We said we'd walk together
Baby come what may
Back from the twilight
Should we lose our way
As we were walking
A hand should slip free
I'll wait for you
Should I fall behind wait for me
Faith Hill

"Hey."

I knew that she was there even before she said a word to me. I had known it the moment she had walked into the house. Her footstep light as she stepped into my room. I was lying face down on my bed reading and as she walked further inside I watched her movements over my shoulder. She must have come straight from work because she was still in her uniform. The takeout bag from the restaurant in her hand was placed into the refrigerator.

"I brought you wings." As she turned to face me I returned to my book hoping that if I ignored her long enough that she would leave. From the corner of my eye I saw her look around her then back at me. "If you got some furniture people might be inclined to visit more."

She stood for a moment waiting for me to respond to her. There was nervousness about the way that she stood with her hands clasped together. I guess she gave up on me because she turned away from me toward the door again. She went to stand next to the wall leaning on it. Her shoes were slipped off and left there. It was only a few steps to return to me. The mattress gave slightly as she stepped onto it then more of a give as she sat down. Her leg leaned against mine as she crossed her legs.

"What do you want?" I asked over my shoulder at her.

"We need to talk."

"Talked enough this morning."

There was nothing else to say as far as I could see. She glanced down at her hands that were clutched together in her lap. Then she looked back up at me. Her eyes meeting mine with no apology or shame in their green depths. Actually there was a light in them that I hadn't seen in a long time.

"No, we didn't talk. You pulled a Buffy. You dumped and then you ran." She moved her hand to rest on my leg. I jerked away from her as her casual touch made me quiver in need. Her hand dropped back into her lap as she gave me a quizzical look.

"Richard called me this morning." At his name I looked away from her. Did she really think that I wanted to hear about them? "He told me that when he left there was a wild dog or something outside of my place. That it sounded like it was going to attack him. And when I went to investigate all I saw was boot prints."

I rolled over on my side and threw my free hand up in the air.

"So, stake me or whatever you are going to do. Just get it over with and leave me alone." I practically shouted it at her. I pulled myself up so that I was sitting up, mimicking her position of sitting cross-legged. There was darkening of her eyes as she looked at me.

"So, that was you." She put her shoulders back and sighed. "And that's was what this morning was about. Richard."

"What the hell did you think it was about?" I reached over the edge of the mattress and grabbed a smoke. Needed something to do with my hands to squash the feeling of wanting to shake some sense into her. She watched me as I took one out and lit it. Her mind lost in the memory of this morning. It was going to come soon. The usual line that I was a 'bastard' and I didn't have any business in her life anymore. The warning to stay away from them. But she surprised me.

"Do you really think that I am that kind of girl?" There was so much insecurity in her question that it made me hurt for her. She sounded like a little girl whose parents had taken away a favorite doll or something.

"What kind of girl, Buffy?" I asked her as I crushed out the cigarette before I had taken even a few drags. The mood had changed and so had my need for a crutch.

"The kind of girl that would be holding you and loving you. And then go home and sleep with someone else." There was bewilderment in her voice as she explained her question to me. A small curl of hope started somewhere in me but I refused to listen to it. Even if she did look like someone had struck her.

"The evidence was pretty overwhelming. It was almost dawn before he left."

"Why didn't you knock on the door? Or ask me before you went all attack modey?" I looked at her in amazement because she seemed honestly confused as to why I would think she was fucking him.

"What the hell was I supposed to ask you? Gee, Buffy, did you reach your happy point?" This was going nowhere fast. But as I was losing control she started to giggle. That turned into full laughter that shook her small frame. It was just adding insult to injury and I started to stand. She reached out and grabbed my wrists pulling me back down.

There was weariness in me as I sat back down. Her hands continued to hold mine. How much more torture was she going to give me? I looked away from her as she laughed at me.

"Please don't do this. Please." I didn't need her to humiliate me. I could manage that on my own as a single tear rolled down my cheek. She stopped laughing when she realized how distressed I was. Her hands came out to cup my cheeks. Her thumb wiped away the tear. And the ones that followed.

