You say you're cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore
Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl
I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you
And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

Giles had called a meeting to fill the others in on the changes in me. I wasn't sure what Buffy had told to whom but this way everybody would be together and it would only have to be told once. I was looking forward to seeing everybody again. The girls anyway. Anya, Tara and Willow. Xander, well it was Xander and I was looking forward to his reaction more than actually seeing him.

I waited in the living room for them to get there. Tara and Willow arrived first. Their faces lit up when they saw me. The two of them hurried over to hug me at the same time. I asked how they were and they told me they were good. They had found a little apartment and were living together again. Just as I was telling them congratulations Xander and Anya came through the door. I walked over to give Anya a hug and tell her hello. Xander didn't like it a lot but he didn't say anything. After all the hellos and small talk were over we pulled some chairs from the other room and everybody took a seat.

Just as we sat down Buffy came rushing through the door. She apologized for being late and walked toward me taking a seat on the arm of my chair. As she moved to make herself more comfortable she laid a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at her surprised at her gesture and she just smiled down at me. Dawn was looking from her to me with a grin on her face. Apparently they had talked earlier because she wasn't surprised at Buffy's move. Now, Xander and Anya were looking a little uncomfortable about it. It didn't make sense for her to be there supporting me like that if we weren't together anymore. It had me a bit confused too. After last night and her statement of not wanting to be alone with me it was a bit odd.

Giles hurried into his speech trying to ignore the situation building around us. He told them first that I was back for good. That I had bought a house so my commitment to work with them was definitely a permanent one. Then he told them about my trip to Africa and my quest to regain my soul. That it wasn't just for Buffy, Dawn or them. It was my decision on what I wanted for my life.

"You're shitting me, right?" Xander exclaimed not even looking at me. But at Giles. This just upset his whole hatred of me. Because so far the only reasons he had said he hated me was the fact that I was an evil soulless vampire. And then, of course, there was the whole issue of Buffy.

"No shit. Now you are going to have to come up with new names for me. Besides evil and soulless." I didn't even give Giles a chance to respond. Wanted him to look at me. So, I could see the look in his eyes at my changes. Petty but it felt good. To see his limited little views on the world shattered by me.

We were staring each other down. He was threatened by me because he was afraid of losing his place in the gang. I felt Buffy squeeze my shoulder as a warning and I broke the stare. Letting him win. Time would tell anyway. It didn't have to be settled now.

Everybody else was happy for me. I got the usual questions about how I felt and what was different. Made me glad that Giles had done it like this so it could all be over with at one time. I didn't want to keep repeating this. It was time to move on.

After the questions were over with everybody broke apart to talk. Buffy was heading for the kitchen and I was right behind her. This game of hot and cold was really beginning to get to me.

"What was that about?" I stood just inside the doorway and watched her get some water out of the refrigerator. She turned to look back at me.

"What was what about?" She was wearing that innocent look. The one that made me want to shake her. As I sighed she broke into a grin and walked over to lean on the island.

Before she could say anything else to me Dawn and Tara came into the room.

"Umm, do you want us to leave?" Tara asked as she realized they had interrupted us.

Buffy shook her head.

"No, it's okay." She walked past me on the way to the door. Stopping beside me she whispered to me that I already knew the answer. I did. She still cared even if she wasn't with me anymore.

Xander came looking for me a few minutes later asking me if I was ready to go patrolling. Buffy was keeping her word about us not being alone together. She would be friendly and even affectionate around other people. But she wasn't going to take a chance on us doing anything again. In a way it made me smile to think that she didn't think she could control herself around me.

The three of us headed out toward the cemetery. Buffy and Xander did most of the talking while I just followed them. It was another slow night. All the beasties seemed to be staying indoors. As the night wore on and the boredom was setting in Xander turned to me.

"So, you bought a house?"

"Yeah, the old caretaker's house in the cemetery." I wasn't sure where he was going with this so I was cryptic with my answer. Not giving him any details.

"That place is so supposed to be haunted. It was THE place to go when Willow and I were kids to prove how brave we were on Halloween. A lot of spooky stuff is supposed to have happened there." Xander seemed like he was actually being friendly.

"I've never seen any haunts or beasties in it. Did you Buffy?" She looked like she was drifting off in her mind somewhere. Thought I would bring her back to us.

