THE BARE WENCH PROJECT
PLOT-Four huge-breasted sorority girls got lost in the woods searching for the legendary BARE WENCH. A week later, their footage was found...
VIOLENCE-None, but we do get an up-close glimpse of one girl's scars from her breast implants. Now that's some real terror!
SEX/NUDITY-The lead actresses spend the entire film in various states of undress. The closer they get to the "Bare Wench", the hornier they become, which leads to several lesbian-type scenes. The only way to keep the evil away is to go topless, incase you didn't know.
WHY I LIKED IT-This is one of the coolest movies ever! A direct parody of the hit film BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, it's everything that sorry sack wished it could've been. Definitely a more satisfying movie-watching experience, WENCH was shot on videotape and features such B-movie actresses as Julie K. Smith and Nikki Fritz. Not only does this movie look and feel just like the original (there was no script or budget), but several of the scenes are duplicated exactly, from begining to end. It's well-acted and believable, eye-poppingly sexy, and is truly funny. I give props to everyone who was in this, they were awesome.
DOWNSIDE-The movie is short, clocking in at just a little over 60 minutes. Too bad it wasn't 3 hours long...or better yet, 14 hours long. Damn those camcorder batteries.
MEMORABLE SCENES-Difficult to choose, as each moment was memorable. Unlike the original, we actually get to see the "witch" in this one. She's played by none other than Julie Strain (in a blonde wig), and she makes out with two of the girls at once! I ask you, could it possibly get any better?
NOTES-This film, directed by B-veteran Jim Wynorski, is not yet available on video. Right now you can only see it on Pay-Per-View cable. I suggest you get it immediately.
GENERATION aX
PLOT-When teenage murderer Blair meets fellow killer Todd, it's blood at first sight.
VIOLENCE-Several bloody stabbings, axe murders, shootings, and more than one scene featuring splattering brains.
SEX/NUDITY-The teenage psychos get busy in the shower, and we see quite a bit of the female lead.
WHY I LIKED IT-When I saw director Tommy Faircloth's previous effort CRINOLINE HEAD, I couldn't wait to see what he was going to do next. Like my favorite bad 80's slasher films, it was full of annoying characters whom you couldn't wait to see offed. But what I liked most was the way the actors talked and delivered their lines. For such a small movie, it was better than a lot of the stuff out there. Now with his new one, Tommy again rises above the trappings of independent horror to bring us a truly engaging and hilariously twisted horror yarn. It's a movie of superior quality, and features some unusually great dialogue and humor. I found myself getting totally wrapped up in the characters and events, and I think they pretty much nailed what being in high school is really like. For anyone who hated the cheerleaders and stoners, you can't afford to miss this.
DOWNSIDE-As is common with the best super-low budget productions, the talents of the filmmakers are limited by the small amount of money they've got. One can only imagine the damage Tommy and company could do with a few million.
MEMORABLE SCENES-After murdering hippy-dippy rapist Matt, our dynamic duo dig into his head with a hatchet and have a "brain fight", throwing the poor sap's grey matter at one another like a couple elementary school students in the cafeteria.
NOTES-In issue #160 of FANGORIA magazine, they published an on-set journal written by Tommy Faircloth when he made CRINOLINE HEAD. It's great reading. If you have trouble finding these movies, visit www.horsecreekproductions.com for more information.
THE DEAD HATE THE LIVING!
PLOT-A small group of people shooting a low-budget zombie film in an abandoned hospital accidentally unleash the real thing.
VIOLENCE-Hooray for zombie mayhem! They don't want to eat your brains, they just wanna fuck you up. Heads get ripped off, faces are busted open, throats ripped out, and a poor guy is dragged around by his intestines.
SEX/NUDITY-Absolute zero. There are a couple "almost" scenes, but nothing ever happens.
WHY I LIKED IT-Number one, they just don't make enough zombie movies these days. Anything we can get is great. Luckily, this one was well-written enough to transcend the usual trappings of most direct-to-video fare. In fact, if the director wasn't a first-timer, he may well have had another RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD on his hands. Armed with a great premise, superior cast, an awesome set, and very well done makeup, this movie will at the very least be a treat for horror fans. It's filled with in-references to many a zombie film, and it name-drops like hell throughout. Apparently the director is a big Savini/Fulci/Raimi fan, because he schooled the cast before shooting. I got a kick out of it, and the humor wasn't laid on so thick that it got stupid. I look forward to this guy's next movie.