"I'm sorry I wasn't laughing at you. Happy point. When the hell have you ever said that before? It just struck me as funny." She sighed softly as I continued to keep my eyes closed with my head bowed. Then she leaned forward to kiss me softly on the lips. It was a kiss of comfort and friendship.

"Spike, look at me." Her hands brought my face up but I still refused to look at her. "Please look at me."

I opened my eyes baring my soul to her with the depth of my anguish and self-doubt there for her to see. Her eyes met mine with compassion filling them.

"Listen to me, okay? I did not have sex with Richard."

"Why are you lying to me?" I searched her face looking for a sign that maybe she was telling the truth. Her eyes bore directly into mine with no hesitation.

"I'm not. He stayed late because we were talking. He saw us kissing at the Bronze. That was why he came upstairs to get me. And he wanted and deserved an explanation. He pretty much knows everything but the slaying and demons. He knows about you and me. About the cutting and stuff."

"Nothing happened between you two but talking?" My question was offered hesitantly. My heart begging that she was telling the truth.

"No, nothing happened beyond the talking." I reached up to cover her hands that were still on my face. A relief started to ease its way through me. She wasn't lying to me. It was clear there in her eyes. I would be an idiot not to know that there was some stuff going on with them. Just like there had been between Donna and me. But as long as he hadn't taken her yet I could survive.

"It hurts that you would even think that I would do that. But I understand why you did. You and I should take stock in a luggage company with as much baggage as we carry." I smiled at her words because they were true. Drusilla had never been faithful to me always screwing around with Angel making me feel less than adequate. I never gave Buffy the benefit of the doubt. She was paying for my past and I was paying for hers.

"I'm sorry." It was so inadequate for what I had done. For the first time I was thankful for the chip in my head that I wasn't able to hurt him. She smiled gently at me as her hands turned to hold mine again in her lap. "Did I hurt you?"

"No. But the tub sure did." She was trying to make me feel less guilty for my actions. Something that I appreciated but didn't feel that I deserved. I took a hand back and leaned so that I could see where she had hit. Glancing quickly at her to make sure she wasn't going to smack me or something I carefully lifted her shirt. The bruise was big and ugly. Still in its first stages it was a black stain against the whiteness of her skin. My fingers ran lightly across the result of my insecurity causing her to wince at the pressure. But she didn't push me away. Pulling myself up slightly I moved so that I could soothingly kiss it. Her hand rested on my back as I moved over her. As I sat back down she didn't break contact just letting it go with me. When I was settled it rested on my shoulder.

"What about the ring?" The easy mood between us was tense again as I remembered that she was promised to someone else. But she wasn't wearing it so maybe there was hope there too.

"Richard and I talked about that too. He actually wasn't going to give me the ring yet but had been saving it for later. Then he gave it to me as we were talking. Told me to hold onto it until I made my decision."

"He wants to marry you."

"Yeah, and he wants me to go to Dallas with him. He's leaving next month. That's why he's rushing with the ring and stuff." She said it as easily as she could. Not wanting to hurt me more.

I sighed knowing the pain had only been put off for later. Now if she chose him not only wouldn't she be mine. She would be gone completely.

"What about Dawn?"

The guilt danced across her face when I mentioned her sister. She was going to leave all of us behind if she did this. It was then that I realized that would probably be a big factor in what she chose.

"Don't make me feel guilty."

"Why not? Not only are you thinking about leaving me but about leaving all of us behind. Do you really think we can go through that again?" The bitterness overflowed in me like bile. I almost couldn't look into her face as she defended herself.

"And I didn't ask to be brought back did I?" There was as much anger in her voice as there was bitterness in mine. Then she shook her head slightly. "Spike, please understand. It's not about who I love. Or who loves me more? It's about what I want for my life."

She paused trying to get her thoughts in order and to control her emotions. I waited for her. That much I owed her.

