I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun
I can't stay on your life support,
There's a shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine,
Cuz it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again
But she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better,
You keep makin' me ill
Pink

On the way back from the courthouse Dawn made Giles stop by and pick me up. She came through the living room calling my name. I was just slipping into my shoes when she arrived. Seeing that it was a special occasion for Dawn I had dressed for it. She headed down the hallway after I hollered out that I was in my room. She turned the corner and came to a stop in my doorway. Her eyes widening as she looked at me.

"Whoa, Spike! If Buffy doesn't do a turn around after seeing you like that, she definitely has something wrong with her head."

I laughed at her comment as she took in my dress clothes. I was dressed all in black. The shirt was a button down with vertical pleats covering it tucked into crepe wide leg pants.

"So, it looks good?" I asked her opinion since I obviously couldn't see what I looked like. These were some of the clothes that Cordelia and Fred had helped me pick out and this was the first time I was wearing them.

"Good just doesn't cover it." I turned to look at her in surprise. My eyes searched hers for what motivated her to say it. I knew that she used to have a crush on me and I didn't want to have to hurt her again. But all I saw in the depths of her eyes was friendly admiration.

"Come on. Giles is waiting for us." Since he hadn't come in I was assuming that he was out waiting in the car. She turned and started to make her way back down the hall. When we reached the living room I asked her to stop for a minute while I picked up a blanket for me to cover myself with. Underneath the blanket I had hidden two presents one for her and one for Giles. Even if I didn't totally agree with this whole adoption thing I knew that it was important to both of them.

"Presents." She squealed when I uncovered them. Then laughed when she saw they were both done up in baby shower wrapping paper. "Can I open it now?"

"Later. Let's go."

She carried the presents while I threw the blanket over my head and made a dash for the car. I jumped into the back seat lying down with the blanket still covering me. Dawn put the presents down next to me and then sat in the front seat.

When we got back to the house I let her open her present after telling her that the present was also from Tara. She had done the shopping for me this afternoon. Since the mall was a little difficult for me to maneuver in the middle of the day.

For Dawn I had gotten her a fuzzy pink blanket and a teddy bear holding a rattle. And for Giles a box of cigars. It was Tara's idea to stay on the baby theme. They both liked their presents so it seemed that it was a good idea. Dawn snuggled down into the blanket on the corner of the couch holding the teddy bear. I sat down on the opposite end and we watched a movie until the others arrived.

Buffy and Richard were the last ones to get there. As they came though the door everybody got quiet and looked at me. I stood and moved to the back of the room. I honestly didn't know how I would react seeing him face to face for the first time. Everybody else had already met him. The greetings and small talk took place for a few minutes. Buffy was avoiding looking at me.

I gathered up my typical sarcasm and defense shields as I made my way toward them. It's funny when a storm is gathering how people react. They parted to let me through as I walked toward them. Dawn came to stand beside me. The conversation slowly stopped. The tension was thick as I stood before her and the man that replaced me. Buffy looked at me wary in the pending disaster. For only a brief moment did I look back at her before I turned to him.

I stuck my hand out to the little asshole. Maybe that's an unfair name to call him. Maybe under different circumstances I might actually have liked him. It was extremely doubtful though.

"You must be the DICK that Buffy has been dating?" I asked him in my most cordial voice. Like I was so glad to meet him. Buffy shot me a look to behave myself. Me, I just stood there and smiled. Dawn giggled beside me. The look on his face was priceless. But being the proper young man that he was he reached a hand out to shake mine. I think I might have gripped it a little too hard because he winced at the pressure.

"I don't use a nickname. Richard will be fine."

"Oh, I apologize. I thought I had heard someone refer to you as Dick." Buffy kicked me in the leg to emphasize her earlier look.

"And you are?"

I raised an eyebrow at him like he should know who the hell I was.

"I'm Spike."

He still looked a little blank. So, Dawn helped him out a little.

"He's the guy she was dating when you came along." Sometimes you gotta love the Niblet. She was clearly letting him know that he was the outsider and had messed things up between Buffy and me.

Richard turned to look at Buffy with a quizzical look.

