Set Me Free
by Ricci
Email: barw2a01@uni-trier.de
Author's notes: This is a 1x2, with some 'guest appearances' of 4. Beside that it's a pretty mushy story and inconsistent with the Gundam Wing timeline. Gomen nasai!
I took some liberties with the medical stuff in this story, the treatments administered here would never happen in the real world. But, hey, they can build gundams, sooo...... ^_~
Oh, and this story is YAOI, with some citrusy parts later in the plot, so anyone who is bothered by that should stop reading now (butof course I know you aren't!).
Surprisingly - as my fav character is Heero - there'll be mostly Duo in the beginning, you'll see why! That said - have fun!
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing and all related characters belong to Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and TV Asahi. No copyright infringement is intended, no money made.
Many thanks to Chaos Angel who beta-read the story for me,arigatou gozaimasu!!
Archive: of course, if you like to!
C&C craved!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Part Two
Several weeks later
"MAXWELL!!!" Duo flinched as the well-known voice thundered through the
room. "Get your sorry ass in here, NOW!" Junako smiled at him in sympathy as
Duo sighed and straightened himself to face Hazegawa-san.
"Guess I'm in for another round, huh..." said Duo. Just then a strange noise
filled the room. It didn't sound like any of the xerox machines or phones...
in fact its origin seemed to be awfully close... Junako stared at Duo with
wide eyes.
"Duo... your beeper...?" she breathed.
Duo's mouth fell open as he fumbled frantically for his keys. The beeping
noise got louder as he pulled them out of his pocket, and a red light on the
small metallic tube blinked furiously.
"Heero!"
"I'll tell Hazegawa-san!" Junako yelled as Duo made a mad dash for the door.
He didn't even hear her.
When he arrived at his apartment, out of breath, the door was ajar. He had
seen the ambulance on the street; he had known they'd be there before him.
His heart pounded with anticipation when he pushed the door open. Kitamura
sat on the bed beside Heero whose shirt had been stripped off, revealing the
sensors attached to his chest.
"How is he?" asked Duo breathlessly. Kitamura looked up at him and smiled.
"He's waking up, Duo-san. He's finally waking up!" Duo wanted to scream and
dance in joy, but he could not tear his gaze from Heero. His eyes were
moving under his eyelids, and there! His fingers had twitched.
'God, how often have I imagined this exact moment,' Duo thought. Just then
two EMTs entered with a gurney between them. Before Duo could ask, Kitamura
explained.
"They're taking him to the hospital. We have to monitor him closely. Help us
with him, will you?" Duo nodded and shrugged out of his coat, tossing it to
the side. Kitamura marveled at his swift movements as
Duo knelt down beside Heero and disconnected the IV while brushing some
strands of hair out of Heero's face at the same time. They lifted Heero onto
the gurney and strapped him to it.
"Should I take some of the medication?" Duo asked, immediately feeling dumb
when Kitamura shook his head no.
"But you might bring the wake-up-bag you prepared. He might need it soon."
When they had transferred Heero to Duo's apartment Duo had insisted on
packing a 'wake-up-bag', as he called it, just in case Heero woke and they'd
have to make a hasty exit. It did come in handy now, Kitamura
had to admit.
"Oh yeah! Nearly forgot about that!" Duo said ruefully and went to get it
immediately. Five minutes later he sat beside the gurney inside of the
ambulance, holding Heero's hand. Kitamura sat on the other side of the
gurney and watched Duo.
"Duo-san... I'm sorry, I don't want to destroy the moment, but I have to
remind you that it's not like when he wakes up from a bad dream. 'Waking up'
in his case just means that he reacts to external stimuli, such as calling
his name or just calling out to him in general. He may move his face to the
sound, or just his hands, who knows. Sometimes he might even not react at
all. His reflexes are very limited." Duo stared at him dumbfounded.
"What does that mean?" Sighing Kitamura explained.
"‘Waking up’ is just a term we use, Duo-san. It doesn't mean his eyes snap
open and he'll be the same person again." Duo looked back at Heero whose
eyes were moving rapidly under closed eyelids.
"But I thought..."
"I'm sorry. But he'll get there, in time. I guess it'll be harder
for you to come here after work, but I'll see to it that his therapy
sessions are scheduled in late afternoon," said Kitamura.
"You mean I can stay during the therapy sessions?"
"I think it's imperative that you do! He's used to your presence, I'm sure
therapy will be a whole lot more effective if you're there to help." 'And
it will ensure you don’t feel left out,' concluded Kitamura in his mind.
"Count on me!" blurted Duo. "I'll be there!"
He was true to his word.
*~*~*
Nine weeks later
"Duo-san, please calm down!" Kitamura leaned forward and offered a
kleenex-box to the sobbing young man. "It's not your fault."
"Yes it is!" retorted Duo miserably, taking some tissues
and blowing his nose. "I should never have yelled at him!" Kitamura leaned
back again and studied him.
"You're being too hard on yourself. Did you ever hear about
something called stress? No one expects you to have infinite resources, you
need to take a break."
"Don't tell me what I need to do!" said Duo angrily and wiped his nose
again. "How can I leave Heero alone like that?"
