Welcome to Amalot's Contest Collection!
These are, without a doubt, some of the BEST stories in the entire collection! Although all of the stories are incredibly hilarious, these are particularly so. They were all written within a matter of minutes, in a contest to find out who could write the best one! And who do you think the winner is?
Shortly, I will be putting up a poll here, and you will be able to vote for your favorite story from the Contest Collection! Also, you can always email me to tell me which stories are your favorites! But I am particularly fond of these, specifically; they just make me feel so warm and fuzzy, on the inside! That is, after I'm burning up because I'm doubled over with laughter and thus accidentally forget to breathe and begin to smother myself.
But enough of my ramblings, on with the Contest Collection!
Note: Once again, the titles are NOT the actual titles! They're simply ways to identify the particular story; none of the stories ACTUALLY have titles! GOT IT??? GOOD!!! (Can you hear me now? Good!)
Livy:
Once upon a time, there lived a little girl named Livy. Actually, she didn’t live, as she was dead. Quite dead. Dead in the head, as it were. She enjoyed playing around in her grave, specifically, rolling, as it was fun and time consuming, and made her forget that she was dead. She liked to come out and haunt random houses, too, because then people screamed and ran away, and she laughed at them because they were funny, not funny haha but funny oh-my-god-there’s a ghost! Haha funny. Get it? Got it? Good. Ya know, I like enjoyment, it is enjoyable. So then I says to Livy I says, what are you going to do when you grow up? And so she said, I sure hope I don’t, and I said why, and she said because and I said you’re stooped and she laughed at me and then gave me an atomic wedgie, which was actually kind of arousing, as it did naughty things to my naughty bits, and then bit my leg. Ouch, that soo did not hurt! Oh dear, I think my fan broke. SHIT FAN!!! So anywho, our story begins with a bear. Jk, lol. So then, he says to me, he says, I don’t know where I’m going, but I sure as hell don’t like it! And then he died, cuz he’s a slave for you, and I’m a slave for you, too, but then I die so now I have to go now and play with Livy, we are dead.
The Cactus
So once there was this guy and he was an old guy. He used to be an astronaut now he’s not so sure. So like, he wore his space suit day and night. He even showered with it. He had a problem with humping cactuses, also known as cactius anonymous. Anyway, the cactus would be like, sitting there, and he would come up to it and shout dirty things at it. This would make him very turned on. Then he would straddle the cactus. A lonely tear would run down his face. Meanwhile, a spider comes along, humping his foot. His tears stop. They were now tears of joy. Oh btw, there was a lake near by. This frog jumped in the lake and since the lake had chemicals in it, it made his skin all droopy, like a slave for you.
The IMaginium
Once there was this person, and it was really kinda sad. The reason it was so sad was, well, because it was really a woman. A whore woman. But don’t make fun of her. She is quite proud of her femininity. She worked in this place called the IMaginium, where she was a waitress. It was a place that smelled like bad things – like urine and shit and stuff. But she pretended to be happy. But one day, her boss was replaced by this space alian, and he demanded that she “serve his needs” but she didn’t really understand how too because he was different from other humans. So she ran away, after being “done did’ in the night. She got her hair cut short, and turned into a man. But she was always a girl. A girl 4 u. really like a slave 4 u. She wouldn’t forget who she was, so she wore a thong and it was a hiking thong. It was kinda see through, and got all misty eyed when it thought of her. She tried her best, and at night ran away on a bus, but always ended up in the same place-at the imaginium. To make herself feel better she would listen to songs about “how good it felt inside” and she would feel really horny. Once there was this carcus, and it kinda looked like her in man formation. But at the same time it kinda made her weepy eyed. It was dead, and she would kinda touch it with this stick. She would prod it. But in a way that did not connotate romantic interest. She would push it out the window every day, and then pretend it didn’t exist. But she would go down out the window and bring it up every morning. She was a slave for you ….
Sheep Lovin'
She loved children, and sheep. And they loved her. Wearing her little red hat, Annie Bananie enjoyed relaxing on the beach, doing you-know-what amidst the sandcastles with little children, sheep, and roses. Lots of roses. With thorns. Glorious, beautiful thorns, that pricked her and hurt. You see, Annie Bananie was also a sexual dominatrix. She would tie up the little children, place them in a canoe, next to a red red rose, and pull out her long, gorgeous whip. It was made from wool … donated by a sheep that she had known, in the biblical sense. Ewe know? Aye, no. One day, while vacationing with her sheep, she saw a lost little girl, in a canoe. Lust boiled up in her veins … she could not deny it. Annie Bananie called to the child, bu the child would not come to her. “Here, child!” she cried, riding her sheep, literally, across the sands of time. “Come here, so that I may do naughty things to your naughty parts!” And then she would sigh, and caress her sheep. And she would fall asleep, wearing the magickal red hat that gave her her magnificent powers of sexual prowess.
Well, that's it for the Contest Collection! I hope you enjoyed these wonderful stories. For more like them, as well as more humorous thongs (and yes, I mean that in the literal sense!), please return to Amalot ... K?