DOWNSIDE-It is a Full Moon production after all, though, so it has that "look". You know: not quite Hollywood, not quite video. Also, while most of the gore effects are great, there are a few that are laugably poor. One is an obvious dummy, mishandled by the actor so it looks extra-fake. Then, there are the digital effects. Thank heaven there's only three, but they suck. Electricity bolts, fire, and a gunshot to the head are all done by computer, and boy can you tell.
MEMORABLE SCENES-In my favorite in-reference, the director and his assistant are trapped in a room with zombies crashing through the windows. He pauses and says, "think...what would Bruce Campbell do?"
NOTES-At the end of the video, there's a lengthy "making of" featurette. It's really cool, because they cover everything thoroughly. It makes you appreciate what you've just seen a little bit more.
FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN (aka ANDY WARHOL'S FRANKENSTEIN)
PLOT-The evil doctor tries to build the perfect man & woman, so that they may reproduce and spawn an army of mindless zombies (he could've just married someone from the Christian Coalition).
VIOLENCE-Lots and lots. Body parts are chopped off, blood sprays everywhere, and guts spill out on the floor.
SEX/NUDITY-This movie has a lot of nude bodies, some of which are alive and some not. There's no explicit sex, just some softie business. However, all the men & women in the movie are incredibly ugly.
WHY I LIKED IT-I'm not old enugh to have seen this one in its original release (in 3-D), but I love how they make an extra effort to thrust the blood and guts in your face the whole movie. It's the grossest Frankenstein movie ever. Plus, Udo Kier as the doctor is excellent. His accent is so thick that you can barely understand him. The way he pronounces stuff will have you rolling. The death scenes can't be beaten, as the blood seems to spray and spray endlessly. It reminded me of Monty Python in that respect. Very comical and not scary at all.
DOWNSIDE-The film is very slow-moving and talky, which can grate on you at times because you can only stand looking at these ugly faces for so long.
MEMORABLE SCENES-Of course, the monster turns on Frankenstein in the end. He puts a giant spear through the doc's back, which thrusts out the other side, with a big piece of guts (???) stuck to the end. Frankenstein gives a lengthy speech as he's dying, and the whole time this chunk of meat just dangles in your face.
NOTES-There are several different versions of this film available on tape, but only the Image Entertainment ones are truly uncut. Even the X-rated versions have stuff missing, and the R versions (by Triboro) really suck bad.
THE STORY OF RICKY (aka RIKI-OH)
PLOT-In 2001, Ricky Ho is sent to a hellish prison for killing an opium dealer. He kicks everyone's ass.
VIOLENCE-The violence in this film is what separates it from all other Kung-Fu flicks. Imagine if Peter Jackson's DEAD ALIVE was a martial arts film, and you've got the basics of what this movie is all about. In graphic and extremely gory detail, faces are sliced off, eyeballs are gouged out (or fly out), heads are punched in or obliterated completedly, guts are pulled from stomachs, limbs are chopped off, people explode, and a couple guys are turned into ground beef by a big machine.
SEX/NUDITY-A few guys butts are shown in the shower. This is a man's movie, though.
WHY I LIKED IT-As if I needed to explain that! One thing I always loved were cartoons. The way the characters got beaten up, blown to pieces, shot full of holes, and came right back in the next frame. It was funny. So, it should come as no surprise that my favorite films have been the ones that are most like those cartoons. RICKY is so over-the-top and relentless, yet so much fun to watch. It's a real crowd-pleaser. When you watch it alone, you feel like yelling to your neighbors to come and see it. It's unbelievable.
DOWNSIDE-While most of the gore effects are convincing enough to warrant several "rewinds", there are several that are laughably poor. Perhaps, though, it's a good thing. If the gags were too realistic, vomiting may well occur.
MEMORABLE SCENES-Ricky beats the shit out of a tattooed guy in the prison yard. Shouting, "We die together!", the guy cuts open his own belly and rips out his intestines, which he then uses in an attempt to strangle Ricky.
NOTES-The version I saw was dubbed in English, but the tape was letterboxed. On the cover, it said this version was "uncut and uncensored".
THESIS (aka TESIS)
PLOT-While writing a college thesis on film violence, Angela stumbles upon a snuff film involving the death of a fellow student.
VIOLENCE-There are several scenes where Angela and her friend watch violent videotapes. There are scenes of executions, torture, and even a gutting by power saw (in which the intestines are shown in close-up). In addition, there's a few shootings and stabbings.