"But he isn't alone, Duo-san. And he needs time to relearn the basics. You
can be proud that he is able to sit and walk by now, without your help he
would never have gotten that far in such a short amount of time." answered
Kitamura. Duo just stared at him.
"Short amount of time?" Sarcasm dripped from his voice. "It's been nine
weeks!!" Kitamura nodded.
"Yes, nine weeks. And it will be maybe nine months before he recognizes you
and relearns to talk. What do you expect? I told you in the very beginning
that it wouldn't be like waking up from a bad dream,
pretending nothing ever happened." Fresh tears welled up in Duo's eyes.
"I just want him back," he whispered brokenly, clasping the tissue in his
hands. "It-it's not him I look at. He's...like a baby. The innocence in his
eyes... sometimes I can't bear it." Kitamura's eyes softened and he took
Duo's hands between his own.
"There's a pretty good chance that Heero-san will recover completely, it
just takes time. It will all come back to him in time; we need to have
patience. I know how hard this must for on you. I experienced this very
situation with other patients and their family before. And that's why I
really think you should take a break. You're no good to him if you break
down in front of Heero-san." He hated to put it that bluntly, especially
when he saw the despair and self-loathing in Duo's eyes, but it was a
necessity.
"But-but, I have to make up for yelling at him..." Sadly Kitamura shook his
head.
"He doesn't understand. That's why he was afraid of you; not because he
feared you, but because backing away is the natural reaction of
a child when confronted with anger, and Heero-san displays the basic
emotions of a child at the moment. He won't understand if you try to explain
your anger to him, because he most probably has already forgotten about it.
Look Duo-san, you know it's not like I want to exclude you from the his
therapy, I still think you play an important part in his recovery process.
However, it's for your own and finally for Heero-san's good." Duo heaved a
sigh.
"What would you suggest?" Kitamura thought for a moment.
"What about Winner-san and Barton-san? They have visited several times, why
don't you go visit them for a change?" Duo seemed to consider it.
"I'm talking about one or two weeks here. Nothing big will happen in two
weeks, Shelley will continue working with Heero-san on his reflexes and
basic motor activities. We'll take good care of him for you."
said Kitamura, relieved that Duo appeared to be convinced.
"Promised?" asked Duo, with a glimmer of his usual cheerfulness in his eyes.
Kitamura smiled broadly. "Promise. Now get the hell out of here!"
Duo laughed heartily and extended his hand to Kitamura.
"Thank you, Kitamura-sensei. I really, really appreciate."
*~*~*
Duo pushed the sunglasses higher up on his suntan lotion slick nose and
stretched languidly. He could hear the waves crashing to the shore, some
gulls shrieking high in the sky and beside him the soft snore of a sound
asleep Trowa.
Coming to Quatre's beach house had been one of the best ideas he had ever
had. It felt so good to have Quatre and Trowa with him. He turned to his
side on the brightly colored bath towel and smiled at the sight of Trowa,
sprawled over his own towel and slowly but surely getting a sunburn.
Stretching once more he got up and walked into the house,
his eyes needing a moment to adjust to the relative darkness
inside.
"Quatre?" he called out.
"In the kitchen." came the reply.
"You better put some lotion on Trowa, he's getting grilled out there." said
Duo grinning as he leaned against the cool doorframe and folded his hands
behind his head. Quatre smiled at him.
"Will do. Would you like some iced tea?" Duo gratefully accepted the offered
glass and closed his eyes as the cool liquid ran down his throat.
"Duo... are you sure you don't want to stay with us for another week? Two
weeks of vacation, that's rare for Trowa and me, and we'd both be happy if
you were here with us." Duo grinned.
"Nah. Don't want to disturb you two lovebirds!" He was amazed that Quatre
still blushed at that. Geez.
"Besides, I really miss Heero. And Shelley, too. And Kitamura-sensei. Oh
well, the whole gang at the hospital." He took another sip of his tea. Of
course he didn't tell Quatre how it made his heart contract painfully
everytime he saw them kiss or look at each other with that certain kind of
longing in their eyes. It made him think of Heero's eyes, how happy he had
been to see his eyes again... at first...only until he had realized they
weren't the same eyes as before, just as if Heero wasn't the same person.
Instead of sparkling with Heero's sharp intellect they were often dull and
what was even worse: innocent. If the eyes were truly the windows to a man's
soul then Duo wondered what was left of the Heero he once knew. It became
harder and harder to trust Kitamura-sensei's words that Heero would recover
eventually and remember his old life.
"Duo, are you alright? Duo?" Quatre's words broke through his reverie. The
blonde boy gave him a worried look.
"Just homesick." sighed Duo.
*~*~*
It was late evening. The hospital hallways were empty except for the night
nurse checking on patients. Kitamura sat in his office and stared at his
computer screen. A new chance. But still... an experiment. His eyes fell on
the folder that bore the name 'Yuy Heero' and his thoughts were with a
certain young man with a cheeky grin and a chestnut braid. He rubbed his
tired eyes and continued to stare at the screen. It was just a short
message, with a long file attached to it that explained procedures and
possible risks. As a neurosurgeon he should jump at this opportunity and let
Yuy-san prepare for surgery first thing the next
morning. As a friend of Duo-san he couldn't bear to think about all that
could possibly go wrong. There were a lot of those.