"Only you." I guess she had been paying attention. We smiled at each other at her comment and Xander was looking confused.

"You've been in there?" He asked Buffy like it was an impossible concept.

"It's attached to his old crypt. That's where we took showers and stuff." She explained to him but her eyes kept going to me.

"Really? I never thought about what you all did for that." He paused for a minute then looked at me. "I have always wanted to see the inside of that place. No one actually went in when we were kids."

"Let's go." I turned and headed in the direction of the house.

"Hey, we are supposed to be patrolling here." Buffy tried to remind me but I kept walking with Xander right behind me.

"It's slow. The vamps and demons aren't going miss us. Are you coming or not?" I hollered back at her. I snickered as I heard her hands slap against her legs after she threw them up in the air. Then she was hurrying to catch up to us so she wasn't left behind.

"I give up. If the city is overrun by demon attacks don't anyone complain to me." She bitched as she started to trail behind us.

It took only a few minutes to reach the old place. At night it gave off ominous vibes. The paint was peeling off leaving bare wood behind. The windows were all boarded up with some of the windows broken behind them. And when the wind blew through them it sounded like the lonely wail of a banshee. Warning people away before harm befell them. The inside of the house was different though. It had always welcomed us like a beloved aunt at whose house you could always find sanctuary. Safe and inviting in its own way.

At the back of the house the boards on one window were loose. You could swing them aside and crawl through the window. I went through first and then Xander and I helped Buffy through. Xander came through last. I started to walk through the house turning on lights as I went.

Xander kept stopping to check something out. Making comments on things that needed to be done. Buffy just followed us not saying anything. We carefully made our way up the stairs that were broken through in some places. You couldn't even hold onto the banister for support because it was loose and getting ready to fall off.

The first stop was the master bedroom. It had to have been a quite a beauty in its day. I turned to see what Buffy thought of it. She stood in the middle of the room and slowly turned around. Her gaze was taking in the high ceilings, the bay window with a seat and the fireplace. I could tell that she liked it.

"What would you do with it?"

Her head swiveled around to look at me in surprise. I was right. She did have ideas about what to do with the room but thought she had forfeited her right to say anything.

"It's not mine to decide. Do what you want." Then she turned to walk out.

Xander and I finished walking around the upstairs. He continued his list of things to be done and a list of tools and materials that I would need. Don't ask me where it came from because it surprised me too.

"Would you help me with it?" He turned to look at me because I had surprised him too. "I mean I am going to do as much of the work myself. But you know construction and everything so I thought you might have some ideas or could help out."

Toward the end of my speech my voice started to trail off. His eyes were getting bigger as he contemplated my request. He looked around the upstairs and then back at me. A decision made.

"Sure. It's a great house." He shook his head yes. "Yeah, I'll be glad to help to get it back in shape." Even though he had said yes to my request he also made it seem he was just interested in the house. One step forward and two steps back.

With that we turned to make our way downstairs. His cell phone went off as we reached the bottom step. He walked off into the living room to take the call. I went off in search of Buffy. She was in the bathroom. Sitting on the counter her hands folded in her lap. There was a hint of tears in her eyes.

I came to stand in front of her forcing her to lift her head and look at me.

"All you have to do is say the word and the decision is yours too."

"I know." She shrugged her shoulders and looked away.

"Buffy, don't do this. Don't throw us away. I'll do everything I can to make you happy." My hand went out to cup her cheek. She rubbed herself against it.

"Baby, I know that too. I don't doubt that you would give me everything you can. I just don't know if it's enough."

She gently pushed me away and stood up turning to leave me there.

"No one can give you everything." There was desperation in my words but I couldn't help it. She was slowly destroying me. But she didn't stop. Never even acknowledged that she had heard my words.

The three of us ended up meeting in the kitchen. Xander knew something had happened but didn't ask. We didn't go back to patrolling but headed for Buffy's place. We saw her through the front door then we headed back toward Giles' house. His car and my bike were still parked there.

We didn't say a lot as we headed back. I was lost in my thoughts of her. As we turned the last corner Xander hesitated.

"I didn't know that they would get together and I didn't know that you were doing what you did." That was all he said. Not really an apology. But then again it was. He was slowly coming around though. And for now it was enough.