Chapter 4 – Best to Understand

 

 

 

It felt good to hold Buffy’s hand. The tiny appendage was warm and soft wrapped around his. It didn’t cling or clutch at his but rather nestled there as if it belonged. And the feeling scared him to death. Which was actually rather odd considering having her body plastered to his throughout the movie was something he’d enjoyed. Of course, he’d been concentrating on her tits and ass and not on the romantic feeling that holding her hand gave him. He’d probably be lost if he kissed her.

 

Spike sighed.

 

“Everything okay?” Buffy asked, swinging their hands as they walked.

 

They had decided to walk through the park since they had a little time to kill. It was still the middle of the afternoon and Buffy said dinner was usually at seven. So, here they were strolling through the park acting like lovers, looking like lovers, just like a dozen other couples around them. It was a bright and sunny afternoon. Exactly the perfect kind of day for romance and falling in love if that was what you wanted.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Spike answered, stealing a sidelong glance at her. Not that he could read any emotions in those emerald orbs because she was hiding them behind sunglasses. Every time he looked at her all he could see was the panic he was fighting.

 

But Buffy seemed happy.  Why shouldn’t she? She was being treated like a princess by a guy who had sworn that he didn’t want relationship. If only she wasn’t a virgin. He’d have taken her by now and been done with it. Scratched his itch and moved on. Yeah, that was soddin’ likely. She was like a sugar high that you never wanted to come down from.

 

Now he was getting sappy. Pretty soon he’d be writing bloody awful poetry acclaiming her beauty and purity. His shipmates would make him a laughing stock for it. It was just because he hadn’t been with anyone in a while. It was sexual frustration. Spike didn’t even want to ask himself why he was with a virgin if all he needed was to get laid.  All she would give him would be more time with his hand.

 

Spike needed to stop this thinking. Glancing up he spotted the playground and headed for it. Buffy yelped when he pulled her off the sidewalk and he halted a second to let her get her bearings. His arm wrapped around her and they took off again. The ground was uneven and he didn’t want her to fall so he kept her close beside him.

 

“Do you want to play?”

 

“Don’t you?” Spike asked his eyebrows waggling as he led her to the merry-go-round. “Ladies first.”

 

Buffy looked at him like he was crazy for a second then shrugged her shoulders and climbed on. She leaned her bottom on the center and clutched the two bars in front of her. At his inquiry as to if she was ready or not, she nodded and gave him the thumbs up signal. He pushed it slowly at first, watching as Buffy leaned back. The golden hues of her hair danced in the wind as she spun in circles and the sun sparkled off the shiny strands. His lower extremities tightened as he stared at her. He pushed it faster, and Buffy was only a blur as she sped past. Needing to stay with her, almost afraid she’d disappear, Spike jumped onto the spinning wheel.

 

She laughed at his antics when he appeared above her. It was crazy. He hung onto the bars, staring down at her as the world spun by. Screaming, he threw his head back and laughed with her. It was pretty sad to say this was the most fun he’d had in years.

 

Buffy pushed against him and stood. “Let’s jump,” She coaxed as she made her way to the edge. Her hand pulled on his and he joined her on the precipice, waiting to leap until she screamed, “Now.”

 

They landed in a heap on the ground, too wobbly to stand. She rolled off of him, lying on her side and giggling. Spike lay on his back watching the trees and sky, tilt and spin, as the dizziness played havoc with his senses.

 

“Lord, Pet, haven’t done that in a while.”

 

“I haven’t either,” Buffy said scooting until her back was against his side and her head rested on his outstretched arm. “But I will definitely add it to the things I need to do more often. It was fun.”

 

“Fun, eh, almost as much fun as…”

 

“Orgasms?”

 

“Well, yeah,” Spike said, wondering how she knew. “Have you ever had one?”

 

“I’m a virgin not a nun,” Buffy indignantly said. “So, have you?”

 

“Have I what?”

 

“Had an orgasm?”

 

She was joking right. Spike raised his head to look at her. Her cheeks were tinged pink but yeah, she was serious.

 

“Not quite sure,” Spike said deciding to tease her. “I think I may have had a few here and there. Do you want to help me make sure?”

 

“If you couldn’t tell then that’s your problem,” Buffy primly answered before bursting into another fit of giggles. She quieted down after a few seconds. “Spike, what made you go to sea?”