But the chance....
*~*~*~*~*
When Duo entered Heero's hospital room, he saw Shelley bowed over him,
bending Heero's legs.
"Oi, Shelley! Long time no see!" The therapist, Shelley, was a gentle young
woman with white blonde hair that she kept tied back, and Duo had liked her
on first sight. They hadn't done much in the beginning, just talking to
Heero, giving him massages, listening to music, working his arms and legs,
just as she was doing right now.
"Hello, Duo-san, good to have you back." She answered and smiled at him. "I
think Heero-san missed you, he kept looking at the door all the time." Duo's
eyes wandered immediately to Heero who was looking at him right then.
Shelley sensed that Duo needed some time alone with his friend. "I'll be
back later." Duo nodded and gave her a small grin that faded when the door
clicked shut behind her.
"Heero." he breathed. Heero looked at him with bright blue eyes, not
smiling, not flinching, but somehow still acknowledging Duo's presence.
"I missed you, koi." whispered Duo and bowed to press soft lips on Heero's
forehead. He felt something tugging at his hand and when he opened his eyes
again, he saw that Heero's gaze was now focused on his hand. He had taken
Duo's hand and was playing with the
fingers, bending and curling them. Duo sank down on the bed and just watched
him, reveling in the feeling of Heero's warm touch, even though he knew that
it was born from childlike curiosity. He sighed deeply and found Heero
watching him, confusion and apparent disorientation in his eyes. He swayed
and sagged, and Duo caught him just in time. "Easy there. Would you like to
take a walk with me?"
After weeks of physical therapy Heero had relearned the basic motor
activities like sitting and walking, but he needed someone to tell him where
to go, to lead him and guide him to a place to sit down. Duo had found out
that Heero liked to sit near the smoker-room, beside a panorama window,
where the sun would shine on him. Duo liked to think that it reminded him a
little bit of their apartment.
"Here, let's put on your sneakers first." He helped Heero sit up again, so
that his feet dangled from one side of the bed.
Duo slipped the sneakers on Heero's feet and tied the laces as firmly as he
could, so that Heero wouldn't trip. It had already happened one time. Then
he slid one arm around Heero's waist and gently pulled him to a standing
position. Normally Heero would start walking on his own now, though he
always waited for someone to come and take his hand. This time, however, he
just turned around so that he was face to face with Duo. They were standing
so close that their noses nearly touched. Duo felt his heart pound. He gazed
into the blue depths of Heero's eyes, which were unreadable at the moment.
Something flickered there: curiosity maybe, before Heero suddenly lifted his
right hand and touched Duo's cheek with the pads of his fingers. Duo
trembled under his touch, breathing quickly, heartbeat speeding up. Heero's
fingers slid over his cheek to his slightly opened lips where they
hesitated.
Without pausing to look at Heero Duo pressed his lips to those fingers in a
soft kiss. Heero made a small sound and withdrew his hand, staring at his
fingers and moving them. Then he turned and shuffled to the
door. Duo found his breath and went after him, his heart beating joyously.
He caught up with him and took his hand.
No words were uttered, nor were they necessary.
*~*~*
Shelley found them still at the panorama window an hour later. "Hey guys!"
They both looked at her, Heero with his usual non-expression, Duo with a
grin.
"Hey Shelley! Time for another work out?" She nodded and took Heero's hand.
"Kitamura-sensei wants to talk to you." she informed Duo and pulled Heero to
his feet. Duo frowned.
"Oh? Okay, then I'll catch up with you later." He patted Heero's shoulder.
"Be nice to her, man!"
*~*~*
"Shelley said you want to talk to me?" Duo nudged the door to Kitamura's
office closed with an elbow.
"Yes, that's right, please take a seat." Kitamura looked up from the report
he had been writing and closed the folder. "I meant to tell you this before,
but I had to think it over first." Duo had flopped down on a plush seat and
rested his elbows on the chair's armrests. "A fellow neurosurgeon sent me an
email with a report attached to it. It included several case studies of
severe brain injuries that had been treated with a relatively new method and
had recovered completely in record time. We're still talking about surgery
here, though, and it would be a long and risky operation." Duo digested this
with wide eyes.
"Brain surgery?" The word reverberated with unknown horrors. Kitamura
nodded.
"Yes, brain surgery. I'd be the one assisting, which is why I wanted to
think this through first. But I have to inform you of the risks." Duo slowly
shook his head.
"Wait a moment. You said they completely recovered after the operation? And
you think Heero would, too?"
"The chances are fifty to fifty. The treatment hasn't been tested
extensively yet, like I said, it's new. It could mean that two weeks after
the surgery Heero will be completely recovered, except for the scars of
course. It could also mean, and that is what I mean by risk, that he might
never recover. That wouldn’t be the worst that could happen." Duo swallowed.
"What-what else could go wrong?" Kitamura shrugged and opened another folder
on his desk. "The parietal lobe could be damaged, which would result in the
inability to discriminate between sensory stimuli or to locate and recognize
parts of the body. If it is severe damage, it might lead to inability to recognize
oneself. Another part that could possibly be damaged are the basal ganglia.
