Chapter 50 – This is How a Heart Breaks
And I’m steady but I’m starting to shake
And I don’t know how much more I can take
This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks
Rob Thomas
The dining hall was crowded
with Slayers called together for an afternoon assembly. The events of the night before had left its
mark upon all of them in one way or another.
Some were angry, some scared, some depressed, and some were forming new
alliances as they sought companions they could count on in the coming
days. Raven felt the tension the moment
she entered the room. No one looked at
her. There were no waves or welcoming
smiles, and for the first time since
Straightening her shoulders,
Raven stared over their heads toward the front of the room where Giles was
speaking. She slipped into an empty
chair at the back of the room, trying to ignore the rustling of the others as
they turned to look at her while pretending they weren’t. She couldn’t keep her mind on Giles’s words
as he spoke of the bonding they needed to do.
Like the plans for dividing slayers by their abilities and desire of
duties. It sounded perfect, and it was
what she and Connor had been discussing when they were staying in the cabin.
Some of the slayers from the
country, didn’t even like the city, and hated the training and patrolling they
needed to do in
“Hey, Rave,” she heard a
voice. Once a friend, but Raven wasn’t
sure of that now as she looked up at Rona.
“Hello, Rona, what’s going
on?”
The speech was over and the
girls were leaving the room except for those that now surrounded Raven. She quickly stood up so that she could face
them. There wasn’t going to be a fight,
at least not a physical fight, but she still wanted to be on their level.
“Not much,” Rona replied,
glancing around to make that the others, Kennedy, Molly, and Amanda were still
with her. They were. “You disappeared last night.”
“Sorry, I went with Connor.”
“Oh, Connor,” Kennedy
said. “You two back together?”
“Yeah,” Raven confirmed,
giving a nod of her head. “We are.”
“Finally got him in bed,”
Rona commented, smiling at the twittering giggles of her companion. “I guess getting sex is more important than
being here to help put your friends back together.”
“It’s not like that,” Raven
declared. She looked at each of them,
hoping to see some sort of friendliness toward her, and she didn’t. She sighed.
“It was a rough night. I know, I
should have stayed but I needed Connor.
It was my parents and my family under attack, and I was freaked out.”
“You here for the day?” Amanda asked.
“Well, actually I need to
head back to Sunnydale, and do some patrolling.
You know check on things there.”
“With Connor?” Kennedy asked.
“He lives there,” Raven
snapped. “What is this all of a
sudden? You’ve never minded my
involvement with Connor before. My god,
we’ve been together forever.”
“You’ve never made us feel
less important before,” Molly quietly added.
“It’s…like you think you’re above us or something.”
“I don’t…really I don’t,”
Raven said. Then she realized in a way
that she was whether she wanted it to be true or not. She was the third Slayer in line, more
independent, and maturing at a faster rate than they were. It was a troubling thought, because there was
a part of her that wanted to live here at the Hyperion, be a part of the group
and still have fun without the intimate knowledge that she had of the future. She sighed.
No matter what she did, she was going to piss someone off. “Look, why don’t I call Connor and have him
head back to Sunnydale without me. I’ll
stay here for a couple of days, and spend it with you guys.”
The four grinned, nodding
their approval. Raven laughed. It actually felt right to be hanging out with
them, even with the niggling of guilt in the back of her mind. It would be fun to be a part of them for the
night. She slipped her arm around Rona
as they headed toward the lobby.
“I say we find ice cream,”
Amanda suggested. “Or maybe we can go to
the movies or something this afternoon.”
“Sounds good,” Raven agreed,
reaching for her cell phone. She only
prayed that Connor wouldn’t be too angry with her.
~~~~~~~~
The big book was still
blank. No matter which word combination
he used to describe the prophecy it came up blank. He hated to admit it, but it seemed Giles had
been right. The resources at Wolfram
& Hart were not going to help them solve the riddle of the prophecy. It had them stymied. The message at the gate of hell was only
visible to one slayer who couldn’t remember it all, and to one little boy
coached not to tell anyone what he knew of it.
