Original Sin
( Chapter 1 : Treading on Dreams) [SPLAT!]



"Nein! [Four]  Mami!!!" Strong arms wrapped about Schuldich, and the boy screamed, frantically pushing at his offenders. "NOOOO!!!!"

"Schuldich…. Schu [When did I turn into a screaming fangirl!?], wake up..."

The little redhead's eyes flew open and he gasped for breath.  [Little suggests he's small child. Eleven-year-olds aren't little. Neither are thirteen-year-olds--which is what Schuldich's age should be in this fic. If you had bothered to do your homework, you would know that fact.] It was still dark and this confused him [much like everything else he was destined to do in this fic confused the readers] until his assailant pulled away and Schuldich realized that he had been crying into Bradley's bare chest. He looked up at his seventeen year-old roommate and tried a weak smile.  [But did he succeed? Or did his lips just melt into a gelatinous ooze on the bedcovers? Hmm, that is the question.]

"G-Gomen, Bradley-chan. I….I didn't mean to wake you." [Schuldich, apologetic? Yeah, right.]

"Iie. Don't worry about it." Brad realized his own compromising position sitting there on the younger boy's bed [So, his compromising position is sitting "there", IE- on the bed with them.  Does anyone here know what a compromising position looks like? Anyone? Do they resemble emus perhaps, because you have to admit, an emu sitting on the bed here would really improve the scene.], and yet he couldn't bring himself to leave Schuldich like this.  [Like what?  Sitting on the bed with someone is hardly raunchy, unless you have your dick crammed in their mouth, and Brad hasn't done that (yet).]  Smiling gently, he fluffed a few pillows, placing them behind his back to lean against the headboard and opened his arms to the genki [You know, even if this wasn't yet another travesty of a borrowed word, does Schuldich, seem "genki" to anyone?] redhead. Schuldich grinned and clambered  up into his lap, [That must be one high lap.  Does Brad weigh more than ninety pounds perhaps?] tucking his head under Brad's chin.

[You make me want to tear my hair out.]

"You'll stay with me tonight, ne [won't you]?" [Hell, at least she didn't write, "nicht wahr".  But then again, can we really expect her to have learned more than "Got", "Mami" and "Nein"? I don't think she knows "Schuldich" judging from how she seems to be utterly unaware of it being a nickname.]

Brad shivered, hoping the smaller boy wouldn't notice [HIS RAGING HARD ON].  [Nope, didn't make that up, read on.] "Of course." He tightened his arms about his chibi  friend. [Pardon me, I have to go beat my head on the wall and knock myself into a coma.] "I'll keep the nightmares away."

"Memories," Schuldich corrected with a frown. He gazed up at his best friend. "Will I ever forget, Bradley-chan?" [As Brad is older than Schuldich, I believe the proper address would be, "Bradley-kun," or even "-sempai." If they were Japanese, of course.] [Which they VERY OBVIOUSLY AREN'T]

"No," the American boy [See?] admitted softly, fingers trailing down the younger boy's spine. "But you don't want to forget. Your family is all the love you'll ever remember.  [If anyone remotely related to me produced a shitfic like this, I can honestly say I wouldn't love them anymore ^_^.] People aren't too kind here." 

Nodding in understanding, Schuldich pressed in closer to Brad's chest, rubbing his cheek against the smooth skin. He purred softly.
"If I can't have my family, then I want you, Bradley-chan." [Mmm! There's nothin' like the smell of inadvertently implied incest in the morning.] He giggled [in exactly the manner Schuldich would never giggle]. "You're the big brother I never had."

Brad smiled sadly and hugged the boy closer.  // Big brother? Is that how you see me? // [Well, he did just say that and all...]

Cautiously, Brad allowed himself to slip his hand up under Schuldich's thin nightshirt to rub the other's back. He was so soft. Brad stroked small circles over where growing ribs stretched the pale skin.  [So... Schuldich is, as this scene progresses, blowing up like a balloon? That's what you've lead us to believe.]

