The guys went back in the studio, all except Justin of course, and worked most of the next day. When Justin hadn’t shown up, JC knew he would have to tell the other guys what had happened. They were a little shocked, which he expected, but they didn’t give him too much grief about it. He was beating himself up enough, they didn’t need to help out.
During some down time, Chris gave Justin a call to check up on him. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk, so Chris didn’t push. Justin assured him he would be in the next day, he just needed a little time alone.
Abbey had been a little standoffish with JC. He didn’t know if she was mad, upset, worried, or anything. She just seemed distant. Showing up at her door late at night, which was an everyday thing for him lately, didn’t seem like the right thing to do tonight. As he dialed her number, he slumped down in his chair, leaning his head back.
“Hello?”
“Hey. Thought I’d give you a call and see how you were.”
“Same as always. How are things with the guys?”
“Things with the guys are good. Things with Justin are not.”
“Yah, Stephanie told me he didn’t show up today. I didn’t figure he would, after I talked to him last night.”
“Last night? You didn’t tell me you were gonna talk to him.”
“Last time I checked, I didn’t know I needed your permission,” she snapped.
“I didn’t mean it like that. What did you say?”
“Not a lot. He asked me to leave before I could say much.”
“You went over there? Why?”
“Because I care about him. What’s with the twenty questions you’re spitting out?”
“Well, you tell me to give him time and space, and then you go running over there. Something’s just not right with that.”
“Right. While you and I were having this secret tryst behind his back, I was also secretly meeting him behind your back to get my jollies off even more.”
“Why are you having such an attitude with me?”
“This argument is going both ways, Josh.”
“Now it’s an argument?”
“Look, whatever, thanks for calling. I’ll see you in a couple weeks.”
“What the--? A couple weeks?”
“I’m going on an out-of-town job. Ten day shoot. Stephanie is gonna come over tomorrow to get my extra set of keys to water my plants and all. Then I leave tomorrow night.”
“Were you planning to actually tell me this or was I just going to have to guess?”
“It was a last minute thing. An old colleague of mine called yesterday. I haven’t had time to call you.”
“Funny, I’ve had my cell phone with my all day. You knew I’d be at the studio. It takes ten seconds to pick up the fucking phone or something.”
“I’m sorry, okay?” She let out a deep sigh before continuing. “Maybe it’ll be better if I’m not around for a little while anyway.”
“If that’s how you feel. But going away isn’t going to solve things. The problems will still be here when you get back.”
“I know, I’m not running from them.”
“If you say so. You know you can call me any time. Don’t forget that, okay? And if you get a chance tomorrow, stop by the studio to see me.”
“I’ll try.”
That was a lie and she knew it. But it didn’t matter, as long as she could get on a plane and away from it all, things would be okay. Or at least she assumed they would be. Nonetheless, this was a big opportunity for her. When she had mentioned in an email to her friend that she would be interested in traveling for some short-term work, she never really expected anything to come of it. This was the perfect timing though, almost like fate had intervened.
*****
Stephanie tapped her nail repeatedly against the glass. “Your fish is dead.”
Abbey walked into the room, carrying a large duffel bag. “No he’s not. Shut up.”
“Dude, he’s not moving.”
“Is he floating?”
“No.”
“Then he’s not dead. He’s just sleeping or something.”
“Do fish sleep?”
“Sure,” she laughed, walking over to examine the fish bowl. “Just feed him twice a week. Don’t kill him.”
“Look at him. He is already there.”
Abbey knelt down, tracing her finger along the glass. The fish slowly began to swim around the small area. “See, he doesn’t like you.”
“You need a real pet. Like a dog.”
“Right. You and Chris have dogs. That’s as close as I’m getting to owning one,” she laughed. “Feed the fish twice a week. Water the plants when they’re dry. Do you want me to write it down?”
“Do I look like I’m stupid?”
Abbey smiled, winking as she grabbed the last few things she needed from around the apartment. “My flight itinerary is on the fridge, not that you’ll need it, but just in case. There’s a number where you can reach me if there is an emergency. And if all goes well, I’ll be back in ten days.”
