Erica sat in her room early the next morning. She was perched on the seat of her bay window, staring across the street at the Hanson house. It was still dark, so she could only see the parts of the house that the streetlight illuminated. She wondered why it was only recently that she started to force herself to think of Taylor. Maybe because it still hurt her to know that he left her, for whatever reasons he did. She thought that they were in love, and maybe they once were, but she was pretty sure that she was barely a memory in Taylor's mind.
She looked away from the house as she felt the pain of missing Taylor once again. She glanced at her bed, where Elmer lay fast asleep. She crossed the room towards him, and laid next to him on her bed. She cuddled up close to his body and slid underneath his arm. She closed her eyes for a moment and found herself quite content.
"Mhm, Erica." Elmer whispered softly as he woke up and stroked her hair.
She opened her eyes and stared innocently into his. She could feel anger towards him building within her stomach,"It's four a.m., you better get home before my parents wake up."
"Hey, calm down." he said kissing her forehead and enveloping her within his arms.
"I'm serious, Elmer." she said crawling out from his grasp,"We almost got caught last time." she stood up and started gathering his clothes from the floor.
"Erica," he sighed rolling on his back and stretching,"can't you call me by my real name? It's not that difficult to say Adam."
She tossed his clothes at his head,"I'd rather not refer to you on an intimate level." she said bluntly.
"An intimate level?" he sat up in disbelief,"Then what the hell do you call what we just did?"
"A moment of weakness." she whispered quietly as she walked back to her window. She ignored him as he pulled his clothes on and mumbled a few obscenities.
"Ya know," he said unsurly as he sat next to her to put his shoes on,"I care about you, Erica. You mean something to me."
She glanced at him,"What do I mean? A piece of ass?"
He glared at her as he finished putting his shoes on,"No. You mean more. Or at least you used to. You were fun to be with once. But look at you now, consumed by the memory of some asshole who left you for dead in a hospital."
She shook her head,"I meant something to him. Something more than whatever pathetic emotion you feel for me. If I changed, you did it to me."
He stood up and threw on his hat and jacket,"Whatever. Look, let's stay away from each other for awhile. You'll see." he said defiantly before attempting to kiss her.
She turned her head and he caught her cheek. He rolled his eyes,"I'll see you later."
Taylor sat next to Kristin awkwardly as he watched Isaac bust some horrible moves on the dance floor with Allison. He glanced around the club again, which was mercilessly packed with teenagers who were all fighting for a spot on the crowded dance floor. He wished Erica was sitting next to him right at that moment. They would sit there and joke about how Isaac looked like a spastic giraffe out on that dance floor. But, she wasn't there. He was next to Kristin and Erica was only in the back of his mind and the bottom of his heart, where he always carried her for protection.
"I hate how packed this place gets!" she shouted to Taylor over the loud music.
Taylor nodded his head and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand,"It's really hot in here!" he yelled back.
Kristin bit her lip and nodded as she glanced back at Isaac and Allison. She turned back to Taylor,"What do you say about you and me getting out of here?" she yelled.
Taylor's breath caught in his throat. Get out of here? Be alone with her? He couldn't do that to Erica, or actually her memory,"Uh, okay but let's go grab Ike and Allison. We shouldn't just leave because they might come, uh, looking for us or something." he said standing up.
Kristin took hold of his hand as she stood up. Taylor glanced at her hand gripping his tightly. He couldn't remember the last time he held a girl's soft hand within his own. He didn't remember touch, and how it could feel so good as it once had. He looked up into her eyes and then back at their hands holding on. This whole thing was crazy, yet serene.
She grinned,"I don't want to lose you in the crowds." she explained.
Completely caught off guard, Taylor felt himself smile back. The first genuine smile in a very long time. And for a moment, a very brief moment that he would later regret, Erica was somewhat forgotten.
They fetched Ike and Allison from the floor and shoved their way out of the club and onto the sidewalk. They all stared at each other for a moment, each one very hot and sticky and confused.
"That was fun, right?" Allison asked them as she pullled her hair back.
"What?" Isaac shouted, slamming the palm of his hand on his head to stop the ringing that the loud music had left in his ears.
She placed her lips next to his ear,"That was fun!" she yelled.
"Oh!" Isaac nodded laughing.
Fun if you want to go deaf.Taylor thought to himslef bitterly. He started tugging Kristin down the sidewalk with him,"C'mon, we have to get back before mom and dad freak out on us, Ike. And we still have to put these girls in a cab back to their hotel." he lectured, sounding like his father at that moment.
Isaac laughed,"Chill out a minute, Tay. We go home tomorrow anyway and our parents understand that we're just out having a little fun. Shaking things up a bit, ya know? We need some fun before we go back to boring old Tulsa where the trees are green and the air smells like...mildew for some odd reason." With that said, he really wanted to add And we go back to all of our problems that we were too chicken shit to face before, but he thought the better of it and left that extra part out. And despite all of that, Isaac followed Tay and Kristin with Allison as Tay tried to hail a cab.
Erica lay awake, unable to even close her eyes. Elmer's words just kept echoing in her head, the words about Taylor being an asshole that left her for dead. She didn't believe in all that, did she? I mean, yeah Tay had his typical guy moments as any guy would but, he was still a good person. He always meant well even when her life got so screwed up that she tried to kill herself. Above any of that, she wanted to believe that he still meant well.
She rolled over in her bed yet again, thinking about how messed up her life was at that moment anyway. It seemed like she was unable to escape from her past, and the more she tried to, the more problems she created. Not to mention, the less she recognized her own reflection in the mirror.
She kicked off her covers and swung her legs over the edge of her bed. She sat, crouched over, with her head in her hands. Not tonight, not tonight, not now, not tonight! she thought rapidly as she started to rock back and forth, Am I going crazy? Am I insane? Why can't I get away, why doesn't anyone care. No one wants to help me and I'm drowning in my own body on land. Taylor would help. He would look into me with those brown eyes...blue...no brown. No wait, they're blue...
She picked up her head and turned on her bedside lamp. She fell to her knees in front of the night table and pulled open a drawer. She started frantically rummaging through it for a picture of Taylor. I can't remember his eyes...his face. Where's the picture? Not again, not tonight. His face, his face!
She slammed the drawer shut as her mind worked overtime to bring her memories back. Those memories within a few days of her suicide. Why was she so upset, why? What had happened to her? What didn't she want to remember?
She stood up and started pounding her fists on her head,"No!" she cried as tears started to trickle unsurly down her face. She paced her room, pounding on her head,"No!" she yelled before collapsing to the floor and clutching her hair in sections; tugging on it.
The light to her room flicked on as her mother and father ran in on the scene before them. Her father dropped to his knees and craddled his daughter to him as she flailed her arms and screamed obscenities in his face. Her mother frantically opened a bottle of pills and shook two out. She shoved them into Erica's mouth only to have her spit them right back out,"Stop it!" she screamed at them.
"Honey, you have to take them! Please!" her mother argued.
"No! I won't! NO!" she yelled at her, trying to break free of her father's tight grasp.
Her father forced her mouth open with his hand,"You'll take them!" he said as her mother once again put them into Erica's mouth. Erica squirmed in her father's arms as he clasped his hand over her mouth,"Swallow!" he commanded shaking her,"Swallow!"
She swallowed them dry, and almost immediately , her body became weak and her mind fuzzed over and no longer felt like her mind was on fire. And Taylor, well his face became clear in her mind, blue eyes and all. She smiled to herself, Good to see you again. she thought.
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