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A Day In Pain
4-26-02
My soul is breaking down inside
My heart it has no place to hide
I'm locked inside my charred, black hell
If time is passing by I cannot tell
As the storm slowly gathers in my eyes
As my heart is crushed in the land of lies
I feel as though no one cares
Why can't someone just be there
For a timid little gothic girl
Who likes to follow the darker trail?
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

A Million Lies
11-13-99
As I watch the smoke of a million lies burn,
Visions of dense darkness run across my mind
Bringing deep memories into play.
I remind myself that I am no angel
And that I will never be one until I die,
Something I do not plan on doing for a while.
I blow out the candles
One by one,
And watch the smoke escape out into the air,
Where it will be breathed in by someone.
I relight the careless candles and look at the bright flames,
And I wonder why is life so hard to live with,
Why do the bad things happen to good people?
I do this watching the smoke of a million lies burn.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

A Time Of Many Thoughts
11-02-02
The anger dwells up in my brain
Causing me nothing but pain
No one understands
What I feel with my heart
And why I am
The way I am
The sound of depression
Fills my ears
With thoughts of death
Thoughts of somehow getting out of
My haunting life
The voices yell
Scream
Echo throughout my dreams
Leaving me with no where to run
In my times of need
And the one person I can run to
Lives in another town
So I half to wait until
School to let my feelings out
But around him I am at peace
No anger
No pain
All I feel is love
My problems forgotten.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Absence Of Love
5-25-02
Sitting in the absence of love
I feel no pain,
I feel no joy,
I feel nothing.
My heart yearns for someone
Who can understand my pain
Who can hold me tight
Who can give me the gift I long for.
The gift of love.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Air
11-29-2000
Around
Immortal
Resource
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Alaya
1-20-2000
Angel
Loving
Adventurous
Young
Amanda
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Alisha
8-31-99
Why did you have to go away and leave only memories behind?
Why did you have to go away and make me lose my mind?
I love you like a sister
You know that I do.
Alisha, sissy, bestfriend,
Please come back to right the wrong.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*
Dedicated to: My sister Alisha Ann Bentrim

Alone
7-6-99
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night For no reason.
Was it a dream?
Or was it instinct?
I have no clue.
As I sit in bed trying to think of why I woke up,
I hear a faint noise.
I see a shadow in my doorway,
I reach for my lamp.
Quickly I turn on the light.
Nothing is there.
I'm alone,
Just like I was before.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Amanda
9-12-99
Animal
Music
Adventurous
Nice
Determined
Always there
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Angels
10-30-99
Angels dressed in spotless white surround us all.
They give us roses and teach us lessons.
Love is one of the lessons the angles teach us.
They tell us love is right and hate is wrong.
They understand when we mess up,
And they forgive us.
Angels show us the lighted path,
And tell us to disown the dark one.
Angels dressed in spotless white surround us all.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Anger
5-14-99
I see red before my eyes
My anger stabbing me like a knife in my spine
I walk away from my pain
Pain which is hidden away by a cloud of blue sorrow
I look into your eyes and I see the lies which you
Have told to me and to others
I hear the gunshot
I slowly turn and walk away.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Anger and Hate
01-28-2001
Why?
That is the only question that fills my head
When I look into your crystal blue eyes.
What did I ever do to make you so insane
With anger and hate towards me?
I would cry because of the pain that
You would cause me both physically and mentally.
You were the only father that I ever knew
And all you did was hate and abuse me.
But I'm stronger now
And my anger and hate have driven me to insanity.
As you will soon see.
As I sneak up behind you in the dark alley.
Suddenly there is a knife at your throat.
The last words you hear are "Hi, daddy."
Then suddenly you are on the ground
A pool of blood surrounding you.
Did I, the perfect little angel, kill?
Hell Yes!
Me, an angel? HA!
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Anger and Rage
8-??-2000
I'm full of anger and rage that I can't even begin to explain.
All of the hurt inside has come from a past of molestation and abuse.
I am upset and depressed and sometimes
Want to end this everyday torture we call life.
I have found few people whom I
Truly and honestly trust telling my emotions to.
I have four sisters and one brother and two mothers.
My sisters names are
Alisha, Tiffeny, Ecco, and Megan,
My brother's name is Michael,
My mother's are June and Becky.
I love these people with all of my heart and soul,
But inside I am full of Anger and Rage.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Are We All
4-4-02
As the sun slowly burns,
As this world slowly turns,
As nature slowly takes its course,
I am flooded with the feelings of
Love and happiness.
I sit here on my porch
Smoking my cigarettes
Looking out into the world
Wondering,
Waiting,
For what, I'll never know.
I know what love is like
I know what hatred is like
But don't we all?
Are we all just floating in this
Universe
Trying to find our way?
Are we all,
So to say,
Dead?
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

As I Slowly Fall Asleep
8-4-01
As I slowly fall asleep
The devils breath upon my cheek
Midnight slowly turns outside
To my window I abide
In the darkness of the night
I am not cloked in fright
Satan's breath upon my cheek
As I slowly fall asleep.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

As One
11-29-03
As the moon waxes and wanes
As the seasons slowly pass me by
I am encircled in the warm of true love
So pure and everlasting
So honest and true
The flame of our love burns forever
Our hearts are not separate
The have combined into one
And forever each day
We will greet the morning sun
As one
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*

Autumn Rain
5-12-99
As I lay in bed thinking about my future you come dancing through my mind.
I know that you are just in my mind,
But when I think about you it's as if you really are there.
I can't wait until the day I can hold you in my arms
And watch you grow up day by day
Month by month
Year by year.
But until that day arrives you are the little girl in all of my dreams,
The little one who calls me Mommy.
Even after you are born you will be my little girl,
The one I love
The one who will stay.
In my dreams you come running through a field of
Daisy's and thorn-less roses.
Your brown hair blowing in the wind and your brown eyes sparkling like gold.
You look me in the eyes and say
"Mommy I love you!"
But for now Autumn Rain that is all in my head.
And now it is time to go to sleep,
So I can dream of my little Autumn Rain.
*~* Amanda E. Dockus *~*
(This is one of the first poems I ever wrote.)