Chapter 16 – Chances
Buffy
stared at her reflection in the window trying to convince herself
that she was projecting the image she wanted. Her hands smoothed down her black
skirt before straightening her pink pullover. A slight turn on her black heels
to check the back and with a sigh decided it would have to do. It was
ridiculous really to try to dress so that her father would see her as a mature
woman. No matter what she did she would always be his little girl.
Now there
wasn’t anything to do except face the music. She pushed the door open and
stepped into the bookstore. After a quick glance around and not seeing him she
walked over to the register where
“Yes, he
is,”
The sound
of a drawer slamming shut from the office made both girls cringe. Buffy rolled
her eyes and whispered, “I’m staying with Spike in a motel.”
“Oh, holy
schmoley,”
I’m an adult and haven’t done
anything wrong,
Buffy thought, nodding at
“Hi,
Daddy,” Buffy said, pasting a smile on her face as she stepped into the office.
“How are you doing?” Now, that was not
the brightest question to ask.
Giles
looked up from his paperwork, scowled and stood. “I am absolutely fine. It’s
not everyday that I can proudly tell everyone that my daughter is shacking up
with a man she barely knows in a motel.”
He moved to
the file cabinet while Buffy sat in the chair in front of his desk. She watched
him for a moment trying to keep her own emotions in check. This wasn’t the time
for her to be angry. He loved her and only wanted what was best for her. They
just disagreed on what that was.
“It’s not
sordid,” Buffy said, trying to sound calm. “He’s only in town for a few days at
a time and I want to be with him as much as I can.”
Another
drawer was slammed before Giles turned to look at her. “It doesn’t matter to you what kind of
impression you’re making? That…that Spike cares so little for your reputation
that he takes you to a place like that. That he is basically telling everyone
what an easy conquest you were.”
Buffy could
feel her face suffuse with color under her father’s scrutiny. She knew he was
waiting for a denial but was it really any of his business at this stage of her
life? There wasn’t any point in being indignant at his assumptions because she
was willing to do exactly what he was accusing her of.
“I
apologize,” Buffy said, gathering a modicum of dignity around her. “If I have
done anything to embarrass or hurt you because that wasn’t what I intended to
do. Spike has been nothing but decent with me.”
Giles
glanced around as his deep sigh reverberated through the room. “I don’t
understand you. He has told you that he will never love you or marry you. What
are you going to get out of this except a broken heart?”
Buffy
shrugged. “Maybe everything, maybe nothing but I do know that in spite of what
he says he keeps taking steps to be closer to me.”
“Of course
he does and he will continue to do so until he gets everything that he wants
and tires of you. What then, Buffy? Do you really think he’ll stick around
after that?”
“Did you
ever think that it’s me using him?” Buffy asked, her eyes flashing. Her anger
despite her best efforts was demanding to be heard. “I’ve been alone a long
time and I want to be with someone.”
Her father
sighed as he sat behind his desk again. He studied her for a moment as she
continued to stare at him. “Yes, you have been. And I blame myself for that. If
I hadn’t needed help with your mother things might have been different for you.
You might be married and starting a family.” He laughed softly. “Maybe you and
Angel might even have found your way back to each other.”
“That would
never happen,” Buffy said, vehemently denying her father’s words. It was
something that she wouldn’t think about. It would only lead to heartache that
she wouldn’t allow herself to feel. “Angel is my past and Spike is my future.”
“Not
according to him,” Giles said, leaning back in his chair. His fingers fanned a
stack of paper over and over giving him an outlet to his own emotions. “You
want love and promises of forever and he just wants a good time.”
“You’re
right that there is a chance I’ll get my heart broken but it has been before
and I survived.”
It was hard
to explain to anyone the rightness that she felt when she was with Spike.
Slowly the rose coloring in her glasses was fading to clear but when he held
her she felt safer than she ever had. It couldn’t all be a lie. She refused to
believe it.
Giles
reached across his desk to take her hand in his. “Why do that to yourself? Walk
away now with some pleasant memories instead of a lot of hurt.”
“Because I
believe in him,” Buffy said, squeezing her father’s hand. “And I believe that
he might be falling for me. At least he’s not telling me all the things I want
to hear just to get sex. He’s always laid it on the line about not wanting a
commitment and if I’m wrong then I have no one else to blame but myself.”
“Is he
really what you want, Buffy? Is he the man that you want to spend the rest of
your life with?”
