Justin’s faith in their love had been renewed after the night be spent with Abbey in his arms. He began to push even more, often calling or stopping by several times a day in the following weeks. Occasionally, Abbey would feel the pressure and ask him to back off. He always did for a short period of time, but he was not easily put off. He knew what he wanted and he was determined to get it.
“I need to get out. You up for some coffee?”
“Maybe some decaf. I gotta get up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow to finish a track. I’m just leaving the studio, so gimme ten minutes and I’ll pick you up.”
“I’m gonna walk tonight.”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes, I do believe I am,” she laughed. “You’re not the boss of me.”
“Then wait and I’ll walk with you.”
“You’re difficult.”
“Hey, I have to be to deal with you.” JC hung up his cell phone and headed towards her apartment.
As he pulled up to park, he saw her crouching against the building. “You should have waited upstairs. The streets aren’t safe at night.”
She laughed, punching him playfully in the arm. “I can handle myself. Besides, this isn’t L.A. or something. It’s safe enough.”
“You like to make me worry.”
“Yup, I like seeing all those worry lines on your forehead,” she teased.
They walked down the dimly lit street to their all-too-familiar meeting spot. As they rounded the corner, they noticed it was not lit up like usual. A note on the door read ‘Closed for 4th of July weekend.’
“How can a 24-hour coffee shop close?”
“Come on, I’ve got coffee back at my place.” She grabbed his arm, spinning him around.
When they got back to her apartment, she was a little embarrassed as she looked around. Things were a bit of a mess and she hadn’t planned on having anyone over. JC noticed her start to pick things up and laughed.
“You’ve seen how messy my house is, this ain’t nothing.”
“Yah, yah,” she said as she wandered into the kitchen. “Decaf?”
“Yah, whatever.” He looked around the room, it had been a while since he’d been in her apartment. They always met at the coffee shop or the studio when they got together.
Abbey walked back into the living room. She lounged in the chair, feet up over the arm, and tilted her head back.
“So how come you’re not with Justin tonight? He doesn’t talk to me much when I see him.”
“Because he’s pushing too hard. I told him I needed a couple days to myself.”
“And you called me? Aww, I feel the love,” he joked.
“You’re the only one who doesn’t push, Josh.”
“Why do you still call me that?”
“What? Josh?”
“Yah, nobody but my mom calls me that anymore.”
“I guess-- I dunno. I never understood the whole ‘JC’ thing. I mean, JC Chasez would be Joshua Chasez Chasez. It made me laugh. You’re still the same Josh that used to live down the street, only you’re a little less scrawny now,” she laughed.
“A little? Come on now.”
“Does it bother you or something? I won’t call you Josh anymore.”
“No, it’s fine. I just wondered.” He noticed something sitting on the bookshelf and walked over to it. “Ya know, I can get you another one of these.”
She turned to look at him. “Another what?”
As he turned around, she noticed he was holding her butterfly figurine.
“I don’t want to replace the old one. I like this one.”
“But it has a broken wing.”
She walked over to him, taking the figurine from his hand. “So do I.”
He nodded, watching her set it back down. “It’ll all come back. You’ll be with Justin again and everything will fall into place.”
“What if it doesn’t? What if I never remember?”
“You will, just give it time.”
“Give it time? It’s been two-and-a-half months, Josh. It’s just not happening.”
“Well, Justin’s doing everything he can to remind you. You two have gotten close again.”
“We’re close, but we’re just friends. He’s a great guy, I love spending time with him. But there’s not that spark. I don’t feel passion for him.”
“You used to. It’ll come back.”
“I don’t know that it will. I keep trying and I feel like I’m going in a huge circle. And everyone watches over me like a hawk, pushing me to him, telling me that he’s the one I’m supposed to be with. What if that’s not what I want anymore?
His brow furrowed. “What do you want?”
She sighed deeply, turning back to face him. “This.” She brought her lips up to meet his, planting a solid kiss on them. After only a brief moment, she backed away, looking in his eyes for some reaction. JC stood there almost stunned, not sure what to say or do.
“I’m sorry, I just--”
“Shhh,” he whispered before leaning over and kissing her. She opened her mouth slightly, letting his tongue tangle with her own. Both of her hands drifted up, running through his hair. He rested one hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer to him.
Every moment was savored. He broke their kiss as he lifted her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. Slowly, still planting kisses on her lips and neck, he carried her to the bedroom. As he set her down on the bed, a look of apprehension appeared on his face.
“What’s wrong?” She looked up at him, confused as to why he had stopped.
“I can’t do this.” He lowered his head as he sat down next to her. “I just can’t do this.”
She leaned over and lay her head against his shoulder. “I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done anything.”
“No, I’m glad that you, ya know, kissed me and all.” He began to slightly blush. “It was nice. And you, you’re. . wow. Amazing.”
“But it’s about Justin.”
“I can’t hurt him like this.”
“You think I want to hurt him either? I don’t. But what about how I feel? What about how you feel?”
“He’s been hanging on to this little string of hope for almost three months. Do you know how his face lights up when he talks about you? I can’t take that away from him.”
“So then what happens now? We go back to pretending we’re just friends? You don’t love me?”
“I’ve suppressed my feelings once before, I can do it again.”
She stared over at him, his eyes locked on the floor. “What? Before? Again?”
“Nothing, I should go.” He stood up and made his way back into the living room.
She followed, still confused at his statement. “You can’t just say something like that and leave. What are you talking about? I deserve at least the truth from you.”
His head leaned down, fingers running through the messy locks. “Last summer, when we were all hanging out all the time. Justin started liking you so I backed off. I didn’t want to compete with him then, and I don’t want to compete with him now.”
“So you gave up on me once, and now you’re doing it again.”
“I’d rather have you both as my friends than to take a chance with you and have him hate me. He’s one of my best fucking friends, and you’re--”
A look of disbelief became apparent on her face. “Just some girl? Wow, Chasez, you’re really knocking me off my feet now.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I care about you both and I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“Too late,” she said, slamming her bedroom door.
He clenched his fists, angry at himself for the whole situation. Abbey sat in her room crying, as she heard the front door slam shut.
Chapter 11: Remnants of Pleasure
Take Me Home!
