Set Me Free
by Ricci

Email: barw2a01@uni-trier.de

Author's notes: This is a 1x2, with some 'guest appearances' of 4. Beside that it's a pretty mushy story and inconsistent with the Gundam Wing timeline. Gomen nasai!

I took some liberties with the medical stuff in this story, the treatments administered here would never happen in the real world. But, hey, they can build gundams, sooo...... ^_~

Many thanks to Chaos Angel who beta-read the story for me, arigatou gozaimasu!!

Archive: of course, if you like to!

C&C craved!



Part Three


One day later

When Heero awoke for the third time, it was like it used to be; asleep one moment, awake the other. He was grateful for that.

There was no one in the room this time; no greeting commitee like the last time. Heero blinked several times and narrowed his eyes at the ceiling. It looked different. Obviously because he wasn't in the same room anymore, though he could still hear the strange beeping noise coming from somewhere behind his back.

Just when he was considering what to do now, he heard the sound of a door being opened. It unnerved him that he couldn't turn his head to look at the newcomer, but thankfully the person stepped up to his bed and revealed himself to be a doctor.

"Oh, you're awake." Heero recognized the voice.

"Kitamura?" The man nodded while his fingers felt almost absently for
Heero's pulse.

"Hai. How do you feel? Do you have a headache?" Heero's expression gave away nothing.

"I'm fine." He mumbled, staring at Kitamura with those piercing blue eyes. Kitamura vanished to return with a chair. He sat down beside the bed so that Heero could see him.

"Where's Duo?" the Japanese boy wanted to know. His voice sounded flat; emotionless. For a moment Kitamura was worried that the incident had damaged more than his motoric center. But then he remembered what Duo had told him about the silent youth's personality and suddenly saw Duo's affection for Heero from a whole different point of view. It added another layer to his growing respect for Duo.

"Duo-san went home to get some sleep. He was quite exhausted after staying with you all this time." Heero's eyebrow twitched, but other than that his expression didn't change in the least. Silence reigned for a moment while Kitamura waited for Heero to ask something, anything, but the young man remained silent. Finally Kitamura shrugged and got up, pushing the chair away. "I have to do some more tests, I will be back in five minutes." Heero didn't even look at him as he left the room.

It didn't take him five minutes to get his instruments, but he checked on Duo on the way to get them. Duo was still sleeping on the couch in his office, exhaustion drawing fine lines on his face. He was sweating and moaning in his sleep, so Kitamura turned the heat down before he left again. He hadn't wanted to burden Heero with the knowledge that he and Duo shared, though he knew it was only a matter of time until he had to tell Heero. As it was, Heero would probably find out himself in the next ten minutes.

Heero's eyes shot open when he heard the door, but it was only the doctor, Kitamura, who was pushing a cart with some machine on it. He went to the foot of the bed and drew back the covers.

"I will test your reflexes now, so I need you to tell me what you are feeling. If it helps, you can close your eyes." Heero's glare told him that he wouldn't. Kitamura attached some sensors to Heero's legs, connecting them to the strange machine with different sets of cables. "Okay, we'll start now. Tell me as soon as you feel anything." Heero concentrated and stared at the white ceiling. Kitamura frowned and turned the volt control higher. "Heero-san?"

"What? I don't feel anything." Kitamura's heart fell and he turned the machine off. So it was true. This had been the last confirmation.

"Is something wrong?" Heero's voice was quiet, and it still held no emotion, no tinge of worry. Kitamura sighed mentally and straightened. He went to Heero's side again and met the cold stare of his eyes.

"I'm afraid so. I'm very sorry, Heero-san, I had anticipated something like that but hoped it wouldn't come true." He paused, he had never been good at telling bad news. Heero just continued to stare at him.

"Your legs are... paralyzed. There has been some damage to your motoric center, caused by the operation, and it resulted in paralysis of your legs. How extensive the damage is I can't tell yet, we'll see. But this is what caused your blackout yesterday." He trailed off and braced himself. But Heero's eyes were still as empty as before. Kitamura continued. "The wounds on your head are healing well, I think the stitches can come out in about four days. Is there anything you want to ask me?" There HAD to be something, it was simply impossible that the boy could remain that calm.

"Is Duo going to be back?" Kitamura hid his incredulity. He schooled his features to express a calm and confidence he didn't feel and met Heero's eyes again.

"I can give him a call and tell him you want to see him, if you want that."

