An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as
chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed
first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two
plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and
calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The
physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before
answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did
a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of
Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was
interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his
interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the
room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone
for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day,
and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were
apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most
intelligent dog. The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the
parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the
doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while,
producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and
assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician
patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts. The
architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, "Sliderule,
come!" Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately
chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model
of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie. The
attorney watched the other two dogs, and called "Bullshit, come!" Bullshit
entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullshit immediately sodomized the other
two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other
club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself
at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some
sort of mistake. "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!" St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the
pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case. When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that the mistake must be
yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108."
A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would
see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve
back onto the road.
(at this point some of you are probably wondering how the trucker could distinguish the lawyers from the
humans. Obviously he saw the trail of slime they left...)
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck
over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the
priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The
happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered
there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even
though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced
in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"