Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
I'm on fire
Tell me now baby is he good to you
Can he do the things that I do
I can take you higher
I'm on fire
Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby
Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
Through the middle of my soul
At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
And a freight train running through the
Middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
I'm on fire
Bruce Springsteen

When I got back to the house I fixed some blood and headed for my room. Actually it was Buffy's old room. But all of her furniture was at the apartment now. Settled down on the new bed to drink my snack before I went to take a shower. As soon as I lay down on the bed Dawn was knocking softly on the door.

"You decent?" She called to me. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. But I called to her to come in. Once she was in the room she closed the door behind her. I shifted to give her room to sit on the foot of the bed.

"Well, what happened?" Dawn was looking for the big romantic ending too. Was it in the family genes?

"We went patrolling. Nothing more than that." I hated to disappoint her but there wasn't anything exciting to tell her. The light faded slightly from her eyes.

"You didn't talk or anything. Is she still going to see him?" She was still hoping that something good had happened.

"No. Not my business anymore it seems. And as far as I know she is."

She reached out and put a hand on my leg squeezing her fingernails into me.

"She's an idiot." She let out a small scream then she released my leg.

"Dawn, don't talk like that. She's just confused." Buffy was still my girl even if was driving me around the bend.

"And she's my sister. And she's an idiot for not appreciating you."

"It's complicated, Niblet. I can't give her everything she wants. It's not that she doesn't love me." I told myself to keep saying that and maybe I'd believe it too.

"There are other ways to have babies then the usual way. Adoption. Artificial insemination." My earlier suspicions of them talking had been confirmed. At this point she probably knew more about how Buffy was feeling than I did.

"They don't let vampires adopt babies." A smiled crossed my face as I thought of Buffy and me trying to do that. Filling in the occupation of the potential father as a bloodsucker. Dawn threw her hands up in frustration accompanied by a loud sigh.

"Okay, what about the other thing."

"Artificial insemination? Don't think so." Buffy carrying another man's child would only piss me off. Maybe it was just macho pride but it just made me feel useless. It was funny because since the whole thing had started the idea of Buffy's belly swelling with a child was something I wanted to see. But it was my child not someone else's planted there.

"The baby would be half hers. She would be a little Buffy."

"And maybe we could end up with a little person that we wouldn't like. Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we have Xander do it? Keep it in the family."

I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to help." There was a soft apologetic tone to her voice. I sighed. I knew she only wanted us together. We both wanted the same thing. Family. And if Buffy and I were together than she had the older brother she wanted. And there wouldn't be any fear of her losing Buffy.

I felt her shift on the bed until she was lying beside me.

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"She told me that she loves you. Why is it so hard then? Isn't love supposed to conquer all?"

I opened my eyes to see tears streaming down her face. I turned until I was facing her on the bed wiping away a tear away with my thumb. Holding her hand until the tears were gone. Sometimes I forgot that she had been through a lot too. And just like Buffy she wanted security. And love. The kind of love that didn't leave you alone in the end.

"Not always, Lil' Bit. Not always." I finally answered her question.

She stayed with me for a few more minutes then stood to go to her room. I told her that tomorrow she could help me start looking for a place to live. That cheered her up. But before she could start off on a tangent like the one about me getting a job I sent her to bed. Telling her tomorrow I could deal a little better. She laughed as she headed for the door.

It was almost noon before I came downstairs the next day. I headed straight for the kitchen to fix a mug of blood. Dawn was sitting at the island with the newspaper spread out around her and a marker in one hand. At that point I knew I was in trouble. I turned to face her taking a sip from the mug.

"I've been going through all the rentals. Sorted them out by location, price and size. I figured that you would want at least two bedrooms and in a place that wasn't really populated." She hesitated to take a breath and to get my reaction so far. I nodded at her because she was making sense so far. "The price I wasn't sure about. I heard Giles and Anya talking one day that you had some money stashed away. So, I put the stuff that was in the median range first."

Dawn actually had it pretty much sorted out. I sat next to her and started going through her notes. As much as I hated to say it with her help it wouldn't be hard to find something. I took the marker from her and crossed through a couple that I really wanted to call about. Or make her call for me since she had become the efficient little helper.

As I was going through her notes she continued to scan the paper. I heard her gasp and then she turned to me.