SEX/NUDITY-None that I can remember.
WHY I LIKED IT-The mere subject of "snuff" films arouses curiosity in many of us, and this movie explores that fascination with death inside us all. Like Paul Schrader's HARDCORE, and the more recent8mm, we're again dealing with a character whose obsession with uncovering a mystery leads them into dangerous territory. However, THESIS is the most realistic and un-Hollywood of the three. Filmed in Spanish by director Alejandro Amenabar (who went on to make the mind-boggling thriller ABRE LOS OJOS), the movie uses darkness and sounds to generate its scares. It's intense and creepy, and it touched a nerve with me several times.
DOWNSIDE-There are a couple holes in the plot, but nothing serious.
MEMORABLE SCENES-Unable to gather the nerve to view the snuff film, Angela records the audio and listens to it on her walkman. Having just the screams to go by, the audience is thus left to imagine what must be happening on the video.
NOTES-When Angela is looking at the list of camcorder purchases on the computer, director Amenabar's name appears amongst the others.
THE BORROWER
PLOT-Instead of being executed, an alien criminal is "de-evolved" into human form and dumped on earth as his sentence. His disguise proves to be very unstable, and he must use fresh human heads in place of his own in order to stay alive.
VIOLENCE-A good bit, seeing as how decapitation is a main story point. Although we never actually see anyone's head being pulled off by the alien, we do see the bloody results. There's also a very good exploding head in the beginning, and a few gross "transformation" shots, in which the alien's human skin disguise rips apart and his true form begins to emerge.
SEX/NUDITY-Only about 10 seconds worth total. The two scenes with nudity and/or sex are extremely brief and almost not even worth noting.
WHY I LIKED IT-John McNaughton is one of my favorite directors, and this film sticks out like a sore thumb amongst his other stuff. He made it in between his first movie, HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER, and MAD DOG AND GLORY, both critically-acclaimed films. He's since borderlined on exploitation with the excellent pictures NORMAL LIFE and WILD THINGS, but never touched on horror again. That's a shame, because he's so good at it. Plus, this movie has Antonio "Huggy Bear" Fargas and Tom Towles in it. You just don't see enough of those guys.
DOWNSIDE-Way too much time is spent on the cops, who are the heroes of the movie. Their characters are just as big in the story as the alien. I would've enjoyed seeing more of the alien's instead, because all his scenes are hilarious.
MEMORABLE SCENES-The alien (at this point wearing Tom Towles' head)befriends a homeless man. They go to the local mission and get some food. Some jerk in a cowboy hat puts a dead mouse in the alien's soup, and he begins to eat it like nothing's wrong. After much protest from others at the table, he spits it out all over Mr. cowboy hat (who then yells,"GOD DAMN!").
NOTES-Madchen Amick (sp?), the girl from SLEEPWALKERS, appears briefly in this movie in one of its more pointless scenes. She's videotaping an amateur metal band in her house when the alien (at this point wearing the neighbor's dog's head) attacks.
FUGITIVE GIRLS (aka FIVE LOOSE WOMEN)
PLOT-A group of women escape from prison and embark on a hell-raising adventure.
VIOLENCE-Not much blood, a couple characters are shot. There are two rape scenes also, both committed by women, one involving the wife of a man in a wheelchair.
SEX/NUDITY-Lots of both all throughout the movie. Each of the five escapees are shown either naked or having sex. There are lengthy sex scenes involving the main character, one with a man and one with a woman. Nothing hardcore, but definitely more explicit than you'd expect.
WHY I LIKED IT-Back when I first watched FUGITIVE GIRLS, I had no idea how good it really was. Basically I just liked the anti-hippie message, and of course the mega-hot lesbian scene. What can I say, the main character resembled one of my ex-girlfriends, and that was cool to me. In the years since, I've come to realize what a gem I'd found. Not only was it written by none other than Ed Wood (which explains the cheeseball dialogue-"Good Christ, a lesbian!"), but it was directed by his old pal A.C. Stephens. The two also collaborated on the more famous film ORGY OF THE DEAD, which had lots of jiggly breasts but not much more. Ed Wood also has a bit part as a sheriff in FUGITIVE GIRLS, watch for him!
DOWNSIDE-Overall, the movie is very dark. You can hardly see anything in the nighttime sequences. Also, I could've done without seeing the guy's hairy butt in the beginning. Who'd they think would be watching this movie, anyway?