“I think
so, Daddy. I don’t know yet but I’m hoping…”
“Life can’t
be built on hopes and wishes,” Giles exclaimed. “It doesn’t work that way no
matter how much you want it.” He grabbed some papers off his desk and returned
to the file cabinet. Her father didn’t really want to be cynical but after days
and months of watching his wife struggle to survive he’d closed off part of his
heart so that he could deal with everything. Buffy knew that her choices were
taking away more of his hopes but it was her life. She couldn’t live it to
please him. “I know you think I’m a silly old man but I want so much for you.”
He turned to look back at her. “And I selfishly took away so much because we
needed your help.”
“No,” Buffy
said, rushing to hug him. “I wanted to help and I don’t regret a moment of it.”
“I know you
don’t,” Giles said, holding her. “You have always been an exemplary daughter…”
Her father’s
words trailed off even as surely as he quit hugging her. The unspoken words
hung heavy in the air between them. Reminding herself that she wasn’t running
anymore Buffy finished his statement for him.
“Until I
met Spike?”
“Well,
yes,” Giles said, turning to lean on the cabinet. His glasses dangled from his
fingers. “The first time we met him he seemed to be decent. He was polite to
your mother and I. Since then he’s got you running around at all hours of the
night and staying with him in a motel.”
Buffy
rolled her eyes. “I run around all hours of the night anyway. Work in a bar
here.”
“And that
is only another mistake of mine,” Giles said. Sadness tinged his words as he
returned his glasses to their perch on his nose. “I was so grateful for the help
and let things go that I shouldn’t have.”
“Am I that
much of a disappointment to you?”
“No, Buffy,
no,” Giles said. “You are never a disappointment to me. Exasperate me to death
sometimes but in the end you seem to make the right decisions. If only you’d
make the right one now before it’s too late.”
“What if
your way is the wrong one for me?” Buffy asked quietly. “What about the chance
that he does love me? What happens if he is the one for me and I let him go
because someone else has decided that he’s not worth it? In the end I’m the one
that has to live with whatever happens and I’m not going to let go yet.”
Conviction
rang clear in her voice and she knew her father heard it because there was a
defeated look on his face. She only hoped that she never had to tell him that
he’d been right after all.
~~~~~~~~
Spike hated
to admit it but Faith did have a beautiful body. Closing his eyes he took a sip
of his beer and hoped that when he opened them again that it would be Buffy
sliding through the water. No such luck. It was still Faith’s bikini clad form
doing laps in the pool. He shrugged. He could still fantasize it was Buffy.
“Need
another beer yet?” Angel asked from the lounger next to his.
“Nope, not
yet,” Spike said, glancing over at his friend. “I’m still nursing this one.”
“Damn,
guess if I want one I’m going to have to get up and get it myself.”
They both
laughed. Neither of them moved to retrieve some more refreshment. It was just
one of those lazy afternoons where they only wanted to relax. Angel had
confessed that he’d taken Cordelia out the night before and only gotten a few
hours sleep. But it had astonished Spike that even though he’d woken Angel that
morning his new friend had been willing to get up and help him out. His fingers
ran over the bandage on the crook of his arm. It was done for both of them and
strangely, knowing that on his next visit he could truly lay his past to rest
was an almost exhilarating feeling.
Spike
smiled and returned to watching Faith. The afternoon sun was bright as it
reflected off the water and he blinked as his imagination almost fooled him
into believing it was his little blonde spitfire swimming. The heat was making
him lethargic and he pulled his shirt off, tossing it onto the chair next to
his before picking up his beer again. One hand rubbed across his chest as he
drained his drink. He laid his head back on the lounge and let a fantasy weave
of him and Buffy kissing in the pool. If he hadn’t been such a coward that one
night then he’d have memories to recall.
Maybe one day I will…
The door
opened from the house and the girl consuming his thoughts stepped out. Angel
barely raised his head as he saw Buffy make her way across the patio. Spike
could feel the silly grin spread across his face as he watched her walk toward
him. His tongue darted out as her hips rocked back and forth as she moved
closer. She stopped next to his prone body and crossed her arms forcing him to
look at the swell of her breasts yearning to tumble from her top.
“Enjoying
yourself?” Buffy asked, her head jerking toward the pool.
“Actually
yeah,” Spike teased.
Buffy
plopped onto his lap without warning or restraint making him grunt from the
force. She wiggled her bottom over his groin. His hand cupped her rear to try
and still her movements but she had already stopped.
