Chapter 5 – Sailor Stories

 

 

 

Spike could offer up a thousand excuses and nothing would ease his guilt.

 

He rode out the last seconds of his orgasm before easing out of the pretty blonde that he’d just fucked. Rolling onto his back he closed his eyes for a moment and tried to chase away his repulsion. He could feel Harmony shifting beside him and he sat up before she could curl around him. Disposing of the condom, he stood and made his way to the bathroom.

 

Harmony leaned back against the pillows and lit a cigarette. “You were really good.”

 

“Thanks,” Spike muttered, splashing cold water on his face.

 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. For weeks now he’d been trying to erase the memory of another blonde and her big green eyes. He’d jerked off more times since he’d left Sunnydale than he had since he’d left England the first time. And every time he wrapped his hands around his cock he’d try to think of any woman who’d ever turned him on but it was always Buffy that took him over the edge. He was beginning to think he was a pervert of some kind. A virgin junkie and only she’d take the craving away.

 

The ship was docked in Hong Kong picking up a load of computer parts. When the crew had finished their job early and everything was double checked, their captain had given them the night off. Spike hadn’t stayed with the other men and had gone off alone to…yeah; he’d gone off to do this. A premeditated one night stand to see if it could accomplish what his hand couldn’t.

 

There was a night club that he knew from previous visits where a lot of Americans and English hung out. It wasn’t hard to find someone. He’d been offered plenty before but this was the first time he’d accepted. Harmony seemed like a nice enough girl but it wasn’t her personality that had attracted him. She was blonde, petite, with hazel eyes, a resemblance to the one he was trying to forget.  A few drinks, a little conversation, a couple of dances and she’d invited him back to her apartment.

 

And as they say the rest was history…

 

Harmony was still splayed out on the bed totally comfortable in her nudity. Her eyes flickered over him and he ignored her as he searched for his jeans.

 

“Is your ship leaving tonight?”

 

“First thing in the morning,” Spike said, fastening his pants and reaching over her for his shirt. He sighed when she tugged him down on the bed. He didn’t want to do this as she pulled him to her for a kiss. Her tongue slipped into his mouth demanding a response and he was tempted to stay. His body was satisfied. It was his heart that was having trouble with this.  “I’m sorry, Harm, I can’t stay. I have to be back at midnight.”

 

She flopped on her back. Her eyes narrowing as she studied him.

 

“Guys like you shouldn’t cheat.  You get too guilt ridden.”

 

“I’m not cheating on anyone,” Spike said, pulling his socks and boots on. “Not married and don’t have a girlfriend.” Yet.

 

Harmony laughed, “There’s someone, I can tell. You won’t hurt my feelings. My boyfriend took off for some software convention. I get my revenge by fucking strangers and no guilt bothers me. So, who is she?”

 

“Just a girl I met.”

 

“Just? I don’t think so,” Harmony said, standing and pulling on her own clothes. “She has you turned inside out already.”

 

Spike didn’t answer. If he did then he’d have to admit that Buffy was consuming him. That was the last thing he wanted. His heart wasn’t going to get broken again. He was going to remain committed to the sea and he’d just refuse to get off the ship next time they pulled into the Darla’s home port. The crew wasn’t allowed to bring ‘dates’ on board so if he didn’t go ashore there was no way that he could be tempted again.

 

“Come on, blondie bear,” Harmony said, picking up her keys. “I’ll give you a ride back to the docks. You won’t make curfew on time otherwise.”

 

The ride was made without a lot of conversation which was fine with Spike. There were too many things on his mind other than being sociable.  Why couldn’t he like Harmony more? The relationship would be just what he was looking for. Friendship, fun, sex and the bonus was she already had a boyfriend so there would be none of those looks. The ones he wanted to drown in that said be my prince and I’ll treat you like a king. There wouldn’t be any touches that promised they’d burn like an out of control wildfire.