Damage of these would result in movement disorders, that means for example
tremors when Heero-san is resting and when he initiates movement, or
abnormal increase in muscle tone and generally difficulties initiating movement.
At worst it could result in the Parkinson's Disease."
Duo needed a little time to process that and translate it into something he could
understand.
"I need your permission to perform this operation, Duo-san. You're
officially Heero-san's guardian." Kitamura watched Duo closely.
"Would you recommend that... method?" The young man looked calm, and there
was a bright ember of hope in his eyes. Kitamura nodded solemnly.
"Yes. I would. I spent the last week acquainting myself with the necessary
equipment and talking to some of my colleagues who have done
this operation before. I will only assist, not actually perform it myself.
If you agree, I will schedule surgery for tomorrow morning."
"So fast?" wondered Duo. Kitamura allowed himself a smile. "I was pretty
sure you would agree." Duo flexed his hands several times and looked at
them, remembering Heero's eyes, the touch of his fingers. He shuddered.
"I trust you, Kitamura-sensei, you know that."
"Hai." answered Kitamura quietly.
*~*~*
The dawn found Duo pacing restlessly in Heero's room. The anesthesiologist
had already been there and explained how they were going to proceed,
injecting Heero with a sedative and calming down
the nervous Duo. Duo had signed the necessary papers and was now
waiting for the nurse to come and take Heero down into the surgery.
"I hope I made the right decision, koi," he whispered, coming to rest on the
chair beside Heero's bed. The other boy looked strange. Several areas of his
head were shaven and he was dressed in a flimsy hospital gown. An IV
dripped fluid into his left arm. Duo softly stroked a chilly cheek and pulled the
thin sheets up higher, covering the slightly shivering boy with them.
"If something goes wrong... I hope you can forgive me. I-I'd like to say that
I'm doing this all for you, but to be honest... I guess I'm being selfish. Is it
selfish to want you back? I don't know..." Duo paused a moment, blinking
back tears. The serene expression on Heero's face reminded him so much
of the time he'd been in the coma. "I love you." he whispered and sniffed,
wiping away the tears before they could spill. "I'll be there when you wake up.
I'll wait for you." Just then the door opened and the night nurse came in.
"Duo-san. It's time." Duo just nodded and stepped away from the bed, as
she unhooked the IV and put it on the bed beside Heero, loosening
the brakes and pulling the bed away from the wall. Duo helped her
maneuvering the bed out of the room, holding the door. He followed them
to the elevator, where he would have to leave them.
Duo's pulse quickened. This was it.
He bent down and kissed Heero gently on the lips, whispering 'ai shiteru'
against the other boy's closed lips. The nurse cleared her throat.
"The elevator is here." Duo watched her push Heero inside, watched the
doors close. Now all he could do was wait.
*~*~*
Kitamura had calculated that it would take approximately six hours and had
suggested Duo should go out and busy himself instead of wearing a whole in
the linoleum, but Duo had insisted on staying. Thankfully Quatre had offered
to drop by around ten in the morning, hoping to distract Duo from his
ceaseless worrying.
When Quatre had arrived they had sat down in the hospital's cafeteria and
sipped some coffee.
"So what exactly are they doing to him now?" asked Quatre, having given up
on his intention to get Duo's mind off of the operation. Might as well ask
about it. Duo turned the cup in his hand.
"Actually it's pretty easy. They drill eight holes into his skull; stick
eight electrodes inside and stimulate his brain with a certain amount of
electricity, and hope they don't fry it in the process." Quatre gulped. That
last part was just... disturbing.
"And why does that take so long?" Duo shrugged and his glance stole to the
clock on the wall. Damn. Still two hours left.
"I don't know." Quatre was confused.
"You didn't ask?" Impatiently Duo sat his cup down so hard that the coffee
inside nearly spilled.
"I trust Kitamura, okay??" Quatre lowered his gaze to the table. Duo sighed.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to yell at you. I really DO trust Kitamura-sensei. He
explains a lot about stuff that other doctors wouldn't. And he flew in a
specialist to do all that new stuff, at least he could admit that he can't
handle it. It's just that..." Quatre nodded understandingly, still staring at his
own mug.
"It's okay, Duo. Sometimes it's hard to imagine what you're going through...
and sometimes I just don't know what I should talk about and... what not."
Duo pushed his chair back suddenly.
"Let's go for a walk, I really need to get out of here or I'm going to go
crazy!" They grabbed their coats and went outside into the chilly
November air.
*~*~*
Kitamura watched as the last electrode was carefully removed from
Heero-san's head and placed into the tank with disinfectant, dyeing the
fluid a soft pink. The operation had gone smoothly, there had been
no major setbacks. What the outcome would be... only time would tell.
Especially the first days after Heero-san woke up would be critical, because
there was a lot of information the brain had to process, and many patients
couldn't take that and lapsed right back into a coma.
However Heero-san had Duo-san, who talked to him all the time and let him be
a part of the real life going on while Heero was in a coma.
Kitamura prayed it would work.
The sutures were finally done and the assistant nurses took care of the
rest. Kitamura locked eyes with Doctor Garibaldi who had performed the
important parts of the surgery.
