By Hanny
May 28, 1860
Dear Diary
Well, at least I know now the Kid is all right.
He came back this morning, and I can’t describe just how happy I was to see him. So happy I could hardly breath.
Cody found him at town when he brought that Indian he found at the Shaughnessy’s to the marshal.
They came back to the station and I run to meet them. Kid and I just stared at each other, oblivious to Cody and anybody else. I told the Kid I was so worried I wasn’t gonna see him again and just when I thought he was going to kiss me, Jimmy and the others came out of the bunkhouse to greet the Kid. Luckily enough, Jimmy warned us of their presence, otherwise, I don ’t even want to think what might have happened. They would have find out for sure.
Without saying a word Kid just gave me Katy’s reins and went inside to eat. How rude. What the hell did the others came out for?
While eating he told us that when he reached the Shaughnessy’s station, Matt was still alive and that he mumbled something about a “snake-man”. He also told us about that Indian he found there, Curly. He decided to bring the Indian to the marshal but on their way to Sweetwater they were caught by the Shoshonis. He said Curly saved his life by helping him escape from there.
Suddenly, as if stroked by guilt, he asked Buck if he could help him by identifying the attackers by watching the scene. They left before he even finished his meal.
I wanted to go to town to tell Curly the Kid is trying to help him and Jimmy decided to go with me. This Curly is really something. He has the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen on a man - curly, light brown, and very long. I wish I could have hair like this.
After I finished my business with Curly, who didn’t look too grateful about the Kid’s attempts to help him, I found Jimmy at the saloon, watching a card game. While I was waiting for him I saw the man Kid told us about, that “snake-man” - the trapper had a tattoo of a snake on his arm. I told Jimmy about it and we decided to follow him. We weren’t that good, obviously, cause we were caught sneaking around the place, where we saw him getting in. We were better at escaping, though. After I managed to free my hands (Jimmy didn’t help too much, accusing his hands of having their own mind when it comes to girls...) we hurried back to the station to tell the others we found out the trapper was the one who killed the Shaughnessys, in order to start a war with the Indians, for the benefit of Walker, the Indian agent. When we got to the station we found Curly there, apparently Kid and Buck sneaked him out of jail after Buck told Kid the attackers of the Shaughnessys were whites.
So, naturally we rode to Walker’s place, in order to stop him with his plan. Curly saved my life after Walker caught me and the Kid had to lower his gun so Walker won’t shoot me. Curly sneaked behind him and was able to free me.
After our little battle was over, and we were all safe and sound Curly and the Kid sat on the ground. Curly gave Kid a bracelet and told him they are like brothers now. Kid was very moved by this.
After Curly left Buck told us he was the brother of the great chief and medicine man, Sitting Bull. I never heard of him but that left quite an impression on both Kid and Buck. Actually, I don’t really care about any of this. As long as the Kid is alive and back here in Sweetwater, Curly can be the brother of God himself.
I should have a firm talk with Jimmy about his hands, though.
Good night,
Lou.
May 30, 1860
Dear Diary
Just a boring couple of days. No special runs, no gunfighters, no kidnaps, no Indians, and no food.
Emma went to Fort Reunion to help a friend of hers give birth. But why do we have to suffer?
Cody said we should be grateful that at least Jimmy went with her, otherwise we would have to eat his cooking and that, Cody said, is worse even than mine.
They all give me a hard time about my cooking, not that they are so grate with the pots and pans, but they think that anyone who’s born a girl, is born with the skills to cook at least a decent meal.
Kid cooked for us this morning. It wasn’t all that bad, but it wasn’t all that good either. The only one of us I could eat his cooking without the sudden desire to throw up is Buck. He cooked a roast for us last night and it was pretty good. We asked him to keep playing the role of the cook, until Emma comes back, but he said he hates cooking and that he has done his share of standing in the kitchen. Some people are so petty...
Anyway, Ike is cooking for us now. I hope we won’t become sick, we still have some chores to do. Or maybe it’s better if we will get sick...
If I won’t become sick from their cooking (after tasting mine, they relieved me from this duty), I’ll write again soon.
Bonappetite,
Lou.
June 4, 1860
Dear Diary
Jimmy’s back all right!
He and Emma just got back here a couple of days ago and in no time at all Jimmy has found himself deeply in love with a mysterious, and apparently very beautiful woman.