"I thought you told me his name was William."

"Spike's a nickname. Come on let's go into the living room and sit down." She took him by the arm and led him in to take a seat on the couch. Shooting me a dirty look over her shoulder as she went. She sat beside him still clutching his hand. I followed them in sitting in a chair across from them. Sitting in my usual fashion of legs completely spread. As the conversation flowed around us Buffy's gaze just kept wandering between them no matter how hard she tried not too. It was great to know that even holding on to him she still wanted me.

Soon we all stood to head out to dinner. As everyone was gathering their coats and stuff Buffy excused herself to go upstairs for a minute. I followed her up and waited outside the bathroom until she came out. She stopped when she saw me then turned to head downstairs. I reached out and took a hold of her arm.

"Did you have to be so rude?" She asked as she pulled her arm free from me.

"And did you expect me to just accept him with open arms?"

"No. Not really." A sigh then she smiled at me a little shyly. "Thanks again for last night."

Reaching my hand out I brushed a stray lock of hair back behind her ear.

"Things better today?" Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment at the contact between us. The hunger had been reawakened in its full need last night. For the both of us. Our bodies were speaking their own language not caring what our minds and hearts wanted. What her heart and mind wanted anyway. Mine were fully aligned with my body.

"Yeah. I called and talked to Sara for a little bit. So, between you and her I feel better about things."

She didn't even know it but her pulse was picking up speed. Her breath went a little deeper than normal. When we turned to go back downstairs our hands brushed together sending a shock of pleasure through me. She let the contact remain for a second longer than necessary before preceding me down the stairs. Leaving me to follow her watching the sway of her hips as she moved.

When we went to dinner I was placed by Dawn between her and Anya. Buffy was across the table with Giles on her left and Richard on her right. Xander was on the other side of Anya. Willow was at the head of table with Tara on her left. I tried to ignore Buffy and Richard through dinner taking the time to talk to the other people around me. After watching him touch her and whisper in her ear and just generally play cutesy for the next hour I decided revenge was in order. And the beautiful thing was he would never know it. I scooted forward in my chair leaning my arms against the table as I slipped my foot from its shoe. She jumped and her drink went flying at the first contact against her shin. It was just a gentle stroke up and down the length of her leg.

Richard played the knight helping her clean it up. I waited until she was settled again before reaching over again. My foot rested against her foot as I caressed her ankle. This time she didn't react at all. Well, at least not visibly. Her conversation continued with him and Anya as I moved my foot upwards. Her eyes darted toward me. Trying to send me a signal to stop. But I ignored her and kept talking to Giles about some demons. She clamped her thighs shut as my foot slid between them. When I acted like I was trying to pull away from her, she opened her legs to give me room to leave. I had to smile because as she spread them I dived in. Resting my foot on the chair between her legs.

She audibly gasped as my toes wiggled against her. As everyone turned to look at her she stammered out that a bug must have bitten her or something. Richard offered to see if there was anything under the table. As he lifted the tablecloth I moved my foot away and slid it back into my shoe. Of course nothing was found and the rest of dinner was a bit of a bore. Except for the looks alternating between anger and lust that Buffy shot my way.

Dawn wanted to go to the Bronze afterwards. After making sure that Willow and Tara would see her home Giles agreed to let her. I was going to have Giles drop me off when Dawn asked me to go for her. Kind of be her date because everyone else was paired off. At this point I owed her a couple of favors so I agreed. But as soon as we got there she ended up heading off with some friends. Leaving me alone to sulk. And watch her with him. Taking her out on the dance floor and holding her close.

As he was speaking to some people I didn't know she broke away from him. She moved through the crowd toward the stairs. I watched her as she looked over her shoulder to make sure she wasn't being followed. Then she headed up to the catwalk. I waited until she was leaning against the railing before I went to her. Came up behind her leaning forward putting my hands on the railing beside hers. Her bottom nestled against my crotch as I moved forward against her. Rested my chin on her shoulder. She shifted so that our faces were touching. Her cheek pressed against mine.

"I could make love to you right now. No one would ever know." I whispered to her grinding my self against her. The response I was waiting for came as a soft moan. Her eyes closing against the realization that she wanted me to do it.