"When I fell apart and ran away last year I thought that was my only alternative to what was going on. I have never felt that I had a choice in being a Slayer. My destiny. The one girl in all the world and all the other bullshit that was crammed down my throat pushed me into a corner. A corner that I didn't necessarily want to be in. When I died I was in a place that was warm and safe. A relief from the life I had been living. Then to be brought back like that it broke me in a way."

I don't even think she knew that the tears were falling down her cheeks as she spoke from a place deep inside her. Her hands had been pulled back into her lap as she started to wring them together. I reached over and took a hold of them.

"I'm right here. Keep going."

As I took her hands a shudder ran through her. Then she inhaled deeply giving her the strength to keep going.

"You brought me back from the brink of disaster. I will never be able to thank you enough for that. When I started to see Sara and I started to really open up. She just looked at me one day and asked me why I did it. If I didn't want to do it then why did I. For the first time someone told me I had a choice."

She squeezed my hands and leaned forward resting her head on my chest. I freed one hand so I could run it through her hair. Sitting back up she sniffled and asked me for a tissue. I didn't have any so I went into the bathroom and got some toilet paper for her to use. She blew her nose and wiped her face dry with the heel of her hands.

"I'm a mess, aren't I?"

"Yeah." Today was a day for honesty so why should I stop now. We shared a laugh that was somehow like a bond being reformed between us.

"Okay. I'm not done yet." A patient smile crossed my face but I actually wanted to hear this through. Wondering what else she would reveal. "Baby, please understand it's not a choice between you and him. Because if it was based on who could love me more it would be you. And I'm sorry that I have pushed you away for so long. But I can't be around you without wanting you." She hesitated as she attempted to choose her next words carefully. "I need to make this decision with a clear head. Not one that is based on emotional need only. That's one of the reasons I haven't slept with Richard. Because I need to decide if I want to continue to fight this battle or if I want to be normal again."

"And I am part of the Slayer package. The whole demon bit and everything." It was starting to make sense even to me. Her eyes lit up as she realized that I understood where she was coming from.

"When I make my decision it is going to be based on what I want and can handle with all the sacrifices that come with it."

"Do you love him?" She had just pretty much implied that if it weren't for this 'choice' she would have slept with him by now. Was it just physical or was she falling for him too?

"He's a good man. And he honestly cares about me." She tilted her head back as she struggled with her answer. Then she looked into my eyes. No lies. "I think that with time that I could love him. It would be a love that is built on friendship. I wouldn't be dating him if I didn't care about him. But we would never have the depth and passion that you and I have."

Relief flooded through me at her words. She may still leave me and everyone else but she wouldn't do it to be cruel. Or insensitive. Or based on weakness. This was a decision that would be made with strength. It was the kind of strength that most people didn't possess. It was the courage to go after what they wanted instead of remaining in a place that left them miserable. To let her go now wouldn't hurt as bad now. Because in a way she would always be mine as the certainty of her feelings started to melt away at my fears.

All of a sudden she moved closer to me draping her legs on either side of me ending up in my lap. Her arms wrapped around my neck. But there was no passion in her eyes now it was a need for closer contact to someone who cared. I put my arms around her and pulled her close. To have her in my arms again was like coming home.

"Do you know how proud of you I am?" The words spoken directly into my ear caused me to start in surprise. But she wasn't finished. "You are so far ahead of me in all this. You are already walking down a new path and I am still deciding which path to take."

"You'll get it figured out. And if you need help I'll be here for you." Shifting again so that her bottom was resting on the bed again she looked at me so solemnly.

"I know you will. And I promise you that when I make any decisions regarding all this. You will be the first to know. And that includes anything to do with Richard. Okay?"

"Okay. Just don't call me in the middle of the night to tell me you are getting ready to shag him. Don't do it and call me in the morning instead."

She laughed at my attempt at humor leaning forward to hug me.

"I promise."

I didn't know where we would go from there. But it was a new start for both of us. I was still letting go but I was more secure now that she would honor our love. And respect my feelings. It felt strange to trust someone with that much of me. But she was Buffy. And I had to try. For her. For me. For us.