"Thank you, John, I never could have done this without you. I believe
there's a young man out there who'll want to thank you, too." His friend
smiled at him, he could see the smile even
through the surgeon's mask.
"I think this one is a survivor, Natsukawa. But I trust you to take good
care of him." After they had gotten out of their scrubs Kitamura
led Garibaldi down the hallway, where two young men rose as they saw them.
"Kitamura-sensei! How'd it go?" Duo's eyes were practically glued to
Kitamura's face.
"It went well, there were no problems."
"YATTA!!" whooped Duo and before Kitamura could step out of the way he had
two armful of Duo hanging on his neck. "Thank you, thank you,
Kitamura-sensei!!" Kitamura stepped back.
"It's not me you should thank, Garibaldi-sensei here did all the real work."
He watched amused as Duo shook Garibaldi's hand vigorously, pouring his joy
out in a waterfall of words.
"I'd like to thank you, too, Kitamura-sensei." Winner-san
bowed formally before him.
"Don't set your hopes too high." warned Garibaldi before Kitamura could
answer. "We don't know if the operation was successful until Yuy-san wakes
up AND takes the first few days well. I really don't want to spoil your
happiness, but... keep that in mind."Duo was bobbing his head up and down,
but obviously he didn't really listen.
"When can I see him?" he asked pleadingly.
"He should wake up in the evening, he's in the ICU at the moment, so you can
only see him through the window." Garibaldi turned to Kitamura. "I have to
catch the plane back, Natsukawa, I'm on a very tight schedule. It was great
to work with you again." They shook hands while
Duo and Quatre respectfully retreated.
"I'll let you know about Yuy-san's progress," said Kitamura.
"Yes, if you need any help just call me. You know how to reach me."
Some meters away Duo hugged Quatre. "I can't believe it, they did it, they
really did it, and he's alive!" Quatre smiled.
"Yes! I'm very happy for both of you, Duo. Let's call Trowa, ne? I bet he's
on the edge of his seat." They both looked at each other.
"Nah!"
When Quatre went to call Trowa, Duo met up with Kitamura again. "Is he
really alright?" he asked, this time very serious. Kitamura nodded gravely.
"Physically speaking, yes. Whether his brain can manage the flood of
information will be revealed in the next couple of days. Are you going
to be here?"
"Not all the time."
"Well, if you can, take some time off. I'm sure you can help Heero-san a
great deal." There were tears in Duo's eyes, a strange mixture of
relief, joy, doubt and anticipation.
"I'll be back at six."
*~*~*
Pain... pain?
"Heero?"
Duo...
"Heero, can you hear us?"
Where...? Duo...?
"Heero-san, if you can hear us, try to blink."
Pain... head hurts...
"He doesn't move," whispered Duo anxiously, his voice muffled by the
surgeon's mask he had to wear.
Kitamura concentrated on the monitors. "Give him some time. And keep your
voice down, Duo-san." The room was only dimly lit, the curtains drawn shut,
so that Heero wouldn't be blinded. Duo knelt down beside
the bed and took Heero's hand into his gloved one.
"Heero... I'm here." Heero's fingers twitched and a low moan reverberated
through the room. Duo and Kitamura looked up just in time to see one
eyelid crack open to reveal a dull blue eye. It fluttered shut again, only to
be opened again, along with the other one. There was confusion in these
eyes, disorientation and pain. Kitamura's eyes were fixed on the monitors.
He prayed that it would work...
"Heero?" Duo's voice sounded small. There was a moan again, and suddenly
Heero started to cough and gag. Kitamura cursed mentally.
"Get the sedative ready."
The nurse in the background complied immediately, grabbing the already
prepared syringe. When she was about to inject it, Duo's voice stopped her.
"No! Don't!"
"Duo-san!" Whatever Kitamura had meant to say died on his lips when he
watched Duo bend further down, so that his head was next to Heero's. "Calm
down, Heero, relax. There's a tube down your throat to help you breathe,
don't fight it or you'll tear your stitches! Relax, I'm here with you." Kitamura
was sure it wouldn't work, but Heero proved him wrong. Duo kept whispering
soothing words into his ear, stroking his cheek with a hand and pressing
Heero's hand reassuringly. Beneath his gentle caress Heero gradually
relaxed, coughing weakly several times. Kitamura was once more touched
by the understanding Duo had for the pale boy on the bed.
Heero did his best to follow Duo's advice; he clung to Duo's voice with his
rapidly dwindling consciousness, fighting the gagging reflex and trying to
accept the alien element in his throat. His mind was reeling, trying to
remember where he was and what had gotten him into this situation. There
were glimpses of Duo, a flood of images that invaded his thoughts, but the
last thing he clearly recalled was his gundam collapsing on top of him. He
just couldn't connect all those different images, the pain in his head was
becoming unbearable. He moaned again and tried to move his head to Duo's
voice, but that movement was obviously too much.
He tumbled back into blackness.
"Kitamura-sensei! What's happening??" hissed Duo, panic in his voice.
Heero's eyes had fluttered shut again, and he didn't move. Kitamura observed
the monitors with a frown. "I'm not entirely sure... It's too early to draw
conclusions. Maybe he's still affected by the narcotic, who knows..." Duo
clutched Heero's hand almost painfully.