Schuldich was so small for an eleven year-old. [Small and little refer to size. Thin, skinny, petite, undersized, puny, slender, lean, rangy, scrawny, reedy, gangling, spare, lanky, skeletal, gaunt, and ethereal all refer to weight--and there are far more adjectives than the ones I listed which you could have used. You didn't have to use small and little over and over ad nauseum, nor did you have to use Japanese!] Not short, but so thin. Then again, his family life had been rather poor ever since his father had died. His mother had barely gotten by, but the children felt the effects. [This might have been more useful, I don't know, if you'd slapped it in the middle of the prologue instead of this mush-fest?] Then[,] after his kidnapping [Either way, it's one or the other, pick one!], Schuldich had refused to eat for days, which certainly did not help the matter. He had never broken a hundred pounds.

[Then maybe he needs to go to the hospital? Before he DIES.]

"Go to sleep, Schu." Brad brushed a few stray[,] red hairs from the German's eyes.

After his capture a few months back, there had been no need for the redhead to keep his hair long like a girl's anymore, but he soon met Brad, and the boys had instantly taken a liking to each other; probably because of their similar situation.  [They were both effeminate idiots subject to the whiles of Ray-chan.] Brad was now Schuldich's best friend [Well, not that the fact they SHARE A FUCKING BED gave that away or anything.] and ever since the older boy said he liked Schu's hair long, Schuldich would bite and kick anybody who attempted to cut it. The Esset organizers had long since given up trying.  [You know, I've met pretty butch guys with long hair already, but maybe that's just a statistical fluke, kinda like a bunch of PSYCHOTIC, ALL-KNOWING PSYCHICS giving in to the demands of a scrawny eleven-year old with an IQ of 40.]

Brad leaned back into the soft pillows. He watched the boy in his arms. Schuldich had already fallen back asleep. Smiling, Brad pressed the barest of kisses to his little friend's forehead, careful not to wake him. // Sleep, angel. [Oh, so we didn't see the end of WK where Brad calls Schuldich "Demon", did we? The WHY THE BLOODY HELL ARE WE FANFICCING FOR WK?!] Have pleasant dreams. …I'll be here when you wake. //

[My mistake, the raging hard on thing is later.]


~ * ~



"B-Bradley-chan! AHHH!!! Onegai! It….ohhh…. It feels so good!" 

[A German is speaking Japanese to an American. AGAIN.]

Brad took the slender hips into his hands and arched the boy's back, raising himself up above the tiny frame on his bed to press himself deeper inside the warm canal.  [Do you mean "ass" by any chance?] Rocking forward with a firm thrust, he buried himself to the hilt, watching with half-lidded pleasure [Pleasure comes with lids O_O? And how long has THIS been going on?] as his length sunk between thin thighs and the mounds beyond [I'm getting an unpleasant visual of legs littered with random pussies.  Where's Anson Maddocks when you need him?] to encase him in an excruciatingly tight, molten ecstasy.  [You no-likey the phrase "molten ecstasy"? Wow, you're fucked, 'cause the author loves it even more than I love the word "spooge".]

"AHHH! M-More! Brraaaadleeey!!! Engh! Oh, Gott! P-PLEASE! I-I'm going to… it's… BRAD! Oh, yes! BRAAAAAD!!!"

[Lifted this bit of dialogue straight out of a porno, did you?]


~ * ~


[Bradley-chan's raging hard on: scene two, take one!] "Bradley-chan? Brad, wake up."

Crawford's eyes opened and he struggled to calm his erratic breathing as the room came back into focus. He gulped and looked around, finally meeting eyes of concerned jade.  [Just what of become of Schuldich's usual eyes, which were made out of mucus and oozy tissue just like most eyes, he had no idea.  No wonder they looked so concerned.  Silly Schuldich, always misplacing his regular eyes like that! Well, he was an idiot after all, even by the standard of fanfic ukes.] He smiled weakly at Schuldich.  // Damn those dreams! [Always making me spooge on my Spongebob pajamas!] // 

