Chapter 34 – Love is a Battlefield
We are young
Heartache to heartache
we stand
No promises, No
demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong, no one
can tell us we’re wrong
Searchin’ our hearts
for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield
You’re beggin’ me to
go, you’re makin’ me stay
Why do you hurt me so
bad?
It would help me to
know
Do I stand in your way
or am I the best thing you’ve had
Believe me, believe
me, I can’t tell you why
But I’m trapped by
your love and I’m chained to your side
Pat Benatar
Raven stood at the edge of the clearing, staring into the denseness of the woods that surrounded their cabin. Where she was standing was safety, another step or two and she would be in territory she wasn’t comfortable with. Once in another life, when she was still a child, back home in Lankasha she would run wild through the mountainous terrain of the forests that surrounded their village. There was no fear then. She knew what was in those woods, the evil fairy people outcast from their home, the good fairies that preferred the isolation, and the animals that were their friends or at least with which there was a truce.
Now she was an adult. Soft from years of living in the comfort of the modern world where magic was something to be hidden, where no one knew of her ancestry or of her status as a Slayer. Shame wound through her. She hated straddling the line. She hated who she had become. She missed the wild child she once was when everything was on display whether it was her emotions, her family’s magic, or her heart. This world she lived in now was one of games. Nothing was simple and she longed for the days where there wasn’t so much confusion. Or maybe she simply wanted to walk away from the burdens of being different.
Her father had.
Spike had chosen to give up his immortality and the exclusiveness of being one of the only two souled vampires alive. Now he was a hybrid. Belonging to neither world and seemingly hating both. If anyone was the object of misery it was William the Bloody, aka William T. Blood, the family man whose demon still longed to be on the killing fields, stifled by the role he had chosen out of love.
Raven didn’t want to be like that. She wanted either one world or the other. One world she could be all that she was, Lankasha, filled with centuries of magic, and a Slayer, a being created to vanquish the evil of the world, or she could be an ordinary eighteen year old girl living for the moment. If she chose the latter life than she would have to leave this world behind, too. Go where no one knew who she was and start over as whoever she wanted to be.
“Rave? You okay?” Connor called from the porch. “Dinner is ready.”
When she didn’t reply, she heard his footsteps behind her, coming closer, stifling her with his protectiveness and the love she once craved beyond reason. Tears started to flow down her cheeks as she looked into the darkness of the woods before her. And in that darkness, she saw the reflection of the blackness that was slowly eating away at her soul.
She turned back to the man who was her life, “I’m sorry, Connor. I’m sorry for everything. I love you.”
“I know you are,” Connor said, pulling her into his arms. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Is it? I’m afraid,” she swept her hand in the direction of the woods. “If you were blindfolded, tied up and dumped out there somewhere, you’d survive, you’d find your way out. Me, I’d curl up and whimper.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” Connor reassured her. He kissed the corner of her mouth, then her cheek before burying his face in her neck. “You’re a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for.”
“Only because of you,” Raven whispered, clinging to him. “I’m lost without you. Please, if this isn’t forever for you then leave now. Don’t break my heart again.”
“I won’t,” Connor promised, his hands roaming her back. “I’m here for always. For better or worse, I’m going to be beside you.”
Raven pulled back, needing to see it in his eyes. She relaxed when all she saw was love and determination in their depths. “Teach me, Destroyer; teach me how to survive whatever comes. I want to truly be able to stand beside you and not hold you back.”
At first there was hesitation in his eyes, but then he nodded. “Yes, I’ll teach you. Tomorrow morning we’ll start.”
“Don’t take it easy on me,” Raven demanded. She looked around them. “We don’t know what’s coming and I want to be able to not only survive but to be the warrior I need to be.”
Connor laughed and kissed the tip of her nose. “I promise. Okay? Can we eat now? The chili is perfection at the moment.”
She smiled up at him, giving him her heart again. She traced the planes of his face, letting her fingertips follow the curve of his lips. “Can it wait a little while? There’s something else I want you to teach me first.”
“Rave…,” Connor whispered. “I…I…are you sure?”
“Yes, make me yours,” Raven said. “I don’t want to be a child anymore. I want to be your woman until death does us part.”
They had both chosen words from traditional marriage vows during the course of their conversation. It was time. They could either cross the threshold together or separate for good. If she was truly who he wanted then he should finally claim her.
Connor looked to the sky for a moment before cupping her face in his hands and looking into her eyes. “Yes, Raven Blood, I will take you as my own, in the ways of your people, of my people and the future we will create together.”