"You should know; you're the doctor!" Kitamura fought down his own
nervousness. "Duo-san, would you please calm down! I won't make any hasty
diagnosis, we have to be patient and wait." Duo closed his eyes and
swallowed.
"Gomen nasai, Kitamura-sensei. I-I didn't mean to be rude..." Kitamura laid
a hand on his shoulder and gently led him outside. They got out of the
scrubs and the masks and went into Kitamura's office. Duo sank down into one
seat and rubbed his eyes with the knuckles of his hands.
"Would you like some coffee?" offered Kitamura and cleaned his overused
coffeepot.
"Yeah." answered Duo and stifled a yawn. He exhaled sharply and focused his
tired eyes on Kitamura's face. "I'm really sorry I overreacted back there, it was
just that... he was there. I mean, the real Heero, the one I remember. I could
feel it!" Kitamura poured water into the machine and flipped it on, returning to
his seat behind the desk.
"I think Heero-san was simply too tired. It's been an awful long operation
after all, and that's very stressful for the patient, too. The sensors
didn't pick up anything out of the ordinary. I was worried about what his
coughing would do to the sutures, but you did a good job calming him
down. We'll watch him closely throughout the night, but my guess is that
he will just sleep off the effects of the narcotic. Why don't you--"
"If you suggest I go home and take a little nap, you can forget it!" growled
Duo.
"Do you want me to sedate you? I'll do it if you don't take a break."
answered Kitamura, and from the way his eyes glittered Duo could tell that
he was quite serious. He threw his hands up in resignation.
"Okay, okay, I'll go home. BUT." He eyed Kitamura. "As soon as there's any
change in Heero's condition you call me. And be it fifteen minutes after I
left!" Kitamura chuckled softly. "I promise. And now get out of
here!"
*~*~*
A day later
There it was again.
A spark of...
He tried to retreat into the warm and fuzzy blackness again, it just felt so
comfortable there. But the spark exploded to a supernova of red glowing pain
and it wouldn't leave him alone! He was overcome by panic and tried to flee,
to hide, but there was nowhere he could go, and so it just swept over him
and carried him away to the edge of consciousness.
The noises registered first in his brain.
Something was beeping, and there was the rustle of clothes.
"Duo?" he asked, or at least wanted to, because in reality he didn't even
open his mouth. He moaned in pain.
"Heero?"
There! Duo! Heero wanted to open his eyes, wanted to see him... He
moaned again.
"Heero, it's okay to open your eyes, we killed the light. Come on, you
can do it, koi..."
His mind just froze at that whispered word, broke over that syllable, as
memories rushed into his brain, of a voice whispering to him, Duo talking to
him, all those words, it was just too much!! Tears sprang to his closed eyes
and rolled down to his ears, he could feel the wet traces they left, cold in
the air.
"Oi Heero! Please, please open your eyes, please try!"
'But I do!' he wanted to yell, growing impatient, and then suddenly he could
see him in all his glory, Duo, so close, different somehow...
"Heero..."
A small drop of wetness fell on his cheek, and he realized that Duo was
crying. Crying? He opened his mouth and found that he could do it, there was
no strange tube going down his throat. He inhaled sweet air, wincing when
the movement only served to increase the pain in his head.
"Welcome back." Duo's smile was so warm that the warmth managed to seep into
Heero's bones and make him all fuzzy inside. His eyelids started to droop
again.
"Heero, mattei! Don't go back to sleep, you slept for a whole day and a half
now. Look at me..."
There was some whispering going on that Heero didn't understand, before
Duo's face was back. It was oddly distorted somehow, and Heero strained his
eyes to get a better view, but even though the dizziness receded
and Duo's face was sharp again, he looked strange. His face was... longer,
no, thinner, and his features were just so-so strong somehow... but that
might be an illusion caused by the surgeon's mask he was wearing. Heero's
mind clumsily tried to come up with explanations, noticing for the first
time that Duo's voice was different, too, deeper.
'Maybe it's not Duo at all!' his confused mind inserted. Heero let his eyes
wander through the dimly lit room, without moving his head, since he had
learned that it would only be painful. His reflexes were so rusty that he
concluded he must have been out of it for quite some time. Never in his
life had he felt so weak, so helpless. Heero's lips parted.
"Wh-wha--t..."
God, his voice sounded horrible! And why was it so hard to formulate the
words when they were so clear in his mind? There again, whispering. Then
Duo, this strange version of Duo talking to him.
"Kitamura-sensei, your doctor, thinks it's a good idea to fill you in on
what's going on. This is what's been happening. You took a hit in your
gundam and plummeted to earth. Something went wrong and the
thing just collapsed on top of you." There was a sigh, as if Duo needed to
bring up courage. "That was one and a half years ago. Because of the head
injury you went into a coma. Last week Kitamura-sensei got information on a
new treatment for patients with brain damage, a new kinda surgery. That
surgery was performed on you yesterday morning, you've just slept off the
effect of the narcotic. Yeah, that's basically it." Another, deeper voice
joined in.
