As It Is Said… Let Mortal Kombat Begin!
A-Chan: Whoohoo!! (waves little flag reading “Amy”) Welcome, ladies and gents and otherwise living organisms to the VS Battle of VS Battles, the Royale of Royales, the Matches of Matches, the—
Jin: Can you speed it up? ^^;
A-Chan: ^_^; Sure sure.. okay, welcome to theeee… (takes deep breath) Tekken VS Battle Arena Toshinden VS King Of Fighters VS Street Fighter VS Darkstalkers: Tournament Of The OverPopulated!
Jin: Hai! (adjusts his headphones) Since I already am Amy’s favorite character from all the above games to play as—
A-Chan: Don’t get too egotistical there, Jin, you’re just most fun to watch.
Jin: …I don’t know how to answer to that. ^^;
A-Chan: Well anyway… he’s here ‘cause it’s my fanfic and I need a co-host who easily agrees with orders. Jin is such a wonderful mama’s boy—er… assistant I decided he could be my co-host! So for the record.. I’m your play-by-play host, A-Chan and..
Jin: I’m Kazama Jin, the co-host!
A-Chan: So let’s get this show on the road!
Down in the Arena
Sho: …did someone say my name?
Back in the Booth
A-Chan: …okay first match!
Down in the Arena
Heihachi: Ha! Ha! Ha! Kazuya! You cannot beat me!
Heihachi launches into a kick using his evil wooden platforms, but Kazuya ducks. However, a duck is not enough, as wood collides with a gelled-over point of hair, the force of the blow breaking off the hardened hair like an icicle off a rooftop.
Kazuya: GASP! My hair…!!
Kazuya, in a blood rage, leaps up out of his ducking position and delivers a shower of punch combos and kick combos and family-meal combos (you want fries with that?) and sends Heihachi reeling for support.
Back in the Booth
A-Chan: Whoohoo! Did you see that clever delivery?!
Down in the Arena
Kazuya stands ominously over Heihachi’s bleeding body, and the fallen Mishima Corporate official weakly raises a hand.
Heihachi: W…wait… Kazuya…!
Heihachi stands, suddenly in all black with stupid mask and wheezing breathing sounds.
Heihachi: Kazuya… *wheeze* I am your father…
Kazuya grabs Heihachi by the hair and swings him ‘round and ‘round and docey do’s until Heihachi’s head is ripped off and his body sails into the benches, knocking Demitri and Ryu out of their seat.
Back in the Booth
A-Chan: What a show that was!
Down in the Arena
Sho: …who said that?!
Back in the Booth:
Jin is doing a funky victory dance all around the room as A-Chan flips through the papers to see who the next match is, and casts a sideways glance at him.
A-Chan: …don’t show too much enjoyment there, Jin.
Down in the Arena
Sho: …someone is going to die.
Back in the Booth
A-Chan: Let’s go to our next match!
Jin retakes his seat and puts his headphones back on, smiling brightly after watching his grandfather bite the dust.
A-Chan: Our next match is a crossover match—
Down in the Arena
Paul: Say wha, hmmm?! I thought that Nagisa person was cute, mmkay?! Thazzth’last time I trust Eiji’s Homemade List of Japanese Baby Names!!
Back in the Booth
Canned laughter.
A-Chan: Too bad Eiji didn’t realize Nagisa, who is very much a male cop of Japan, is someone from his own game!
More canned laughter.
A-Chan: (glaring at Jin) turn that off!
Down in the Arena
Josh dressed as Lei: haha.. uh… ching chong wang… ok
Back in the Booth
A-Chan: …I forgot to mention!
Jin freaks out and knocks over the can of laughter (the top falling off and the chorus of laughter bubbling out) just as Josh attempts to flex his “muscles”.
Down in the Arena:
Josh as Lei: haha.. HEY THAT’S NOT FUNNY
Back in the Booth
Jin: Just start the match!