It was frustrating. How could
Buffy really think it was better for them not to know the truth?
Wesley sat back in his
chair, staring at the unblemished white pages and cursed the Powers That
Be. The games they played were often
stacked against humans, or nearly impossible for them to defeat. Time after time, they fought the same battles
except with different demons and gods, and they always defeated or at least
pushed it back for another day. Yet each
time they had some kind of clue of what they were battling. There were plans made, positions decided, and
strategy formed so they could each use their strength to fight the battle.
“Have you ever considered
that maybe the prophecy can only be made worse by us knowing what it is?” Fred asked, in that soft voice of hers. She was leaning against his doorjamb, and
merely looking at him.
“Like my actions concerning
Connor?” Wesley fired back, playing with
his pen as he returned her stare.
“Possibly,” Fred said, her
chin lifting a fraction. “Sometimes I
think we need to let things play out.”
“And sometimes that’s a good
way for us to all die.”
“Maybe. It seems though that we’ve all tried to solve
this riddle, and we’re not even close.
Let’s do what we can, okay?”
“That’s what Giles said.” Wesley said, standing up and shoving his
hands in his pocket. “So, what do we do,
Fred?”
She giggled. “Right now, we go see Angel. He’s asked to see us in his office.”
“That’s odd. I thought he wasn’t leaving home until…”
“I don’t know,” Fred
replied, already knowing what he meant.
“He says it’s urgent though.”
“Well, then let’s go see
what boss man wants,” Wesley said. He
joined Fred, kissing her cheek before taking her hand as they walked toward
Angel’s office. He was curious as to
what Angel was up to these days. It
seemed like everyone had their own agenda, and teamwork had fallen to the
wayside. It would be so easy for evil to
come in and defeat them.
Angel wasn’t even sitting at
his desk. Instead, he was standing
behind it, shuffling through paperwork, and it took him a moment to realize
they were there. His usual pale complexion
was almost ashen with a drawn look about his eyes that had suddenly caught up to
the years he’d been roaming the earth.
There was no greeting as Angel’s glance flickered between them. He reached down on his desk and picked up a
large envelope.
“Inside are two tickets for
Angel dismissed them as he returned
to stacking papers in random nonsensical stacks. Wesley and Fred didn’t move. Wesley looked through the envelope. Everything Angel had said was in there was
along with another envelope.
“What’s this?” Wesley asked, pulling out the sealed white envelope
that only bore the name Journey on it.
“Don’t ask questions. All the explanations you need are in
there. Now go.”
“No, we’re just not going to
leave,” Fred protested. “What about the
team? If there’s a problem, let us
help.”
Angel slammed his hand down
on the desk, making them both jump.
“There is no team. If you get the
hell out of town right now, you won’t matter to them. I’m doing the best I can here to protect
you.” He glanced down at his watch. “There is only two minutes left of
confidentiality in this room. Wesley, I
know you don’t trust me and you never have, but I’m telling you if you love
Fred get her the hell out of
He didn’t finish. He didn’t have to. Wesley saw the desperation in Angel’s eyes,
and the deadness that didn’t come from being a vampire. Their friend and boss was
planning something that could kill them all.
Giles had said take care of what you can, and Angel was telling him to
get out of town, and it was exactly what he was going to do. He did love Fred and he wasn’t going to watch
her die in some power play between good and evil he didn’t understand, much
less have a chance of winning. Wes
grabbed Fred’s hand, pulling her when she protested, but then he hesitated at
the door.
“Thank you, Angel, I know
you didn’t have to do this, but I appreciate it.”
“I didn’t do it for you,”
Angel said coldly. “After Connor I don’t
owe you a damn thing. I’m doing this for
Fred. Take care of her.”
