Chapter 11 – Patience and Roots

 

 

 

“Isn’t this cute?” Faith said with sarcasm dripping from her every word. “Buffy’s idea right?”

 

Spike twisted the top off his beer as he turned to look at Angel’s sister holding two of the pictures from the photo booth. Buffy had divided them up on the way home giving him two and taking two for herself. They were kissing in all four. Some with just a little more enthusiasm and he knew they’d fuel quite a number of fantasies once he was back on the Darla. But now in Faith’s hand he wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment over the photos or anger that was reacting to Faith’s taunts.

 

“Mutual idea actually,” Spike said, reaching for his mementos.

 

Faith stepped back waving them out of his reach. “Oh, come on, Spike, you’re what, twenty-six, older than all of us and it makes me wonder what you want with Buffy. I know she’s pretty with the little girl ‘tude that make all the boys want to take care of her but what does a man like you want with such fluff?”

 

“It’s not really any of your business, now is it?” Spike asked, deciding not to play Faith’s game and wait until she was through.

 

“Nah,” Faith shrugged. “It’s not really. Just hate to see you waste your time on someone who is so obviously immature. Oh, Spikey, let’s go have our pictures taken and I can tape it in my diary and write Mrs. Buffy Nagle all around it.”

 

The pictures were held out to him and Spike took them back, tucking them into his pocket.  He couldn’t quite figure out why Faith was so curious about his relationship with Buffy unless it was just the rivalry between the two women. It also irritated him that Faith had hit on something that he didn’t understand about Buffy. Her childish naiveté that made him wonder how she could be twenty-three. She didn’t act that way all the time and sometimes he could see a maturity in her that went way beyond her years. Maybe that was one of the reasons he kept hanging around; to see which one was the real Buffy.

 

“Don’t be silly, Faith,” Spike said. “Buffy doesn’t act like that. It was cute, that’s all. So, why don’t you ever go out with Wesley?”

 

Take that and let’s see how you like it.

 

It was like watching a balloon deflate as Faith’s eyes dropped and her finger slowly traced a pattern on the tiled counter. It was easy to see that the girl had feelings for Wesley that she tried to keep hidden. Her defenses were easily betrayed though with a direct confrontation. He saw the moment though that she regrouped and the flippant, sarcastic side of her returned.

 

“He’s a geek,” Faith said, her eyes flashed and her hair was tossed over her shoulder. “I’m more the action type and he likes to keep his nose buried in a book.”

 

“Oh,” Spike said, deciding to let her out for the moment until he knew more. “So, you keep hitting on me because I’m the big, dumb doer instead of a thinker?”

 

“I didn’t say that. You do have your assets that are…well, noticeable,” Faith said, seductively with her eyes raking over him. She propped her chin in her hand as she stared into his eyes. “And I’m all for a little more exploring.”

 

Spike had to give her credit for being bold enough to speak her mind but it still wasn’t enough to interest him. It should have though. Faith was exactly what he kept saying he wanted but she didn’t interest him at all. His total attention was drawn to the blonde who seemed to be able to lead him around with just a smile. The conversation had to change course again before he had to either insult Faith or back himself into a corner. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, removing a picture which he held up for Faith to look at. She reached for it but he kept it just far enough away.

 

“Who’s that?”

 

“It’s my Mum and me,”

 

“Is that really you?” Faith said, smirking as she gazed at his teenage self with shoulder length brown hair and glasses that he hid behind.

 

“Yeah, that picture was taken a week before high school ended,” Spike said, slipping the picture into his wallet again. “I graduated in the top ten percent of my class and I got a full scholarship to university because of it.”

 

If Faith understood his message she ignored it as she reached for his beer and took a long sip of it. Spike sighed as he leaned back against the opposite counter, crossing his arms as he waited for her next comment.

 

“Was that your mother with you?” Faith asked, pointing at him with the bottle before setting it down again.

 

“Yeah, it is,” Spike said, feeling the tug he always did when he thought of his mother. “She died a year later.”

