Justin has had yet another incredible breakthrough. Though it troubles me that he has brushed it off so casually. He makes a tremendous amount of progress when he allows his guard to fall. It’s almost as if he puts it back up once he realizes he is vulnerable. His trust has definitely increased. He no longer qualifies his statements, merely expresses what is hidden in that mind of his. I will continue to push in hopes that the heart of the problem will emerge. There is still something he hides deep down inside. I wonder if he’ll ever tell me. Perhaps he doesn’t even tell himself.
The imaginative experiments appear to be working well. I will continue to encourage him, it seems to help. I feel somewhat personally attached to this man. His story touches me like none other. I wonder if I’m getting too close. I need to distinguish myself from him and his problems.
Therapy with him has reached the one month mark. I believe he has made much more progress than I had originally hypothesized. While his problems seem to be surfacing, I also fear that he may be becoming emotionally unstable. I plan to consult with Dr. Montgomery about this in the next week. Dr. Montgomery may decide to put him on an anti-depressant, but no decisions have been made as of yet.
Leila couldn’t help but think about Justin all weekend. For whatever reason, she worried about him. This was unusual for her. Normally she was able to leave her work at the office. She had never been this attached to a client. Something about him kept her thoughts fixated on their next session. The next time she saw him, he looked far worse than the week before. He hadn’t been shaving, and she wasn’t sure if he had even showered in several days. Nonetheless, a sigh of relief was released when she saw him.
They both sat down and she began the session the same as always. “How are you today, Justin?”
He tried to smile at her, but grabbed his cheek in pain.
“What happened?” As she looked closer, she saw a bruise along his jawline.
“Made some new friends,” he chuckled.
“Last time I checked, friends didn’t usually involve fist fights.”
“I guess I just have different friends than you, doc.” His voice sounded condescending. “So, what shall we talk about today? We need to hurry up cause I got things to do.”
Leila stared at him, unsure of how to react. She had never seen him be this uncaring and indifferent to her help. “I thought we would continue our talks from last time.”
“I don’t want to talk about that,” he said sternly.
“Then tell me what you want to talk about.”
“Let’s talk about you. We always talk about me and my demons. Let’s talk about yours. Tell me you’re secret.” He had a mean look in his eyes that unsettled Leila.
She continued staring at him, taken aback by his question. “These sessions aren’t about me, Justin. I’m here to help you, not myself.”
“Then fuck it all, I don’t need this.”
Justin stormed out of the room, knocking a chair over in the process. Kristeen walked in with a perplexed look on her face. “What happened?”
Leila threw up her hands in defeat. “I seriously have no idea.”
Friday came once again, and Leila wondered if Justin would show up and have another outburst. Much to her surprise, he showed up and appeared to be very calm. Before she could even get a word in, he leaned forward and said, “I’m sorry about last time. It had been a long night. I was just messed up.”
“Then let’s talk about it. What happened to make you behave in such a manner?”
“I had gone out the night before. Met a girl and then her boyfriend’s fist met my face. The whole situation just left me upset. Nothing big, I’m already over it. Let’s talk about something else.”
He was being rather avoidant, but Leila decided not to push. “What would you like to talk about?”
“I’m still having the nightmares. They’re much stronger now. Every night. I’m lucky if I can get an hour’s worth of good sleep.”
“You’ve talked about being in the hospital and being in the box. What else happens in your dreams?”
His face frowned and his eyes saddened.
“So many things happened there. Ya know, they had me there for a whole week. I thought it had been much longer until my mom told me that in the hospital. It’s amazing how time moves so much slower when you’re in hell.” Justin hadn’t started crying yet, but his face was pale and looked at the ground. He looked almost determined to keep the tears in.
“They hurt you.” It was more of a statement than a question, but Leila was still unsure of what his answer would be.
“Yah. They hurt me so bad that I prayed for death. I prayed for God to end my pain. But he couldn’t.”
~~Flashback~~
Justin awoke to find a small cup of water on the floor next to him. He gulped so fast that he thought he might have to spit it back up in order to keep from choking. His throat had been so parched. He looked around, still unsure of how long he’d been there. He managed to pull himself up onto a small, creaky chair. The window was dirty and small, but it allowed at least some light in. The door opened and two men entered. They were both big men, much bigger than Justin. Ski masks covered their faces, and this only scared Justin more. His body still ached from the beating he had received earlier that day. One man walked over to him and dragged him to his feet.
The other spoke harshly, “Looks like you’re not getting out of here right away. So now we’re going to entertain ourselves.”
The man that was holding him up simply let go and Justin fell to the floor. It was cold and his body was already aching. What are they going to do to me? The man that had been previously holding him knelt down next to him and turned him on his back. The other man left the room, but quickly returned carrying some things in his hand. Justin couldn’t see what the man was doing, but he began to smell smoke. The man holding him down increased his hold on Justin. Before he knew what was happening, he felt his back searing with pain. He screamed out but it only made the men laugh. They burned me with something. They BRANDED me with something. Tears filled Justin’s eyes as he continued to scream. They only put the one brand on him. That appeared to be enough fun for the day, as they quickly left the room laughing at what just happened.
As the days continued, so did the tortures. Not only did they burn him, they cut him, beat him, and practically drowned him in a tub of water. Justin had convinced himself he would indeed die in this hellhole. His thoughts of his mother and his friends were the only things that kept him clinging to life.
~~~~
Leila sat astonished once again at this new revelation. Justin had been crying, but now his face looked rather emotionless except for the red and puffy eyes.
“But you survived.” Her voice was shaky, but she knew she had to break the silence. “You’re here now, alive.”
“Yah,” a nervous smile crept onto his face. “They wanted a ransom, and when it was paid I got to go home. They dumped me in a ditch off the highway. It was so cold. Somehow I managed to crawl up to the road. The next thing I remember is waking up three days later in the hospital.”
“Were the men caught?”
“Yah, before I even woke up actually. Two people I didn’t even know. They just wanted money. At the trial they said they never would have hurt me if the ransom had been paid the first time they asked. But--” His voice trailed off again, his face was sad once more.
“But your family didn’t pay right away.”
His face turned almost angry as he seemed to fight internally on what to say. “They say they wanted to. They say the police told them not to. The police thought they’d kill me right away if they got the ransom. They were wrong.”
“Do you blame your parents?”
“I try not to. But I can’t help it. I think if maybe they had just told the police that they had to do it, I would have been okay. Or at least more okay than I was on the seventh day. They didn’t pay until they received the pictures. Pictures of my bleeding body.”
“And that’s why there is such a distance between your family and you?”
“They don’t understand. I certainly don’t think they made these guys do horrible things to me. But the fact remains that I am where I am today because they waited five days to pay. FIVE days of torture. I’ll never be the same person.”
This is it. This is the heart of his problem. For the first time in her career, Leila truly did not know what to say. She merely stared at him, trying to keep herself from breaking down into tears. Without a word, Justin got up and walked out of the office. Leila walked after him, but by the time she got to the street he was gone.
