up at me. Her eyes meeting mine. "I need him. So, whatever decisions are made concerning this family he will be included."

"Yes." Dawn shouted. Janice and Clem just stared at the crazy people. Giles just looked from one of us to the other. Buffy turned back to Giles.

"As we talked today one thing became clear to me. I need him. I'm sorry if this upsets you, Giles. I don't mean to because you are the closest thing I have to a father now." She stopped and waited for him to respond.

"This is all great but what about my idea." Dawn tried to pull the attention back to her.

"Not now, Dawn. You and Janice go wait in the car. Now." He added the last because they hesitated to move. But finally they did. "Buffy, I don't know what to say."

"That you will respect my decision."

Giles wiped his hand over his mouth.

"Buffy, I don't know what to say. I thought things would go differently after this afternoon. But I guess I am wrong. You are the one that has to live with your decisions. Just know that as long as you are living here with him you won't get Dawn back." And with that he turned and left. Buffy closed the door behind him.

I was in shock. Just stood there not saying or doing anything. She came to me and wrapped her arms around me. Burying her face in my shoulder. I hugged her back turning us in circles. The elation was finally coursing through me. Even if she hadn't said the words she had made a stand in front of Giles and Dawn. She wasn't going to leave me!

Buffy tapped me on the shoulder and I pulled back from her. She pointed at Clem.

"Buffy, you remember Clem, don't you? From the poker game right before I left."

"Oh, yeah. Hi, Clem."

When he was going to leave Buffy told him to stay. That he didn't have to leave on her account. We picked up the game and put everything away. I went to the television and tried to find something to watch. Nothing was coming in.

"That does it. Is it dark yet?" Buffy stood and made her way to the door. When she saw that the sun was setting she told me and Clem to come on.

"Where we going, pet?"

"To go rent movies."

"Ummm, no VCR."

"Are you going to stand there all night shooting down my every idea? Or are we going to go scare up some entertainment?"

Clem and I looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. Then we followed her out. In Sunnydale there are certain establishments that demons are welcomed. We stopped first at a video rental place that Clem had a membership. He and I picked out a movie about amateur car racing. She picked out a romantic comedy. Clem looked at me in apprehension but I promised we would watch her movie last. As we were checking out Buffy and Clem loaded up on snacks. Popcorn, chocolate, gummy bears and lollipops. I reminded Buffy that we didn't have a microwave either she just raised an eyebrow at me and called me a party pooper. After we left there we headed for a pawnshop where we bought a VCR and microwave. Walking home we looked like looters or something. What with Clem carrying the VCR, me carrying the microwave and Buffy carrying the bags.

Once we reached the crypt Clem and I got the VCR hooked up while Buffy started popping corn. After the snacks were passed around we settled down to watch the movies. Clem was excited because I gave up my chair to him. But that was because I wanted to cuddle with Buffy on the couch. I thought she would hate the movie we picked out. But she rambled on about who cute the guys were and how much she liked the cars. I finally shut her up with a kiss. Then told her to watch the movie. When it was over Clem feigned tiredness to get out of watching her movie. We just laughed at him because we knew what he was up to.

As soon as he left I backed Buffy up to the door. Reaching down I grabbed her legs so she would wrap them around me. She looked at me in surprise but before she could ask what was up. I kissed her. Possessively. With all the love I had for her.

"Did you mean what you said? About needing me and the family bit?" If she said no I would probably kill her. I had been waiting all night to ask her. And my nerves were pulled as tight as they could go.

Her hands held my face. Then her voice soft and filled with emotion whispered one word that made me want to explode with happiness.

"Yes."