 

“Oh, God, I’m sorry,” Faith said. “That’s rotten. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

 

“Nope, just me,” Spike said. “My father split when I was a toddler so it was just us two.”

 

He wasn’t looking for sympathy, not from Faith or anyone. Even Buffy had been rebuffed in her attempt to comfort him when he’d told her about his parents. It was just the way things were. He had been a man without close friends, family or home before he signed on with the Darla. The few pictures of his former life, and his mother’s jewelry were in a safe deposit box while everything else was in a distant cousin’s attic. It had been the safest way to live. He couldn’t be hurt if he was always on the move.

 

Angel chose that moment to return to the kitchen, sitting next to his sister at the breakfast bar. It broke the tension Spike always felt around Faith. The conversation they’d just shared had eased a few of the barriers between them but he didn’t think they’d ever be good friends. Her animosity toward Buffy was one reason but it was also the need they both seemed to have to show only one side of themselves to the rest of the world. A friendly truce was all Spike hoped for and that Faith wouldn’t constantly put Buffy down around him. Her taunts only reinforced his own doubts about the girl that was becoming dangerously close to him.

 

“So, sis, are you hanging around tonight or what?” Angel asked, glancing at Spike.

 

“You just want to get rid of me so you two can play with your girl toys,” Faith said, grinning at the brother she obviously adored. “Don’t worry I’m out of here. Good luck Spike. Here’s hoping you get something from Buffy that no one else has.” She raised the beer bottle again and drained it.

 

Deciding to let her comment go, Spike turned to start finding the ingredients to make dinner. Angel had volunteered to grill the steaks while he prepared the rest of dinner. A cozy meal for four was the plan for the evening and Spike already knew that Angel would want to be alone with Cordelia leaving him time to be with Buffy. This would be the first time that the atmosphere would be deliberately romantic and he wondered where it would lead. That is if it led anywhere at all. Knowing the two of them it would be anything but quiet since fireworks tended to be more their style and Spike smiled as he thought of the past few days. Yep, anything was possible.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

They were alone at last. Angel and Cordelia had just snuck off to his bedroom leaving them alone. Buffy stretched her arms out along the side of the pool to hold herself up while she watched Spike. Something in her belly tightened as she watched him come toward her, swimming underwater.

 

Oh please let him kiss me again.

 

There had only been a quick kiss when they had dropped her at home earlier. And since she’d arrived at Angel’s house there hadn’t been enough privacy. They weren’t comfortable enough with this new step in their relationship yet to flaunt it in front of others. She shivered as his hands closed over her ankles. The tightening in her belly loosened into butterflies as those hands drifted upwards, over her thighs, to rest on her hips as his face skimmed along her belly. A kiss was placed between her breasts before he broke free from the water.

 

He shook himself, sending water flying everywhere and she squealed under the onslaught. His eyes were dancing as he floated closer and his hands moved to rest on hers. Their bodies bumped against each other as the water moved around them. Each touch was sending her into overdrive. Her nipples already beaded from the water hardened even further from brushing against his chest. The air between them was charged with the magnitude of their attraction and for a moment they stared into each other’s eyes. Spike floated closer, his lips only a breath away and Buffy felt like she needed his kiss just to survive. But when he hesitated she decided to make the first move but he turned his head.

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Buffy asked, uncertain of what to do as she watched his walls come slamming down again.

 

“No,” Spike said, turning to look at her again. “I think I’m going to go in. Do you mind?”

 

Yes.

 

There wasn’t anything to do but let him go. She sighed as she watched him enter the house. It was frustrating to keep doing this dance. Every time he noticed that he was letting her in, he’d turn tail and run. She hadn’t said anything at the carnival but she’d known what was going on when he’d drifted away from her for awhile. And just like she had earlier she knew it was best just to give him space for a little while. A smile graced her lips as she realized Spike reminded her of an abandoned kitten she’d found when she was a girl. The poor little thing had been so frightened of everything that it had taken her hours to get it to trust her. The kitten had been worth the investment of her time and she had no doubt that Spike would be too. She just had to be patient.