“The guys are doing that TV special the week after you get back. Should I assume you’re going with us?”
“We’ll see.”
“Yah, that’s a no,” Stephanie rolled her eyes.
“Maybe I should take a book or something. It’s a long flight,” she babbled, grabbing random books from the shelf and flipping through them.
“Don’t ignore me, hooker.”
“I’m not, I’m just looking for a--” The book fell out of her hand, something else slipping out of it as it hit the carpet. Abbey leaned down, picking up the item shakily. She knelt there, unfocused and clearly somewhere else mentally.
~~Flashback~~
It was still early, the morning sun brightly cascading through the curtains. He looked so peaceful lying there on his stomach, the sheets coming just barely up over his buttocks. One arm curled under the pillow, the other rested to the side where she had been. His face was rosey, almost child-like, and perfect. She watched him breathe in an out slowly, his toned back and shoulders moving ever so slightly. Hearing a paltry click, he opened his eyes languidly, meeting her gaze across the room.
“What are you doing?” His voice was raspy, tired. She loved that when he first woke up.
“Taking your picture,” she smiled, bringing the camera back up to her face.
He rubbed his eyes and ran one hand through the mess of curls. “I see that, but you already have a million pictures of me.”
“This one is special,” she replied without even moving the camera again.
“Why?” He turned on his side, propping himself up on one elbow.
“Because I want to remember this moment forever.”
~~~~
Stephanie sat down on the floor, touching her friend’s shoulder to get her attention. Abbey snapped back to reality, her eyes wide and bright. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I-I remember.” Her gaze returned to the black and white picture held in her hands. Justin lay there in her bed, still sleeping and so serene. Her hands were shaky and her eyes brimmed with tears.
“You finally remember, I can’t believe it. Why now? What is it about this picture? You’ve seen a million pictures of Justin.”
“That’s when I knew I loved him,” she began to cry. Stephanie wasn’t sure if they were tears of joy or sadness, but she wrapped her arms around Abbey, crying her own tears of happiness. “I remember everything. Every detail. It’s like it just happened.”
They both sat there crying, thankful that a year lost was finally found.
In her mind, she went over the little things.
The way he smiled at her.
His beautiful eyes that she could stare into for hours.
Running his finger up and down her spine, comforting her when he would wake up in the middle of the night.
Singing old Sinatra songs softly in bed as she fell asleep in his arms.
She remembered back to the night they danced on the balcony. The way he held her close against his body. Her head rested on his chest, taking in the spicy smell of his cologne. It seemed like they danced there forever, never wanting to stop. No music was played, but they could hear it in their minds.
Abbey pushed herself up, scrambling around the apartment looking for something.
“What are you doing?”
“I have to find my keys. Where did I put my keys?”
“I thought you wanted me to drive you to the airport.”
“I have to go see Justin. I have to tell him that I remember. I have to tell him I’m sorry.”
“What about JC?”
Abbey stopped at the mention of his name. Guilt suddenly overcame her as she sat down in a chair. She hadn’t once thought about him since the memories came flooding back. “What about JC?” she repeated the question in a whisper to herself.
“What are you going to say to Justin if you go see him?”
“I don’t know. My first instinct was just to run to him and tell him I remember everything. I didn’t think about. . . everything else.”
“So, you’ve got the ‘then’ with Justin, and the ‘now’ with JC. You certainly can’t have both.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“I can’t make that decision for you. This is big, and I’m not even good at the little things I have to choose. Don’t you think maybe you should think about the choice you’re going to make before you go talk to either one? What if you go talk to Justin and get his hopes up that you’ll be with him again and then choose JC? That’s like being stabbed in the heart twice.”
“He needs to know that I remember though. I can’t just keep that secret.”
“You’re leaving on a plane in two hours. They never have to know until you come back.”
“I don’t think I can do that.”
“Your choice. Either way, we need to leave.” Stephanie pulled herself to her feet, grabbing her keys and walking towards the door. Abbey opened her bag, placing the picture of Justin in it, and followed her friend out the door. They drove in silence for several minutes, Abbey leaned her head against the window remembering minute details that used to make her smile about him. Her eyes grew sad as she pictured his face every time he looked at her confused expression when she didn’t remember something. She tried to imagine how he must have been feeling these past months, how he felt now, how she would feel if the situation was reversed and he couldn’t remember.