I guess some people, lucky people, can find love interests at the oddest places. I mean, he was practicing his shooting deep in the woods, and this lady started flirting with him. Can you imagine a thing like that? (Of course not - you’re a dairy... God, what was I thinking?).
At dinner tonight Jimmy told us about that woman, that beautiful and very extraordinary woman. He kept praising her, so naturally the boys started dogging him about it. I expected it from Cody, and I even understood Buck and Ike, but Kid???
He sure got the nerve.
I have very good reasons to believe that he feels somewhat like Jimmy (for another woman, of course...), so he should have, at least, kept his mouth shut. I mean, unlike him, Jimmy was ready to do something about his feeling, and Kid shouldn’t have started what he couldn’t finish. He doesn’t do anything about his feelings...
And I told him that. Sure did!
When they didn’t give Jimmy a break, I told them I didn’t understand why they were so jealous. Kid jumped as if he was on fire: “what do you mean - jealous?” I explained to him, and everybody else, that I think it’s nice seeing one of them taking a fancy in someone beside themselves.
Jimmy didn’t quite followed so I said there’s nothing wrong in doing something about those feelings he has. Kid said there’s nothing wrong in taking it slow and being careful (of course he would say that...). He added that Jimmy doesn’t really know that much about her. I told him that sometimes, if someone’s waiting too long, the right time just passes him by.
I think he got the message. I hope he got the message.
If anything, I think I saved Jimmy from any more comments about that woman. The boys grew silent while the Kid and I exchanged our remarks and I guess the Kid was in a lose of words after my last comment. Anyway, for the rest of the meal everybody was real quite. Thank God for little mercies.
Kid kept throwing suspicious glares at me the rest of the evening. Good thing he’s sleeping now, and I can write without his interference, but I guess I should go to sleep too. It’s quite late. So -
Good night,
Lou.
June 5, 1860
Dear Diary
Kid, Kid, what are you so afraid of?
Jimmy kept talking about this woman tonight. At least now he has more information about her. Her name is Sarah Downs. I’d say he knows plenty...
Throughout the whole day I kept avoiding the Kid. It wasn’t that hard, though. I think he tries to avoid me as well, but after dinner the tension on him was visible to all. Especially Jimmy.
They were sitting outside the bunkhouse, Jimmy, Cody and the Kid, and Jimmy kept asking them about Sarah (I said it before and I’ll say it again: here, you don’t need to participate in every discussion that’s going on. It’ s enough to have Cody there. Be sure, he will tell you all about it later...). When Jimmy was wondering aloud what she might be doing right then, Kid snapped at him and told him he wish whatever she’s doing Jimmy would have done it with her cause he’s making them all crazy with his talking about her. Jimmy asked Kid if he thinks he should handle things more like him. Kid asked what he was meaning by that so Jimmy said (and here is where I come to the picture) “it ain’t a look of a brother watching his sister when you stare at Lou” (Cody said that were the exact words used by Jimmy). Kid told him he thinks he’s an expert on men-women stuff after one girl catches his attention. Jimmy told him he’s not an expert, only he’s got the guts to do something about his feelings (he was using my line...). At that point Jimmy walked away and Kid followed, so Cody didn’t know what the substance of their follow conversation was, but I found them almost yelling at each other inside the barn. I asked them what was going on and Kid dismissed me, saying there was nothing going on. Jimmy, I guess he just couldn’t resist, told him I wasn’t asking about him and me, I was asking about him and Jimmy. Kid stood speechless for a minute (sham he always have things to say when he shouldn’t, and always in a loss of words when he should say something) and then I asked him why he keeps dogging Jimmy. He asked me why I blame him for this .I told him no one ever died of a broken heart. Then I just left - I was so irritated by him.
Now I feel a bit sorry for coming so hard on him but sometimes he can make me so angry with his stupidity and his rightness and his stubbornness.
Oh, I wish I knew what’s right. I don’t know, maybe he is. Maybe I should have hold my emotions till I knew him better and not just fall in love with him without really knowing him.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t know him at all.
But then again, sometimes it’s so good for me just to know he’s here, close to me. Or at night when I sometimes wake up with nightmares, it helps me to know he’s sleeping right there in the bunk beneath mine. I guess no matter what I’ll say and no matter how I sometimes feel frustrated because of him, at the end, I guess I love him. Here, I said it.