"Heero-san, we need to do some tests with you, nothing big, just some
basics. First I need to have a look at your eyes, I'll have to use a
penlight for that, so be warned. It's not bright, but the moment it hurts
you, just close your eyes." Heero wanted to nod but found he couldn't, even
the intention to move his head hurt. So he just swallowed once, numbly, his
thoughts jumbled.
"Alright, now please open your eyes." Huh? He hadn't even realized they had
drifted shut again. There was something... someone holding his hand, he
could feel it, the warmth...
Then light was stabbing at his eyes, cutting through his head like a laser,
and he gasped in pain, clenching the hand that was holding his.
"H-hurts..."
The light flickered once and was gone, leaving only dark splotches of red in
his vision.
The voice, Kitamura-sensei, said, "His eyes look fine. Physically he's
alright, the wounds are healing nicely, and the CAT scan showed no swelling.
It's up to him to get his head clear now." Heero dared to open his eyes
again and blinked at Duo. He heard the clacking of a door shutting, then Duo
was looking at him with the warmest smile he had
ever seen. It sent a delicious shiver down his spine. He allowed his own
lips to curve into a tentative smile.
Duo was helplessly fascinated. Heero had spoken, had actually pronounced
WORDS that made sense; had looked at him with recognition in his eyes, and
now... now, he was smiling at him. A small and slowly spreading smile that
made his heart ache with longing, bursting with love.
But he knew that he couldn't reveal his feelings for the Japanese boy yet,
even as the word 'koi' had slipped from his lips Kitamura had shot him a
warning glance.
It was too early for that.
But even though Heero knew nothing of his growing love and devotion, they
were friends, and friends helped each other out. Duo watched as Heero's eyes
blinked and wandered around the room. His head was held firmly in place in
order to protect the sutures, but his fingers were twitching, scraping over
the thin sheets. The dullness in his eyes had left to be replaced by the
glitter that Duo remembered so well, cobalt blue metal chips set in the
chiseled face of a young man far too beautiful for a simple soldier.
"Heero?" Duo prompted softly. Those eyes focused on him immediately and
Duo's heart leapt into his throat. During that incident three days ago, when
he had kissed Heero's fingertips, these blue orbs had remained
uncomprehending, hadn't really seen and recognized him. Now Heero's piercing
gaze seemed to penetrate him to the core, unveiling his deepest emotions.
"D-duo?" Yes, the voice had indeed changed. Though it was rough and hoarse
from the abuse by the respirator tube, it was deeper and held rich and warm,
rumbling tones.
'Bet he'd have a real bedroom voice if he'd want to seduce you.' supplied
his mind gleefully. Duo blushed thirty different shades of red. The frown
was not visible on Heero's forehead, but Duo could see it in his eyes.
"Duo... I f-feel... strange..." croaked Heero, his voice cracking on the
last word.
"I know." answered Duo and smiled, stroking Heero's hand with his gloved
thumb. "You were sleeping a whole year. It's not like you can simply shrug
that off. Do you want something to drink? I mean, I can get you some ice
chips, if you like." Heero refrained from shaking his head.
"No. Just-just stay..." Though he didn't like to admit it, Heero was
actually scared. At first it had seemed unreal, like a dream, but he
remembered so many things that must have happened not too long ago, that he
could not deny it. There were pictures of a young woman with white-blonde
hair, she was important somehow, though he couldn't tell
why. And Duo, kissing his fingers... kissing...
Heero's eyes widened.
'Koi...'
"Duo..." he gasped.
"Heero! Are you alright? Are you in pain?" Heero clenched his eyes shut and
pressed Duo's hand that was still clasped in his.
"I'm fine," he whispered feebly.
'What the hell is going on here??' his mind demanded to know angrily. He
clung to the anger, it was familiar, useful, and burned away the uncertainty
that warred with a strange feeling of hollowness in his chest. He heard the
door open and realized that Duo must have called for a nurse.
"He cramped up all of a sudden," said Duo with his worry-tinged baritone.
His fingers were still intertwined with Heero's. Heero felt a different set
of cool fingers feel for his pulse.
"Hm, at least it's not a seizure. Don't worry, Duo-san, maybe
it's just 'TMI'." Duo smiled at the old joke he shared with the nurses, but
Heero didn't understand.
"W-what's 'TMI'?" he croaked and cracked his eyes open.
"Too much information." answered the nurse and gave him a smile, before she
headed for the door. Heero looked at Duo, confused, then decided to let it
drop.
"So... I w-was in a ... coma for h-how long?" Duo's grin vanished. "Exactly
nineteen months and two weeks. Then you kind of woke up." Heero was
confused.
"Yesterday?" he dared. Duo shook his head. "No, not yesterday. You were
coming out of the coma for eleven weeks before yesterday. Yesterday you had
surgery." Heero's mind tried to process that.
"But... w-why did I have...yesterday...?"
"It's a new kind of surgery," explained Duo patiently. "Normally you would
have had surgery right after you got the head wound, but it's only done to
relieve your brain of pressure. And there was no need to do that, since they
had you on medications to avoid brain swelling. Two weeks ago
Kitamura-sensei, your doc, heard of a new way to treat patients with brain
injuries, and thought about trying that with you. We were sure you'd make it." It was all so confusing, so much time he'd lost...
"But you said...I woke up eleven w-weeks ago..."
