Chapter 21 – Smoke From a Distant Fire
It was amazing to Spike that
he could be in
Everyone had split up and was
supposed to meet up in about hour to head back to the ship. Spike sighed as he
stood in front of the lingerie shop and gazed at the items in the window. He
cast a furtive glance around him to make sure none of the others were watching
before leaning to peep in the store itself. There was a lacy piece of lingerie
in the window that he was thinking about buying Buffy. That was if he ever worked
up the courage to go inside. It was all frilly and there wasn’t any other men
in there so he stood there trying to talk himself into doing it.
Besides the little scrap of
nothing he was looking at, he was thinking about replacing some of the panties
he’d been pilfering from her. The last night they spent together he’d been in
charge of packing their bags while she cleaned the kitchen. Somehow the yellow
pair had ended up in his bag instead of hers. It was getting to be shameful but
he couldn’t help it. A pair tucked into his pants just made his day a little
more joyful and the anticipation for taking a shower a little more heightened.
Spike sighed again and was
taking a step toward the entrance when someone touched his arm. He turned
quickly trying to come up with a macho excuse for going in the store and found
himself face to face with Harmony.
“Harm,” Spike said, smiling.
“Hi, what are you doing here?” He winced when he realize how excited he
sounded. It was just what he needed for Harmony to think he was trying to pick
her up again.
“Uh, shopping,” Harmony
said, looking at him like he was completely crazy. “And I won’t even ask what
you’re doing here besides being all jittery.”
“I’m not jittery,” Spike
defended himself then quickly gave up under Harmony’s scrutiny. “I’ve just
never really had cause to buy anything in these places and…”
“Is it for her?”
“Yeah,” Spike answered,
grateful that there was only amusement in her face. “I kind of like that number
but…” He pointed to the item he’d been looking at.
“But you’re too chicken shit
to walk in there and buy it?”
“Hey, now,” Spike laughed,
“Manly pride here and all. I was working up to it.”
“Oh, come on,” Harmony said,
grabbing his hand and pulling him in. She looked around, found the lace babydoll
hanging on a rack, and headed for it with him in tow. “What size is she?”
“About your size,” Spike
said, looking her over. He put his hands in front of his chest. “She’s not as
big here though.”
“What color is her hair and
eyes?”
Spike hesitated to answer
knowing how it would seem to Harmony and he couldn’t defend himself because it
was the truth. He could feel the color spilling into his cheeks and he looked
away. From the corner of his eye he could see her studying him.
“Well, I don’t know whether
to be insulted or not,” Harmony said, straightening up. Then she shrugged, punched
his arm and laughed. “Don’t worry about it. You weren’t anything but a revenge
fuck anyway. So, I guess that makes us both idiots.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re
right,” Spike said. “You know if circumstances…”
“Don’t,” Harmony put her
hand up. “If circumstances were different we probably wouldn’t have even done
anything. We both got off so let it go.” She turned back to the rack, found the
right size and pulled a couple off. She held up a mint green and a black one.
“Either one of these ought to look good on her. They’re the colors I’d choose.”
Spike watched as Harmony
held the two different babydolls against her. It had to be the memory of the
sex they’d had or maybe he was substituting her for Buffy again but he could
feel his blood rushing to his groin. He blinked a couple of times to try and ease
his libido. It didn’t help.
Make a decision….she’s not the one you want….Buffy
“The black one,” Spike
stammered out. He turned quickly, ignoring Harmony’s chuckling as he searched
for something that would take his mind off sex. Everywhere he looked though there
were things that were made to make a woman more sensual…more appealing and he
groaned. Even the smell of the shop was feminine, a little musky, and his cock
was getting harder by the second.
Have to get the fuck out of here…
“Here,” Harmony said,
handing him the garment he’d chosen. “Is there anything else that you wanted to
get her?” She leaned closer to him as she searched his features. “Are you all
right? Your face is all red.”
“I’m fine,” Spike said,
holding the babydoll in front of him. “I just…”
“Thinking about her, huh?
She must be something else.”
“Yeah, she is,” Spike
agreed. He realized his voice held a dreamy quality when he spoke about Buffy.
His body relaxed. He didn’t want Harmony. He wanted the girl that was waiting
for him. “Actually was thinking about buying her some…underwear.”
“Underwear? Oh, panties,”
Harmony said, nodding her head. “You say underwear and I think about my
grandmother.” She grabbed his hand again. “They’re over here.”
He was pulled over to a
table that was overflowing with panties. His head spun as he gazed at all the
colors and styles. Dancing in his head was a chorus line of Buffy’s wearing a
rainbow assortment of panties, and only panties. His fantasy eased into one of
Buffy in various seductive, centerfold poses. His mouth was watering and his
cock was now at full attention as she bent and stretched to his imaginary camera’s
whim.