He had been unconsciously seeing his little friend erotically for many months now. [Exposition! Hot and steaming! Come and get it! Now's the WORST POSSIBLE time to get your exposition!]  At first, he had just tried to shrug off the idea as absurd, but teenage hormones never did listen.  [Especially not testosterone, he was always a trouble-maker.] A sex-deprived, virgin, seventeen year-old is *not* something Esset had felt the need to satiate. [Yes, virgins usually are sex-deprived. Funny how that works, isn't it? It's almost as amusing as the idea of Crawford being a virgin at 17.] Brad had been there for as long as he could remember, and yet he had never had these thoughts about *anyone* [What, has he been fantasizing about table-legs or WHAT? Geese maybe? Dolphins?]….until Schuldich arrived six months ago. 

Now he found himself lying away [in a corn field with lots of gang-probing aliens!] at night, picturing smooth skin trembling at his touch [great, big barrels full of it], rose lips open in silent ecstasy, [the LSD which would make him imagine lips on roses and barrels full of flesh,] a limp cock just waiting to be awakened for the first time [so it could hop around the room and sing show tunes], a tight entrance never before touched [O_O;;; So... Schuldich doesn't wipe.  TMI!]  but reserved for Brad's pleasure alone… [Has it got a sign over his asshole or what?]

[Genki: As if various parts of your anatomy were for someone else's pleasure!]

[What is this, The Story of O?]

[Genki: I bet this would squick the author if Schu was female.  Because then she'd realize what she was writing.  "Pert, rounded breasts, specifically for squeezing by someone else..." need I write more?]

[KYA! No! I mean, Nein :P.]

He shook his head to clear the images, careful not to allow the thin sheet to dip below his waist and reveal his current state of arousal to the object of his affections.  [Take some time to learn about male anatomy! If the sheet is thin, Schuldich would be able to see Crawford's erection--because it would be a bulge under the cloth!]

"Did you have another nightmare, Bradley-chan? [No more LSD for you!]" Schuldich crawled up beside his friend on the bed and leaned his head into the older boy's shoulder.  [All I can say about THAT: ouch.] "You were groaning in your sleep again."

"Ah…n-no." Brad blushed a healthy shade of red. "It….. It was a good dream actually." [Blushing Brad=WRONG]

"Oh." Schuldich cuddled up to him [and instantly felt his RAGING HARD ON.  Of course, being a dumb fandom uke, he didn't know what the fuck it was and assumed Crawford was once again sleeping with a frozen hotdog in his bed.] and Brad quickly drew his knees up to his chest so he wouldn't face embarrassment should the boy decide to sit in his older friend's lap as usual [and try to nibble on what he would think to be a frozen hotdog, like he so often did for Brad's amusement.] Schuldich just took one [little bite] of the American's [cock and quickly discovered his grave mistake!] arms and wrapped it about himself. "Wanna tell me [what you did with the hotdogs]? [I'm hungry!]"

"Hmm? Nani?" [Fuck, now Brad's doing it @_@.]

"That dream you keep having.  [It made your pee-pee get all hard and taste funny.]"

"Uhhhh….. It was… Well I… …I'll tell you later.  [Get me a tourniquet first, fuckwit!]"

Schuldich arched an eyebrow at him, but didn't say anything [as he was getting out the first aid kit]. Brad looked back at him [and the cute little orbs of his virginal butt-cheeks].
// Damn, I'll have to think up something to tell him now. //

// …Just tell me the truth. //

"GAH!" Brad nearly fell off the bed [despite the fact he was sitting and it's really hard to fall off a bed one's sitting on even if there's an earthquake] before righting himself [and his wounded, but still rock-hard whatnot] and staring accusingly at the German boy. "Why do you *do* that?! [Could it be that you're a telepath.  What the fuck! Why didn't you tell me before? I'm hurt! And by the way] Don't just… POP [as opposed to snap and crackle] into my mind. That's freaky!"