“Yes,” Raven vowed. “Our future.”
Connor laughed, sweeping her up into his arms and striding toward the cabin. She clung to him, having no doubts about what they were about to do. She knew that he no longer had any doubts either. They were one, and they would create a life together with their own rules and their own ways.
~~~~~~~~
The Hyperion was quiet for a change. It was early evening and most of the Slayers were at dinner or up in their rooms. Fred breathed a sigh of relief as she made her way across the lobby. She didn’t really want to see any of those young women now. Not when she was still filled with self-doubts about what happened with Wesley. She knew he loved her, just as she loved him. But not for the first time she wondered if she could hold onto him. There had been no promises of forever, no popping of the big question, and they still had separate apartments. There was a lot of room left for wondering if he wanted forever.
“We shouldn’t have any problems finishing the prophecy in the next few days,” Wesley’s voice floated out into the hallway. He sighed. “Then we should hopefully get this ‘battle’ or whatever it is over with.”
“Don’t rush it,” Giles said. “We don’t want to make any mistakes.”
“Hi, you two,” Fred said in greeting as she stepped into the office. She raised the bag that was in her hand. “I brought over some food from the Thai restaurant. Hope you haven’t eaten.”
“No, we haven’t,” Wesley responded, standing. His face lit up when he looked at her which relieved a lot of her worries. The tender kiss on her cheek held promises of later. “Thank you. You are going to join us, aren’t you? Maybe even give us some of that brain of yours to help us out.”
“If you don’t mind,” Fred said, shyly as she looked over at Giles. She was still embarrassed by her fishwife routine earlier with the older Watcher.
“Of course not, Fred,” Giles said. “Please take a seat. Any help is appreciated, but I’m afraid I’m going upstairs to see my family for a little while.”
“Oh, sure, of course,” Fred rambled, letting Wesley take the bag from her. “Giles, I really do want to apologize for earlier. I was just all upset about…what happened, and I don’t think I was thinking too straight.”
Giles smiled at her, and then squeezed her shoulder. “It’s all right, Winifred. I understand. Things have been a little tense around here and everyone is entitled to their moments where they let loose.”
“Thank you,” Fred replied, with a smile. She didn’t want any more conflicts than she had to have. Filled with relief she gave Giles a spontaneous hug which he gratefully gave back to her.
“I’ll see you two in a little while,” Giles said, as he left the couple alone.
“Thank you, Fred,” Wesley said, pulling her attention back to him. He slipped his arms around her waist. “For bringing me dinner, for defending me, for always being there.”
“I love you, Wesley,” Fred murmured. She couldn’t look in his eyes. She couldn’t see the truth. That maybe he didn’t love her back.
“Fred, look at me,” Wesley said. “I love you. Once this
prophecy business is taken care of how about you and I going away ourselves.
Maybe go down to
She couldn’t look away anymore. It was there in his eyes. The love she wanted from him. It had always been there.
“Yes, Wes, we need to,” Fred said. “No more putting it off.”
“No, ma’am,” Wesley teased her with a solemn nod of his head.
For now it was all right. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close, needing the hug to chase away the rest of her fears. Some where in the moment of tenderness, she found the strength she needed to trust him again. Love was too hard in the life they led, and she wasn’t going to lose him. Not while her heart still beat faster when she saw him. Not while his eyes still lit up at seeing her. Not while they were still alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the morning that would start a new phase of his life. Nothing could take
him higher than the way he was feeling at the moment. Buffy was behind him on
the motorcycle as he wound through the streets of LA. He could feel her
heartbeat, the touch of her hands as they held onto his hips and her humming
some song that probably only made sense to her.
It was okay.
Everything was okay.
He’d fallen in love with his lady all over again when she said she wanted his baby. This time they were together on the decision and he swore if he had to hide Buffy away somewhere during her pregnancy he would. Nothing was going to become between them again. And today they were going away, just the two of them. No clue yet as to where they were going. They would let the bike take them where it wanted. It didn’t matter as long as they were alone.
One small item of business to take care of and they were on their way. Spike pulled the bike into the parking lot of Matrix, stopping by the door. Buffy hopped off before he did, smiling at him as he undid the strap of her helmet. His fingers caressed the softness of her neck, enjoying the lust that sprang up in her eyes. He leaned down to kiss her which wasn’t easy with the helmets on, but they managed.
“I want you soon,” Buffy whispered. “Get this over with fast or I may have you take me on your desk.”
“That would give the guys some entertainment,” Spike teased, as they took the helmets off and headed to the door. “And I don’t want anyone else gazing at your hot, little body.”