Wesley nodded. It was the truth, and he would try his best,
to the point of dying to protect the little Texan next to him. He didn’t think he would ever see Angel
again, and for some reason it brought a bit of relief to him. Four hours later Wesley stared over Fred’s
shoulder as they left
~~~~~~~~
Spike had to piss. The trip to
Dylan laughed. “You’re such a wuss.”
“Shut your hole, mate, or
I’ll remember that next time you need to take a potty break.”
“Been around your kids too
much,” Dylan snorted. “Potty break? The big mean vampire has to go potty.”
Spike made him regret his
teasing as he took the exit on two wheels.
Dylan slammed into the door, making him groan while Spike merely
laughed. He knew the young man wasn’t
seriously hurt, and he didn’t like it when Dylan teased him about his
kids. He’d agreed not to, but Dylan
still did it every once in awhile.
“Sorry, geesh,” Dylan
groaned, righting himself. “Take a joke
once in a while.”
“Told you to leave my kids
out of this.”
“I know, I know when you’re
with me you prefer to pretend you’re all single dude and stuff.” Dylan winked when Spike glanced over at
him.
“You’re mixing your
fantasies up with your reality.”
“Maybe that’s because my
reality sucks.”
“Aw, wittle Dywan, doesn’t
have anyone to love him,” Spike teased, reaching over to ruffle the long blonde
hair of his companion. “Maybe if you
played nice somebody would realize you weren’t such a bastard after all.”
“Smart ass.”
“Jerk,” Spike countered as
he pulled into the parking lot of a convenience store. He hopped out of the Navigator as soon as it
stopped, and turned to yell at Dylan over his shoulder. “Get me something else to drink, would you?”
Dylan merely flipped him the
bird, but Spike smiled as he charged for the bathroom. The kid would do it. It was what partners did. Take care of each other. It wasn’t something that Buffy
understood. He and Dylan were partners,
not lovers, and yeah, their relationship was close but they needed to be to
stay alive in this game. Thankfully,
there wasn’t anyone else in the john, and he hurried his way through his
business.
Buffy was waiting for him,
and he knew if he kept his promise and was home in time to take her to
Sunnydale then she would give him lots of sweet loving later tonight. Ten years of being monogamous and he had no
regrets. Not with making the right
choices, and staying with her even when it was tough. She was his soul mate. With thoughts of the night ahead, Spike was
whistling when he walked back into the store.
He glanced around for Dylan, not noticing him at first. Then a soft cry made Spike look in the far
corner, and he could see the top of Dylan’s bent head. Sensing trouble, he hurried over to see what
was going on.
“Boy, you sure did turn out
pretty,” a short, but muscular man was saying in a low voice to Dylan. “I remember that sweet ass of yours, up in the
air taking all the fucking you could get.”
“Stop it,” Dylan begged,
looking over his shoulder. He froze,
eyes wide, when he saw Spike. There was
stark terror and shame on his partner’s face making Spike angry. Apparently, the stranger didn’t realize that
Dylan wasn’t alone.
“Man, I miss the days you
worked the rest stops,” the man said.
“I’ve got a bed in the back of my rig.”
He stroked Dylan’s hair. “Why
don’t you ride with me for a few days?
I’ll take real good care of you.”
“Why don’t you leave him
alone?” Spike snarled. He batted the
man’s hand away from Dylan, and pulled his partner backwards. “He doesn’t seem too happy to see you.”
“You his new sugar
Daddy? I remember that bitch that you used
to live with, Dylan. What ever happened
to Marguerite?”
“She’s dead,” Dylan
mumbled.
“Hmm, how much you charging
for him?” The stranger asked Spike.
Spike didn’t understand the
conversation, or who the hell this guy thought he was. The only thing he knew was that Dylan was
being hurt. He slugged the stranger,
sending him crashing into the coolers.
Spike didn’t wait around to see what happened. He grabbed Dylan’s hand, pulling him out of
the store at a run. There was shouting
behind him, but he didn’t stop, he yanked open the door to the SUV, and shoved
Dylan through the driver’s door. It took
only a couple of minutes for them to be back on the highway.