But why does he have to be so sure of himself all the time, as if he’s never wrong. And he always thinks he has to do “the right thing”. How can he always know what the right thing is? How could he be so sure even when his brother was on the other side?
Oh, well. I guess that’s him, and I probably love him for it.
Good night,
Lou.
June 7, 1860
Dear Diary
What have I done? Jimmy must be hating me for this!
After I saw how much Jimmy likes that girl I puled a trick on them. I asked Jimmy if he would like to go on a picnic with me. I figured he would feel comfortable enough with me after our little chat that morning.
I was sitting on the corral fence, watching the new foal with his mother, when he came, obviously wanting to talk. I asked him if he thinks he would ever be able to make such a beautiful thing as a family. He said he started thinking maybe the Kid’s right, maybe he shouldn’t be feeling those things for that girl let alone doing anything about those feelings.
I told him the Kid ain’t right. That I think it’s wonderful he feels those feelings and that he shouldn’t be scared to act on them. He said he thinks he’ll let things settle for a while, so when I saw he wouldn’t do anything about it on his own, I decided to take some action myself.
After I got Jimmy’s O.K. for the picnic I went to Sarah’s place. I decided to get them together in a place where no one would bother them.
And I succeeded!
I went there, to the place I said I’ll meet them at, and watched them, as they figured out what I’ve done. They didn’t seem to mind, though...
But now, I think I shouldn’t have interfered.
This morning Jimmy and I went to town. He wanted to buy a present for Sarah and he wanted me to help him pick something nice.
We didn’t buy anything, though, for before we got to the store I saw a man, I thought was Sarah’s father - when I went to Sarah’s place to invite her to the “picnic”, I met that man, who being old enough I thought to be her father.
I encouraged Jimmy to introduce himself, but when he did that, we found that man to be Sarah’s husband…
Jimmy was so embarrassed by that - being fooled by that woman. I tried to apologize for pushing him toward that man, but he told me he wanted to be by himself.
I guess I can’t really blame him, but for a moment there, when he grabbed my arms and yelled at me, I was scared of him. For the first time ever I was afraid of Jimmy Hickok.
When I came back to the station, alone, I told the Kid what happened at town and he gave me his “I told you that what will happen” look.
Sarah came here a couple of hours later, looking for Jimmy. Emma was so mad at her for hurting him. I don’t know, but since she and Jimmy got back they seem to be closer than before. Sarah tried to apologize and said she just has to see him but none of us could help her. None of us knew were Jimmy was.
It’s almost midnight and we haven’t seen him yet.
I can’t sleep; knowing it’s my entire fault. The Kid was right. Jimmy really didn’t know that much about her. I shouldn’t have rushed things like I did.
Just hope Jimmy will forgive me. I only meant good.
Lou.
June 8,1860
Dear Diary
Jimmy came back last night when we were all asleep.
He woke us up when he was packing all of his things to go without ever coming back. Kid asked him where he was going but he didn’t say. He just kept packing and when he was done he went out without even saying goodbye.
I rushed out after him, with my gun in my hand, the boys at my heels. I called after him but when he didn’t stop walking I fired my gun to the ground, near his leg. He turned around quickly with his gun drawn, and he was ready to fire it too.
He said he was running away with Sarah and when Kid said she ain’t worth him risking his life for her like that, Jimmy punched him so hard he fell. There was nothing to say after that. Jimmy wasn’t acting himself and there was nothing we could have done to make him see that. At that point I had to agree with the Kid - nobody could be worth risking your life for - especially not someone you hardly know and who’ve lied to you before.
No one went to sleep after that. We sat at the table, drinking coffee, thinking of Jimmy and what he must be going through. We all hoped he will succeed in whatever it was that he was doing, and we all feared the worst, which, we found out later, was exactly what happened.
After breakfast - which none of us could eat, not even Cody - when we were leaving the bunkhouse to do our chores, one of Sam’s deputies came to tell us about Jimmy being arrested.
Teaspoon, Kid and I rushed to town to find out what happened during the night. We wanted to hear Jimmy’s version first, not the deputy’s.
When we got there Jimmy told us all about what happened - he got to Sarah’s place after she hasn’t arrived at the place they were supposed to meet. When he got to her place he heard a shot fired at him and he fired back. When he heard no more shots he went inside the house where he found Sarah’s husband laying dead. He said he doesn’t remember anything from that point farther, cause someone had knocked him out and he woke up at jail.