Duo hesitated for a moment. "How much do you remember from
that time?"
"I... not m-much..." Heero flinched, as he tried to frown. "There's...
this woman... and you..." It was all blurry and clear at the same time. His
mind went back to the disaster with his gundam, clinging to the last really
clear information it had. Then it occured to him that two years had passed.
Two years! Surely something had happened during that time. "M-my gundam..."
Duo hung his head.
"I'm sorry, Heero, it's gone. Hell, *you* barely survived the crash..."
Heero flinched again. He had to stop trying to frown.
"Yeah... how did I surv-vive?"
"You have to thank Wufei for that, he saved the day, and you," answered Duo.
It wasn't quite the truth, but he couldn't tell Heero that he had saved him
in a suicidal dive right through the crossfire. It was true that Wufei had
saved the day, but Duo recalled all too well how he landed Deathscythe near
the wreck that was barely recognizable as Gundam Wing Zero, digging through
metal junk before he finally saw a bloodied hand. The world had rocked to a
halt at that sight, and hadn't Quatre appeared at that point with a medical
team, Heero would never have survived. Duo tried to swallow past the lump
that had suddenly formed in his throat and averted his eyes. No need for
Heero to see them glittering with tears. But Heero was lost in his own
memories. He remembered the short moment of helplessness that had lengthened
to an eternity of morbid fascination when he had heard the ringing creaking of
metal, knowing that his life was going to end.
He remembered that his last conscious thoughts had circled around a certain
loudmouthed baka with a ridiculous long braid.
"You sure you don't want those ice chips?" interrupted Duo his thoughts.
"W-what?" managed Heero. Duo got up to leave, but Heero refused to let go of
his fingers, holding them in a steel grip, despite his weakened state.
"Duo... I... h-how come you are still here?" Duo frowned at that and tried
to pry Heero's fingers off.
"Heero..." He didn't want to answer that question now, didn't even
want to think about it.
"Y-you called me... koi..." Duo was frozen like a deer in the headlight of a
truck, despite the strange ring to Heero's voice, where uncertainty waged a
war with anger. Suddenly Heero's fingers went limp though and fell
lifelessly on the bed.
"Heero??" The Japanese's eyes were closed and his features strained, as if
he was in severe pain.
"HEERO!!"
*~*~*
It was shortly past midnight. Duo sat on one of the plastic seats in the
hallway of the ICU and stared at his boots. To come so close to victory and
then fail...
Tears blurred his eyes and he let them fall silently. They dripped onto his
black T-shirt and left dark spots there. He heard footsteps approaching, but
he didn't look up. A warm hand rested on his shoulder.
"Duo-san..." Kitamura was at a loss. There were no words to express the
grief Duo must be feeling right now, no 'I'm sorry's’ that wouldn't sound
bitter. Hell, he was a neurosurgeon and no psychologist, so he decided to
simply stick to the truth. "It could have been a lot worse."
Duo gave a choked, bitter laugh.
"Don't you think this is bad enough?" Kitamura let himself sink into the
chair beside Duo.
"Duo-san, you know as well as I that he could have died several times
already, during the operation, after waking up from the narcotic... you knew
the operation would be risky, and you decided to take the risk." Duo finally
looked at him, and Kitamura mentally shrank back from the pain this violet
eyes held.
"But this!! This... this is even worse..."
"Worse than death?" Kitamura sounded incredulous.
"You must be kidding me, Duo-san! You'd rather bury him than deal with this
new situation?? I guess your love can't be that honest then!" Duo jumped up
and turned hateful eyes on the doctor, his fists balled at his sides.
"Don't. You. Ever. Question. My love for him!! I didn't say I'll leave him
now, did I?" Kitamura leaned back in the chair and massaged his
temples with tired fingers.
"I didn't say that. I'm sorry, I'm just as tired as you are," he answered
softly. "I did all I could, I called Garibaldi and followed his advice...
but there's nothing more I can do for him, Duo-san. Don't think I like
that thought." Duo's eyes overflowed with tears, then he crumbled to
the floor suddenly and started to sob, squatting on the floor and
hugging his knees to his chest, while he rocked back and forth.
"I-I j-just can't t-take it anymore!" he sobbed. "I d-did everything I
c-could, there's -- there's nothing left t-to give!!" Kitamura drew the
shivering youth into a tight embrace. To hell with keeping a neutral
distance to his patients, Duo needed him, needed a friend. The young
man continued to sob heartbrokenly, surrendering to the embrace.
They stood like this for several minutes in the dimly lit hallway. Duo's
hot tears seeped through the white cloth of Kitamura's lab coat and
soaked it, as he broke completely down. Kitamura didn't say anything,
too bone-weary to come up with comfort and consolation other than
just physical.
When Kitamura sensed that Duo was calming down he led the young man to his
office and pushed him gently down on the small, worn couch in the back.
Wordlessly he went and came back with a glass of water and a white little
pill. He offered it to Duo who took it without hesitation and lay back down.
Some minutes later his soft snore filled the room.
Kitamura sighed and covered the still shivering boy with a spare blanket.
"Sleep well," he whispered to the still form. "You're going to need it."
End first part
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Comments? Pleeeeeaaase? ^_^
Chapter 3