The weeks went by rather quickly. Abbey was back to doing her photography, the guys were back in the studio working on a new album, and things seemed to almost be back to normal. Except that she still couldn’t remember that missing year. They told her every story, every joke, every stupid little detail they could think of and nothing helped. Dr. Machado told her to not give up, but that seemed like the only thing left to do. If the memories hadn’t come back in nine weeks, there was a good chance they weren’t coming back at all.
She had begun meeting with JC again at the coffee shop a couple nights each week to have their usual chats. He was much more protective of her now, never letting her walk to meet him. Every night they met, it never failed, he would pick her up and then stay and wait till she had entered the building when he dropped her off. She often wondered if he would ever give up his guilt from the night of her accident.
Justin came over almost every day. He wanted to talk, watch movies, or just hang out. Anything to be with Abbey. She liked his company, but things were not progressing past their friendship. He wanted it so bad, she saw it on his face every time she opened the door. Things had not gone as he expected, and it was painful having to accept that. He was convinced that with time, even if she didn’t remember, that he could make her fall in love with him again. When she opened the door for him late that night, something was different.
“Hey, I was just about to go to bed. What’s up?” She stood there in her pajamas, moving to the side as he walked in the door.
“Can we talk?” No friendly greeting, no comforting smile, just the serious question.
“Of course, what do you want to talk about?”
She sat down on the couch across from him, watching each move as he nervously fiddled with a spot on his pants. “Why can’t you love me?”
The question confused Abbey. “It’s not that I can’t, it’s just I--”
“You don’t,” he finished for her.
“It’s not that I don’t want to either, I just can’t remember what we had.”
“I told you what we had. I’ve told you everything I can think of. Two-and-a-half months and all I ever do is come over here and spend time with you. I need you so bad. I want to take you in my arms and never let go.”
Abbey began to cry at the sight of the distraught man. “I don’t know what to tell you, Justin. I can’t make myself love you. You are a wonderful, beautiful person and I am so grateful to have you in my life. I’m sorry that I’m hurting you. That’s the last thing that I want. And I’m trying as hard as I can to get back what I lost. What we lost.”
“Why did you have to go meet JC that night? If only you’d stayed home.” Justin broke down, remembering that night. Remembering sitting by her bedside as she lay in a coma for two days. Worrying that she would never wake up, and then seeing the confusion in her eyes when she did wake up.
“If only. I could go through a thousand ‘if only’s. If only I’d stayed 10 minutes longer with him, if only I’d let him give me a ride, if only I hadn’t wandered into the path of an oncoming car. If only, if only, if only. There is no going back. What’s done is done. This is not Josh’s fault. Don’t blame him.”
“I need someone to blame. What happened isn’t fair.”
“Then blame me. I’m the one that can’t remember.”
“It’s not your fault that you can’t remember.”
“You seemed to think differently when you came over tonight.”
He wiped the tears from his eyes, walked over, and sat next to her on the couch. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just miss you so much. I miss us.”
She met his somber gaze, still wet with tears. “I’d do anything to change that night. I’d do anything to remember your love.”
“Make love to me.”
His request startled her. “Justin, I can’t--, I-I’m sorry.”
“Then just let me hold you. I need to feel you in my arms.”
“I don’t know.”
“Please, I just need you close to me.”
They sat there staring at each other for a short time. She stood up, taking his hand as she led him to the bedroom. He kicked off his shoes, dropped his pants, and took off his shirt. The two crawled into bed, Abbey rested her head on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her. Several minutes passed, and she still felt slightly uneasy.
“Justin?”
“Yah?”
“Can you do something for me?”
“Anything.”
She lifted her head up, looking into his eyes. “Can you sing to me?”
“What do you want me to sing?”
“I dunno. Something that will make me smile.” She set her head back against his chest.
He thought for a moment before softly beginning to sing.
The way you wear your hat
The way you sip your tea
The memory of all that
No, no they can’t take that away from me
Abbey smiled against his chest as he continued.
The way your smile just beams
The way you sing off key
The way you haunt my dreams
No, no they can’t take that away from me
We may never, never, never meet again
On that bumpy road to love
But I’ll always always keep the memory of
The way you hold your knife
The way we danced till three
The way you changed my life
Hey, no, they can’t take that away from me
As his words faded, he grinned as he noticed she had fallen asleep.
Chapter 10: Remnants of Confusion
Take Me Home!