"Aa." Heero didn't look at him any longer, and so Kitamura retreated quietly, taking the machine with him. He returned to his office and sat beside Duo on the small couch for a moment, watching the sleeping boy and feeling sympathy for him. There was a long, thorny road waiting for Duo, and if he wouldn't want to take it, Kitamura wouldn't blame him.

He extended a hand and shook Duo softly. "Duo-san!" Duo's eyes fluttered open and he stared at Kitamura for several seconds in confusion, before he blinked.

"Kitamura-sensei? How long did I sleep?" Kitamura went to his desk and sat down heavily behind it.

"Nearly a whole day. Listen, Heero-san is awake now, and... he knows. I told him." Duo looked by all means as if he had received a punch in the stomach.

"So there's no doubt..." he whispered.

"I performed the test myself," answered Kitamura quietly, feeling for Duo. "His legs are paralyzed. He'll have to get used to a wheelchair." God, it stung to put it that bluntly, and how it must have stung. Surprisingly there were no tears from Duo this time. He just stared at the ground, hands folded in his lap.

"Can I go see him?"

"If you feel up to it... in fact he asked for you."A small smile crept on Duo's face.

"He did?" he whispered again, before stretching and getting to his feet. "I'll go now." He glanced sideways at Kitamura. "Thank you... I-I'm sorry I broke down on you last night, I was..." Duo trailed off.

"Don't blame yourself. Go and..." Kitamura stopped abruptly, the 'cheer him up' dying on his lips. So many false phrases for a doctor...

Duo seemed to understand and just nodded once. The door clicked shut and he was gone.

The way to Heero's room seemed to be longer than it had ever been. Never had it been so hard for Duo to just keep on walking. He didn't allow himself to think about what was waiting for him in that hospital room, didn't want to make this decision now. All he knew was that he loved Heero more than his life, and he would never let him down. No matter what the future might bring, they would face it together. But deep inside he knew that in the end it wouldn't be his decision.

The perfect soldier wasn't so perfect anymore.

*~*~*

While he was lost in his thoughts his feet had taken him to Heero's room. He hesitated for the fraction of a second before he pushed the door open and faced the lone figure on the bed. Heero glanced at him with empty and bottomless eyes.

"Duo..." Duo's fingers twitched as he nearly reached out and took Heero's hand as was his wont.

"Heero." He didn't know what to say. For once in his life Duo "Chatterbox" Maxwell fought for words. But Heero didn't have to.

"I have a request." Heero waited until he had Duo's full attention before he continued. "I want you to kill me."

"NANI???" shrieked Duo, clamping a hand over his mouth. Heero regarded him coolly.

"I don't care how. Kill me." Duo shrank back.

"W-why - are you crazy?? How can you ask -- that?!?" Heero looked away from him, to the white curtains fluttering in a soft breeze coming through the opened window. "I'm useless... like this. I take it the war is over. I was never meant to survive the war. So end it now, or I'll do it myself."

Unbidden tears rolled down Duo's cheeks, and the anguish he felt was so bitter, so absolutely hopeless that it nearly transformed into rage at this boy, who rejected him and everything he had done with a few simple words.

"So you're taking the coward's way out, huh, Yuy? That's what you wanna tell me? Well, I won't let you." Heero's head shot around and his eyes burned into Duo's like a blue white hot flame. Duo didn't let that faze him. "You can be glad you are alive, Heero! Oh, of course, we could have left you in the state you were in before the operation, sure. Me holding your pants and wiping your butt when you're done shitting." There was pure hatred in Heero's eyes then, though his voice didn't change in its usual lack of modulation.

"I never asked you to save me."

"You never asked how *I* felt! Damn it -- !!!" Duo started yelling; he didn't care any longer what Heero thought. "I love you, you cold-hearted son of a bitch! God knows I tried not to, but I do, I can't help it. I know that you're feeling *something* in that heart of yours, it's not dead yet!" To Duo's astonishment *that* got a reaction out of the other boy. Heero swallowed hard, and suddenly his eyes weren't so hard, so cold anymore, but those of a boy, alone, scared and insecure. And angry. Emotions swam through them faster than Duo could watch, and rage was always among them.

"I-I don't-- want-- to feel this!" hissed Heero through clenched teeth, his eyes burning with an unholy fire. He balled his fists and shook violently. Duo jumped up and pinned his arms down, holding him in place.

"Stop it! Heero..." An anguished cry tore from Heero's throat as his last defense crumbled under the onslaught of all those raging emotions and he clenched his eyes shut. There were no tears when he cried, choked gasps the only sound in the still room. All fury left Duo in a rush and he felt his heart open wide, overflowing with his love for Heero, as he bent down and gently took the other boy's hand again.

