Chapter 6 – An Honest Man
Buffy was
tingling all over with excitement.
She was
almost dancing as she worked her tables. It had been six weeks since she had
seen Spike and the Darla had pulled
into port that afternoon. She knew that the ship’s cargo had to be unloaded and
then prepared for the next load before the crew would be released. Even if he
didn’t come to ‘see’ her, she knew Spike would be with the others for the first
drink in home port. It was tradition. Angel and his ‘boys’ would come to the Edge;
toast their successful run before dispersing for home or wherever they were
crashing. They had their own table and it was always her that served them. All
of them were superstitious enough to believe that if they didn’t follow the
pattern then bad luck would befall them on their next run.
So, she
knew that any time now they would walk through the door and she was beside
herself waiting for them. Her clothes for the night had been carefully chosen
to be a mixture of girly innocence but sexy enough for Spike to take notice.
She was wearing white denim shorts that barely covered her butt and a pink top
that crossed under her breasts to tie in the back. And with her push up bra,
she was proud to say, she had cleavage.
The door
opened and loud voices heralded their arrival. Buffy hurried to the bar to put
in their drink orders because it was always the same. She glanced up when her
friends grew silent as they made their way to their table. Angel smiled at her
but the others wouldn’t even look at her. Spike gave her a quick once over,
took his seat and stared steadfast at the tabletop. Tears filled her eyes
because it could mean only one thing.
Spike
didn’t want to see her anymore.
She blinked
back her tears and picked up the tray Arnie pushed her way. She wouldn’t let
them see her hurt. She wouldn’t give Spike the satisfaction.
“Hey,
guys,” Buffy said, smiling and passing out their drinks. “How was the run?”
“It was
good,” Angel said, while the others murmured their agreement. “How are you
doing?”
“It’s been
good since you’ve been gone.”
Take that Mr. William ‘Spike’ Nagle, Buffy thought as she pranced away
from their table.
The next
hour passed by quickly as other crews was let off and they headed for the
nearest bar to relax. Buffy wasn’t able to stop by Angel’s table for any idle
conversation as she hustled from the bar to her station. Looking up to see if
they needed another round she saw that Xander and Wesley had disappeared. Angel
was leaning on the table and seemed to be threatening Spike. He caught her
watching them and made his way toward her.
“Is
everything all right?”
“Look, it’s
between you and Spike,” Angel said, putting his hands up. “I know, you can yell
at me tomorrow but you need to talk to him first.”
“He doesn’t
want to see me anymore, does he?” Buffy asked feeling like her heart was
breaking. She was so sure that if she believed hard enough it would all work
out.
“Honey,
he’d be a fool to want that,” Angel said, hugging her. “Just talk to him,
okay?”
Buffy
nodded and watched him leave. She sighed, turning to go back to work and ran
right into Spike. His hands grabbed her arms.
“You all
right there?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, I’m
fine,” Buffy said and tried to duck away but he kept his grip on her. She
arched her eyebrow, tilting her head as she waited.
“Look, we
need to talk. May I walk you home when your shift is over?”
“If you’re
going to tell me that you don’t want to see me anymore, just say it. I don’t
need a let down speech, where you tell me what a great girl I am and how any
man would be lucky to have me but not you, just spare me, please.”
Spike
chuckled and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Well, cutie, you are and they would be but that
isn’t what I wanted to talk you about.”
“Oh, then
sorry about that speech,” Buffy said. “You know me…”
“Not yet,”
Spike said, almost growling. “But I want to.”
The
tingling returned and Buffy couldn’t help but smile up at him. Whatever he
wanted to tell her couldn’t be that bad, could it? She walked away, making her
hips sway a little more than normal and looked back over her shoulder to make
sure he was watching. He was. The rest of the night passed in a blur of
anticipation. Spike sat at the bar, near where the girls picked up and
deposited their trays, so she saw him every few minutes. And every time she
did, she noticed he had a full glass of bourbon in front of him. She just hoped
he wasn’t too drunk for them to talk.
Finally it
was closing time and she hurried through her portion of the clean up so she
could leave. Spike had gone outside to smoke a cigarette while he waited for
her. She put the last chair up on the table, grabbed her purse, told Arnie she
was gone and went to meet her fate.
“Oh, give
me a break,” Buffy muttered when she saw Spike napping on the bench outside. He
was leaning against the wall, his hands interlocked over his stomach, and his
legs stretched out in front of him. She shook his shoulder. “Spike, wake up.”