"Spike, could you afford to buy something? Because there's something in the paper for sale that I think you would really like." Dawn was a little hesitant as she asked. I looked up at her and the side of her mouth was twitching. Something was up.

"What is it? A cemetery of my own? A newly renovated crypt? I know, it's a mortuary, isn't it?" I joked with her. It was probably a house in the middle of a subdivision with families on both sides. Doing it to torture me with what could never be.

She shoved a section of the newspaper under my nose.

"Look! It's better. It's the old caretaker's house. The one near your old crypt." Dawn was so excited she was shaking.

I grabbed the paper away from her so I could see. There was an article about it. The city was putting it up for sale instead of tearing it down. They felt it had historical value to Sunnydale because it was part of the town's first cemetery. I quickly went through the article until I found the contact information. Before I could ask for the phone Dawn was holding it out to me. And within the hour I had put a bid on it and had called my bank to wire the deposit to the realtor. The place was ridiculously cheap. But no one halfway intelligent would want to live next to a cemetery in Sunnydale. When I hung up the phone Dawn launched herself at me. I picked her up and swung her around the kitchen. This was perfect for me.

Where else should a vampire live except for a cemetery? Clem would be my neighbor. And the house was already holding memories for me. Good and bad ones. Memories of Buffy. Since I wasn't too particular about living arrangements I could live there while I fixed it up. The house stood at the back corner of the cemetery with the actual front of it facing a residential street. The street was full of old two story houses that looked like it belonged in the past somewhere. The caretaker's house was the last house on the dead end street.

Giles went with Dawn and me that night to meet the realtor. Official visit. To look it over. We walked through the place checking things out. It was really a nice place if it was taken care of. There were two bedrooms downstairs along with my old bathroom, a kitchen, dining room and living room. Upstairs were two more bedrooms, a room probably meant for a nursery and the bathroom was split. There was a half bath in one room and just a claw foot tub in the other room. Giles was pretty impressed with it. The historical architecture and all that.

The realtor didn't think that I was going to have any problems with the purchase. The preliminary screening had gone through and I had passed. Which means they liked the fact that I could pay cash for it. Everything on my credit report except for the balance of my accounts was false. Computers could be so useful. And Willow had been a good friend. I told her that I wanted to put the sale through as soon as possible and she said she would put a rush on it. Because a loan didn't have to be approved and the city now owned it there wasn't going to be a whole to do. They just needed to put together the paperwork and set a time with the title company. And then it would be mine.

"Can I have a Halloween party here?" Dawn asked as soon as the realtor drove away. "This place would be cool. It is so spooky."

"Dawn, there is some work to be done before it is safe for a bunch of teenagers to be tromping through the place." Giles always the logical one got to be the one to tell her no.

Her lower lip came out in a pout before turning to me. She was going to try to persuade me by putting on the 'look'.

"No. He's right. There are some floorboards and stuff that need to be fixed first." I told her before even giving her a chance to plead with me.

"Party poopers." She threw her hair over her shoulder and gave us both dirty looks before heading out to the car.

Giles looked over at me and shrugged his shoulders.

"Are you and Buffy going patrolling again tonight?" He had been surprised that we had gone the night before considering what had happened. I had pretended that I was dealing with it. But I wasn't really. It was churning inside of me waiting. Hopefully, things would change and soon.

I told him that we were planning on it and that I was to meet her at her apartment later. He nodded and said to let him know how it went. He asked if I was going to ride back with them and I told him no. That I was going to go and see Clem before heading for Buffy's place. I waved goodbye to Dawn and headed across the lawn toward the crypt.

Clem was watching some Knight Rider reruns when I got there. He was surprised when I came strolling through the door.

"Spike, you're back. Come sit and tell me all about it." I grabbed a beer from the fridge and joined him. My old chair was now his so I sat on the couch. Rubbing my hand across the surface and thought of the times that Buffy and I had made love on it.

We talked about my soul a little. He thought I was nuts for doing it. Especially to work with humans but he said it was my choice. When I told him about the house he got excited. Thought that it would be great that we would be neighbors.

"Are you going to close the tunnel?" I laughed and told him no. That it would be easier for us to travel back and forth to visit without having to go outside. After a little while I left to meet Buffy.

I knocked on the door and waited listening for the sound of her footsteps. It took her a few minutes for to answer. She stepped back and waited for me to enter.