"G-Gomen nasai." Schuldich drooped his head down in shame. "[I'm a super freak/super freak/I'm super freaky, yeeeow.] It's not like I try to.  It just…kinda happens [like when I wet the bed despite being WAY old enough to have a mature bladder and all]. I never know when I'll see into someone's head.  [Those damn iron weights that keep falling and crushing people's heads open always startle me.] It's weird. It….. It scares me." [This author's inability to decide what sense she's using to describe telepathy scares me.]

Brad sighed and wrapped his arms about the young boy, pulling him against his chest, yet careful to keep his still-erect member hidden under the sheets.  [Oh, please. :P]  "It's okay, Schuldich. I-I have problems with my powers [and pissing in the middle of the night] too." He wiped a stray [cocker spaniel] tear from the child's elfin face.

"Honto ne? [Really?]" [As in, "My GOD, I'm still REALLY hacking this thing."  I need a cookie, mommy! I'm scared!]

"Mmm hmm. Sometimes, it feels like my mind just freezes up and I can't do anything but wait until the future passes. [I should really lay off on the slushies before bed- they give me ice-cream headaches something awful.]" He pressed his forehead against the smaller boy's and grinned [at the sensation of Schuldich bandaging his profusely bleeding dick]. "Esset says they'll help me learn how to use the future though, and then I can be a really big help." [NOW who sounds like a moron?]

"That's what they told me. [They also said all those slushies might make you too piss in the middle of the night.  Welcome to the club.]" Schuldich smiled up at him. "They said that I have to learn to control mindreading [and my bladder] and then I can do *anything* I want with the world! [I think I'll start by covering it with peanut butter]"

"What would you do [if you didn't have to wear ditties anymore or tend to my wounded manhood]?"

A slight gleam passed over Schuldich's eyes [the one that meant he was kind of thinking he had to pee, but wasn't sure].  "I'd go find my mother and my sisters." [Of course. Why would anyone want to use their telepathic powers to manipulate people and screw with their minds? That's just silly!] Brad frowned and Schuldich caught the slight gesture [indicating he should run to the bathroom soon or be punished for turning their pretty, white sheets yellow, even though Brad had already made them red]. "But I'd have to bring you along to meet them [and clean up after me]!  I want everyone to see what a great big brother I have now!"

Brad managed a small smile [despite the sinking feeling he was about to get very wet].  "I'd like that." [*vomits*]

"Get up you two." A stern, elderly voice rang through their moment and Brad scowled at the intruder. Schuldich just pressed in closer to the older boy's body, refusing to let go [even as his underoos began to drip]. The man glared down at them [and their bloody, be-pissed bed]. "Every morning it's the same. You boy [the incontinent one who doesn't know the difference between a toilet and a Tam o'shanter], …Schuldich. Either you come with me willingly today, or I separate you two permanently [and make you pee in front of all the Estet heads whenever you have to go]. I mean it."

Schuldich frowned, defeated [and wet], and rose reluctantly from the bed. Trudging over to a small dresser in the corner of the room, he [left a trail of urine droplets all over the nice, clean floor before he] pulled out a small T-shirt and a worn pair of jeans. [Without washing first? EWE!] Brad watched as his little bishounen [You heard her.  Bishounen.  Little piss-covered, oatmeal-for-brains bishonen.  And you thought it was just supposed to be kinky since Schuldich uber-lolicon!] stripped, clothes pooling on the floor about his small [NM)R*^#VODIG(&%E$IVD!] frame, leaving the boy shivering [with the chill of his drying piss] as he quickened to pull on today's chosen outfit. Still, Brad watched, longing to just take the pale child into his arms and kiss away the cold.  [OK... if I'd remembered that line was in there, I wouldn't have done the whole Schu wetting himself thing.  Either way *BLECH*.]

"Someone will be coming for you in a few minutes," [which Crawford, as a PRECOGNITIVE, would have already known] said the man, turning to Brad for assessment [of his gigantic, purple-headed warrior and the scratch-marks there that Schuldich had overlooked]. "Get out of bed and dress." He strode over to Schuldich and took the boy firmly by the arm as soon as he had dressed [up like a panda! Those kinky Estet officials.]