"Suki da," he whispered over and over, kissing Heero's bandaged forehead, his cheeks, his chin, and finally his lips. He could still feel Heero trembling underneath him, fighting to get his control back, and tried to convey every ounce of strength he had left into the kiss. Heero flinched. "You are not alone." Duo whispered when he broke the kiss,pronouncing the words slowly and carefully. "I will be by yourside as long as you let me." Heero's eyes were closed, exhaustion settling on his features in a slight frown.

"I need... I have to... think..." he whispered in a broken, feeble voice. Duo fought down the feeling of rejection and pressed Heero's hand shortly.

"I'll be back," he said as he left and went to look for Kitamura.

*~*~*

Heero dared to breathe again when Duo was gone. He wished darkness that sleep brought, but his body refused to do him that favor.

The mission had always been clear. Either be successful or die. Death had been a constant comrade; he had to smirk mentally at the ambiguity of those thoughts, but he had been sure it would have taken him sometime, when he would die alone and in pain. He had sensed death when his gundam had crashed and hadwelcomed it. But now... he didn't know what to do. The future was unclear and blurry, and it held lots of pain. Could he deal with that? Did he want to deal with that? His thoughts were in an uproar. You'll never be able to walk again. Never run again. Trapped. Useless. Good for nothing. What's there to live for anyway?

His breath left him in a rush. Duo. Love.

You don't know what love is. But you know enough to be afraid of it. It controls you, it binds you, it makes you vulnerable, and you can't afford that. Soldiers don't have weaknesses.

But the war is over.

But you're still a soldier. Without honor, but still a soldier.

The last thought burned all the way to his heart. He should have died. He should have given my life for something greater than he was. He should be rotting in hell by now for everything he did. Heero retreated to do just that, burn in his own personal hell.

*~*~*

"Talked to him, finally... told him... well, kind of." Duo was leaning on the windowsill and staring out of the small window in Kitamura's office. He hadn't told Kitamura about Heero's suicidal wish nor did he intend to. They would take Heero away if they knew. Nothing had ever broken Heero the soldier, no enemy torture, pain or despair had been able to break his determination for
accomplishing a mission. But his instincts told Duo that Heero was dangerously close to breaking right now and that Duo was the only one able to protect him.

So he kept silent, confused, angered, and saddened.

Kitamura tiredly rubbed his face with the palm of one hand. "Duo... believe me, this is too much for you to handle it alone." Duo turned and leaned on the sill with his elbows.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I think it's time to add some counseling to Heero-san's therapy." elaborated Kitamura and groaned when the crick in his neck reminded him of one too many sleepless nights. Duo was looking at him wide-eyed.

"A psychiatrist? Are you talking about a psychiatrist??" Upon Kitamura's nod he started to chuckle softly. "That would be only a waste of that poor person's patience! Hell, he barely talks to ME, you don't really think he'll open up to a complete stranger, now do you??"

"Actually I do think that it'll be easier for Heero-san to work this out
with a neutral person, if you understand what I mean. He can't
settle this with you, because he can't expect any neutral advice from you, he can't discuss it with me, because he most probably despises me right now, and for some reason I don't think he'll be able to open up to Shelley, a woman." answered Kitamura and got up to shrug out of his lab coat.

"Wait a minute- why should he hate you?" asked Duo curiously.

"I didn't say 'hate', I said 'despise'." retorted Kitamura. "I'm the easiest person to make responsible for his current situation. I know you think that this is unfair, but it is only normal and in fact healthier. It makes dealing with everything a whole lot easier." Duo emitted a bitter laugh before he turned to the window again.

"You want to... and me? Shall I stop visiting him? I waited for so long..."

"No, of course not." answered Kitamura wearily. "Think of the therapist as a... mediator. Let him talk to Heero, then talk to him yourself. I really don't think you can work this out with Heero on your own." Duo didn't like what he was hearing, not one bit. He was deathly afraid that this therapist would find out about Heero's condition and then... Bitterly he recalled those daydreams he had nursed an eternity ago, where Heero woke up and loved him as much as Duo loved him, and they'd work everything out together. He shook his head. "I don't believe that. He was... I... he was so different. You know what I mean? I felt like there's... something..." Kitamura took out his keys and locked his desktop drawers, before he grabbed his coat. Duo left the office with him, and Kitamura turned to him when they were standing in the hallway.

"Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't visit him anymore. Nor am I implying that you shouldn't talk to him, but I think he would just feel... cornered if you go and confront him with your feelings now." When he saw that Duo wanted to argue he hurried to continue. "I'm not a psychologist, but even I can see that. Give Heero-san a break and a chance to sort things through. There's a friend of mine here in the house who's a therapist, you should call him." Kitamura fumbled in his pocket for the number and gave it to Duo who sighed resignedly and took it. Uncertainty shimmered in his eyes.

"You really think so...?" Kitamura nodded. "Yes. Go home and try to relax. Everything will be fine." He found that he couldn't believe his own words when he turned and went.

*~*~*

Duo stared after Kitamura for the longest time before pocketing the piece of paper with the number on it and finally deciding to go back to Heero's room. He opened the door tentatively and peered inside. His heart melted when he looked at the obviously sleeping Heero, and he slipped silently into the room, settling down in the chair beside the bed. Heero looked exhausted, worn out, and there was a slight frown marring his forehead, though his features were softened by sleep.

"What are you thinking in that stubborn head of yours?" whispered Duo and touched Heero's hand softly with the back of his own. "Are you scared? Do you really feel... useless? Are you alone...like me...?" A soft knock disturbed the comforting silence and Duo frowned, wondering who that might be. It was Junako. He gestured for her to keep quiet and met her in the hallway, not wanting to wake Heero. "Good to see you, Junako-san! Sorry I didn't call..."

"You had other things on your mind." answered Junako, still smiling. "So how is he?" Duo's broad grin vanished immediately.

"He's... paralyzed from the hip downwards. It's an aftereffect of the operation. And he's quite...confused right now..." Junako noticed the slight pauses and sensed that there was more to it than Duo let on. But she wouldn't force him to talk about it.

"I'm sorry, Duo-san." Her eyes conveyed her sympathy. "That makes it all the harder to tell you." Duo frowned.

"Tell me what?" Junako sighed and looked to the side.

"Hazegawa wants you to come back tomorrow or you're fired." There was no other way to put it. Duo snorted.

"He can't just fire me! I have a contract!" Junako sighed again.

"Yes, you do, and the contract says six weeks vacation a year. You already had more than ten! Look, I understand your situation. But Hazegawa doesn't. He just wants to get the work done. Please, Duo-san, talk to him! Maybe you can make a deal and only work part time." Junako felt bad when she saw the scowl that she knew only hid his sorrow. Duo wasn't good at hiding his feelings. "I-I'm sorry." she said quietly and looked to the floor. Duo exhaled sharply.

"Don't be, Junako-san. It's not your fault after all." He managed a smile. Junako felt that he was shutting her out again. "I'll talk to him... tomorrow. Thank you for telling me." She bowed slightly and turned to go. It was Duo's hand that stopped her. "Sorry, Junako-san. Would you like to-to have a coffee with me?" This time Duo's smile was sincere and she felt like a weight was lifted off of her shoulders.

"Yes, very much." she answered. Together they went to the cafeteria and sat down on one of the white tables.

"Everything in here's so sterile!" commented Duo and looked around. "They could've at least made the cafeteria look normal." Junako sipped some hot coffee, holding the mug between her cold hands. She didn't really know what to talk about, there were so many things she wanted to know about Duo, but ever since that fateful evening where alcohol had overridden her inhibitions completely and she had just kissed him, he had been closed off. Polite and friendly, but not really there. Junako wanted to assure him that she understood, that she wasn't after him, at least not in THAT way. If she only could convince herself of that fact, too.

"Duo-san..." Duo's incredible violet eyes focused on her. She took a deep breath and plunged forward. "I want to apologize for - for that night, I didn't really know what I was doing. I am sorry." She bowed her head slowly, ashamed, and let the steam of the hot coffee warm her already hot face. "I-I want to be your friend." she whispered softly, willing her screaming heart to be silent. Duo stared at her bowed head, at the soft auburn hair hiding her face. Was she crying? He cleared his throat.

"I don't know, Junako-san." She looked up at him again and he saw that her eyes were dry.

"I can't deny that I feel... drawn to you." she said slowly. "I care about you. But I realize that that's not... where you're interested. That you will never feel the same for me... I can accept that." Duo leaned back in his chair and tilted his head to look at the ceiling.

