Chapter 26 – To
Touch You
It was stupid. He knew it
was stupid but at the moment it was all he had to cling to. It was the
knowledge that the dishes were almost done. Not just any dishes but their
dishes. They’d come with the house and by the time he returned Buffy would undoubtedly
have replaced them with something she’d chosen. But for tonight they were their
dishes, in their kitchen, in their house and just down the hall was their
bedroom.
And that thought scared
Spike to death.
Today everything had
changed. He’d changed directions so completely that he was on a different road
altogether. No longer was it a straight shot highway with a few memorable exits
here and there. Now he was on a scenic Sunday drive rambling through valleys
and mountains that left him shaking in awe.
Buffy wanted to live with
him. Buffy loved him. And Buffy had been furiously hurt that he might even
consider she’d cheat on him. The slap had been a relief. Funny, but it was
true. The last woman he’d accused of cheating on him had laughed and casually
told him that she needed to find her pleasures somewhere. Their entire
relationship had been reduced to shreds because he couldn’t satisfy her.
So, why the hell do you think you’ll be able to
satisfy Buffy? What if she is disappointed? What if she doesn’t love you in the
morning?
Spike was astounded that a
girl like Buffy loved him and yet at the same time he was scared to death by
it. He’d finally admitted to himself that she was the dream he’d always wanted
but he was frightened that she’d see the truth of who he was and leave him.
They all left you. What makes you think this time is
going to be any different?
The plate he was trying to
rinse fell from his shaking hands to clatter against the sink. Thankfully it
didn’t break. He sighed and picked it back up. Behind him, somewhere, Buffy was
moving through the house. Their guests had finally left in the last hour leaving
the couple to face their first night in their first home.
What the hell were you thinking?
Spike would be the first to
admit he hadn’t thought it through. He’d been so afraid of losing her that he’d
emotionally charged through the day making decisions that he felt would keep
Buffy with him. Oh, but he didn’t regret this. Not at all. He’d take whatever
time he could get with Buffy.
Until you’re the one to decide to call it quits?
Until you decide to shrug your shoulders and remind her that you never said
you’d love her? Until you decide to return to the sea?
Guilt weighed heavy on him
as he remembered that he’d been given several perfect openings to say the
words. The coward in him kept winning out and he’d yet to tell the girl how
much she meant to him. Oh, but yet he was brave enough, desperate enough even,
to persuade her to stay in the bedroom so he could finger fuck her into bliss. He
hadn’t even cared that two of her best friends were only a few feet away. Maybe
he wasn’t the man he thought he was. Maybe he wasn’t a man at all.
“Spike?” Buffy said, putting
her hand in the middle of his back. “Are you almost done?”
“Yeah, Luv,” Spike said,
turning the faucets off and reaching for the dish towel. Taking a deep breath
he turned to face her and choked.
She was wearing the lingerie
he’d gotten for her in
“It was for me, wasn’t it?”
Buffy asked. She looked sad as she smoothed the silk along her stomach. It was
if she expected to be asked to give it back. “I unpacked your bag and…and it
was in there. I know I assumed but I’m kind of hoping that there isn’t anyone
else…”
“Hush, it’s yours,” Spike
said. “I was just struck speechless at how much more beautiful you are in it
then I fantasized you would be.”
Buffy lit up from the
inside. Happiness radiated through her and her eyes shone with love for him.
She couldn’t hide what she was feeling and that was one of the things he held
on to. Despite the fiasco with Riley her love for him was as evident as the sun
at
Spike wasn’t sure he could do
this but he wanted to try. Try to give Buffy all the love that his heart had
been hiding. Try to give Buffy
everything she needed to be happy. Try to build them a life together. The kind
of life she wanted with the kids and him at home. His talk with Giles had forced
into the open the questions he’d been putting off answering. What was he going
to do with the rest of his life? He knew that he couldn’t continue to be gone
all the time if they were going to make forever work. And he wanted to do
something that would make Buffy proud of him but yet he’d be happy doing.
“Stop thinking so much,”
Buffy whispered, rising on her toes to kiss the corner of his mouth. “Tonight
is ours.” She nuzzled against his cheek, kissed his jaw then took his hand.