"Buh bye, Bradley-chan," Schuldich sniffled as he was pulled almost harshly [Almost harshly? Either it is, or it isn't.]  from the room leaving his friend all alone with his thoughts.  [Schuldich is hot-tempered! Not weepy!]



~ * ~


"Something is bothering you. Tell me." The woman titled the small boy's chin up, capturing the attention of emerald eyes.

[He's small. Fine. We get the damn picture.]

Schuldich shoved his textbook away and frowned. He usually enjoyed his studies, [about comma splices, but the author of this particular shitfic didn't seem to know what they were and so wasn't willing to impart any fresh knowledge on the subject] this teacher was exceptionally nice to him, but today everything just seemed out of place. "I've been hearing things," he stated softly, gaze drifting aimlessly around the room. [I hate it when my gaze drifts aimlessly.] "Things I shouldn't be hearing."

She smiled, but somehow a tinge of darkness still leaked through as with all Esset representatives. [Umm... did she have squid-ink pasta for lunch? That's the only thing I can think of that would cause her lips to leak darkness.] "Do you hear people? [Or have you gone deaf? NOOOOOO! You can't be our bitch if you can't hear the people you're screwing over!]"

"I…. Sometimes I hear the things they don't want me to hear. It's like… my mind just tunes in and out like a radio and if I try really hard, sometimes I can hear it, but… but then sometimes I can only hear it if I'm not trying at all. [The road is wrong... I don’t think you understand me. When I said I need the right road I think I meant the right one instead of the wrong road, which in my case, would be the right road because I’m trying to find the right right road, except that there are two on the left, instead of on the right.] That's when it scares me. When I'm not trying to hear it, but I do."

"Hmm…" She leaned back in her seat and looked the boy over [as her panties got wetter and wetter! Well, shota-Schu here obviously gives everyone at this Estet installation the horns: it's what shota-ukes do!]. "It sounds like your powers are getting stronger. Don't try to fight it. Let them come [all over your face :P]. Esset needs you to help us when you're older.  [You're going to be put on sponge bath detail for the old coots at the top.]"

"Really? Help with what?"

She smiled that same shadow-tinged smile.  "You'll see when you're a little older."

[This is getting wearisome--it doesn't matter if no one will tell him what's going on. He's a telepath. Do you even fully understand what that means?]

[Telepath: One who communicates via telepathy.

Telepathy: 1. Transference of thoughts between people by scientifically unknown or inexplicable means.  2. The ability to engage in such communication.  "Tele-" from Greek "tele" meaning "at a distance".  -pathy- indicates feeling or perception, from Latin "-pathia", by way of the Greek "-patheia" which came itself from "pathos".

See? That's why every writer should have an encyclopedic dictionary.]

"Oh." Schuldich frowned and tapped his pencil on the desk: One of his nervous habits. The woman arched an eyebrow at him.

[Oh, yeah. Schuldich is as nervous as a cat! Remember how he twitchy he was that time Omi threatened him with a handful of darts? And that time Youji and Ken attacked him when he tried to kidnap Aya from the Koneko--he was positively quivering!]

"What else is bothering you?" [Well, I find your depiction of Crawford to be terribly annoying. And offensive. And WRONG.]

"Huh? [Are you leaking pasta again?]"

"It's not just the voices. Something else is troubling you." [Okay. I loathe how you depicted Schuldich, too.]

"Nein.  [Five] Not really."

"No? Someone else then? Another person? [Tell me it's me, I need you to... umm... dry my panties again today!]"

"Well…." Schuldich paused, undecided. Sometimes it was better to just keep his mouth shut, but right now, he was just so confused [as opposed to moderately confused like he was every other day of his life]. "Bradley-chan's been having these dreams lately… [Where he crushes me and then puts things into my special area!]"

"Visions [of sugar plums]?"

"No. Well, I don't know really. He say's they're dreams. But… he won't tell me what they are. He tells me everything else [like how many hamsters you guys made him eat at lunch], but… but never what he's been dreaming of."