Kid told Jimmy he was sorry for the things he said about Sarah and as if on cue she walked into the jailhouse.
Kid and I went outside to wait for Teaspoon. He came out with Sam and asked him what’s going to happen to Jimmy.
Sam said Jimmy will get a trial but that he will probably get convicted and hung, if he can’t prove his innocence. Kid said we won’t let him hung Jimmy and that made Sam really angry. I backed up Kid completely - Sam must know Jimmy ain’t a murderer and that he must be telling the truth. How can he be so calm about Jimmy being convicted and hung?
Sam told the Kid and me to leave, Kid seemed to be a bit uneasy after his outburst on Sam so we left. On our way back to the station I tried to calm Kid down but I couldn’t blame him for feeling so miserable and helpless. His best friend is in jail without a chance of getting out of there alive. I feel somewhat the same. I just wish there was something I could do for Jimmy. I told the kid that but he gave me a dark look as if saying “don’t you think you’ve done enough?”
I guess he’s right. I’m trying to interfere again, and I already said I wouldn’t.
Emma is calling us to lunch. I really don’t feel like eating anything but at least I’ll go to show my face. I don’t think anyone can eat, really, everyone here is so depressed. Kid and I told them what Jimmy told us and that was enough for everybody to feel down, even Cody didn’t know what to say.
I feel like crying, but the Kid just came here looking for me (I’m sitting outside the barn, hiding from everybody, not too successfully...) so I guess I should go with him.
Lou.
June 10, 1860
Dear Diary
Kid and I just got to Fort Laramie. I’m so tired after riding hard for the past day and a half.
Sam sent us on a very very special and important mission: apparently, Jimmy’s neighbor at the jail house - a drunk who pretend to be a priest - recognized Gentry, the man who brought Jimmy to the Jail, and –
Sarah!
He said he had seen them together before in Fort Laramie.
Sam got suspicious about the two so he sent the Kid and me to check on them.
We rode hard for the last day and a half and we both are pretty tired.
Well, I just looked at Kid - seems like I’m the only one left awake, but I should get some sleep too. Tomorrow we will start checking on them.
Hope we’ll find something and make it back to Sweetwater before it will be too late.
Good night,
Lou.
June 13, 1860
Dear Diary
Thank God it’s all over!
We just saw Sarah getting on the stagecoach on her way to Fort Laramie for her trial.
At Fort Laramie Kid and I found a wanted poster for her and Gentry. A lady who helped us there showed it to us. She said she remembers her getting married to an older fisherman who drowned in his own lake, when his assistant couldn’t save him – the assistant was, of course, Gentry.
Kid and I rushed out toward Sweetwater. There wasn’t a minute to spare. We had to get back and tell Jimmy who that woman really is.
We rode as fast as we could, stopping only for the briefest moment, when it was absolutely necessary – we had to get back before they will hang him.
We got to town just in time to see Buck and Jimmy at the gallows. For a minute there I thought – Buck too?!
But as Kid handed Sam the papers I understood that Buck was cutting Jimmy loose – the boys never meant to let them hung Jimmy.
Good thinking!
After the fuss around Jimmy and us abated, Jimmy noticed Gentry was gone. Sam, Cody and Kid hurried after him toward Sarah’s place. When they got there Gentry started shooting at them but Sarah tried to stop him. They managed to kill him but Sarah run away. Jimmy caught her and brought her to Sam.
About an hour ago we saw Sarah go. Kid and I went there with Jimmy. He had a couple of minutes alone with her and I think he still can’t believe she could’ve done something like that.
Kid asked him if he was all right and he said he’ll be ok.
We saw he wanted to be alone for a while so we got back to the station ahead of him. On our way back, Kid took my reins, stopping me. I looked at him, not understanding what he wants, when he looked straight into my eyes, took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Then he suddenly dropped his hold on my hand and started back to the station. I stood motionless for a second before joining him. We didn’t exchange a word since, maybe it’s better that way – I wouldn’t know what to say.
I can smell dinner and I just remembered I haven’t been eating properly for the last three days, so I’ll go check on Emma’s doing.
Anyway,
Good night,
Lou.
Copyright 1998-This work is not to be reproduced without the permission of the author
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