 

“A woman,” Spike answered. If nothing else he would be honest with her. No games to muck this up. His fingers played with the golden locks strewn across his chest. “Her name was Drusilla. She was my dark princess and taught me everything about being a man. Met her when I was in college and her band came to play at the pub where I hung out. She asked me to join them and I did. Wasn’t happy much in the life I was leading anyway; hanging out with an uppity crowd that I never really did fit in with. She ended up breaking my heart.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said. “But why become a sailor? Why not go back to college?”

 

“When I found out she was seeing someone else, I was a long way from home in a seaside village. I took to bartending and one day this bloke came in and said that his ship was hiring. I applied, got the job and as they say, the rest is history.”

 

“How long you been sailing?”

 

“Almost three years now. No regrets, no relationships except with the sea. It suits me fine.”

 

Spike figured there would be a lot more questions after his last statement. Most of the women he met tried to argue him out of his decision. A challenge was what he was and few females could resist. But the more they tried, the more he retreated until celibacy had become a part of life. He didn’t like sex with strangers and few women wanted to be a port of call so he remained alone.

Buffy remained silent which surprised him but she was a girl who knew the way of life. Maybe she understood that few men ever gave up sailing to remain on land once it was in his blood.

 

“What happened to your Mum?” Spike asked, ready for the attention to be off of him. When Joyce had answered the door earlier, he had been surprised by the wheelchair. It had been with great effort that he had prevented himself from gawking at her. “Has she always been in a chair?”

 

“No, she hasn’t,” Buffy said, sadness lacing her words. She pulled away from him, pushing her sunglasses atop her head and sat cross legged next to him. “I was almost twenty when it happened. She was coming home from work and this guy ran a stop sign. Broadsided her and she was trapped in the car for a couple of hours before they could untangle everything. By the time they did, her legs were useless.”

 

“She seems to have adjusted well.”

 

Buffy nodded. “It was a nightmare. My parents had standard insurance but there was no way it could cover the cost of everything she needed. The asshole that hit her didn’t have any so it was up to us. We sold the house to cover the medical bills and we now live in what used to be the storage room for the bookstore. I quit college so I could work and help with the expenses.”

 

“Damn, that must have been hard on you.”

 

“My parents are great and I’ve never regretted doing it.”

 

“Where did this Riley come into the picture?”

 

“Second asshole in my life,” Buffy said. She laughed without mirth and wiped a tear away before it could fall. “I was dating him when everything else fell apart. I thought he was the one. The all American boy, dependable and strong until I found out he was fucking Faith. I wasn’t there enough for him. It was such bullshit.”

 

“He didn’t deserve you.”

 

“Thanks, but he didn’t think that way.”

 

Silence fell between them for a few minutes as they digested what they had learned about the other. Spike couldn’t help but like Buffy. In spite of everything she had been through she seemed determined to make it and smile while doing it. It was a rare trait to find in people and he was glad that Riley hadn’t been her first. His betrayal would have left her scarred in a way that would have made it difficult for her to trust men again. Spike vowed that he would do everything he could to prevent from hurting her in anyway. Buffy deserved more than that.

 

Standing, he dusted off his clothes before reaching a hand out to her. She smiled up at him and trustingly put her hand in his. Yeah, it was nice holding her hand, he decided.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

“And that’s the last one,” Buffy said, handing him a glass with one hand and unplugging the sink with the other.

 

She watched as he rinsed it and placed it up ended in the drainer. Dinner had been a success. Spike really could cook and every morsel of the roasted chicken with a lemon-herb sauce had been eaten. He was comfortable in the kitchen and had somehow had gotten her to serve as his first mate. She had learned to mix sauces and dressings under his direction. Her parents had raved about it and she knew they liked him.

 

Her father, Rupert Giles, had been ecstatic to find someone new to discuss literature with. He and Spike had argued the finer points of everything from the romantic poets to the latest Michael Crichton novel. Her mother had joined in on a few of the discussions and even managed to get Buffy involved. Growing up with a bookstore owner and an art appraiser had left Buffy educated beyond what the public school system had taught her.

 

Yep, things were going well even if Buffy hadn’t had a chance to have a candlelit dinner for two. Just knowing that Spike was comfortable with her parents gave him huge bonus points. Her Mom and Dad were more than her parents, they were her friends, and anyone that would get close to her would have to meet with their approval. And already Buffy knew she wanted to be close to Spike. Very close.