"Hmm..." she closed her eyes for a second of assessment [You see, that's how Estet rose up in the world of organized crime: they assess things for WHOLE SECONDS.], then smiled. "I'll tell you how to find out. Read my mind, Schuldich."

"What? N-No. It… It hurts my head. Makes me tired." [Yeah, that's just how I feel after reading crap fics like this one.]

"Just try."

Schuldich sighed. It seemed that everyone was always trying to get him to use his 'gift'. Sometimes, he just wanted to have a normal conversation with *talking* [Who is this *talking* person? Is he the "older boy" who shows up later?]. That was why he liked Bradley [and sentence fragments]. Brad never made him use his mind to speak [or order them churros in the middle of the night].

Closing his eyes, his face twisted into a tight frown and he chewed his bottom lip, pushing gently against the woman's mental barriers, seeking entrance [U-huh, so his face did all that.  He uses his face to breach people's "metal barriers".  I don't want to know what that works.].  "It… It's not working.  [Mami was right! My face did get stuck like this!]"

"Keep trying."

Schuldich shoved harder, grinding his teeth [which popped straight out of his mouth]. Suddenly, everything gave way and he tumbled through with a started cry, waves of images, strings of words weaving through his head in an intricate pattern until he pulled back with a gasp.  [He is a telepath. The thoughts would come to him, he wouldn't have seek the thoughts.]

"…You saw?"

Schuldich nodded warily. His head ached. Mindreading had always hurt his head. "You… You want me to read his mind. To see his dreams."

She smiled again, and this time a chill traveled down the little redhead's spine [and right into the diapers his tutors made him wear at school.  // Uh-oh, // He thought.]

"You're growing stronger, Schuldich. [Sadly, your bladder is not.] Such ability should be allowed to grow.  [Would that make more sense to anyone here as "An Ability such as you have" or is it just me?] Don't be afraid to use it."

He nodded, though he didn't really understand at all. People here always were cryptic in nature.  "You know what I *really* don't understand?" [Why you were depicted as a moron in this story?]

"What?"

"Math." [I suppose you don't either, hm? And so you made this a Mary Sue! That explains why Schuldich is acting girly! :D Crap.]

She chuckled and brought the forgotten textbook closer for them both to see.



~ * ~


"How was your day, Schu? [Did you wet yourself much?]" Brad walked out of their shared bathroom, toweling his hair dry [with a dead marmoset the emu had lent him].

"Tiring. They made me listen to their thoughts again, [and all they think about is Matlock! Matlock! Matlock!]" He made a face [much like the dead marmoset's] and Brad could barely contain his laugh. "There's this one guy… he wants to just have whole conversations in his head! He won't talk to me at all. I didn't feel like reading him today, so we just sat there staring at each other for an hour." [Ok, you caught that, right? One minute, he has conversations, the next he reads people.  When Schuldich starts talking to his reading materials it's a BAD SIGN, people.]

Brad chuckled now and squeezed the smaller boy close before suddenly swooping down and catching the redhead about [here we go with the abouts again @_@] the knees, sweeping him up and tossing him down on the boy's bed. Schuldich screamed in laughter [where all the undefined pronouns and nouns transported him after there were enough of them to form a mystic circle of Spooty-lu, which wasn't very long, not even one-eighth of the way through the fic.  Their combined powers only kept him there for a few seconds before the space hamster returned him to Estet quarters.  He waved goodbye to them for now] and promptly began to tickle Brad senseless until the older boy rolled a top him and pinned him with his considerable weight.

"No fair!" Schuldich squirmed below him. "That's cheating! [And you should really watch putting that much weight on my Mr. Bladder.]"

Brad grinned down at him[.] "You cheated too. You know my tickle spots." [Does he now?]

"You're bigger than I am! [Do we have a contender for Obvious Statement of the Year or what?]" He feigned a groan. "Get off! You're crushing me! AAAAACK!"

"You should be an actor, not a telepath." [And this SHOULD be erotica.  That's what I paid for, fuck it! I want my MONEY BACK.  Oh, wait, this was free. Yay.]

"You should lose weight if you want to wrestle with me."