“Who the fuck was that?” Spike asked, glancing over at Dylan.
His partner was hovering near
the door where apparently he landed after Spike shoved him in. He wasn’t moving. Just half lying there with eyes closed and
his face crimson red in shame. Spike
reached over and grabbed the younger man’s hand.
“Hey, I don’t give a shit
what you’ve done in the past, okay? I’m
a vampire so I don’t have any room to talk.”
A loud keening cry filled
the vehicle, making Spike jump. Not
caring about technicalities, he pulled off on the shoulder of the road. By this time, Dylan had wrapped his arms around
himself and was rocking back and forth, as he sobbed.
“They fucking raped me,”
Dylan cried. “I was only eight when it
started. The neighborhood kids, my mom’s
boyfriend, I wasn’t supposed to tell.
Never did. Just did what they
told me to do as they passed me around like candy. Marguerite took me in, she loved me damn it.” He wiped his nose. “She made me work but she took care of me.” The crying got louder, and then he started
kicking the dashboard. “God damn them,
why won’t they let me alone. Why? Nobody’s ever fucking cared about me except
in bed. Damn mother fucking assholes,
they hurt me…they always hurt me.”
For a second Spike was
stunned. He could only stare at the
little boy across from him. Now, he
understood why Dylan was the way he was, and it broke his heart. He reached across the console and pulled
Dylan into his arms. There on the side
of the highway, he cried along with the little boy who’d been so hurt. And with every tear that fell, he felt like
he was betraying Buffy.
~~~~~~
“I won, mummy, I won,”
Journey crowed as she took her final move in Candy Land.
“Yes, you did,” Buffy said,
with a smile. She tugged on her
daughter’s ponytail. Faith was smiling
at them from across the board, and Elijah just rolled his eyes. They’d been playing since the little girl had
taken her bath after dinner. Spike
should be here soon, and they would be leaving for Sunnydale. There wasn’t any reason, as far as she could
tell, to put them to bed if they were just going to be leaving soon.
“Can we play again?” Joy asked, looking around at the others. “I want to play.” Her lower lip protruded even as she crossed
her arms.
“Okay, okay,” Faith said,
with an indulgent smile. “One more game
then how about a new movie? I think
we’ve got Tarzan.”
“Okay,” Elijah said,
enthusiastically.
Buffy just laughed at her
children’s antics. It had been an
enjoyable day, playing on the beach and relaxing with them and Faith. Sometimes she felt that Faith was storing
away as many memories as she could.
Their conversations were heavy as they talked about love and life, and
the things they wanted to do. The only
thing that was off limits was Max. Buffy
mentioned him once, and Faith’s eyes filled with tears. She’d refused to say anything and Buffy
didn’t have any choice but to drop the subject.
It frustrated her though because she knew they’d be a good match, but
she couldn’t make Faith love someone she didn’t want to love.
The game was set up and
Elijah was getting ready to make the first move when the phone rang. Buffy’s heart skipped a beat, and her face
lit up as she scrambled to grab her cell phone.
It had be Spike. It was.
“Hey baby,” his voice
caressed her when she said hello. “You
being good for me?”
“Always am,” Buffy
whispered, as she took the phone into the kitchen for privacy. “Where are you? Almost here?
We’re packed, ready to go, and I feel like swinging with you tonight.”
She waited for Spike’s
response. For that sexy growl that told her,
he wanted her as much as she did him.
They were going to be together…forever.
“Pet, I’m sorry…”
Those three words were all
it took. He wasn’t coming home. He was staying out there somewhere with
Dylan. She only half listened to his explanation,
Dylan was having a crisis and needed him.
He was truly sorry, and would be home later that night or in the
morning. They were staying in a
hotel. He gave her the name and she
forgot. She didn’t care. He’d broken his
promise, and her heart. She clicked off
the phone in the middle of his ‘I love you’.
