Chapter 33 – Home
It was as he remembered it.
The tree branches hanging
low over the street forming an arched entry over the quiet neighborhood street.
The houses were the kind that you knew were filled with families that still
believed in hearth and home. Children had parents to come home to and plenty of
playmates only a house or two away.
Spike felt something tug at
his heart as they drove through it. Minivans dotted the driveways and he could
picture Buffy having parked one of them. Their children would fill the seats as
she picked them up from school or soccer practice. He laughed at his fanciful
daydream but inside he knew it was a future he wanted more each day.
The house he wanted was on
the cul-de-sac at the end of the street. It was a magnificent remodeled
Edwardian four bedroom house with a large backyard. His cousin Emily lived
there with her husband, Larry, and their two daughters. Four years and it still
stung every time he remembered the disappointment in her face when she had sent
him away. It had been an intensely embarrassing moment in his young life when
he had thought the more of a bad ass he was, the better he was. She had shown
him the error of his way even if only for a short time. He had let Dru convince
him that Emily was wrong. Forcing the reprimand into the back of his mind, he
had thrown himself into the wild lifestyle he was cultivating.
“A fool is what I was,” Spike thought as the car turned into the
driveway. He only hoped that Emily would forgive him and was thankful that his
friends had willingly given up their time off to accompany him on his trip home.
“It’s quite beautiful,”
Wesley commented as he stared at the brick house with two bay windows upstairs
and down in the front.
“Yeah, it is,” Angel said.
“Thanks,” Spike said,
suddenly nervous as he stepped out of the car. After paying the cab driver, he
wiped his hands on his jeans and said a silent prayer that everything would be
all right.
The three men retrieved
their overnight bags from the trunk and stepped back so the cab could leave. It
was then that Spike finally turned with trepidation to the house.
“Come on,” Angel said,
giving Spike a push between the shoulders. “Let’s get this over with. Be a man
about it.”
“Bossy bitch, aren’t you?”
Spike asked but it made him grin as they made their way to the front door. He
knocked and waited, torn between wanting someone to be home and hoping that he
could make a get away with a clear conscience.
The door was opened by
Emily, who took a moment to stare at Spike, as if she wasn’t sure it was him or
not.
“Hi, Em,” Spike said, taking
in the more mature version of the girl he had grown up with. She hadn’t been a
constant playmate like Buffy and Angel had been to each other but she had been
there through holidays and a few vacations. Time had been good to the woman who
was a few years older than he was. Her dark curly hair was cut short
accentuating her sharp cheekbones and lively blue eyes. He smiled as she looked
from him to his companions. “These are my friends, Wesley and Angel.”
“Hello,” Emily said politely
to each of the men before turning her eyes to Spike. “What are you doing here,
William?”
“Wanted to see you again,”
Spike said, sighing. It was taking everything he had to stand there. It was a
humbling experience to ask to be taken into someone’s life again after what he
had done. Deciding to take a chance and just bring up the past problem, he
leaned close to his cousin. “See, I’m clean,” Spike said, opening his eyes
wider. “No longer living that lifestyle and I’ve got a real job working on a
freighter. Angel, here is my boss and I’ve got a real nice girl in the states.”
Emily laughed, “Will’s new
life in a nutshell.” She stepped back and opened the door. “Come in. The girls
will be home in a bit but we have time for some adult talk before they show
up.”
After she had shut the door
behind them Emily showed them down the main hallway to the kitchen. “Sit
please,” she said, then pointed to the corner where the family obviously left
their gear. “You can leave your bags over there. Planning on staying a bit,
Will?”
“We don’t have to be back on
the ship until tomorrow night,” Spike said, piling their things neatly. “I was
hoping to spend the time with you but if it’s not convenient we can leave.”
“Coffee, tea or sodas,”
Emily asked as she seemed to mull over the information her cousin had given
her.
The three men quickly asked
for what they wanted and she bustled around starting a pot of coffee and
heating the tea kettle. Spike stood back up to help her. It only took a few
minutes until the four of them were seated at the table with coffee for Angel
and Wesley and tea for the cousins.