His head lolled but he didn’t stir and she shook him harder and started to
sing-song, “Wake up, Spike, wake up. Can’t sleep out here all night, come on,
come on, wake up.”
Suddenly Spike
shot up, trying to stand straight but his body kept swaying. “Angel, I’m awake,
I’m awake. What’s the problem? Are we leaking oil again?” He shook his head as
he looked around.
“No, but
you’re drunk,” Buffy said, leaning back on one foot as her arms crossed.
“Whatever you wanted to talk to me about must have been really important.”
At least he
had the decency to look sheepish. Spike tried to lean toward her but stumbled
and Buffy had to grab him to keep him from crashing to the ground.
“Sorry,
pet, I’m not a nice man. You should run far, far away from me,” Spike
whispered, the smell of bourbon heavy on his breath. “Do you know you look good
enough to eat? I bet you’d be as sweet as candy.”
Buffy
rolled her eyes. “Guess what? You don’t get to take a taste not smelling like
that.”
“Damn,
messed this all up,” Spike said clutching his head with one hand while the
other rested on his stomach. “I don’t feel too good. Everything is spinning.”
“Damn is
right,” Buffy said, hoping that one of his crew mates would come by and take
care of him. She wasn’t really sure what she should do with him. “Are you
staying with Angel?” She asked, taking the bull by the horn.
“Can’t go
there like this,” Spike said. “Have to go the ship but need to walk you home
first. Sober me right up with the exercise and fresh air.”
“Whatever,”
Buffy said, walking off. After a few steps she noticed that he wasn’t following
and turned to see what he was doing. He was sitting on the ground. “Spike,” she
wailed. “Why are you doing this to me?”
Spike fell
back with his arms splayed out on the sidewalk. “It’s all going round and
round, dizzy,” he broke out in song. “I’m
so dizzy, my head is spinning, like a whirlpool, it never ends, it’s you girl,
you’re making me dizzy.”
“Oh brother
and you make me want to consider murder,” Buffy snapped, holding her hands out
for him to grasp and pulled him to his feet. He stumbled into her and she
wrapped her arm around him to keep him standing. “Let’s go.”
All of her
plans for the night had been destroyed by his drunken bout but somehow her
curiosity had been peaked. Whatever he wanted to talk to her about had helped
lead him to this state. He said he wanted to get to know her better so it
wasn’t a good-bye talk. Maybe by getting drunk he was trying to avoid telling
her that he really cared about her. She cheered up in spite of the fact that he
was barely conscious and was heavily leaning on her by the time they got to her
place.
“What am I
going to do with you now?” Buffy asked as she leaned him against the wall. She
could call Angel but she didn’t want to wake his parents. She couldn’t take him
back to the ship in this condition because he could get in trouble. With a
small thrill, she eliminated the other choices and decided on the one she
wanted anyway. He could spend the night with her. Sneak him in tonight and
sneak him out tomorrow. Her parents never had to know.
The stairs
were out because he could barely stand; much less negotiate steps without
stumbling and making a lot of noise. Spike was staring at her and she patted
his cheek before pulling him against her again.
“Come on
and keep your damn mouth shut,” Buffy said, leading him to the service door in
the back of the building. She leaned him on the wall again while she dug for
her keys.
“You have
such a part…no, that’s pity, no,” Spike said, holding a finger up. “It’s potty
mouth. Someone needs to wash it all out with soapy soap.” She groaned and he waggled
his brows at her. “Or maybe someone needs to be spanked.”
“Lay a
finger on me and I’ll give you a black eye,” Buffy warned as she unlocked the
door and turned the alarm off. He stumbled in behind her and sat on one of the
packing crates as she locked up again. “I mean it. Keep your mouth shut or my
father will kill you.”
Spike laid
his finger against his lips and made a shushing sound. “Spikey promises to be a
good boy.”
“You
better,” Buffy said, taking his hand. There was a small service elevator that
led to their apartment. When they had moved in, it had been updated to
accommodate her mother and was almost soundless as it whooshed up and down. Her
room was in the back of the building and hopefully she could get him in without
her parents waking. They made it to her bedroom and she closed the door behind
them, leaning on it as she breathed a sigh of relief. They were safe.
“Bubby,
baffy, I need to take a piss,” Spike said. “Where’s the bathroom?”
