Chapter 38 – Serenity
Tragic visions slowly
stole my life
Tore away everything
Cheating me out of my
time
I’m the one who loves
you
No matter wrong or
right
And everyday I hold
you
I hold you with my inner child
Godsmack
It sickened him to watch as Spike fawned over his poor excuse of a wife. Buffy wasn’t strong enough…good enough for the creature that was William the Bloody. She wanted him domesticated. Nothing more than a man like millions of others that never knew the power that they could possess. Dylan knew he could give Spike his freedom. Let him be the god that he was. Shaking his head, Dylan backed out of the room before turning to stride outside. He grabbed a pack of smokes on the way and with one last nauseating look behind him, he strode outside.
Dylan walked away from the cabin but stayed close enough so that he could still see its light. He lit a cigarette, letting it burn deep into his lungs. It reminded him that he was still human. Still mortal and he hated that more than anything.
“You’re losing him,” a soft melodic voice said just over his shoulder. “Dylan, my boy, I thought I taught you better.”
“You did,” Dylan replied, not even bothering to move his eyes from the ground. He knew who it was. Margeaux, the only one who ever really cared about him. The one who had showed him how to use his assets to survive. The one who loved him so much that she had found a way to return from death to help him. “It’s like she has a spell on him.”
“Why do you hesitate?” Margeaux asked, kneeling before him. “Use what you know will work. Seduce him.”
“He’s more complicated than that,” Dylan replied, tears shining in his eyes. He wanted to hold Margeaux; wanted her to hold him like she used to when he was so young. It was only there that he felt safe. “Spike is in love with love. Sex will only make him feel guilty, driving him back into her arms. I have to find a way to make him distrust her. If she betrays him then he will be easier to seduce.”
“You fool,” Margeaux hissed, backing away from him, leaving him with only the sweet scent of her perfume to comfort him. “You’re falling in love with him. Love will always let you down. Fuck him until there are no other thoughts in his head. You were blessed with those looks and body. Use them as they were intended, as I taught you to use them.”
“Is that what you did with me?” Dylan asked. He hated the truth even though he knew it. “Used me?”
“My dear boy, of course not, you know how much I loved you. It was me and you against the world, remember?” It was only half truths she uttered, but he wanted her words to be truth so he didn’t argue and…
He did remember. Margeaux was the only one who was kind to him. She understood who he was and what he needed. Cordelia reminded him so much of his Margeaux except Cordelia was true in her affection. If only she could have been the one to take him off the street instead.
“I know,” he whispered, hating that despite everything being with Margeaux had been the best time of his life. “I just wish you had never left me.”
“I wish for that, too,” Margeaux said gently. “But I’m here now to make sure that you get all that you deserve.”
“I appreciate it,” Dylan said, staring up into her beautiful green eyes. Once they were vivid with life, but now they were cold. A shiver ran through him as he looked away toward the warmth of the cabin. All he wanted was to belong somewhere. “I’m going to make you proud,” he said, echoing the words he told her the first night she turned him out to work the streets. “Just like I did before.”
“I know you will.”
When he looked up she was gone. He stubbed out the cigarette he hadn’t smoked after all and headed back toward the cabin filled with a determination to win the heart of the man he was falling for. Nothing would ever make him go back to the lonely and lost boy he’d once been. Certainly not a slayer who had a certain vampire by the balls.
~~~~~~~~
The contrast in the children after their ordeal was pronounced. Elijah was being stoic while Journey sniffled trying to garner as much attention as possible. Max watched as Faith cuddled the little girl to her before setting her down on the counter.
“Don’t move, Joy,” Faith said. “Let me get something to clean your arm up with.”
Keeping an arm in front of the little girl, Faith reached into the cabinet for a clean towel and antiseptic soap. A staple in a house filled with warriors. While Max watched the two females, Elijah sat down at the table staring down at his hands. At some point Max knew he had to talk to the boy to find out why he’d left the protection of the house and also took his sister with him. It wasn’t going to be an easy conversation from the look on the boy’s face.
The phone rang making them all jump at the interruption. Max and Faith glanced at one another before he reached over to answer the phone.
“Hello.”
“Max, is Joy all right?” Spike asked without preamble.
“She’s fine,” Max replied, looking over at the little girl who was sniffling as a bandage was applied to her arm. “She fell and got her armed scraped up, but other than that she’s fine.”
“How did she fall?”
Max wiped at his face because he knew that he would have to confess everything to Spike whether he wanted to or not. Most likely Buffy knew enough to pinpoint that Elijah was involved. It was just the details that were probably blurred. He looked over at the boy with an apologetic look before telling the truth.
“Elijah took Joy down into the tunnel,” Max said. “They were running back toward the house when she tripped and fell.” He paused for a moment to take a deep breath. “Apparently they had an encounter with the First.”
“Bloody hell,” Spike exclaimed. “What made him go down there? He knows it’s off limits.”
“I haven’t talked to him yet.”
There was a moment of silence that made Max squirm with the guilt of failing not only his friends but his charges. If he hadn’t been going over his email from the school he would have seen the children leave.
“Let me talk to him,” Spike said.
“Hold on,” Max replied, turning to hand the phone to Eli, but it was knocked from his grasp when the boy jumped up.
“No, I won’t talk to him,” Elijah screamed. “None of you understand what’s going on.” He ran from the room without a backward glance, but the sound of sobs echoed behind him.