"You have to invite me in, pet." This was the first time that I would enter her place. I guess she had forgotten that fact. Or she was getting so lost in human ways that she didn't remember that she had to invite me in.

"Oh. Come in."

I stepped in. Looking around. It was sparsely furnished but it was nice. There were candles everywhere and vases with flowers. Soft and feminine like her.

She reached for the duster and pulled it on. It was hers now. Funny it had been my trophy for killing Slayers and now a Slayer wore it. Because I had told her it would protect her while we were separated. I followed her out of the apartment and we headed for the cemeteries.

"Did you have a good day?"

Buffy looked at me in surprise when I asked. Then smiled at me.

"It was okay. The restaurant was busy but it meant better tips." She smiled up at me. "How was yours?"

"Good. I bought a house."

She stopped walking and asked me to repeat myself.

"I bought a house. The old caretaker's house."

"I thought you didn't want to be domesticated." Her expression was one of confusion.

"No, it's just that I need a place to live. I'm a vampire. And it's in a cemetery and I like the place. Therefore I bought it." I explained to her.

She nodded her head and turned to start walking again.

"And it has memories of us there." I said I would give her space. Never said I would play fair. And besides I got the reaction that I wanted. Because she remembered the same things I did. That bathroom had almost been as important as the bedroom to us. Sex and fighting had both happened there. Conversations we had and decisions that were made.

"You bought it because of memories?"

"No. It was just one of the reasons. Not all of it."

Then I started walking leaving her behind. She hesitated for only a moment before catching up with me. We headed into the cemetery closest to her apartment.

"Any particular thing that we are looking for? Or is just general patrolling again tonight?" Figured I would change the subject before we got too deep into a conversation that would end badly. She replied telling me that it was general again. This meant a lot of walking and waiting.

We ended up running into a gang of five vampires in the third cemetery. Two were taken out when we surprised them. One of them fought but was quickly dusted by Buffy as I took off running after the other two. She caught up with me quickly and she told me to go in one direction. While she went in the other direction so that we could cut them off at the back wall. Her plan worked and they were trapped between the wall and us. Leaving them with no place to go. They both fought for their existences with everything they had. By the time we took them out we both were high on adrenaline rushes.

Buffy looked beautiful standing there. Sweaty. Breathing hard. Her eyes danced from the kick of the fight. She met my eyes and the next thing I knew she was in my arms. I don't remember who made the first move or who touched whom first. It's just that she was there. Right or wrong. I didn't care. Picking her up I backed her into the wall devouring her mouth. She wasn't fighting me. Giving as much as I was taking.

Afraid if I said anything it would break the spell and she would be gone. My hands moved to the clasp on her jeans undoing them. I kept waiting for her to say no. To push me away but she didn't. Her mouth and tongue were clinging to mine.

I pushed her jeans down her legs. She kicked off her shoes and pulled her jeans off. Reaching down I pulled her up by the back of her thighs. Her legs wrapped around me and she had my zipper down before I had her against the wall again. Burying myself in her without any preparations. She was ready and so was I.

Neither of us said a word or even looked at each other. It was flesh meeting flesh in a basic way. Two beings familiar with each other's body knowing and understanding the other's needs. This was part of our world. The fighting. The rush. The passion. It was a part of her whether she wanted to admit it or not.

As she started to reach the edge she lifted her head from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. The connection was still there. The love and tenderness was evident as we took each other higher and plummeted together into bliss.

I watched her as she got dressed. Neither of saying a word. It didn't change anything for the better. Just made things more complicated. When I lit a cigarette she took it from me to take a drag. We shared that one and another on the way back to her place.

We didn't touch again. And as we approached her front door she turned to me.

"I'll get Xander or someone to go with us from now on."

I nodded my head. Understanding that she didn't want to give in to temptation again. That being alone with me would only lead to other moments. Moments that couldn't take her where she wanted to go.

"I'm not sorry, Buffy."

"I know."

She leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek before turning to go in. I sat on the step in front of her place listening to her move around inside. Contemplated what we had done. It was only going to make her feel more confused. Probably would make her feel guilty for cheating on him. Me, there wasn't any guilt. As far as I was concerned she still belonged to me. Always would. You can't feel guilty for taking what was yours.

But I could hope that it would make her realize that I was the only one who could reach her like that. On that level you reach when you don't always have to explain your needs. A level of connection that reaches beyond the physical and into the hearts of those involved.