"Junako-san... I don't want to disappoint you. And I'm not saying we can't be friends. But we don't really know each other, and now I don't have time to get to know another person better. I really don't want to turn you down or something, it's just... there's work, therapy... Heero needs me now. More than ever." His eyes held sympathy when he glanced at her again. Junako was silent, turning her mug around in her hands. Why did she even bother fighting that fight? It was a lose-lose situation. She found that she had lied when she had told him she could accept that. She couldn't. Heero... he was a mere obstacle for her. She knew that deep down she didn't give a damn about him, she only cared because Duo did. If Duo knew, he'd hate her. And yet... When she looked at him she felt her heart contracting sharply at the thought that he was unhappy, at the thought that he deserved happiness; and if he only found it with that darkhaired boy, so be it.

Junako placed the cup gently on the table. "Arigatou, Duo-san. I have to go. Don't forget to call Hazegawa." She bowed before she left. Duo watched her go with a pained expression on his face.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked himself. Never before had he felt so completely and utterly alone. Heero was the sun in his universe, everything revolved just around his well-being, this love... Duo folded his arms on the table and rested his face on them. He let the tears fall without making a sound.

This love... maybe it would kill them both.

*~*~*

When the cafeteria closed in the evening Duo went to have one last look at Heero. He would never admit it but he felt terribly lonely. Hopelessness weighed heavily on his slumped shoulders and he dragged his feet on the way to the second floor where Heero's room was. The door was ajar, probably the night nurse had already checked on him. Duo tiptoed into the darkened room and bit his lip. Silvery slanted moonlight fell on Heero's face, caressed his cheekbones and jawline and lent silver reflection to dark eyelashes. His slender body was still lean though it lacked the callous roughness of sinuous muscles. He looked softer now, more at ease, beautiful in a way that belied his discipline as a ruthless soldier.

Innocent.

In that moment, where Duo couldn't move, couldn't breathe, he knew that he WANTED Heero with every aspect of his being, that the subconscious longing for completion within his soul would be laid to rest when Heero opened himself to him and trusted him with every aspect of his own soul. The whispers of love died on his lips as he drew a shaking hand nearer to that inconsistent face that radiated coldness and yet held the promise of an emotional depth that was rare. A single tear escaped his eyes and rolled slowly down his cheek to drip onto the cool skin of Heero's hand. Duo snatched his hand back as if burned, but the Japanese boy didn't stir.

I have to go now.

Duo didn't dare whisper the words.

I love you, but I have to go now. Oyasumi, koi.

He didn't look back once as he strode out of the room, or he would have seen Heero open his confused blue eyes and stare at the tiny
drop of salty liquid on his hand.

*~*~*

When his alarm went off, Duo opened bleary eyes and glared pure hatred at the damn thing. He felt sick. He'd spent the last night in Heero's bed since his own bed had suddenly felt empty and cold, he snuggled deeply into the covers that still held a faint trace of Heero's smell. Duo hadn't washed them since Heero had left. But the familiarity of the smell had kept him from falling asleep, instead he was drowning in memories. It hadn't helped that he'd already felt down to begin with. This was worse than any lovesickness he had ever experienced, not that there had been much experience. He was so used to these small things like touching Heero, stroking his back, ruffling his hair, talking to him, taking a walk with Heero's hand in his own... so many little things.

Now he was forced to restrain himself, pretending he didn't know Heero's body as thoroughly as his own. A break up-- he was sure he would eventually be able to handle that. If Heero didn't want to have anything to do with him, honestly, then Duo knew he would accept that. But this is was worse. Hope and dread were waging a war with his hormones, sometimes Duo felt as if he were being ripped apart from the inside.

"Goddammit!!" He grabbed the innocent clock and threw it against the wall, though it didn't give him the satisfaction of shattered into tiny little pieces. "Goddammit." he repeated for good measure and rubbed his face roughly with his palms. Duo didn't want to go to work and face Hazegawa. He didn't want to work all day for an ungrateful stick-in-his-ass BAKA who didn't appreciate anything and he most certainly didn't want to call some psycho-something who'd pick his sex-life apart.

Frankly, he just wanted to crawl back into his warm bed, pull the covers over his head and cuddle some more with a nice dream version of said stick-in-his-ass baka doing some nasty things to him. Duo yawned and glanced out of the window. It was still dark, winter was near now. The streets appeared to be frozen and it looked quite uncomfortable outside.

Decision.

Fuck Hazegawa.

Duo let down the electric shutters and sent an angry glare to the sturdy alarm clock who sat on the floor.

Fuck them all.

The bed was still warm and cozy and welcomed him with the soft promise of oblivion.

*~*~*

Heero lay awake and stared at the snow that drifted slowly to the ground. He couldn't do much more than move his eyes, and so he had been staring at the window since Duo had left the previous night.