“Come with me.”
It was time. Spike swallowed
back his own nerves and followed the cutest tush flowing back and forth as he
was led to his seduction. So intent on watching the hemline play peek-a-boo
with her butt cheeks he didn’t see what she had done until she stopped and
turned to him expectantly.
His hands found their way to
his hips as he surveyed the stage for the taking of her virginity and for him
to give up the last of his freedom. For
a woman that still had a claim to innocence she knew what she was doing. If
Giles didn’t find a way, Spike was considering banning her from the how-to
section of the bookstore himself. Her second hand knowledge on sex would be
something that he could never hope to live up to, much less want to.
A fire burned brightly
casting a glow over the bed she’d made for them. Blankets were piled almost as
high as the pillows. Candles were placed around the room and the doors were
open so they could hear the sounds of the ocean crashing on the shore. The
champagne was cooling in a bowl filled with ice and two flutes stood beside it.
When did she do that? God, I must have been lost in
thought.
His gaze shifted to the left
to the strawberries and chocolates laid out on a plate. Beside them were a
handful of small foil wrapped packets. He stared at them for a moment before
swallowing. Months of fantasy were about to culminate into reality. His eyes
closed as he wondered if he could handle it. Shouldn’t she be the one shaking
in fright? He was supposed to be strong and sure, but if he could do it without
humiliating himself he would hide.
Spike felt Buffy move in front
of him and he opened his eyes. She was reaching for the buttons on his shirt
and he rushed to do it himself, to take back control of the situation but she
brushed them aside. Buffy wanted to do it herself and, feeling useless, he
stood there as she finished unfastening the shirt. It was pushed off his
shoulders, down his arms until she flung it on the couch. His t-shirt was next.
Her hands catching on the end so she could caress his sides as she brought it
over his head. Once it had joined the other one, she raised her eyes to meet his.
He relaxed when all he could see was love. If nothing else, he had to believe
in what he saw.
And what he could feel. Her
hands leading him down on the soft cushion of the bed determined that this time
their relationship would be consummated. The way was clear, declarations had
been made, no one was cloudy on what this meant and they both wanted, no needed
this fulfillment. Their celibacy was the last vestige of holding back. In
making love they would both move forward, together and separately.
“Up, Spike,” Buffy
commanded. She was unzipping him so carefully that it made him smile. At least
she didn’t want the goods damaged before she got a chance to use them. He was a
good boy and raised his hips so she could slide his jeans down his legs. Her
eyes remained averted from what she had protected until the jeans were dropped
on the floor. She sat back on her legs and slowly let her eyes move over him.
Spike put his arms behind
his head, partly to keep him from reaching for her and partly because he was
beginning to enjoy the submissive role. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen him
nude and it certainly wasn’t going to be the first time she’d touched him so he
waited to see what she was up to. Her lower lip was nibbled on and he could see
her throat move as she swallowed. Her eyes lingered for a moment on his penis
before gliding along his stomach to his chest.
“What’s up, pet?” Spike
asked.
“I don’t know where to
start,” Buffy said in a trembling voice. “It’s stupid I know but I kind of had
this all sorted out in my head. It’s like going to a restaurant that you’ve
been to before and you know what you’re going to order then you get there and
all the food’s laid out. Everything looks really good and you’re really hungry.
You just don’t know where to start.”
During her speech his cock
had realized that it had competition from the rest of his body and decided it
wanted to be noticed. By the time she said she was really hungry it was already
curling up against his belly and getting harder by the second. Buffy noticed.
Her eyes got bigger as she watched him stiffen. Now, that was apparently
something she hadn’t seen before because she was blushing.
Spike sat up and reached for
her. “Come here, lamb, let me…”
“No,” Buffy said, looking up
to meet his eyes. “I know I’m supposed to be all virginal and everything. You
know, lie back and let you make a woman out of me, but…”
“But you’re already a woman,
Buffy,” Spike said, lying back. “You don’t need me or any other man for that.”
His arms folded behind his head again as he watched the tears shimmer in her
eyes. His heart lurched at the love that was overflowing it and his body
quivered when she leaned forward to run her tongue over his ankle.