Down in the Arena
Yifan: YIFAN GOOONG (gazelle runs and then leaps up and crashes into the Gong, signaling the match’s start)
Nagisa takes out a gun and starts circling Josh as Josh stands there like a gork.
Josh as Lei: haha.. ching choouuuu weeeeiiii wang. You cannot beat my mad skillz.. haha
Nagisa becomes angry and throws the gun to the side.
Nagisa: All right, let’s do this like real men, no guns, then!
Nagisa, without warning, jumps at Josh, his body in poise for a left hook.
Josh as Lei: I don’t know… what the hell?
Nagisa pegs Josh hard, and since Josh was not built for this kind of hardcore punching action, his head flies off as Nagisa’s fist connects, and goes flying into the benches again.
Josh’s head: haha.. ok wait no… HEY THAT’S NOT *gurgle*
Josh’s head eventually lands promptly on Morrigan’s lap.
Morrigan: …ew.
Back in the Booth
A-Chan yawns, cuddling a teddy bear and Jin is mumbling in his sleep.
Jin: (rolls over in his chair, his arm smacking A-Chan on the face) Mmm… five more minutes…
A-Chan blinks out of her half-awake state and bursts into action.
A-Chan: Wasn’t that an exciting match?! I’ve never seen a more exciting match!! How totally kakkoii that was!!
Down in the Arena
Ken: Who else?! It’s me!!
Ken flashes his best pretty-boy long-haired reddish-blonde smile.
Back in the Booth
Jin looks at A-Chan, who simply shrugs and grins nervously. Jin points to the paper and quietly asks something, and A-Chan urges him to say it.
Jin: Uh… it’s not that we forgot about Ken… it’s uh… no… we remembered him, sure, we did… uh… (apparently looking around for something) We decided… uh… Ken-fans worldwide—
Down in the Arena
Laughter erupts.
Lee: Hah! They think people worldwide are gonna read this!!
Back in the Booth
A-Chan is crying and whining that everyone always picks on her, Jin is trying to urge her to pull herself together, and suddenly he has an idea! Finding a book under the desk. Jin discovers one of his mama’s boy… er… assistant-like plans, flipping through one of the Mishima School textbooks for sneaky excuses.
Jin: By saying worldwide fans! …uh… (checks a page) We were not implying that this fanfic would go worldwide…! We were simply… uh… (glances at the page again) implying that Ken has worldwide fans!
Down in the Arena
All: Oh. Well!
Back in the Booth
A-Chan sighs in relief, and pats Jin on the back for a job well done. Jin smiles ^_^ and nods, sliding the book back under his chair for later reference. A-Chan recomposes herself.
A-Chan: Anyway! The next match, as we said, is the Battle of the Pretty-Boy Long-Haired Reddish-Blondes, and if you didn’t guess Ken on the first time, well let’s tell you the real contestants! In the first corner… this lady-killer says his pretty boy looks and especially his rusty red hair color is what makes him who he is, and he wouldn’t change it for the world! Ladies and gents, meet Korean Tae Kwon Do expert…
Down in the Arena
A spotlight suddenly showers it’s light down into a corner of the arena, and standing there, one hand on his hip, goggles slicking back his hair, clad in a purple tank top, olive jeans covered by leather chaps, smirking ever-so arrogantly is...
Back in the Booth
A-Chan: Hwoarang!!
Down in the Arena:
Sho: God dammit!!
Back in the Booth:
A-Chan: ^^; Yeah, well. Let me introduce…!
Down in the Arena:
Another spotlight crosses down into the arena, lighting the other corner to reveal a young man with a very conceited posture, shoulders leaning back covered by a red jacket and a hand rested on a sword, none other than--
Back in the Booth:
A-Chan: Kayin Amoh!
Down in the Arena:
Hwoarang: All right, Scot.. er.. Brit.. (rolls his eyes) Whatever the hell you are - you are mine!
Everyone stares at Kayin's hair, which is flashing from reddish to blondish.