Max reeled with the pain that Elijah was in. No one understood what he dealt with everyday. Knowledgeable about the world around him, Max was often overwhelmed by its harsh truths. What Elijah endured had to be its own form of hell that left him in quandaries of what was right or wrong.
“Sorry, Spike,” Max said. “Let me go and talk to him then I’ll call you later. Okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” Spike said. “Will Joy speak with me?”
“Hey, baby girl,” Max said, turning to look at the little girl. “You want to talk to Daddy?”
“Daddy,” Joy cooed, holding her hand out for the phone. Her little face lit up with happiness just thinking about speaking with her father. It caused a pang of jealousy somewhere in Max’s heart but he pushed it away as he returned his thoughts to the hurting little boy upstairs.
Once father and daughter were speaking, Max slipped from the room. He wasn’t sure what to say to Elijah but knew he had to try. Each step he took up the stairs seemed to be another echo of failure or self-doubt. Once his confidence was as inbred as his looks but lately life was chipping away at it. He knew it was costly not only to him but to the ones around. He just wasn’t sure how to change it. With a sigh he knocked on Elijah’s bedroom door.
“Eli, may I come in?”
“Go away.”
“I just want to make sure you’re all right?” Max asked, opening the door just a bit. Elijah was huddled on his bed holding onto the teddy bear he’d gotten when he first came to live with the Blood’s. “Eli, I’m not going to yell at you or punish you. Let me help you.” He stepped into the room. “I know I don’t understand but let me try.”
“It’s here all the time,” Elijah said. “In my head and in my dreams. I was trying to find a way to make it go away…to leave us alone. It said there was magic in the tunnels if only I could find it.”
“The First?” Max asked in disbelief. “You’re talking to the First?”
“Yes,” Elijah snapped, sitting up to stare at him. “He gloats at me. Tells me things I don’t want to know, but I do. All of it is inside me and I don’t want it to be anymore. Nobody understands what’s happening, but I do.” Suddenly he clutched his head. “Shut up,” he screamed. “I wasn’t telling…I wasn’t…stop.”
Max didn’t know what to do to help Elijah. The boy was lost in a world that only he could see. Something Max realized that no one other than Eli would ever comprehend the reality around them. He reached for Elijah, pulling him against him to rock him, hoping somehow that his love would reach inside that private place that Eli was lost in.
“I’m here,” Max whispered. “You’re not alone. You’re not alone.” He kissed the top of the curly haired head. “I’m here for you…always.”
He kept repeating the phrases over and over while Elijah sobbed in his arms. It wasn’t fair that one small person would have to hold so much inside him. If he carried the words of the most evil then he must also bear the words of good to balance them. It was a burden usually given in history only to gods, prophets and messiahs.
The truth of the battle they were facing was beginning to dawn on Max. It wasn’t just a soldier of evil with a scheme for world dominance they would be facing but a showdown of the ultimate fight between the forces of light and darkness. He shivered wondering if they would be able to win this time.
~~~~~~~
“Hello, pumpkin,” Spike said. “Do you miss me?”
“When you coming home?” Joy demanded. “I got hurt and you weren’t here to kiss it and make it better.”
“I’m sorry,” Spike said, squeezing Buffy’s hand as she leaned against him so she could overhear the conversation. “We’re going to be home soon. Tomorrow we’re going to face the bad ones then we’ll be heading home.”
“You promise?” His little girl demanded.
“I promise, baby,” Spike vowed, nodding his head. “Now, you listen to Faith and Max and be a good girl for Mummy and Daddy.”
“I try,” Joy mumbled. “Elijah said I had to go wif’ him to the tunnel. We saw this bad lady and then it was Mummy. I was scared.”
“It was a lie to try and hurt you,” Spike said, letting his lips drift over Buffy’s forehead as she stifled a sob. It was tearing her apart that they hadn’t been home for their children. “Remember we love you no matter what.”
“You’re not mad?”
“No, I’m not mad. Neither is Mummy. We’re just happy that you’re all right.”
“Is Mummy there?”
“Yes, I’m here,” Buffy said, barely keeping the trembling from her voice. “I love you, Joy, with all my heart.”
“I know,” Journey whispered. “I didn’t believe the other Mummy when she said she didn’t.”
“Good,” Spike said. “Tell Faith to call us back when you’re tucked in bed and we’ll tell you a bed time story. Okay?”
“Okay, Daddy, love you,” Journey said, finishing off with a few kissing sounds before she clicked the phone off.
Spike pulled Buffy into a tight hug, rocking her back and forth as her arms came around him. He could feel her tears soaking him through his t-shirt. Never before had they left their children at such a tumultuous time. It was eating at him too except he knew they needed the time away to work at their own relationship. Not that the situation they were in was the ideal environment.
Footsteps sounded in the doorway to the kitchen and he looked up to find Dylan there. Spike closed his eyes as he buried his nose in the gold locks of his wife and whispered to her, “I love you, baby, I’m here for you…always. We’re going to get through whatever this is together.”
“I know,” Buffy mumbled. “It’s just not fair that the children have to suffer in the middle of this. We should have been there.”
“They’re safe. Max and Faith will protect them until we get home then I’m not leaving anymore,” Spike said, looking up at Dylan. “I promise I’ll be there to protect them and you from now on.”
Relief went through him as Dylan turned and left without saying a word. Maybe this time his words had sunk in with the other man, but Spike didn’t see the smile that his partner wore as he walked away.
to be continued…