It seemed Buffy had found
her place to start and he watched as she made love to his feet. Never before
had someone paid such attention to that part of his body. Her hands ran over
them learning the pattern before she kissed each toe, the top of his feet, both
ankles then satisfied she began a trek along his legs. Her hands followed the
trail her mouth left along his shins and calves. Ticklish, he jerked when her
fingers played the back of his knees and her mouth nibbled his inner thighs.
“Sorry,” Buffy whispered.
Apparently she wasn’t sorry enough because she repeated the gesture as she
seemed to contemplate tackling his manly bits. He saw her eyes glance at it but
she seemed to be stuck in the same track of his legs.
“Only what you’re
comfortable with,” Spike said, running his hand through her hair. “You’re
driving me wild anyway.”
She was. His skin was on
fire, his insides were dancing, his heart was flying somewhere above them and
his soul was reaching to join with hers. He couldn’t pinpoint one sensation or
one emotion and describe it eloquently enough. The joy, the fire, the tickles,
the licks, all of it was jumbled together in one package he could only label as
ecstasy.
Buffy nodded, freed by his
pronouncement to tackle on her own terms the hard flesh waiting to invade her.
She skipped over it, letting only her fingertips brush against his scrotum
while her mouth descended on the plane of his stomach. She nibbled on the
sensitive area around his belly button, let her tongue dart into it, ignored
the tap given by his cock against her jaw and moved quickly up to his chest. He
shuddered when she straddled him. Her bottom came down so that her panty
covered pussy brushed against his cock.
Spike sighed and adjusted
himself so that their most intimate parts were in constant contact. He knew he
should be moaning at her sucking one nipple and rolling the other. But all he
could concentrate on was that one strip of material keeping him from burying
himself in that wet heat.
Slow down…she’s never been taken…have to go slow
mate.
His reverie was interrupted
when Buffy moved and plopped onto his stomach. Her arms crossed over her chest
and she peered down at him.
“Do you just want to get it
over with? Or not do it at all?”
“What are you talking
about?” Spike asked, shaking his head a bit so maybe he could figure out what
was wrong.
Buffy shrugged. “I don’t
know what I’m doing and you’re not saying very much. I keep feeling like your
not even paying attention. Am I boring you?”
“Huh?”
“You don’t want to do this,”
Buffy wailed. “I knew it. There is something wrong with me.”
Somewhere between the
driving wild comment and nipple sucking Buffy had gotten insecure. Spike rolled
them over, pinning her beneath him with a leg thrown across her hips.
“Why would you think that
there is something wrong with you,” Spike said, peppering kisses along her
throat.
“You always talk,” Buffy
sniffled, her arms encircling his waist. “Always driving me crazy because you
won’t shut up and now you’re lying there all silent. You don’t want me.”
“Oh, baby,” Spike said,
pulling her closer so his erection was pressing into her stomach. “I want you
very, very much.”
“That.” Buffy said, poking
him in the hip, “is going to react to just about anything. I’m talking
about…you.”
The words he’d yet to speak.
Something rebelled in him at saying them on command. He sighed and buried his
face against the softness of her breast. Her fingers moved to comb through his
hair and he tried to force himself to say it. He’d told Angel flat out how he
felt. He’d implied it to her father. For some reason, holding her now, he
couldn’t say it.
“Buffy, you are amazing. I’m
amazed that I’m here,” Spike said, then sighed. “Bloody hell, I’m no good at
this.”
“Do you want to be with me?”
“Yes, more than you’ll ever
know.” He kissed the side of her breast and his hand cupped her bottom. “This
I’ve been dreaming about for months. I can’t believe I’m here, with you wearing
only this.” His hand skimmed along her side up to cup one of her lace covered
mounds. “You’re so beautiful. No one else could compare.”
~~~~~~~~
With a sigh Buffy decided maybe
it was better to lie back and let him make a woman out of her. His words rolled
over her like sweet molasses that wanted to make her purr from the pleasure
they were bringing. Here was the man she fell in love with. This was the man who
was able to take her to brink of an orgasm just by whispering sweet nothings in
her ear. Her toes curled in anticipation as he lavished long strokes over her
silk covered flesh. His hot breath mingled with the promises he was making
tickled the skin just below her ear.