 

Buffy was broken out of her reverie when Spike tugged the dish towel from her hand. He dried his hands on it and hung it back on the handle of the oven. Another bonus point and she sighed before smiling at him. She was in trouble. She knew it but it didn’t seem to matter as this gorgeous blonde seemed to fill the space around her.

 

“I need to get going,” Spike said, stepping closer to her. “We have to report back to the ship by six and I need a few hours of shut eye.”

 

“Okay,” Buffy said, vowing to be understanding and non-clingy about this. Angel always complained when Cordelia whined and bitched when he left her again. He said that sometimes it made him not even want to come back to her. So, she’d make sure that Spike was given something good to remember her by. “I’ll walk you out?”

 

He nodded but his eyes didn’t hold that expectant look she was hoping for. It was more of a trapped look but he hid it behind a smile of his own. He stepped around the counter and went to speak to her parents. Always polite he thanked them for letting him have dinner with them, engaged in a few words of small talk and shook both their hands before he headed for the front door. Buffy trotted along behind him since he didn’t seem to be waiting for her.

 

“Spike,” Buffy called, wincing as a small bit of a whine tainted his name. Stop that. Be grown up. No clinging, she admonished herself. “Sorry,” she claimed when he stopped at the bottom of the stairs. She studied those bottomless blue eyes for a moment and saw the panic again. She stopped a few steps up to give him space. “I have a tendency to call Angel with a whine.” She laughed hoping he’d join her but only got a small smile. “I just wanted to say thank you for everything today. It’s cliché but I had a good time.” He was studying her now and butterflies were flapping madly in her belly. “I hope that everything goes good on this run. Good night.”

 

“Not so fast,” Spike said, wrapping his fingers around her wrist. He tugged her down until they were eye to eye. “I had a good time too. I just…oh, hell, Buffy…” His hands moved to her waist and lifted her against him.

 

Oh my God, he’s going to kiss, yes; he’s going to kiss me, Spike lips, lips of Spike, yes…

 

“I’m not going to kiss you.”

 

Damn it.

 

“You’re not,” Buffy whispered and even she could hear her disappointment. “Why not?”

 

She was set down in front of him and she nestled closer to him. Her hands settled on his waist as she tilted her head to look up at him. Deliberately, she ran her tongue over her lips hoping to entice him and he laughed. Well, not really laughed, but kind of chortled. Okay, fine it had been a long time but did he have to be rude about her lack of feminine wiles.

 

Spike bent closer to her, running his cheek along hers, until those lips were right next to her ear. “Because I think it would have different meanings to both of us,” Spike whispered, his breath tickling her lobe before he caught it in his teeth.

 

“Oh,” Buffy exclaimed letting her weight fall against him. Her fingers clutched at his shoulders as he suckled at her tender flesh igniting something within her. She wanted to ask if he wasn’t going to kiss her then why was he doing this.

 

And why was he doing that?

 

His hands slipped beneath her shirt, fingers splaying across her bare back, before running upwards. She shivered as fingers slipped beneath her bra strap and for one panicked moment she thought he was going to take if off. But he didn’t. Those long, slim digits slid along underneath the lacy garment to the side of her breasts. His lips had been busy along with his fingers drifting down her neck. Never kissing; never puckering up just making lazy trails across her flesh.

 

No one, not Riley, not Angel had made her feel like this. Making out with them had been fun, pleasant and warm, but they had never made her burn like Spike. Buffy wiggled closer to him as his fingers made themselves at home along her waist. Teasing her flesh into quivering want as she waited and wondered where he would take her next.

 

Spike pulled back for a second, almost asking a question when he looked into her eyes. She must have given him the response he wanted. Maybe it was her face flushed with passion or her breath coming in tiny gasps. Whatever it was, his lips continued their exploration on the other side of her neck and shoulders.

 

Never in her life had she felt such a desire to be taken. The tingling between her legs had become an aching need. Buffy could feel the wetness as her body prepared to be invaded. Tired of his leisurely exploration, she pulled his t-shirt from his waistband. Her hands didn’t ponder. They plundered. Running along his back, over his chest, fingernails flicking at his nipples and running over his hard abs. He shivered and she smiled in satisfaction that he wasn’t as unaffected by her as he pretended.

 

Buffy mewled when Spike rubbed his erection against her belly sending shockwaves through her body. The yearning for more was too intense. Instinctively her leg bent and her knee rubbed along his leg, higher until it was hooked over his hip. Better, much better, as his hardened length was positioned right where she wanted him.

