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Past Sports from the past week. Past sports article for the week of 1/20/08 Rumble in the Arctic: Cheating Prosperity By, Grey Sports (Continued from Ep. 3) The grand race for control of the Arctic and the vast resources therein had its first false start recently, when the contestants attempted to start. Now each contesting party started in it’s home territory and was watched over by observers from neutral nations to ensure fair and timely starts, even though the more southern nations are unlikely to win no matter how many hours advantage they receive. Everyone lined up on time, in the right places and as the synchronised atomic clocks counted down the spectators held their breath. Each contestant had their own special methods, wheels that gave way to tracks for rougher terrain, a few even used legs, fans, skids and in one case a harnessed gelatinous cube. And as the starter was launched, the starter being a large rocket visible from a great distance, every last contestant ran into the outstretched leg of at least one representative. The Russian representative tripped up the lead reindeer in Norway, American’s tripped up Russian horses, New Zealanders tried to trip up the American SUV convoy, which just went badly as not only was the New Zealander’s leg crushed but the entire convey tipped over into a convoy of nun filled buses. The Canadians tried to trip up the Australians of all people. Ludicrous not only because of location but also because the Australians had already started and had some how made it to the Ukraine before the Canadians tried to trip their kangaroo powered Holden all terrain vehicle. One Chinese representative tried to trip up a helicopter, now that’s dedication. Thankfully this was a dry run, or rather has been declared a dry run, so it is unlikely that anyone will try this sort of thing again. Unless that’s exactly what they want us to think. At any rate a dry run was needed because officials wanted to work out any bugs in the system. And apparently the bugs are anyone involved with the project. Officials have put great deal of thought has into how to prevent cheating of this grade occurring again, or cheating of any sort other than massive, massive amounts of bribes to officials. All of this has allowed a shocking new group to enter the fray: Environmentalists. Not trusting the governments of the world not to utterly, utterly abuse the arctic environment Greenpeace has decided to enter the race. Officials are considering it, but the entry looks doomed to failure as they are not a nation and thus have no official starting place. Already there are concerns that if not allowed to enter Greenpeace may interfere on a scale greater than trying to trip up contestants. They may sit on the sidelines and hold up guilt inducing placards containing poor spelling. |
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