 

He sighed as he leaned back on the headrest. He just hoped that Buffy had forgotten him by the time he got back. Problem solved and he wouldn’t have to be a jerk to accomplish it. A few more weeks working hard, inhaling the salt air with no land in sight and he’d forget her.

 

“You’re not going to forget her,” Harmony said, pulling to a stop beside his pier. When he wondered how she knew what he was thinking she added, “You’ve got that ‘I’m fighting it’ look. Give in and see where it goes. She might be the one.”

 

Spike leaned over kissed her lightly. He knew better than to say he was sorry for using her. He was just one in a long string of guys that Harm used to get her kicks. It was too bad she didn’t take her own advice.

 

“Take care, Luv,” Spike whispered. “It was good and that was the problem.”

 

“Well, yeah, did you expect it to be bad?” Harmony said, stretching her body out as much as she could in the tight confines of the car. She winked and shooed him out. “Take care yourself.”

 

She was gone in a roar of the finely tuned sports car she drove. Shaking his head, Spike headed to his quarters. He still had a couple of weeks before they returned to Sunnydale and tonight was his secret. No one knew what had happened and maybe by the time they’d return to Sunnydale he’d know what to do. He opened the door and stepped into the cabin he shared with Xander. It was dark and he reached for the light switch. He was grabbed before he could touch it and was pushed against the wall. The light turned on and Spike groaned as he found it was Angel holding him. Xander and Wesley were on either side of him.

 

“I told you,” Angel growled. “That if you hurt Buffy I’d kill you…”

 

Oh, bollocks…

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Buffy slit the carton open before settling on the floor. She was helping her father out by unpacking some new books and redoing the shelves so they’d fit. It wasn’t the best way to spend an afternoon but Willow was going to be helping her so at least the time would pass as they talked.

 

Her best female friend sat next to her. Buffy knew people thought she was a lunatic by labeling Willow her best female friend and Angel her best male friend but it made sense to her. It also kept the competition level down between them. Willow was for one set of conversations and Angel was for another.

 

“The Secret Art of Orgasms,” Willow read the title of the book they were shelving in the self help section. Her fingers fanned it and she grinned as she found the illustrations. “Step by step instructions on making the most of oral sex.”

 

“Maybe you should buy a copy and share with Tara,” Buffy said dryly, removing several other books that weren’t selling from the shelf.

 

“She doesn’t need it,” Willow said, giggling. “Why did your father order this? Do you think that it’s going to sell when this one didn’t?” She pointed to the copies of ‘Getting the Love You Want’ that would end up in the discount bin.

 

Buffy shrugged. “I have no idea. He studies the statistics on what sells and orders. I only read, shelf and occasionally cashier.”

 

“Read? You read this stuff?”

 

“Why not?” Buffy asked with a smirk. “Who knows one day the knowledge might come in handy?”

 

“You’re not…are you? You are,” Willow squealed as she put the pieces together. She had received a phone the night Spike left and had been filled in on everything.

 

Everything except the decision that Spike was the man she wanted to spend her life with. No one knew that. Just like no one knew about the visit to her doctor a few days after he left and the prescription for little pills she was now popping every day. It was such a big step in her life but she’d been uncomfortable talking to anyone about it. Knowing her friends and family they’d either throw a party to celebrate or lock in her in a convent before anything could happen. It was also hard to tell anyone when she and Spike weren’t even a couple yet. They weren’t anything yet.

 

“I don’t know,” Buffy answered, trying to backtrack. “He’s hot and he makes me hot.” She rose to her knees to move some of the older books to a lower shelf. “He treats me good. Better than anyone has in a long but he says he doesn’t want a relationship.” She sighed. “And I don’t know if I can be with him without a relationship.”

 

“And there’s this thing about not getting any younger,” Willow said, handing her the new books to put on the upper shelf. “Buffy, at some point you need to take the plunge. I’m excited that you are even thinking about it.”

 

“Why thank you, oh sage advisor,” Buffy said, grinning at her friend. “It is a long time coming.”