“Possessive much?” Buffy quipped, sashaying in front of him into the office. She reached for his hand, waiting for him to lead her into the back where they could hear the guys talking about some demons. The guys were all there with serious expressions on their faces, sending warning signals screaming through his brain. Something was wrong. He glanced at their faces as they looked from him then to Buffy. She stepped closer to him, unsure of these men she’d never met, except for Dylan, sitting cross-legged on a desk in the back of the office. Their eyes met for a moment and Spike could read the jealousy in the younger man’s eyes. It made him squeeze Buffy’s hand a little harder.
“Hey, everyone,” Spike said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
“Good you’re here,” Jake said. “Buffy dropping you off?”
“No,” Spike said, shaking his head at his boss. He hated to do this but his marriage and family was his number one priority. “I need to talk to you.”
“Shit, you ain’t quitting on us, are you?” Bob asked, crossing his arms as he looked Buffy over. “I mean I understand but…”
“I’ll handle this,” Jake said, with a sigh. “Look, Spike, I knew this was a temporary gig with you, but there has been a surge of demon activity in the last few days. We’re spread pretty thin. I need you.”
Buffy stiffened beside him. He wasn’t going to disappoint her. Not this time, he stepped back and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her against him. He hoped his message was clear to everyone.
“Look, I’m sorry, but I’ve got plans with my wife,” Spike started.
“She’s a Slayer,” Dylan said, speaking up for the first time. He hopped off the desk and swaggered over to them. His disdainful glance at Buffy showed exactly what he thought of her. “Why doesn’t she come along and show us what she’s made of.”
This was going to be trouble. Spike just knew it would be. He’d hoped that Dylan would have taken the hint a long time ago, but it didn’t appear he was going to get that lucky. Ted laughed in the background while the other two men stared uncomfortably at the trio. It seemed even his boss was wondering how this showdown was going to go.
Buffy seemed to melt into Spike’s side, surprising him with her actions. Her fingers slipped between the buttons of his shirt, so she could caress the bare flesh of his stomach. Her legs separated letting his leg slip in between them while her head rested against his shoulder.
“I’d love to come along,” Buffy practically purred. “But I didn’t exactly pack for demon hunting.” She giggled low in her throat. “I’m afraid that I’d look a little silly fighting a demon in my negligee and stilettos. Don’t you think so, stud muffin?” She let her hand slip out of his shirt to trace a path up to his chest. She glanced up at him, flipping her hair before looking back at his now angry partner. “We’ve barely stopped making love for the last week.” She fanned herself. “My, oh, my have you ever been fucked by a vampire?” She flipped her hand. “I guess you wouldn’t have, would you? Poor darling. It’s a wonder I can walk at all.”
No one had said a word during Buffy’s performance least of all the very stunned Spike. Dylan was checkmated by his wife. Spike couldn’t deny his ego was stroked by their little fight, but he absolutely adored the fact that Buffy had won. He smiled down at her, then leaned down to kiss her, letting his tongue caress the warmth of her mouth before looking back up.
Jake cleared his throat breaking the moment. Spike glanced around at his comrades. He figured Buffy had won the hearts of Ted and Bob with the look of adoration they were giving her. It was Dylan that he was worried about. His partner was trying hard to hide the fury that was raging through him. He’d have to talk to him later and let him know the score.
“Spike, I understand what you were planning,” Jake said, bringing everyone’s attention back to him. “But we’ve got some demons that are terrorizing some ranches up in the mountains. We don’t have any idea what they are or where they came from. They’re not indigenous to that region that much we do know and we can use all the help we can get.”
“You’re not taking Dylan’s idea seriously, are you?” Spike scoffed. But he could tell Jake was serious. He wanted them to give up their time alone and go to some mountains to fight demons instead. He shook his head. “Look, it’s like Buffy said, we didn’t exactly pack for mountain fighting.”
“There’s a sporting goods store down the street,” Ted offered. “We could probably get everything she needs there. Personally, I’d like to see a Slayer in action.”
“Okay,” Buffy said, stepping away from Spike. She looked over at him. “I hate to say it, but it is our mission to fight evil. I can’t go off and enjoy myself knowing your friends are in unknown terrain fighting demons they don’t understand.”
The challenge had been accepted again. Spike smiled. It was the second time in one day that Buffy had floored him. Yep, his life was going good. “Give us the run down,” Spike said, sitting on his desk. He patted the space next to him for his wife. “Then we go shopping.”
to be continued…
Chapter 35
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