“Just
checking your level of fun,” Buffy said. She kissed his chin. “You passed.”
“Cheeky
chit, aren’t you?” Spike said, tickling her sides and sending her into a fit of
giggles. “Should I do a panties check when you get home from work to see if any
other sailors are giving you happies when I’m not around?”
“I’ll stop
wearing them,” Buffy crowed, struggling to escape his fingers. She bit his
shoulder but it didn’t help as the tickling moved along her ribs. “Stop
it…anything you want but quit.”
He stopped.
“Anything?”
“Oh, good
Lord,” Faith said, climbing from the pool. “You two are just so cute together.”
Ignoring
the obvious sarcasm, Spike smiled up at the girl. “Thank you. We are, aren’t
we?”
Buffy
giggled again and he pulled her closer to him.
“Are you
going to tell her now?” Faith asked. Her eyes went from Spike to the curious
filled face of Buffy. “He’s refused to take the thing off and has been wearing
it like some kind of badge of honor.” She pointed to his bandage.
Buffy
inspected it. “What’s this?”
“I went and
got it done,” Spike said unable to keep the pride from his voice. “I had a
complete physical and had all the tests run. The next time I’m in town I’ll get
all the results.”
“You’re my
good boy,” Buffy whispered, pulling him closer. “You so deserve a reward.”
“Oh yeah,”
Spike managed to say before her lips closed on his. He surrendered without
hesitation to the pull between them. Her kisses were heated, filled with all
the promise of what they could have one day. His hand cradled the back of her
head to keep her close as he sucked on her tongue. She was so sweet. He’d been right
that day when he’d decided she was a like a sugar high because he was flying
now.
“God, do
you two have to be so noisy?” Angel said. “I have never heard two people make
so much noise when they kiss. It’s like two pigs eating their slop, smack,
slurp, it’s totally gross to listen to.”
Faith
laughed as they broke apart reluctantly and turned toward brother and sister.
Spike had to remind himself where they were because he’d been so lost in Buffy.
And he sincerely hoped that she didn’t decide now was the time for her to get
off his lap.
“Pulease,
Angel,” Faith said, now wrapped in a towel as she sat on the edge of the pool.
“It has to be Buffy because I’d be in my room and I could hear the two of you
making out in the family room. Between the slurping and the grunting and
groaning it was enough to turn someone off of sex for good.”
Spike
tensed wondering if Buffy was going to take the easy bait but she laughed
instead.
“Hey, I
can’t help it.” Buffy said defending herself. “When you’ve got such gorgeous
men in your arms you can’t help but get into it.”
“Wait a
minute,” Spike protested. “Don’t be talking about other men like that in front
of me even if it is Angel.”
Her
fingernail flicked his nipple. “No need for jealousy.”
Spike
grabbed her hand before she could inflict anymore injury to his flesh. “Are you
going to just let that go, mate? She’s comparing us.”
Angel
looked at them. “I’m staying out of it because we know who’d be the obvious
winner. I’m tall, dark and handsome. Higher rank and I know all her secrets.”
“Like
what?” Spike wanted to know what Angel knew about her that he didn’t. He wasn’t
worried about Buffy wanting to go back to her ex but he was jealous of how well
they knew each other.
“She has a
hairy ass,” Angel said, smiling as he turned away again.
They all
laughed at his joke. It seemed that Spike was always going to be out of the
loop on some things when it came to the girl in his arms. He had time though to
find out and it would have to do.
“I’m going
to go and get changed,” Faith said, standing and wrapping her towel tighter
around her body. “Then I’m heading out.”
“Faith,
wait a minute,” Buffy called. She waited until the brunette looked back before
continuing. “I was talking to
“What’s the
Bronze, Luv?” Spike asked trying to fill the void until a surprised Faith found
her voice again.
“It’s about
the only real club in town,” Buffy said. “It usually has a local band playing.
There’s dancing, pool tables and food.”
“Do they
have those onion things?” Spike asked.
“Yep, you
interested?” Buffy asked. She reached a toe out to nudge Angel. “What about
you?”
The two men
muttered their consent and all three turned to look at Faith.
“Sure, why
not?” Faith answered. “Sounds like a barrel of fun.”
A satisfied
Buffy relaxed in his arms. He was proud of his girl for making an effort to
mend old differences. He closed his eyes, no longer needing the fantasy,
because he had the reality in his arms.