 

They both giggled as they stood again. It took them only a few minutes for them to clean up. Buffy took the books bound to be sold at any price to the front to be marked while Willow took the carton with the excess books to the back. Her mind and body was at definite odds about making a decision. It was the level of turmoil that had driven her to the doctor. She already knew how much she wanted him. They both knew that from the episode in the alley. If things had been different, more time and a bit of privacy, she knew she would have let him make love to her. Have sex with her, whatever, she wouldn’t have said no and damn the consequences.

 

After stacking the books on the counter, a magazine caught her eye and she leafed through it. She was staring at a dress that took her breath away when Willow came back and she shoved the magazine back into place.

 

“Oh, Buffy,” Willow said. “You are in trouble.”

 

Guilty as charged, she thought as her fingers let go of the latest copy of Brides magazine. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The best defense was the best offence and Spike pushed Angel away from him.

 

“I haven’t done anything to Buffy,” Spike said, pushing aside his guilt. Technically there wasn’t anything to feel guilty about. “I didn’t make her any promises. I told her that there wasn’t anything going to happen between us and that I didn’t want a relationship.”

 

That should do it. He covered all the bases in less than thirty seconds. He should have been off the hook except he found himself pinned against the wall again with Angel breathing in his face. It wouldn’t matter what he did or say, if Buffy was unhappy it was going to be his fault.

 

“Go ahead and make excuses,” Angel said. “I know the truth. We followed you and saw you take off with the little blonde.”

 

“And like I said, I didn’t make Buffy any promises. I even told her to go date someone else and forget about the likes of me.”

 

It was their faces, the closing of eyes or the shaking of heads that told him something was very wrong with what he’d said. Angel let go of him and stepped back.

 

“Buffy does date, doesn’t she?” Spike asked. “She has to date, right? I mean a girl looking as good as she does and working in a bar has to get around a little. Even if she is well…you know.” He raised his hands in surrender as Angel loomed toward him again. “You’re bloody kidding me, aren’t you?”

 

“You were the first one in almost five months,” Xander said.

 

“And in the last year there have only been a few,” Wesley added.

 

“Ever since Riley, she’s been really gun shy,” Angel said. “She always finds fault with everyone.”

 

Spike closed his eyes and let the truth wash over him. He was a complete idiot. He should have run when his instincts had told him to.

 

Damn it, Buffy, what the hell have you done to me?

 

It wasn’t really what she done to him but what he’d done to her. If he’d just listened to Angel instead of his damn dick he wouldn’t be in this situation. But no, he had to play hero, act the knight and be all honorable which only made the whole scenario more romantic. He’d seen it in her eyes but figured if he said the words it would make it all better. That she’d forget all about the likes of him while he was gone.

 

Yeah, like I forgot all about her.

 

Spike pounded the back of his head against the wall before sliding to the floor. He reeked of Harmony and could feel her sweat and body fluids sticking to his skin. If he hadn’t felt guilty before he was drowning in it now.

 

“Go ahead and beat me,” Spike said, defeated. “I didn’t know.”

 

“I told you to watch it,” Angel snarled, hauling him up and slamming back against the wall. “I told you not to mess with her.” He pulled Spike forward and slammed him again. “I trusted you with my best friend.”

 

“Why didn’t you do anything with her?” Spike asked, suddenly curious to find out more about Buffy’s past. “She was your girlfriend for a year. Are you…?”

 

“Am I what?”

 

“You know…fruity?”

 

Angel shoved his forearm against his throat and Spike struggled to breath for a second. It was a legitimate question because Spike knew if he’d been with her for a month much less a year that he’d be all over her. Hell, he couldn’t be with her for twelve hours without doing things he shouldn’t have done. How could anyone be kissing her and touching her without taking it all the way?

 

“No, I care about her,” Angel snarled, the implication clear that Spike didn’t. “I wasn’t going to do something that we couldn’t come back from.”