“I have to see him.” She turned to face Stephanie. “I just have to.”
Stephanie sighed, shaking her head as she turned the car around. As they pulled into the small parking lot, they spotted Chris and Justin standing outside laughing about something. Abbey’s face instantly turned into a smile, one that couldn’t be dispelled. Chris spotted the car as Abbey opened her door and got out. He motioned over to it causing Justin to spin around and look. Abbey walked quickly, still smiling brightly.
“Hey Abbey.” Chris’s eyes moved back and forth between Justin and Abbey. “I think I’m gonna go talk to my girl.” He began to wander towards the car, mumbling to himself about something.
“Hey Justin,” her voice was hesitant.
His face didn’t reflect the happiness that hers did. He looked uneasy, tired. “I’ve gotta get back in there.”
She reached out, grabbing his arm as he turned. “All I have is a minute. Can we please talk?”
He didn’t stop at her touch, in fact, it only made him move faster towards the door. “I can’t talk to you. You’re not a part of my life anymore. I don’t want to be your friend right now, Abbey.”
By now, her smile had faded at the cold words. The door shut behind him and she knew Stephanie had been right. It wasn’t fair to tell him that she remembered his love, that she loved him too, and then have the chance she might take those words back.
“Your girlfriend’s outside, Josh,” he emphasized what she always called him, the anger evident in his tone.
JC stood up from his seat at the sound board and walked out to the front. He saw her casually walking to Stephanie’s car, chastising herself quietly for something. “Abbey?”
She spun around, meeting his gaze. At first, a look of slight fear covered her face. Never before had she looked at him like that, so it caused him to become worried. “What’s wrong?”
A nervous smile replaced her previous expression as she walked closer to him. “Nothing, it’s just Justin. You know how it is.”
“Did he say something to upset you?”
“No, he’s just so damn stubborn. Putting up that tough exterior when he doesn’t get his way. He always did that when we first started dating,” she rambled.
“When you were first dating?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.
Her eyes moved to the ground, fixating on a pebble as she changed the subject. “Yah, so Steph’s taking me to the airport. We should probably go.”
“Why are you acting funny?”
“I’m not, I just have to go.”
He scurried around in front of her as she walked, matching her steps as he moved backward. “Please don’t lie to me. You can tell me anything.” He stopped and she bumped into him, still not making eye contact.
“We’ll talk when I get back, okay?”
“I think we should talk now. I’m not letting you go until you at least look at me and tell me why you’re trying so hard to get away from here. To get away from me.”
Her eyes closed, knowing there was no appeasing him. She looked up to see his crystal blue eyes staring deep into her. “The memories came back, Josh.”
His eyes widened, his mouth dropping slightly as he took a step back. “Why would you not want to tell me that?”
“Because I can’t really stay and talk about it.”
“Why did you come down here then?”
Her eyes dropped, avoiding his questioning eyes once again. No response came as she fidgeted with her shirt.
“Did you come here to tell Justin?” He continued watching her. When she remained silent, he stepped forward placing his hands on both arms. “Did you come here to tell him you want to be with him?”
She shook her head frantically, trying to reassure him with her eyes. “No. I just had to see him. I wanted to let him know, try and put his mind at ease or something. He wouldn’t even give me the chance though. So I thought it was all for the best. I was going to tell you both when I got back.”
“And then what happens?”
“I don’t know,” she sighed.
“Do you love him more than me?” His eyes were sad, empty.
“It’s not about loving one of you more. I care about you both so much and I never thought we’d be here in this situation. Going away will help me to clear my head.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“I’m sorry. I just have to separate myself from the situation for a while. I will call you the second I get home.” Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling herself up into a hug.
“I love you,” he whispered, pulling her tight against his body.
She didn’t respond. Watching her walk back to the car, he knew things were different now.
Chapter 14: Remnants of Happiness
Take Me Home!