Bloody hell…I’m horny….Why can’t I just take Buffy
with me? I’d take her to the nearest bathroom, hold her against a wall
and…hell, can’t think about that…we haven’t shagged yet. Oh, yeah…
His mind wandered back to
Buffy sitting between his legs letting him touch her wherever he wanted…
“Spike, pay attention,”
Harmony laughed, smacking his stomach. “You keep lusting about her here you’re
going to end up in a puddle on the floor or get yourself arrested for lewd
behavior when you throw yourself into the…undiewear.”
“Undie? What?” Spike
scrunched up his face. “That’s ridiculous woman.”
“Got your mind off having
sex, didn’t it?”
Spike shook his head and
laughed. Harmony was right. It did pull him out of the fantasy that was playing
havoc with his senses. Suddenly more comfortable about where he was Spike
handed her the lingerie and got down to the business of choosing panties for
Buffy. They were ‘buy three get three free’ and he ended up with a total of
twelve pairs. Sometimes he’d ask Harmony’s opinion but mostly it wasn’t hard to
choose. He already knew what Buffy liked to wear and what he wanted to see her
in.
“Last one,” Spike said,
counting what was already in his hand. He walked over to a pile he hadn’t gone
through yet and searched for the size he needed. “Bingo,” he muttered as he
pulled out a pink lace thong. It reminded him of the bikini she’d worn on that
last day and he was already anticipating a few fantasies about them before he
ever got back to
Harmony stayed with him as
he headed to pay for the presents. He walked around a rack and stopped in his
tracks. There was a display of pajamas in front of him. If he was pressed Spike
would have to admit that the babydoll was as much for him as Buffy. It was a
style he’d never seen her wear but wanted to very much. Now the pajamas would
be something that would be totally hers because it would be something she’d
pick out. The pair catching his eye was navy blue flannel with snowmen splashed
across it. It made him think of Christmas and being with Buffy while drinking
hot chocolate and wrapping presents for their…he sighed, children. This time it
wasn’t such a scary thought and a pair was added to his pile.
“Damn good thing I got
paid,” Spike said, searching his wallet for enough
It didn’t take him long and soon
he was holding a shopping bag full of presents for Buffy. He glanced down at
them and hoped she didn’t think he’d gone crazy or something. She rarely left
his mind now and he still hated that they hadn’t had a chance to talk the
morning he left. He’d wanted to get up, take care of her some more and leave
her feeling pampered and special. Instead they’d left in a mad dash that had
him feeling like something wasn’t finished. It was a feeling like walking out
of a movie before it was over and never knowing how it ended. And he figured if
he felt like that then Buffy had to be feeling it too.
“Do you want to go and get
some coffee?” Harmony asked breaking him from his reverie.
Spike glanced over at her.
She suddenly seemed nervous about something and he wondered what was going on.
Since she’d been a good friend by helping him out he wanted to return the
favor.
“Yeah,” Spike answered and
they walked in silence to Starbucks, made their purchases and sat down across
from one another. “How are things going, Harm?”
“You know, how sometimes you
want something then you get it,” Harmony said, fidgeting with the coffee
stirrer. She sighed. “You get it and you’re feeling overwhelmed by it but you
still want it.”
“Yeah, I do,” Spike said,
nodding his head. It was exactly how he felt about being in a relationship with
Buffy. He took a drink of his coffee as he once again thought of her.
“I’m pregnant,” Harmony stated.
Spike choked. He coughed.
His eyes watered.
“Oh, my god,” Harmony said,
jumping up to pound his back. “It’s not yours. I’m sorry for just blurting that
out. I didn’t even think that you would…”
Spike put his hand up as he
gained control again. He shook his head and looked at the woman who was once
again sitting across from him. She had a big grin on her face as she sipped her
decaf coffee. Relief was his predominant emotion at the moment. He’d been
waiting for something, anything, to tear him away from Buffy. So far, though,
everything seemed to be all right. Maybe he could relax and let himself enjoy
the happiness he felt around Buffy.
“It’s okay,” Spike said,
smiling back. “I take it congratulations are in order?”
“Yeah,” Harmony said,
looking away for a second but then her gaze settled on his face. “You were the
last one. I could see so much of me in you that night. I was running away from
the one thing that I wanted; what my heart wanted.” She leaned back in her
chair. Her face so peaceful that Spike felt jealous of what she’d found. “It was
so hard for so long. He was never there and most of the time I was waking up to
an empty house and sleeping alone. After you I decided to give my relationship
everything and ended up pregnant.” She laughed. “I told him, come back to the
states with me or I was going alone. So, he’s going. We leave in two weeks.
I’ve never been happier.”
“I’m glad that it worked out
for you.”
“So, am I,” Harmony said.
“So, you and this girl…?”
“Buffy, her name is Buffy.”
“I take it that you two are
together now?”
Spike wasn’t sure how to
answer. It was pretty much a given to him that they were together. Buffy had
confessed her love and he’d promised to be faithful and return to her. Other
than that there really wasn’t anything to tie them together. Slowly, he
explained to Harmony what had been going on between him and Buffy. It felt good
to talk to someone who didn’t have ties to her. He was able to be totally
honest without having to justify his insecurities.
“I promised to come back to
her,” Spike said, after glossing over the last day that he’d spent with Buffy.