 

Stars were starting to dance in front of his face as the lack of oxygen became obvious when Angel released him. Spike shook his head trying to clear it as he slid down the wall again.

 

“Well, you don’t have to worry about Buffy and me anymore,” Spike said. “When I tell her this, she won’t have anything to do with me.”

 

“Depends on how far gone she already is,” Xander said, sitting on one of the bunks. “She’s a big person on forgiveness. Well, except for Faith and Riley.”

 

“Did you ever date her?” Spike asked.

 

“Nah, Faith and I just had a one night thing,” Xander said and laughed. “Steered me round those curves when I got lost.”

 

“I meant Buffy,” Spike said, turning to look at Angel. “You didn’t kill him for that?”

 

Angel shrugged. “She’s my sister but I’m not blind to the fact she’s gets around.”

 

Wesley looked away pain clearly written on his face.

 

“You like her don’t you?” Spike asked.

 

“Yeah, if she’d settle down and quit trying to be a bad ass, I’d give her the one thing she’s looking for.” Wesley explained, his heart proudly hanging on his sleeve. “It’s hard to wait for someone, knowing you love them and just hoping that they’ll realize they love you too.”

 

It was his two cents on the Buffy issue. Spike nodded his head to show he got the message, “So, you two never dated Buffy or anything then?” Xander had answered but he wanted to be sure on the anything bit.

 

The two men shook their heads and Spike sighed in relief. It was bad enough thinking about Angel being with her but if everywhere he looked there was another of her cast offs, he’d think he’d go insane.

 

“Let me get this thing straight, Buffy dated Angel in high school and she dated Riley in college and has only had a few dates since,” Spike said, trying to figure everything out. Somewhere he’d forgotten that he was supposed to be running from her. That the last thing he wanted was a relationship with her.

 

“Well, she was dating Scott in sophomore year and part of her junior year in high school,” Xander said. “I was going out with Cordy then and Willow was with Oz so we’d triple date.”

 

“You went out with Cordy?” Spike asked in surprise. This was getting interesting.

 

“Yeah, until I got stupid,” Xander said, looking down at his interlocked hands. “She and Oz caught me kissing Willow.”

 

“That’s Buffy’s other best friend? The female one?” Spike asked, looking to Angel for confirmation.  The other man nodded and he snickered.  “You both dated Cordelia. That’s rich.”

 

“Well, so did Wesley,” Xander piped up.

 

“Did not,” Wesley said, sitting up straighter. “Kissed her once and took her to Prom and that was it.”

 

“Did you end up dating Willow then?”

 

“No,” Xander said. “Angel took her out once or twice but she fell in love with Tara and been with her ever since.”

 

“She’s gay now?”

 

“Yes, she is,” Angel said, leaning back and crossing his arms. “Let me clarify everything for you. Cordelia dated Xander, dumped him when he cheated on her, test drove Wesley, found that didn’t work, flew solo for awhile and in the last six months has been dating me. Faith had sex with Xander which by the way was his first time, dated around, seduced Riley and has been running from Wesley ever since. Willow dated Oz, fooled around with Xander, dated me and is now in a committed relationship with Tara. Buffy dated Scott for awhile, was bored, dumped him, dated me for a year, we broke up, met Riley, dated him for a year until he cheated on her and has been running from men in general ever since. Anya moved to Sunnydale in senior year and has been with Xander ever since. That’s the background on the women in our lives. At least the ones that count anyway.”

 

Spike was hysterically laughing now. Sunnydale could rival the antics on Dawson’s Creek any day. 

 

“Oh my God,” Spike said, wiping tears from his eyes. “I guess you all do need some new blood in town so the gene pool doesn’t totally mutate.”

 

He couldn’t have. Spike sat up straighter as the connotation of his words sunk in. He just implied he wanted to make babies with Buffy and it hadn’t gone unnoticed by his three companions. Wesley smiled, Xander snickered and Angel glowered at him. Closing his eyes, Spike leaned against the wall.

 

He was sunk.

 

 

To be continued…

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