It was going to be the
greatest night of her life. Oh, she
didn’t really believe in that rubbish about her entire world changing. Or even
really that she would come out of the experience a woman where once she’d been
a girl. And she certainly didn’t think that he would complete her. Her mother
had taught her very early on that she didn’t need a man to make her who she was
and to never ever be dependent on one. It was those teachings that had made her
freak about the house because she didn’t want Spike to take care of her.
If she had to describe her
relationship with him she would have to say that Spike fit very neatly beside
her. He didn’t tell her what to do, but always waited for her to make a
decision about what she wanted. He didn’t bend to her will either because he
wasn’t shy about what he wanted or could handle. She had come to realize that
the constant bickering and emotional upheaval between them was them
compromising. Hopefully with time it wouldn’t have to be so dramatic but at
least they were finding a way to come to terms they could both live with.
“Ouch,” Buffy muttered when
Spike bit her ear lobe. “What did you do that for?”
“You’re drifting off some
where,” Spike said, kissing the offended body part. “Do you not want to be
doing this?”
“I’ll pay attention,” Buffy
promised, running her hands upward along his arms.
His lips drifted under her
chin as he shifted to cover her more. Buffy forced her mind to chronicle what
was going on between them.
“Spike lips on my throat…oh, that feels good…please
don’t stop soon. Spike hands on my waist, rubbing and squeezing. Spike’s
penis…” Buffy giggled.
“You wouldn’t be laughing at
me now would you, pet?”
“No, of course not,” Buffy
said, thought of Spike’s penis again and giggled. She clamped a hand over mouth
to try and stop the sound that was bring a look of hurt to blue eyes. “If I ever meet that bitch”, Buffy
thought, “I’m going to kill her for doing
this to him.” She ran her hand through his locks before pulling him down to
kiss his nose. “I was paying attention. Paying perfectly good attention but
every time I thought ‘Spike’s penis’, well it made me giggle.”
“I would like you to know
that is not merely a penis,” Spike said, pressing said penis deeper into her
hip. “It is the sword of truth that shall bring enlightenment to your
dark…hmmm…”
Buffy smiled. Her mind
searched for an ending that would be appropriate. A passage from a romance
novel she once read came to mind. “Umm, the dark passage of my womanhood?”
“Perfect, Luv, perfect,”
Spike said, grinning down at her and nodding. His hand slid under the waistband
of her panties. “Just like this is perfection.”
“Oh, teach me the truth, Sir
William.” Buffy sighed. Her legs fell open so his exploring fingers would have
access to all her dark places. A moan fell from her lips as the tip of one
finger caressed her clitoris. Tingling,
that would be what she would say she was feeling at this moment. It started
right where his finger was playing and it was spreading all the way down to her
toes and all the way up to the top of her head. She was alternately hot and
cold as he caressed her. Her hands skidded along his arms, shoulders and back
depending on where he was at the moment.
Buffy wasn’t sure about the
next step. It wasn’t that she was scared or embarrassed it was just nervousness
about the unknown. She’d talked to her friends but none of them had really
helped.
“Lift up, sweetheart,” Spike
murmured, tugging on her panties.
Reality crashed through
Buffy with the force of a runaway train. She gulped as she looked down and
watched her last defense being drawn down her legs. The baby doll lingerie was
bunched up under her breasts and for the first time her body seemed incredibly
long.
“Long and naked,” Buffy thought as she stared at herself. Her
attention was diverted when Spike reached for a condom and in fascination she
watched him slide it down his cock. He looked back up and her eyes scrunched
closed before they could connect. She desperately tried to keep herself from
hyperventilating as Spike lay down on top of her, settling between her legs. “Oh, my God, we’re really going to do it.”
Spike brushed her hair away
from her face, stroking her cheek until she opened her eyes to look at him.
“You okay?” Spike asked,
concern written on his face.
Buffy nodded.
“You sure? Because if your
not then we can wait or…or stop if you want.”