 

Buffy floated on her back out into the water to begin swimming laps. It would help her to cool down and give him time to relax before she approached him again. She let her body slip into a mindless routine of limbs gliding her through the water unaware that the object of her thoughts was watching her from the shadows of the house. After what seemed to be enough time she stepped out of the pool, wrapping towels around her hair and body before heading to the house.

 

The only light in the family room was the flickering of the television. Spike was sprawled out on the couch when she entered the house and he looked up as she walked in.

 

“Hey, I’m going to go and get dressed,” Buffy said. “Do you mind if I use your room to change?”

 

“No problem,” Spike said. “I’ll be right here.”

 

Of course you will be. Stop it. You knew what you were in for so quit being nit picky.

 

It only took her a few minutes to change back into black jeans and a red tank top. But she lingered longer than she needed to as she tried to formulate a plan so she wouldn’t have to leave right away. She was in the middle of pulling her hair into a pony tail when Spike walked into the room. His eyes met hers in the mirror before he grabbed a small book off the nightstand.

 

“Sorry, needed to get this.”

 

“No problem,” Buffy said, deliberately echoing his words from a few minutes ago. His need for the book was an obvious ploy to see why she was taking so long. “I was just dawdling.”

 

“No problem,” Spike said, laughing when he realized that they had been repeating the same phrase to each other. He started walking backwards, catching his foot in her bag. It spilled over before he could untangle himself. She knelt to put her things back but he was already doing it. He picked up the pajamas she’d packed and when he held the top up to look at it, she blushed. His eyes raked over her. “Were you planning on us having a slumber party? Did you want to experiment with makeup and talk about boys too?”

 

“Don’t be mean to me, Spike,” Buffy said. His sarcasm hurt. It had been an impulsive gesture to pack her favorite pajamas since she wasn’t sure how the evening was going to go. They’d ended up spending the last two nights sleeping together and she wanted to do the same tonight. Her blush faded as her eyes flashed her indignation.

 

“I just don’t understand you,” Spike said, standing when she did. “I’m getting all these messages that you want to have sex but then you turn around and pack pajamas. They’re not exactly meant to say come take me.”

 

“And you don’t seem to want to take me,” Buffy snapped, turning to leave but he stopped her with a hand on her arm. She turned around, staring up into his eyes as he cupped her face.

 

“Don’t ever say that. I want you more than you’ll ever know and I’m doing everything I can to be a gentleman.”

 

“Who asked you to?”

 

Mistake, big mistake, she thought as her rebellious words released him from his self-enforced restraints. He advanced on her, eyes never leaving hers, until the back of her thighs hit the dresser. His lips covered hers in the same motion of his arms pulling her against him. For the first time in her life she felt the unbridled passion of a man and the force of it was overwhelming her.  Her head was forced back as his tongue invaded her mouth, seducing hers to join his in an ancient dance of desire.

 

It never crossed her mind to be frightened. She wasn’t thinking at all as she let her own needs meet his. Buffy gripped his shoulders, leaning back as his knee separated her legs so he could press himself against the apex of her thighs. The spark had been ignited and it wouldn’t be long until it was burning out of control with no way to stop it. One of them was moaning as her head hit the wall. He pulled back for a second, picked her up and backed her into the wall this time, her legs automatically encircling his waist.

 

Why do I always end up against a wall? There’s a perfectly good bed…oh…oh, don’t stop.

 

Spike was doing that grinding thing again and her hips met him motion for motion. Every nerve in her body vibrated in response to what he was doing and she never wanted it to end. Her fingers slipped through his hair pulling the endless pleasure of his mouth closer to hers. And just at the moment when she was losing control, Spike quit.

 

“Tell me to stop, Buffy,” Spike whispered. His breath was hot and ragged against her ear. “If you don’t tell now I’m not going to be able to hold back.”

 

“I don’t want to tell you no,” Buffy whispered back, nuzzling his neck, not caring about anything beyond this delicious feeling between them.