“I’m glad you let me in the
door, Em,” Spike said, stirring cream into his tea. “And I may as well get it
over with. I was an ass and should never have shown up here like that. I
apologize.”
“Well, you always were a bit
of an ass,” Emily teased, her eyes twinkling as she stared innocently at Spike.
“I’m just glad that you got away from…the life you were living. So, pictures?”
“Huh?” Spike asked.
“The nice girl,” Em
clarified. “Do you have pictures of her? Is she pretty? What does she do for a
living? Are you two serious?”
“Yes, she’s very pretty,”
Spike said, digging in his wallet for his photos of Buffy. He handed them over.
“She works in a bar as a waitress and yeah, pretty serious.”
Emily seemed to grow distant
again when he mentioned that Buffy worked in a bar. She handed the photos back
without comment.
“It’s not like that, ma’am,”
Angel jumped in. “I’ve known Buffy her whole life practically. I’m the one who
introduced them.” He proceeded to tell how Buffy had come to work at The Edge
and a little about the changes going on in her and Spike’s life.
“You’ve got decent friends,”
Emily said, smiling again. Her hand covered Spike’s. “Your mum would be proud
of the man you’ve become.”
There was no stopping the
tears as they rolled down his face. Spike could almost feel another wall come
crashing down in his heart. He had tried so hard not to let the pain of his
past life in but somehow it had always been there influencing his every move.
Coming home hadn’t been as bad as he thought it would be and he was glad he had
made the decision. His hand covered Emily’s squeezing it because he was unable
to speak.
“I was a bit worried when I
saw you at the door,” Emily confessed. “I thought you had come home to…oh,
never mind.”
“What?” Spike asked, wiping
at his face with the napkin Angel had handed him. He decided the ribbing he was
going to get later for crying was a price worth paying for getting back a part
of his life. “Why did you think I’d come back?”
“Because…,” Emily said,
sighing. “Dru’s back in
~~~~~~~
“What the fuck am I doing?”
Faith lamented quietly. She shifted in the uncomfortable chair as she stared at
Buffy.
“You are about to get a
pelvic exam by a man you’ve never seen before,” Buffy said and flipped a page
in the magazine she was reading.
“Bitch,” Faith pronounced as
she shifted again.
Buffy gave up, threw her
magazine that she’d been pretending to read onto the table, and turned to her
friend. It was Faith’s first appointment with the obstetrician that had been
recommended by her regular doctor. The reality of her situation had been
weighing heavily on Faith’s mind since Wesley had left. Buffy was having the
same problem since Spike had left. How the hell did get to where they were? It
was a question they were both left pondering in the aching loneliness they were
feeling. Their lives had been turned upside down and then left behind while
their men left to return to a life they were comfortable with. It was a natural
conclusion the two women had found their friendship again in the changes they
were both going through.
“You’re following through on
the decisions you made,” Buffy said firmly. “Nothing has changed since he’s
been gone. You’re still pregnant, you’re still engaged and in a couple of
weeks, Wesley will be home so you can start your lives together.”
“Thanks,” Faith said,
smiling. It quickly faded. “Right now I’m more worried about what I am going to
do with a kid. I don’t have any patience and I miss dancing already.”
“You’ll be doing a lot of
dancing,” Buffy teased again. If she grew melancholy with Faith they would sink
into another ice cream binge level of depression. “You know,
“How does anyone stand to be
around you?” Faith asked. “You have got to be the most irritating Little Miss
Sunshine I’ve ever met. It’s bringing back the nausea.”
Buffy laughed then took
Faith’s hand.
“Faith, it’s going to be
okay,” Buffy said, turning several thoughts over in her mind until she found
what she hoped to be the right inspirational speech. “It’s not going to be easy
but as trite as it sounds you’ll learn as you go. I get scared too. We’ve moved
from being selfish single women into relationships where a lot of the time
we’ll have to put ourselves last.” Buffy sighed. “It happens every day though
for a lot of people and somehow they survive. I guess we will too.”