“No, I want to but…” Buffy
asked, her tongue moistening her lips that had suddenly gone dry. “Would you
kiss me? Just kiss me until I…”
Spike relaxed onto his
forearms, slipping his hands under her shoulders before pressing his lips to
her. It was his mouth, she decided, that she loved the most about his body.
Whether he was talking to her or kissing her she got turned on so easily. Under
the magic of his kiss Buffy began to relax again. She let the sensations of his
tongue dancing with hers chase away the uncertainty. Her hands found themselves
clutching at his platinum locks holding him close. She wasn’t even sure how
they were breathing. All she knew was that she was going under fast.
She wanted the rest.
Hoping he’d get the message
without her saying “now”, Buffy brought her legs up, opening wider, shifting
him lower so that his cock was almost resting in her slit. The hardness was
thrilling her and she rocked her hips until his hand came between them. Their
mouths fell apart, catching their breath as he positioned the tip at her
opening.
Buffy opened her eyes and
stared into his as he entered her for the first time. He went so gently and so
slowly, it was like he was tiptoeing in. At first it was just a stretching as
he filled her. It probably helped that he had already broken her hymen because
there was only a brief moment of pain before he sank all the way in.
“I love you so much,” Buffy
whispered. She kissed him so he wouldn’t feel obligated to return the
endearment. If and when he said it she wanted it to be spontaneous not out of
guilt or obligation. Lost in the kiss, she barely noticed when he started to
move in and out of her.
It was strange feeling his
hips rub against her thighs as he thrust. The weight of his balls as they swung
against her bottom. The incredible sensation of him entering and leaving her.
The sound of their flesh slapping together. The wet, sticky rush of her body
reacting to him. It was nothing like her imagination had played out. The books
didn’t describe it correctly. None of her friends had told her about this. Each
by itself was almost unpleasant but together somehow it was taking her to a
level of pleasure she’d never had before.
Buffy dug her nails into his
back as their movements increased. She was trying to figure out the rhythm so
she could meet each thrust. Spike slowed down and waited for her to catch up.
Each thrust in was now met with her pushing up toward him. Finding their rhythm,
their bodies rocked toward each other, building speed. Every time they ground
together it would send waves of electrical shocks through her lower belly until
she was panting just to keep oxygen flowing through her lust addled brain.
“Oh, God, baby, so hot, so
wet, so tight,” Spike murmured over and over again. “Never before, felt like
this, that’s it, wrap your legs around me, hold me close.”
Buffy wanted to please him.
She wanted to let him know how much this meant. How much she loved him. Her
hands flowed over his back, clutching at his ass, and then skidding back over
the sweat slicked plane of his back to pull at his hair. She kissed every
surface of flesh she could reach, nibbling at his neck, jaw and ear. Her thighs
squeezed his hips as her ankles crossed behind him. It was so hard to think
though and she moved on instinct but the words he uttered, the raw
encouragement to every gesture she made, let her know that he knew…that he
loved.
“Cum with me, pet, need you
to fly,” Spike begged, grinding deep against her. His hand slid between them,
pressing even more pleasure from her already overloaded body. It circled and
teased until she was keening. “Let it go, Buffy, let it go.”
She did, wrapping herself so
tightly around him that he could barely move, until it started. Her body
releasing and flowing as it quivered around him. She lay spent and holding him,
until a few moments later when he followed her over the edge.
It was over. They’d finally
made love and it was too intimate, too deep for what she’d been prepared to
handle. Buffy had known Spike for months but had only spent a fraction of that
time with him. The days, if totaled, would only equal weeks. Her body hummed
from what she…no, what they had just done. Sweat, her fluids and a faint trace
of blood shone on her body as he eased off of her. Spike didn’t once look at
her as he rolled off, kissed the corner of her mouth, mumbled
something about the bathroom that she didn’t quite catch then took off.
Buffy had been wrong. It had
changed everything. The fantasies were vanished in the hard core reality of
sex. Her body had wanted the warmth and the touch of this man, but she wasn’t
prepared for the emotions that ran rampant through her heart. Spike had
disappeared, leaving her alone on their living room floor. Unsure of what to do, how to act, Buffy cried
because all she wanted was to go back to the way things had been before.
to be continued….