Somehow he
got across the hall, did what he needed to do and made it back to her room
without a peep from her parent’s room. She left him in her room as she darted
into the bathroom to take care of her business and change into her pajamas. He
was lying on her bed when she returned. His duster and boots had been cast
aside as he lay on top of the covers. He seemed to be watching her every move
as she turned the light off and crawled under her comforter. They lay side by
side for a minute without saying anything.
“Spike,
what did you want to talk to me about?”
Her answer
was a snore. He had fallen asleep. Sighing, she curled onto her side and closed
her eyes, determined to go to sleep. A hand touched her side, slid around to
her stomach and she was pulled back against Spike. She tensed as she waited for
him to do something else but he only buried his nose in her hair and snored
again. He was gone for the night and she relaxed. It felt good to have him
behind her, his breath tickling her hair and his…wait a minute…oh, forget it
that felt nice too. His hand was cupping her breast while his thumb softly brushed
against her nipple. Buffy fell asleep with a smile on his face.
~~~~~~~~~~
Louse.
That’s what he was in the worst sort of way. An absolute louse.
Spike sat
up and stifled a groan of pain as he clutched his head. What the hell had he
been thinking? It had been stupid to drink all that bourbon when he knew he had
to talk to Buffy. He had hoped it would give him the intestinal fortitude to go
through with it and instead like the coward he was, he had gotten so drunk he
couldn’t even make a coherent sentence.
Instead she
had ended up taking care of him, brought him home and let him sleep beside her.
It had been a surprise to wake up and find her snuggled against him with her leg
and arm draped over him. Spike sighed and looked around her room. With all of
her innocence and little girl appeal he had figured her room would reflect that
but it didn’t. It was very grown up and elegant. She had an iron bed painted
white with heavy pine dresser and night stands. Instead of the posters he
expected on her walls she had paintings of seascapes that must have come from
local artists. Of course, her mother was into art so that probably had
something to do with it.
Buffy moved
behind him and Spike knew he had to get ready to spill the beans and be ready
to run. He went to grab his boots and spotted a pair of her panties spilling
from a dresser drawer. The small scrap of lace was calling to him and after a
few seconds of debate he slipped them into his pocket. A souvenir, he
rationalized, since after they talked, Buffy would probably kick him out on his
ear.
“Hey,”
Buffy whispered, “you leaving?”
“In a
minute,” Spike said, tying his boots before turning to lie beside her again.
There were sleepies in the corners of her eyes with her hair all mussed up and
she looked adorable. For a moment he wished that he could stay right where he
was. But he had to tell her everything. After wiping a small bit from the
corner of her eye, he let his fingers trail across her face. “Buffy, I need to
tell you something that I know you’re not going to like.”
“It’s not
good, is it?”
Spike shook
his head. “No, it’s not, Lamb.”
“But you
said you still wanted to see me so how could it be…” Her eyes opened wide and
her mouth formed a small ‘o’ as she figured it out. She slapped his hand away
from her and scooted up to lean against the headboard. “No, please…”
Never in
his life had he hated himself as he did at that moment. She looked so hurt, so
betrayed and it ripped his heart out. This was his doing. He closed his eyes
but her face followed him, burning against the back of his lids. It was
something that he didn’t think he’d ever forget.
“I’m sorry,
Buffy, it didn’t…”
“Bullshit,”
Buffy shouted. “Don’t tell me it didn’t mean anything. That it was just a fuck
because you couldn’t make love to me.” She climbed out of bed, trembling from
head to foot in righteous anger. “Don’t lie to me. Just leave, please just
leave.”
Spike stood
and his foot slipped on something. He looked down, sighed and picked it up. It
was the latest issue of Brides
magazine. Buffy was flushed from embarrassment and anger as he threw it on the
bed. They both wanted different things and were heading in different
directions. This was for the best. He couldn’t give her something he didn’t
have anymore. His heart. She deserved more than the likes of him and at least
now she knew it too.
“Whether
you want to hear it or not, it was just a one time thing. Trying to forget you
and it didn’t work. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be,” Spike
said and he meant it. Maybe if Drusilla hadn’t come into his life he could give
Buffy everything she needed. And be everything he wanted to be for her but it
was too late. “I hope you find him. He’ll be a lucky man.”
And he turned
and walked out of her life.
To be continued in Chapter 7 – The
Truth
Author’s Note: The song that Spike sung was
‘Dizzy’ by Vic Reeves. All rights, of course, belong to him. And I chose the
last name of ‘Nagle’ for Spike because it means (nail or a little spike),
seemed appropriate.