 

“Oh, Spike,” Buffy sighed as she rubbed against him in abandonment. It was such a delicious feeling as her body responded to a primal need for this male. Everything was drifting away…

 

Her father coughed. She froze, Spike froze.

 

They both looked around and realized that they were standing in the light at the bottom of the stairs. Her father was still inside but all he had to do was look outside to see what they were doing. Or anyone walking by for that matter.

 

Buffy was afraid to look at Spike. Afraid of seeing what he must think of her acting so wanton after knowing him so short of a time. Shame burned her cheeks as she started to move away from him.

 

“Not so fast kitten,” Spike said. His hands slid along the back of her thighs so he could pick her up. She wrapped her legs around him and buried her face in his neck. “We’re not done yet.”

 

She looked up when she felt a wall against her back. They were behind the stairs, hidden away amongst the shadows. “Now where were we?” Her fingers slid into his hair, trying to pull him into a kiss but he resisted. “No kissing, remember?”

 

“I need to,” Buffy said honestly. “I want to kiss you so badly.”

 

“They’re the start of something we’re not sure about,” Spike whispered, his lips returning to her flesh. His tongue darted out to taste her sending her back to a place where she couldn’t think. Only feel. She didn’t know what his game was but she wanted to play. “Let me make you feel good.”

 

“You do, like I’m on fire,” Buffy said.

 

Spike leaned forward, pressing against her, directly against the swollen, dripping apex of her thighs. Buffy wanted to rip their clothes and feel all of him. Inside of her, taking her, making her his. This time he was the one to move against her, pressing, rubbing, circling until she was panting. Her nails were digging into his back. She wanted it. It started in her belly, growing, expanding, until she was shaking against him. His fingers slipped between them, against her, forcing her jeans between her folds until he pushed against her nubbin. She exploded, biting into his shoulder to keep from crying out.

 

It took her a few moments to come down. She clung to him as his hands stroked her and he whispered how beautiful she was. With a dawning awareness that nothing was ever going to be the same for her; she unhooked her legs and slid to the ground. She’d had what she thought was orgasms before but nothing had ever felt like this. Nothing had prepared her for the rapture that had taken over not only her body but her heart and soul as well. Hoping her feelings weren’t clearly written on her face she stepped back and looked up at him.

 

Please don’t be all arrogant about it. Please don’t be laughing at the silly virgin. Please.

 

Spike wasn’t. His expression was tender and sweet as he gazed at her. His hand cupped her cheek and she leaned into it. Wanting him to feel as good as she was, her hands went to his belt buckle but he stopped her.

 

“No, I don’t want you to go further than you’re ready for.”

 

“Huh?”

 

It wasn’t the brightest question in the world. But that had thrown her off. No kisses because they started relationships, no giving him manual or oral pleasure because it might take her further than she wanted to go. But it was all right to dry hump her against a wall until her whole view of the world changed.

 

“Luv, I know it doesn’t make sense to you but trust me,” Spike said, taking her hand. “I’ve lived a little longer than you have and might know a few more things. You’re special and I know that I’m not the one for you. You need and deserve a man who’ll love you with everything he is. This,” he stopped and looked around for a second, “us, it would be so easy for us to burn out of control. And I’m not sure if that’s what you really want or if you’re just getting swept along. Either way I want you to be sure. We’re going to be gone for almost six weeks. Think about it. Go on some dates, have some fun, don’t just wait for me to come back.”

 

“Egotistical much?” Buffy asked, pulling away from him. But she couldn’t really argue with him because he was right. “What was that?” Her hand waved toward the wall behind him.

 

Spike sighed. “That was because when I get close to you I feel like I’m drowning. You’re sunshine and home. If you end up deciding this was it, I wanted to tempt the waters and feel what it would be like to let the rip tide carry me away, just once.”

 

“Go then,” Buffy said, hugging him. There wasn’t anything else to say. If she tried to push then he’d run.  “Be safe and I’ll see you when you get back. We’ll talk but if nothing else than friends, okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Spike agreed, pulling her tight against him. “Take care of yourself too.”

 

Then he was gone, his strides were long and determined, taking him further away. She watched until he turned the corner, waving at each other one last time.

 

“You’re wrong, Spike,” Buffy whispered to herself. “You’re the man for me and I’m going find a way to win your heart away from the sea.”

 

To be continued…

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