Brad sniffed indignantly and leaned more of his weight on the boy below him. "Are you calling me *fat*?"

[Have weight issues, do you, kid?]

"Yes, porky! [Calling Brad "porky" hurts everyone in fandom, including God!] Get off! GAAH!" Schuldich screamed as he was tickled mercilessly to tears, fighting back with little luck, until both boys collapsed to the bed in exhaustion. Brad stood up with a sigh.  [And so did Mr. Winkle! BOING! That irresistible shota-Schuldich.]

"Go to bed, Schu. We're both tired now," and he stumbled to his own bed to collapse. Schuldich snickered.

"Old man."

"Go to sleep!"

"Yeah, sure." The little German felt his eyelids grow heavy watching Brad's breathing slow with sleep before he was jolted awake again [by Mr.  Winkle digging into his thigh!].

// OH! I almost forgot. His dream! // Quietly, he rose from his bed, padding over to Brad's side [of beef] and kneeling on the floor before him [like he was praying to whatever gods there were to get him out of this fic]. His eyes shut, face tensing in concentration. // C'mon, Brad. Show me what you dream of... [Hey, is that a cheese ball.  Oh, my poor Brad.  he should never go to bed hungry.] //


~ * ~


Brad embraced the smaller boy gently, one arm winding about the German's waist as the other rose to softly stroke Schu's back. Schuldich whimpered a wordless plea for more [shrimp cocktail], and Brad obliged [spreading a thick coating of cocktail sauce all over his lover's wee wee and the nest of lettuce-laced shrimp there], lifting the boy easily as if he weighed nothing [If he weighted nothing, wouldn't he have floated away by now?] and depositing him gently on the older boy's bed [Just what this mysterious "older boy" is doing at the time as opposed to making this fantasy a threesome, we have no clue]. From where he lay, back to the cushioned mattress below [Well...isn't that how most people lie in bed, cocktail sauce all over their dick or not?], Schuldich allowed his fingers and small palms to travel all along the vast expanse of Brad's bared chest [With only a two month visa to Brad-land as opposed to a passport and written consent from the king of Bradland, who, oddly enough, was named Trevor.] as the teen climbed carefully atop him and bent to suckle on the little redhead's neck [and the superfluous third nipple there]. 

"B-Brad, please. Ahhhh…. Yesss. I've waited so long… [fucking shrimp took forever too steam.  Peal one for me, Bradley.  Oh, peal it for me now...] "

"Mmm…Schu, [I'd peal anything for you.]" fingers loosened the tie on Schuldich's pants [Did the "older boy" do that? Or is somebody missing some fingers?], "I've wanted this forever. God, I want you so much."

Schuldich arched his hips, allowing the older boy to pull off his pajama pants and cotton underwear all in one motion. He lay there naked before his older friend [AGAIN! WHERE IS THIS PERSON? Is it one of the old guys from Estet? 'cause I think he's too old to be called a boy.], arms rising to twine insistently about the other's neck. Brad's hands were everywhere at once [Like Vishnu!], probing , stroking, touching everything [In the room? That was part of Schuldich? 'cause he's have to turn him inside out to do that.  Well, he is DREAMING... HEY! Dreaming of one's underage love inside out is appropriated form Lolita.  You bitch! Nabocov is rolling over in his grave right now!] and bringing new mewls of pleasure from his chibi friend.  [What is it with untalented fanficcers and "mewled"? ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!]

"Ohhhh, Braaaad. Engh. …You're so good at this. [But you missed my spleen.  Hurry up and put it back in before the cat tries to eat it again!]"

[It might have been far more interesting if you had Schuldich say something like, "I get to do you next, Bradley," and then smirk. But oh, no. You bought into the Schu-is-strictly-a-wimpy-bottom idea. *yawn*]

Brad grinned down at Schuldich, lips brushing against his ear when he whispered: "…You have no idea… [I'm dreaming, so I can be BETTER and fucking people than Vishnu!]"