“I know she was upset because I was leaving and I feel lousy that I couldn’t
give her the one thing she wanted.”
“It sounds more like she
just wants you,” Harmony said. “Spike, I told you back then that she was the
one but you didn’t want to listen. You’ve been running around for months now in
denial. It’s hurting both of you.”
“I’m scared, Harm,” Spike
said, feeling the fear gripping his heart at even letting his emotions out.
“What if it all falls apart?”
“What if it doesn’t?”
Harmony reached for his hand but snatched it back as their table was
surrounded.
“What’s going on, Spike?”
Angel asked, looking from Harmony to Spike.
“Talking to a friend,” Spike
said, standing. “Harmony, these are my shipmates and friends, Wesley, Xander
and Angel. Guys, this is Harmony.”
“Hi and nice to meet you,”
Harmony said, standing to accept their handshakes. After a few polite comments
she smiled and reached for her own bags. “Look, I’m taking off. I’ve got a
million things to do.” She stepped around Angel so she could kiss Spike’s
cheek. “Take a chance, blondie bear; tell her one day before its too late.”
~~~~~~~~
Email from Buffy to
Spike:
Hello Spike,
How are you? I’ve
missed you but school has been keeping me busy. It’s hard getting used to
studying again. I’m glad that
Between work and
school I barely have any free time which in a way is a good thing. Mom has been
in full Mom mode with nagging me about studying and making sure I get enough
sleep. There are some good things about it because she made me chocolate chip
cookies. Yum!!
Faith and I are
talking again. It’s still kind of strained but at least it’s a start.
How are you doing?
Is your run going well? Angel said that you were going to have some difficult
loads coming back. I hope that everything goes okay.
I’ve missed you.
It’s hard to sleep without you with me.
Buffy
~~~~~~~~
It was the last thing she
expected.
Buffy was getting organized
for Psych class by pulling out her notebook and opening her textbook to the
right chapter. She searched her purse to find something to write with but
couldn’t find anything.
Damn it…must have left it at home on my desk.
She leaned over and asked
The class seemed to last
forever. Buffy’s notes came out as nonsense and she knew she’d have to borrow
I love being with you…Not I love you.
It only made you more precious to me…Not you’re the only one for me.
Why couldn’t she be loved?
Was there something wrong with her? Did Spike only keep coming around because
he knew that eventually she would be a sure thing? Did he secretly like the
rush of initiating her into sex? Was he some kind of pervert because he kept
stealing her panties?
Buffy sighed. There were
just too many questions she didn’t have the answers to. She wished they’d had
more time to talk before he left. It wasn’t that she really regretted what
they’d done. She’d done it in love and Spike was the only one who had really
made her feel things because of that love. It was his feelings or lack of
feelings that were making her uneasy. And there was the biggest question of
all. Could she spend her life with someone who openly said they could never
love her?
“You coming, Buffy,”
“Oops, daydreaming,” Buffy
said, quickly gathering her things together. She looked around, didn’t see
Riley and made a beeline for the door.
She spoke too soon as she
felt a hand close around her arm.
“Buffy, hi,” Riley said,
when she turned to look at him. “Look, I know that I’m probably the last person
you want to see.”
“Yeah,” Buffy said, waiting
for him to make the next move. She studied his face and tried to remember why
she had fallen for him. It had been a different time in her life when she
thought the world was at her feet. Nothing could have slowed her down or
dampened her spirits. She was young, going to college and in love. The future
was something that she dreamed about with no fear. Until one night she’d gotten
a phone call that had shattered that life forever. The driver that had hit her
mom had taken so much away from them.
“How is your mother?” Riley
asked, when she didn’t answer.
Pay attention, Buffy thought and stepped closer to
“She’s doing great,” Buffy
said, relieved that she could be honest. “She’s coping well, working part time
and she’s happy again.”
“I’m glad,” Riley said,
reaching over to pick up her locket. “William? Is that your new boyfriend?”
Is he?
“Yeah, he works with Angel.”
“I’m glad that you have
someone,” Riley said, nodding and letting go of the necklace. He shuffled his
feet for a moment then looked back up at her. “I know that you probably don’t
want to hear this but I’m sorry. And this time it’s not a load of crap.” He
sighed. “I was young, immature and selfish but I did love you Buffy. I’ve
regretted what I did every day since then and I’m not asking for your forgiveness
because I don’t deserve it. I don’t want to make things difficult for you so if
you want to act like we don’t know each other in class that’s fine but I hope,
maybe we can be friends.”
“I don’t know, Riley,” Buffy
said, feeling her eyes fill with tears. “I wasn’t expecting to see you again so
I need time to think about it.”
“That’s fine; whatever you
need or want.”
Buffy nodded and walked
away. Riley seemed sincere in his apology. She’d been angry with him for so
long and now she couldn’t even find it. The strongest thing she felt was
regret. Regret that a part of her life was over that she could never have
again. She could feel his eyes still watching her and she turned her head to
look back at him. He waved at her and she gave him a tentative smile before
turning around again.