 

“If you can tell me that you won’t have any regrets about this, I’ll do my best to make every fantasy of yours come true. But if there is any chance that you’ll look in the mirror while I’m gone and wish you could take it back, tell me now.”

 

Damn him. He had to open his mouth and throw sensible into the mix. There was that chance. A very big chance that she would question whether she’d made the right decision. Her body was ready. His body was ready. But his heart wasn’t ready and she wasn’t sure hers was either. If they would ever have the relationship she wanted they had to wait a little longer.  And honesty was the only thing she could give him as she tried to clear the clouds from her mind.

 

“I want to be ready, Spike…I just don’t think I am yet.”

 

“I know, I know,” Spike said and he stepped back into the middle of the room still holding her. “On your feet, pet.”

 

With reluctance Buffy let go of his waist and stood on her feet again but when she went to step away, he stopped her. In amazement she watched as he fell to his knees in front of her. With an infinitely gentle hand he lifted her foot, slipping off her sneaker then her sock. The sock was folded and slipped inside the shoe before being tucked under the edge of the bed. He repeated the gesture with her other foot in the same precise manner. He glanced up at her as if to ask her permission before his hands reached for the button of her jeans. There wasn’t any need to think about it and she nodded her consent. He undid her pants and slid them down her legs, folding them and putting them on the bed.

 

“You are so beautiful,” Spike whispered, his hands holding her hips as he placed a kiss over her panties, right there. “I never want you to be uncomfortable with me.”

 

“I’m not,” Buffy said with a certainty that amazed even her. She did feel comfortable with him and had since she’d asked him to walk her home. Even with him helping her into her pajama bottoms she wasn’t overly self conscious. For the first time in her life she felt like she could be herself with a man. “I know maybe it’s too soon but I trust you not to hurt me.”

 

Spike froze for a second but he hid any distress as he stood again. A quick kiss was dropped on her lips before he pulled her top over her head. She watched the changing emotions on his face as he stared for a moment at the clasp of her bra. With reverence he undid it, pushing it down her arms without ever touching her breasts. He stepped behind her and helped her into her top. Once she was properly covered he pulled her back against him. She was enveloped in arms that made her feel safe. His emotions were becoming easier for her to read and she knew that soon he’d be ready to shut down again.

 

“I know I’m not ready to crawl into that bed with you yet,” Buffy said, chuckling to take the pressure off of them. “I need a little time to cool off.” She turned to look at him. “Do you want to go and watch a movie or something?”

 

The relief was evident in his eyes as she took his hand and led him back to the family room. At least now the kitten was letting her pet him. She smiled as he pulled out the ice cream for her and let her choose a movie for them to watch. Time was all she needed.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The flannel was soft against his cheek as Spike lay with his head on Buffy’s lap. The movie droned on and he knew that neither of them was really watching it. They were both trying to ignore the wanting and need for each other. It had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done when he had stopped earlier. Never in his life had he wanted anyone as much as he did Buffy but her virginity was still the barrier between them. Well, that and his insane need to be some sort of knight for her in spite of his instinctive need to run. He could almost feel the chains circling his ankles to keep him returning to this small town. But if he was honest he knew it wasn’t just Buffy pulling him here but the entire group. The family bonds they seemed to have despite the lack of blood ties. They would be there for each other no matter what and it almost made him want to be included.

 

He turned on his back and looked up at her. Her eyes met his knowing what he wanted because he did it every few minutes. She scooped some ice cream out and dropped it into his mouth almost making him groan as she licked the spoon without returning for more of the frozen treat. Without saying anything he turned back to the movie, wondering how long that pint would last. Putting the pajamas on her had been his invitation for her to stay the night but if they went to bed too soon they’d be in trouble. So, they sat there waiting for their bodies to reach exhaustion so that maybe they wouldn’t be tempted. But their bodies were humming and sleep seemed like it would never come.

 

The front door opened revealing Faith as she stumbled into the room. She stopped to look them over before plopping on the couch forcing Spike to move his feet before she sat on them.