MEMORABLE SCENES-Upon their escape from jail, the girls run into a hippie caravan in the desert. At first, they share wine and have a few laughs. Little by little, the girls are repelled by the hippies' dirty and smelly lifestyle. After a hilarious confrontation, the girls manage to ditch their prison blues and make off with the hippies' clothes.
NOTES-This movie has been re-titled at least twice, both as FIVE LOOSE WOMEN and WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY part something. FUGITIVE GIRLS is the only full version, as the others are all missing some of the more explicit scenes.
FRANKENHOOKER
PLOT-A young mad scientist re-builds his dead girlfriend using the body parts of prostitutes. It's a comedy.
VIOLENCE-Quite a lot, but all played for laughs. Although we do not see Dr. Jeffrey's girlfriend chopped up by the runaway remote-controlled lawnmower, her blood is spattered all over a lawn gnome. Later, when the hookers smoke the super-crack, they all explode. However, no blood or guts are shown. Just fake limbs and heads everywhere. That makes up a lot of the movie, actually. A character is beheaded with a machete in one scene.
SEX/NUDITY-Hoo doggies! I happen to own the UNRATED version, which has considerably more naked hooker shots than the version that has played on cable over the years. There's no sex, unless you count the two hookers that go nuts from the super-crack and begin kissing (right before they explode). Basically, there are so many breasts in your face in this movie that you will grow numb to seeing them by the end.
WHY I LIKED IT-This movie embodies all the things that make a good B-movie. All the acting is over-the-top and crazy, and it's very well-paced. It's one of the most creative films of its kind: The story is fantastic, the costumes and makeup are all memorable, and it's actually funny where it means to be. Living up to a title like FRANKENHOOKER is a tall order, but this one pulled it off without a hitch.
DOWNSIDE-The special effects are piss-poor, as you might expect from such a low-budgeter. When I see them, I don't laugh or groan, I just ignore the ragged edges. Other than that, the movie is damn near perfect.
MEMORABLE SCENES-There are hundreds, but my absolute favorites are the ones with Zorro The Pimp, the best character (and the villain, although he's somewhat justified in his actions). Almost all his dialogue is excellent, and is made all the better due to his delivery. At one point, someone says to him: "When a man loses his ho's, he loses everything", to which Zorro replies: "I didn't lose 'em they just blew up!"
NOTES-As I said earlier, there are UNRATED and R versions of this movie. As far as I know, the R is just missing some of the more gratuitous nudity.
LUTHER THE GEEK
PLOT-A young boy, who saw a deformed man bite off a live chicken's head at a circus sideshow, grows up to be a psycho with metal teeth and an appetite for blood.
VIOLENCE-As you might guess, Luther chews up a lot of people's faces and stuff. There's a decent amount of gory wounds shown, but nothing particularly horrible.
SEX/NUDITY-There's not much, but what we do see is worth mentioning. Luther ends up invading the home of a girl, probably in her early 20's, played by Stacy Haiduk. She's really good-looking, and we see her get naked, make out with a guy in the shower, and the beginnings of a sex scene in the bed. I don't know where they found that girl.
WHY I LIKED IT-See above.
DOWNSIDE-Although the movie generates some decent suspense, the character of Luther is just silly, and not all that threatening. The actor who plays him sure is ugly, but not much else.
MEMORABLE SCENES-See "SEX/NUDITY"
NOTES-I'm pretty sure Stacy Haiduk later appeared in the show SEAQUEST DSV.
I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (AKA DAY OF THE WOMAN)
PLOT-A female writer, viciously attacked by local maniacs while working in a lakeside cabin, sets out to get her revenge.
VIOLENCE-Shootings, stabbings, castration, hanging, death by outboard motor, extreme humiliation, and rape are mercilessly thrown in the face of the viewer throughout the film.
SEX/NUDITY-The main character is stripped naked and repeatedly assaulted by a group of psychotic men. As you could probably guess, none of this is intended to be anything but horrifying to watch.
WHY I LIKED IT-Although widely hated by critics and movie viewers alike, this film is one of the most intense revenge-themed films ever made. The fact that it could really happen only adds to its effect, and the atrocities shown are not done so for the sake of exploitation. In most films like this one (namely LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, also a hated film), the female characters are the victims. In this movie, the female is the true survivor, because she comes back at the men who brutalized her and kills them one by one.