"I would know." She told me softly but she didn't move away.

"Does he make you feel the way I do?" I moved my hand from the railing to her hip. Down her thigh then back up pulling her skirt with it.

"No one could."

Her hand came down to cover mine stopping me.

"Don't."

I moved my hand letting her skirt drop back down. Then sliding slowly around her coming to rest on her belly. Her head turned so that her forehead was resting along my jaw. Slowly moving back and forth. Her hair tickled my nose.

"Why are you the only one who can move me like this?"

She almost sounded afraid of the connection between us.

"Because I am the one you are meant to be with."

Her hand moved down the railing till it was touching mine. Her fingers moving across mine.

"Look down there." I waited until she was staring down at the crowd. "See him. The man you want to be with. He's laughing and having fun oblivious as to who you really are. What you are capable of. You don't belong with him. You belong with me."

I moved to kiss the nape of her neck. My tongue traveled along her skin till I reached the spot where I had bitten her. My teeth tenderly scrapped the scar then sucked on it. Finally releasing it to go back to resting my chin on her shoulder.

"Did you want her?" She asked me hesitantly. In a way she wanted to know the answer and in a way she didn't.

"Yes." Donna was gone and it was a mute point. There wasn't a reason not to be honest at this point.

"Is it possible to love and want two people at the same time?' Her head turned slightly so she could read my face. But I hoped the mask that I wanted to project was in its place.

"Do you love him?" I couldn't say the word want in connection to him and her. The rage was beating against the wall again.

"I don't know. I think so. He's everything that I thought I wanted." By this time she had turned away again. Even I could barely hear her over the din of the music.

Her next question threw me off guard. Leaving me in a further quandary of hope and desperation.

"If we had children would you love them and protect them?"

My hand covering her belly softly stroked over where her womb was. A loving gesture for a child not yet there.

"I never said I wouldn't. Just that it was unlikely to happen."

Her hand came to cover mine but yet she didn't try to remove it.

"But you said you didn't want any."

My hand moved further down her belly to cup her through her skirt. She arched her back as the pleasure coursed through her. Bringing her in closer proximity to my erection.

"I won't hurt if we never would. But to see you swell with our child is an idea that is growing on me."

She gave a soft sigh as she turned her face back to me. A kiss on my jaw was my reward.

"You'd never leave me?"

I turned my head to make sure that no one was around as I moved my hand back to rest on her stomach. Moving it slowly toward her breast. Covering it with my hand. Massaging it before moving to my attention to her hardening nipple. Her head dropped back against my shoulder. Tilted so that her face was against mine. Her nose rubbed against my ear.

"I will always be here for you. You know that."

"Would you still love me when I am old and gray? When my body is wrinkled and not so firm?" She chuckled quietly at the memory of my words.

"Would you still love me when you are old and gray and I still look the same as I do today?"

She pulled away just enough to look at me. That was something else that she hadn't thought about that I would never age and she would. If she were with me it would be awkward as time passed.

A soft sigh crossed her lips and she leaned her forehead against my cheek.

"No matter where I go or what I do you will always be the one who can reach me. The one I can't resist."

Her words a soft whisper across my skin. I waited as she fought herself then I don't know if she gave up or what. But her lips met mine. Inquisitive. Lonely. A step closer and she was against me again. Her hands came to rest on my hips. The kiss ended her eyes searching in mine. For an answer that she still couldn't find. Even though she was holding it in her arms.

"Spike, I need you to let go. As long as you hold on I will never be able to figure this out."

A sound of someone coming up the stairs stopped me from replying. We stepped apart looking over to see Richard coming our way. He stopped at the top step and looked from her to me.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No, we were just talking." She answered him then moved toward him. Her hand was still in mine and I held it for as long as possible. She looked back at me before she left with him. Her eyes pleaded with me to let her go.

One day it would fall apart. This fantasy she was forcing to happen. I don't what it would take. Boredom. Loneliness. Having to keep so much of herself hidden. And no one to make her feel the way I did. Something or anything and then she would realize that it wasn't real. And she would come back to me.