Kayin: (blinks) Oh.. oh, no... it's not doing that thing again, is it?
Kayin blindly charges in with his sword drawn, and nimbly leaps into the air. Hwoarang, not visibly, is a little bit intimidated fighting someone other than Yoshimitsu with a sword, and evades to the left as Kayin slams the sword down into the ground, jamming it into the ring.
Hwoarang: God, that's rough. (scratches the back of his head, then shrugs)
Hwoarang taps Kayin on the shoulder, and then quickly takes a few steps back. When Kayin turns around to shriek "WHAT?!" Hwoarang brings one foot forward to kick at Kayin's lower side, and then bring his leg up and slam his foot into Kayin's jaw. Perfectly executed -- sneaky tactics. ...well, not really. Kayin is thrown away from his sword by the impact, skidding a bit on the ground.He is about to get back up, but Hwoarang runs over, and in a Tekken-y fashion, knocks him back to the ground and begins repeatedly punching him in the face.
Hwoarang: That... mother... f*@#er... BIT ME!!
Hwoarang immediately jumps to his feet, and hops around holding his hand. Kayin, in the mean time, spits out a few teeth.
Kayin: I... fuhgot.. aboud the liddle iron clasthps.. on histh glovesth...
Kayin falls over, knocked out cold from one too many hits to the head.
Back in the Booth:
Jin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (drops to his knees) Is there no God?!?
Jin: The first match is one we’re positive people have been opting for, for a very long time, and we are glad to see it happen here! Folks, the legendary Kazuya Mishima (flag reading “YAY DAD!”) VS Big-time Jerk-off (flag reading “YOU SHOT ME, YOU A-HOLE!”) Heihachi Mishima!
A-Chan: ^_^; Rooting for someone inparticular?
Jin: Of course not! I’m neutral.
A-Chan: …I thought you hated your dad?
Jin: (nods) Yes, yes I do.
A-Chan: So...?
Jin: I like him more than Heihachi. Who doesn't?
Kazuya: We’ll see about that…
Heihachi: All right, then! Let’s go!
Heihachi: Feel my wrath!
Jin: Well it’s there in twenty minutes or your money back, so it has to be speedy!
A-Chan: You bet, Jin.
Kazuya: …what?
Kazuya: …I already knew that.
Jin: Nani? ^_^; Me?
Jin: Someone’s cross-dressing?! (covers his virgin eyes)
A-Chan: ….crossover, Jin. Crossover. There is no explicit material besides blood, gore, and death in my fanfics.
Jin: (uncovers his eyes) What a relief! Finally, a kid-safe fanfic!
A-Chan: Uh huh… anyway, our next match is between Lei Wuloung and Nagisa.
Jin: Nagisa? Never heard of her.
A-Chan: Oh, no, no, Jin! Even though the name is traditionally a lady’s Japanese name… Nagisa is a male.
Jin: O o;
Eiji: (sniffling) …it was a good list…
Jin: (closes can) Sorry, it’s just so fun!
A-Chan: Save it.
Nagisa: …what the hell is this?
Jin: (groan)
A-Chan: Lei refused to make a cameo on my ridiculous fanfic, so Josh will be our stand-in Lei!
Jin: There goes the neighborhood.
A-Chan: Nope, there goes the ratings!
Jin: We’re getting ratings?!?
Josh: haha… uh… ok? I don’t have a gun anyway… haha
Jin: (yawns and stretches out, looking around) Did I miss something?
A-Chan: Of course not!!
Jin: Oh? Oh! Well, uh, yeah of course I didn’t! I was awake the whole time, so, how could I have missed an--
A-Chan: Well, Jin-chan, want to announce the next match?
Jin: J-Jin-chan?!
A-Chan: (cough) Jin-san? ^ ^;
Jin: …okay, aheh… yeah… Well, hai, I’d love to announce the next match!