DOWNSIDE-In some instances, the woman disguises herself and uses her sexuality to lure and trap the men before killing them. I would have preferred just seeing her walk right up and blow their brains out, but I guess she was doing it the smart way. I really don't know.
MEMORABLE SCENES-For the final scene, the woman is chasing the last two men on a lake. She's in a motorboat and they're in the water. She drives the boat backward so she can use the motor propeller to chop them up and then run them over.
NOTES-There is a new uncut, digitally re-mastered, widescreen version of this now available. I couldn't tell what was added in, but supposedly different versions previously released were missing some footage.
THE ALIEN FILES (aka ALIEN ENCOUNTERS:THE SEX FILES)
PLOT-Two detectives are hot on the trail of an evil alien force that jumps from woman to woman, duplicating their bodies and using them to kill people.
VIOLENCE-No real gore, although several people are dispatched by the alien force. It uses up their energy, then moves on to the next woman.
SEX/NUDITY-A veritable truckload, my friends. After all, this is made-for-cable nudiefest stuff. However, I found it to have quite an excessive amount even for that type of movie. Since the alien force makes all women it comes in contact with into raging nymphos, the female characters are constantly stripping off their clothes, moaning, masturbating, or having sex with a stranger. In several cases, all of the above. Just about every actress in the movie does this at some point, even the female detective.
WHY I LIKED IT-Let's face it, we see a lot of crap on cable late at night. Most of them are these mysoginistic "erotic thrillers" that have women being killed left and right. Either that or they're trying to be so tasteful that you have to wait an hour just to see one butt cheek. THE ALIEN FILES goes all-out, and manages to have a good plot, comedy, and interesting characters as well. It isn't bashful, tame, or hesitant. In most cases, so-called "soft porn" is garbage (what's the point? Just go rent a Jenna Jameson movie, or hang out with Buttman), but here you actually see the advantages of not having to stick within the confines of hardcore. Plus, all the women are attractive and can really act. This movie's brilliance lies in these actresses' crazed performances.
DOWNSIDE-It's definitely a rip-off of THE X-FILES, which is disappointing given how cool the movie is. It cheapens the whole project.
MEMORABLE SCENES-The detectives can maintain a link to the alien through the woman it is currently duplicating. Every time the alien duplicate has sex, the original woman shares the ecstacy, kind of like siamese twins. At one point, the detectives are driving around using a woman as a tracking device to find the alien. The woman, in the middle of conversations, repeatedly takes off her clothes and goes crazy in the car seat because the duplicate is making it with somebody.
NOTES-This is also available on tape for rental, so it may or may not have more than what I saw on cable.
VICE ACADEMY
PLOT-A trio of wacky misfits go through vice cop training, only to uncover an illegal porn movie operation.
VIOLENCE-It's a comedy, and nobody gets killed. However, one male character is systematically kicked in the balls by each female in his training class. Have mercy!
SEX/NUDITY-The movie stars Linnea Quigley, so you know what that means. She is shown topless several times, two of which are comic sex scenes. Ginger Lynn Allen, who was in porno before this, doesn't show anything suprisingly (she does end up stripping in VICE ACADEMY 2, which is also a good flick). However, Karen Russell's technique of disarming an attacker by showing her breasts makes up for it.
WHY I LIKED IT-Linnea Quigley is a superior talent, and I've always thought that she was undeservedly overlooked by the mainstream. She brings a comic flair to her horror movie roles, most notably in the character of Spider in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. In VICE ACADEMY, a straight comedy, she's wonderful to watch. She's just plain hilarious.
DOWNSIDE-The horrible horrible horrible music in the movie. I particularly hate the theme song, which plays at the beginning of this one and part 2. The lyrics "I got a pistol in my pocket/And baby you can knock it/Put your finger on my trigger/Feel it getting bigger" are beyond cheesy. The songs are just as bad, if not worse, than the ones in TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE. Dear god!
MEMORABLE SCENES-There's a hilarious part in which the cadets are training on the firing range. One of the girls is so bad a shot that she manages to not only miss the target each time, but to kill a cat and somebody else in the process.
NOTES-There are at least 4 movies in this series, but only the first two are good. Karen Russell didn't appear in the sequel, but Linnea did, so it was still okay. By part 3, Ginger Lynn was the only one left, and we all hated her character. I highly recommend the film DR. ALIEN if you want to see those three in another movie together.