[It was with those words that the awful, dreadful, puke-ful fanfiction "authoress" angered the God of the Primeval Waters and he promptly sent a hoard of wild yaks to her home, all of which raped her over and over again, but, sadly, did not manage to deter her from finishing "Original Sin".  And the gods were sad.]


~ * ~


Schuldich remained kneeling by his teenage friend's [FUCKING  ENORMOUS, PISS-HARD DORK] [No, I didn't make a cut there, it was a type I simply too advantage of.], trembling in shock as he quickly withdrew from Brad's dream.

// …W-What was that? [He touched my wee-wee without asking first ;_;.] //  <---- it's funny because it's in character for this reprehensible pseudo-Schuldich <3.

He couldn't understand it. The things Brad was saying; the way he moved his hands and body just so… [You know, I almost complained she didn't finish this sentence, but then again, I FEAR any adjective she might have tried to elbow in here.] Schuldich had watched [You know, we gathered that.], curious[ly] at first, then with a growing surprise as he saw his brother-figure pull him into the older boy's [THERE HE IS AGAIN! WHO IS THIS PERSON? ...actually, she might mean the totally random broom future chapters have lurking in Brad and Schuldich's room, but WHY she'd opt to use a euphemism for "broom" is beyond me.] strong arms and lay him gently on the bed, only to then be covered by Brad's much larger[,] nude body.  [And why the hell are you summarizing? We read your shitty pseudo-porn!]

Schuldich shivered. He didn't know what to think [ever, because he was a complete and utter retard!]. The careful way Brad undressed him, pressing soft lips to Schuldich's exposed skin… he could almost feel himself arching up into the touches. In his dreams, Brad stroked the little redhead in so many secret places [OK, the last I heard, "Secret place" was TECHNICALLY a euphemism for the female gentiles.  So, Schuldich must be a hermaphrodite, if he has a "secret place".  Unless it's a secret place where he keeps the preggy-porn mementos he has of his mother, and has nothing to do with what lies behind his penis at all.], many of which Schuldich could never speak of without blushing profusely. 

[He's a telepath, but he's innocent in the ways of the world. Uh-huh.]

But now, Schu's body ached. Not just from the exertion required to read another mind. It was very different. Looking down at himself, he squeaked in shock.

His pants were tighter it seemed, pulling taut about his thighs, but curiously more… a small lump had formed in the front. Schuldich gently poked at the slight bulge, shivering at the velvety sensations that poured through his veins. 

[I highly doubt a boy on the verge of puberty is going to be frightened to find himself with an erection.]

[I'd go so far as to say he might be elated! In fact, any SANE eleven-year old I can imagine would HAPPILY have crammed his hand down his pants and jerked himself off a few times before going to sleep.  My friends, this is only the begging of the ignorance Ray-chan demonstrates when it comes to pre-pubescent sexuality.  For starters, she doesn't realize there is such a thing.  Now, nobody raise their hand, but who here can seriously say they knew NOTHING about sex at eleven?]

// W-What's happening to me? …Brad, help me! [Why should I get myself off when you can do it for me? Hop to it, bitch!] // 

He managed to crawl back to his bed, slipping under the cool sheets and wrapping them tightly about his trembling body. After a moment's restraint, he stuffed a pillow down between his legs, whimpering at the initial friction.  [Find me a kid who wouldn't have humped that pillow until the stuffing collapsed, and I'll seriously pay you twenty bucks.]

Lying there alone, he stared up at the ceiling, tightening his thighs about the pillow. He cried himself to sleep.

[And he wasn't the only one. :P]
 

[Oh, and in case you don't know who Anson Maddocks is, he was one of the original illustrators for Magic: The Gathering.  One of his pieces was rejected on the basis he had illustrated "Living Wall" with a Tetsuo-like wad of flesh decorated with a really big vagina.  See? You learn something every day.]

[I apologize to any Hindus reading this.  The Vishnu crack was too good to pass up.] 

[Also, my love of the word "spooge" comes from my long-passed love of digital paper dolls: I used to have an "erotic" set with a "spooge button" and for some reason that phrase always cracked me up.]

On to Chapter Two!
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No Way! Back to Randomness!