It didn’t work anymore. Fighting
back the tears, she made her way back into the living room, watching for a
second as her children played.
“Faith, would you watch them
for a little while?”
Faith didn’t even look
surprised by her request, only sad, and it made Buffy wonder if everyone else
knew before she did that Spike wasn’t in this marriage all the way. It only added to her humiliation.
“Yeah, sure,” Faith
replied. “Everything all right?”
“Yeah, just fine,” Buffy
said. “I just need to get some air.” She knelt by her children, and hugged them
with a kiss to each of their cheeks. “I’ll
see you all later. I love you.”
“Love you too, Mummy,”
Elijah said, holding her tight for a moment.
“Will you wake me up when
you come back?” Joy asked.
“Yes, yes, I will,” Buffy
promised. She looked at Faith. “I shouldn’t be too long.”
The tears were going to
start falling, so Buffy rushed away. She
grabbed her purse, and started toward the front door when Faith grabbed her
arm.
“Buffy, just think, please,
before you do anything you might regret.”
“You know, don’t you?” Buffy looked at her in anguish. She ached all over as she realized that she
would be the object of everyone’s pity when Spike finally left her for
Dylan. Why did she ever think that Spike
would stay? Why should he be different
then from every other man she’d loved?
“More than I want to,” Faith
said. “Please..”
“I’ll try,” Buffy said. But she forgot that promise as she started
one of Angel’s cars in the garage. The
only thing that was on her mind was that she’d wasted too much time trying to
keep a vampire monogamous. Well, she
decided, two can play that game, and she headed for Max’s apartment.
~~~~~~
Joy was sleeping in the bed
next to him. Soft snores drifted through
the space between them, making Elijah smile.
His sister could sleep through just about anything. Of course, he didn’t think she really
understood that tonight everything was falling apart. Mummy and Daddy were fighting again, and this
time Elijah was really scared they wouldn’t make it back together. The prophecy was unfolding, and unraveling
everyone around them. He said his
prayers, hoping that things would work out, that they would all do what needed
to be done. No one else knew the extent
of the prophecy. No one but him, and the
ultimate powers who’d set it all up.
“Hello, Elijah,” his mother
said, appearing in the corner of the room.
She walked into the light, her smile just like the one he remembered,
and he wanted to believe it was really her, but knew it wasn’t.
“Go away.” He turned his head away, staring at the door,
and wishing Faith would come back to check on them again.
“They’re not doing very
well,” The First said. “They’re all
falling just like I said they would.
Your gods are really naïve thinking that they had any heart at all. They’re all egotists, in the fight for the
glory it will bring them, and not for the right of the world.”
“That’s not true,” Elijah
exclaimed, then cursing himself for falling into its trap. He should have kept his mouth shut. He sighed.
“They’ll come through in the end.”
“Did you know that right now
your Mummy and Daddy are both in someone’s else arms?” The First transformed into Drusilla. “They should have let me keep you, like I
wanted. We would have been so
happy. Now, you and your little sister
will get passed back and forth, weekends with Daddy, and you won’t see him
during the week.”
“No, they love each other,”
Elijah protested, but he couldn’t believe it, not after the way Mummy had taken
off. For the first time he had real
doubts about what would become of them.
“They wouldn’t do that to us.”
“They already have.”
Sobs took him over, and he
squished his eyes closed, as he wished that it were already over. The little boy in him was scared. A hand slipped into his and he opened his
eyes to see Journey crawling in beside him.
She hugged him, letting him know he wasn’t alone. Then warmth enveloped him in a loving
embrace, and he knew it was Cordelia’s essence giving him strength. The future conduit for the Powers That Be
shone through the frightened little boy.
He sat up straighter, and faced the ultimate evil.
“Go away. I won’t give up on them. Not ever.
I believe in them.”
It was all it took. Faith.
And he hoped that the others could find the same strength.
To be continued…