“Are you happy, Buffy?”
“Yeah, I am,” Buffy confessed.
“I’m getting excited to live this part of life.”
It was true. Since Spike had
left her fantasies had moved from how to get Spike into her bed to ones of the
life they were venturing into. The two of them living together, maybe one day
marriage, starting a family like their friends and it felt like it was almost
inevitable. She just wished she could get past that last twinge of doubt about
it. She wished he was home to hold her and to convince her that they were right
for each other.
“Yeah, me too,” Faith said.
“I’m just worried whether I’ll be able to make the changes that I need to.”
“If you want to badly enough
you will,” Buffy said, as her own advice turned to bite her. It seemed like
that was the answer. Did she want a life with Spike badly enough to make the
changes necessary to make it happen? Did he?
~~~~~~~
It was peaceful here. The
big back yard was long and narrow but had plenty of room. Spike took another
drag of his cigarette and listened to the sounds around him. Angel helping Emily
clean the kitchen after dinner, Wesley and Larry talking at the table, and the
two girls screeching as they ran around in front of him. He noted that you
could even hear the neighbors as they did the same things. It was an oasis from
a world that could be bitter and cold.
Spike tried to force his
mind to Drusilla but she was quickly replaced by a petite blonde who was
wrapped tightly around his heart. He smiled as he remembered the trip to the
ship the other morning. They had barely gotten out of the driveway when Buffy
had attacked his zipper. By the end of the block she had taken him into her
mouth and was doing things that had made him pull behind a closed store until
she was done. It had been a total surprise and it had taken him to a place he’d
never been before. The only downfall was the intimacy had made it even harder
to say good-bye. Buffy had tried so hard to be brave and not cry. He had pulled
her into his arms and told her to go ahead. He knew she would and to think of
no one being there to hold her had hurt him.
“Whatcha thinking about?”
Angel asked, stepping onto the patio.
“I was trying to think of
Drusilla,” Spike said.
“I thought you might be,”
Angel said, coming to stand beside him. “So, are you going to go and see her?”
“I was thinking about that
too,” Spike answered and ground his cigarette out on the bottom of his boot. He
straightened up and looked at his friend. “But I realized that I don’t give
enough of a damn to bother.”
Angel seemed to relax and
even gave a trace of a smile.
“I’m glad you feel that
way,” Angel said. “I was worried that…”
“I’d go and see her. Maybe
have to get drunk or something equally stupid like try to get back with her.
Nah, don’t need to. It’s over,” Spike said. “Come on. This I think you’ll
like.”
Angel followed him back into
the house where Spike asked Emily if she still had it. Emily looked startled
but had nodded and hurried off. Spike sat back down at the table and Angel
joined him.
“What’s this about?” Wesley
asked.
“This,” Emily said, and sat
a diamond engagement ring in the middle of the table. She took a seat next to
her husband as everyone looked from Spike to the ring and back again. The small
object twinkled up at them. Its diamond shined in the antique platinum filigree
setting.
“I know it’s a little old
fashioned,” Spike said. “But do you think she’ll like it?”
“Whose was it?” Angel asked.
“It was my grandmothers. She
and Grandfather were married for almost sixty years.”
“Wow,” Wesley said. “I
didn’t think you and Buffy were ready for this step.”
“I’m still not sure,” Spike
said. “But that only means that I do know I’m thinking about it.”
“You’re never ready,” Larry
said, slipping an arm around his wife. “I think it’s more of a yeah, I want
this and you figure out how to survive as you go along.”
“Thanks,” Emily said,
playfully slapping her husband on the shoulder. They kissed and she turned her
attention back to Spike. “Seriously, though, he’s right. You just have to make
a decision every day that this is the person you want to be with. And every time you’re hit with another
temptation, you have to remember that the relationship you already have is more
important.”
Spike nodded and reached a
tentative finger out to touch the ring. He could see it gracing Buffy’s finger
with its beauty. Now all he had to do was convince himself to put it there.
to be continued…