A-Chan: Yes, yes, yes…
Jin: Minna-san, our next match is the Battle of the Pretty-Boy Long-Haired Reddish-Blondes! Of course this means none other than—
Sofia: HO HO HO! That stupid low-level fanfic writer believes this will even go beyond her friends!
Iori: Hahahahaha! Baka! What a joke!
Zangeif: WHAHA!
Rugal: WOOOO . . .
Demitri: Vhaha! Vhat a viot, vhat a viot!
Josh’s head: haha
Jin: No! It can’t be…!
Jin: GAH!! Him?! O <; How could he… why would he… I can’t stand him!!
A-Chan: Geez, Jin, cool it, you’re steaming up the room!
Jin: (with steam coming out his ears and his usual pale complexion ranging somewhere in ‘tomato’) Nani?! What do you mean?
A-Chan: Eh heh! Never mind! Okay, okay, how about to cool off, you read the other opponent off and make him sound better than Hwoarang!
Jin: (taking deep wheezing breaths) …o… okay… I’ll do that… (takes the paper and calms himself down a bit) In... the other corner… (points to the opposite corner) …over there… is the other pretty boy red-head type blonde who had BETTER WIN (standing up) or else I will personally TEAR HIS SHRIEKING HEAD OFF WITH MY BARE HANDS!! You hear that?! Huh?! YOU BETTER WIN OR EL—
A-Chan: (pulling Jin back down into his chair) That’s enough announcing for you!
Jin: (still breathing a little hard, his hands clenched into tight fists) …
A-Chan: (clearing her throat) Anyway! This English… er… Scottish… uh… (looks at the page with a confused expression) …WHATEVER! This swordsman credits a lot of his skill to his best friend, a young Japanese man and his brother that he trained with, the other star of this show--
Jin: (not quite as calm as he should be) You better beat him, blondie, you hear me?! If you don't, I am going to totally rearrange your face when I get the chance!!
A-Chan: ^_^;; Okay Jin.. calm down... It's time to start the match!
Jin: ...my heart overflows with joy.
A-Chan: *sighs* Let the match begin!
Kayin: (laughs) I don't think so!
Hwoarang: (stares at Kayin with his head tilted to the side slightly) Uh... your.. hair..
Hwoarang: (grinning) Sucks for you, man.
Kayin: (now extremely pissed) Ahhh, that's it!! You're going down!
Everyone stops and stares as Kayin struggles to pry his sword out of the ground.
The crowd goes wild.
Just as Hwoarang delivers the final punch, however, he stops as a loud crunching sound rings out as his hand meets Kayin's face, his expression changing from smug to pained. Everyone waits anxiously for something to happen.
A-Chan: That would be a match! Hwoarang is theeeee winner! (Gong sounds and confetti flies around)
Jin: (crying and whining while pounding on the floor) No! No! No! This is all a bad dream! A bad dream!!
A-Chan: (leans over and pats Jin on the back) Ooh don't cry.. you look like a little girl..
Jin: (straightens up and sits back down in his chair in a super-stoic fashion) Right.
A-Chan: *sigh* Well, that's it for today! Join us again tomorrow for three totally new matches! And, if you feel like it...
Jin: ...do I really have to do this?
A-Chan: (faking a smile, through clenched teeth) _Yes_, you're the cuter one...!
Jin: -_-; Okay, okay... Well, if you feel like it (points to a poll box in the corner) tell us who you think should be pinned against who, and why! Leave the rest up to us!
A-Chan: It's like Celebrity Deathmatch, only stupider, badly written and now YOU can pick who fights who!
Jin: 'Till next time, minna!
Zoomo: Hello.. I am the magical Zoomo...! Weee kabong zap! If you would like to leave a message.. please e-mail Destiny_Sephiramy@yahoo.com or leave a review... tell us what you want to see.. tell us what you need to see... You can also go see cast and crew at https://www.angelfire.com/geek/poolhall/writing/VS_cast.html Thank-uh you!(disappears in a puff of smoke)