Duo.

If they would bury Heero under all those drifting snow flakes it still wouldn't be cold enough to match the coldness in his chest where his heart used to be.

He was frozen with fear.

They'd taken everything from him that had given his life purpose, and now they expected him to walk away with a smile? He couldn't do that,literally. Nor could he trust the feelings Duo seemed to have for him.

Did he always... care for me? Or did he convince himself during those two years that I am a really nice person inside? Heero snorted. Why was it that people always fell under the spell of the Relena-syndrome? Heero knew he was attractive, or had at least been attractive the last time he had looked into a mirror, but that wasn't the major reason. He knew it was the aura of determination and death that gave the image of the proverbial mysterious stranger who hid deep emotions under his rough exterior. Heero smirked and ignored the stabbing pain that caused.

Mysterious stranger.

To him it was clear what he was. A killing machine, a now DEFECTIVE machine, built for war, useless for peace. Simple as that. There were no more missions waiting for him, there was no purpose left to delay the inevitable. Better to die now, clean and quick, than to suffer from humiliation and die lying in his own shit. But right now he couldn't do anything except for waiting. He regretted having asked Duo to do it for him, since he would probably try to stop him. No, Heero would be patient and wait for the opportunity to arise.

No need for Duo, he told himself firmly. I don't need anyone.

*~*~*

His determination grew during the morning hours, when the nurse came to bathe him and re-dress his wounds, wrapping his head carefully with fresh bandages. Her attempts at small talk sputtered to a hesitating silence when he simply ignored her incessant chatter. The humiliation was more than he could endure, knowing that he wasn't in the hands of the enemy, that it wasn't a matter of honor not to flinch when she touched him in his most private areas. His thoughts went back to Duo as he imagined Duo doing this to him. He flushed involuntarily, but if the nurse noticed, she didn't comment on it. She undid the restraints around his head completely and pushed another pillow under his neck to support his head.

"Kitamura-sensei will be there in a minute." she assured him with a genuine smile that flickered and vanished again when he didn't react. Only when the sound of the door indicated that she was gone did Heero turn his head experimentally, finding that the pain was endurable. His arms didn't feel so weak anymore and he lifted them carefully, studying his trembling fingers.

Soft. He had gone completely soft.

Where there had been strong and lean muscles once were
only soft flesh now. They looked thin. Thin and useless.

The shame burned brighter than ever.

"So you feel better, Heero-san?" a low voice interrupted his scrutiny. Heero let his arms drop and glared at the doctor. Kitamura closed the door behind him. "How is your head?" Heero stared at the wall. The muscles in his jaw tightened imperceptibly.

"I'm fine," he said finally. Kitamura sighed in dismay. This was worse than he had expected. It was a good thing he had already called Toyama-sensei, the hospital's psychologist, since he had the sinking suspicion that Duo wouldn't do it.

"And here I thought I'm the one supposed to make a diagnosis." he answered jokingly, but his humor was lost on the grim young man before him. "Did you have any cramps during the night? Headache?" Heero still refused to look at him.

"No. I said I'm fine." Barely suppressed anger welled up in the doctor. They had done so much to save this boy, this insensitive BRAT, and he-- Kitamura forced his anger back. Toyama was better equipped to handle that, he would make sure Heero met Toyama this very morning. Kitamura schooled his expression into an emotionless mask and entered the things his trained eye could see into the patient's chart, instead of trusting Heero's words. Obviously the patient had had a hard time sleeping, there were blue smudges under his eyes. The eyes themselves were too glazed, probably from pain, as the fine lines between the patient's eyes suggested. Sensation had returned to his arms and hands, that was a good sign. The nurse had already checked for fever, pulse and blood pressure, everything in normal ranges. Kitamura flipped the chart closed again.

"In about two hours Toyama-sensei will talk to you. He's your therapist. You may want to take a nap before that." The boy on the bed locked eyes with him, fury exploding behind two bright blue irises. Kitamura just ignored him and turned to go, feeling disappointed and angry, but well aware that he didn't know Heero well enough to fight this battle. Heero lay under the sterile white neon light and fought for his control.

Weak! That was all they saw in him, a weak, sick little boy who needed to be pampered! Oh, but he could see the pity in their eyes when they looked at him, and the worst thing was that he knew they were RIGHT, he was weaker than he had ever been before, and there was nothing he could do. Heero raised his arms again and watched his shaking hands until his sight blurred.

*~*~*


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Comments? Pleeeeeaaase? ^_^


Chapter 4