 

“Isn’t this sweet?” Faith asked, her words slurring together. “Buffy, you really need to learn how to entertain a man properly.” She patted Spike’s leg. “Men, want a little fun not movies and ice cream.”

 

The brunette was drunk and reeked of cigarettes and alcohol. It was sickening and Spike was about to retort her claim of ‘entertaining’ when Buffy placed a hand on his shoulder. He quieted down and turned his attention away from them. It wasn’t really his place, he told himself, to stand up for Buffy and it didn’t appear that she didn’t want him to either. Faith wiggled around, throwing her feet up on the table, getting more comfortable. She was practically sitting on his feet and he decided that even if Buffy didn’t want to say anything, he was uncomfortable with this.

 

“I’m going to head for bed,” Spike said, standing up. He kissed Buffy’s cheek. “Join me when you’re ready.”

 

“I will,” Buffy promised.

 

After reaching the bedroom, Spike pulled his clothes off and slipped into boxers that he bought that afternoon. He sighed when he thought of the trouble he’d given Buffy over the pajamas. He’d done the same thing that she had in trying to find a way to be together. Making a note to apologize again, he opened the door a crack and slipped into the bed. He wasn’t going to go to sleep until Buffy got there and he wanted to keep an ear out in case Faith went too far. It wasn’t really eavesdropping he reasoned because they could see that the door was open and would know he could hear everything.

 

Sounds of someone in the kitchen reached him while the television began to rapidly change channels. He reasoned that it was Buffy in the kitchen cleaning up and Faith commandeering the remote control.

 

“Have you fucked him yet?” Faith asked.

 

“None of your business,” Buffy said.

 

“What are you waiting for? An engagement ring? A wedding night?” Faith said, laughing. “He’s not the kind of guy that needs to wait around for it. Didn’t he run out and find someone to give it to him the last time he left here? What makes you think he won’t do it again?”

 

“Good night, Faith,” Buffy said. The sound of her feet padding on the tile came closer to the bedroom. “Sleep well.”

 

The door opened further and Buffy’s shadow danced along the wall as she came toward the bed. The television flicked off. Faith had lost her audience and with it apparently her enthusiasm to watch anything. A minute later the door to Faith’s bedroom closed and Spike could feel the tension uncoil from around them as they were left with the feeling of being alone again.

 

“You okay?” Spike asked, watching Buffy pull the sheets back to slip into the bed.

 

“I’m fine,” Buffy said, curling against his side. “Most of the time she doesn’t bother me. It’s just when she strikes without warning and tries to embarrass me that it hurts.”

 

“Has it always been this way between you?”

 

“No,” Buffy sighed. “When you’re little the differences between people don’t bother you as much as when you start to grow up. It didn’t help our friendship when people kept comparing us and somewhere around eighth grade we stopped even trying to get along. It’s funny,” Buffy said with a small laugh, “because we’re more alike than we’re willing to admit.”

 

Spike couldn’t see how. The two women were totally different from their looks, styles and attitudes.  “I don’t see it.”

 

“You wouldn’t,” Buffy said. “Nobody does but it’s there and even we’ve gotten used to it. Both of us existing in that little box we were put in when we were younger and we’re too afraid to break out of it.”

 

And with sudden clarity Spike understood the separate sides of Buffy’s personality. The little girl was what everyone expected from her and the fleeting glances of a mature woman was the real her. It’s what gave her the ability to rise above what life had offered her by quitting college to help her parents out, by not hating Faith in spite of every reason she should and giving her the ability to deal with him. In spite of what Faith had said earlier, Spike realized he was more protective of the woman in Buffy than the little girl. It was the woman in her that had been forged with great heartache and it made him want to make sure she was happy.

 

Spike pulled her closer to him. He knew that if he returned to Sunnydale again, it wouldn’t be chains that would hold him here but roots that were sprouting from the very soles of his feet. He tried to tell himself that he was only going to come back because he was too honorable to break a promise to the woman in his arms. But that was a lie too. It would be Buffy and the people around her. It would be the growing hope that maybe it would be possible for him to belong somewhere and to someone.

 

Chapter 12
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