"How the faces of love have changed
 Turning the pages
 And I have change, oh but you
 You remain ageless"
    Stevie Nicks, Crystal

Its been a wonderful and lazy couple of weeks.

And the vacations just begun. Ding!

Tahoe with Guido and Sarah (Saywah) P. was awesome. A foot and a half of snow fell just after we arrived so there was excellent skiing/boarding. Sarah lives is this crazy octogon-shaped house with two really cool roomates and an awsome dog named Kaiyah (Sp?). We got the total hook-up: place to stay, lift tickets, equipment rentals. Other than the money I dontated to some of the local casinos it was a very on-the-cheap trip. Thanks Sarah!

I only worked two days last week. I was going to go to work today, but it looks like that didn't happen. Oops!

Back to the morbid battle that is my dating life. My first date the Friday before Tahoe was (almost) a disatster. See... we had the Friday Fest from 3-5 at work (drinky drinky) and then I went to happy hour with Deb and Dave downtown (Drinky Drinky) and so by the time I was supposed to meet Lindsay I was fairly well tanked.

Actually I was passed drunk and ready for sleep. So while she had dessert I had a LOT of coffee. I think we had a good time, but I couldn't really say for sure. Hmm. I'm starting to feel a bit like Dory from Finding Nemo.

We had a second date this past Friday and it was... eh. She's very nice, cute, and fun, but we didn't really strike sparks. Same old same old.

However...

I had another first date yesterday where I did get a jolt of something. We met for Coffee (What do you want? This is Seattle and Cliches are Cliched for a reason) on Capitol Hill. She was a trip! Very outgoing, very funny, and very cool. She's very well travelled in south and central America and currently works as an interpreter with Head Start.

She's also a salsa dancer. Ding!

Furthermore, the girl is an absolute amazon. She's 6'1" with this huge mane of incredibly curry deep red hair.

I left that date feeling totally pumped. Being once bitten twice shy I see this going the same way as Dr. Jill, but she did give me her number and I can't see her for the next two weeks anyway so we'll just have to wait and see.

Finally, made gingerbread cookies at Sybille's last night. It was awsome! She's got a new kitten that is just too cute for words and she had a ton of people over including two of our current and former dance teachers. So there was a fair amout of dancing done.

Anyway, I'm east-coast bound tomorrow. Happy Holidays!

"Pour me somethin' tall and strong
 Make it a hurricane before I go insane
 It's only half past twelve, but I don't care
 It's five o'clock somewhere."
    Jimmy Buffet & Alan Jackson

It's a little after 2:00pm on Friday afternoon and I've just left for vacation mentally.

It was a long and very productive week. However, I just finished a document I've been working on for a week that was due today, and now I'll be damned if there's just not a lick of work left in me.

So there's nothing to do but sit around and think about my date tonight (back on the wagon) and getting to Lake Tahoe tomorrow with Guido.

... WAIT A MOMENT! They appear to be setting up tables with food and booze outside my office for some reason. Could it be a Friday Fest? Why yes it is!

"Oh bartender..."

"If you made them and they made you
 Who picked up the bill and who made who?"
    AC/DC, Who Made Who

Happy birthday to someone who:

-Has always followed his passions
-Beat me on the PSATs
-Can kick over my head
-Doesn't have to feign interest when I go off about a video game
-Has been a great friend for eighteen years

Happy birthday, James.

"Four mud tires
 Three shotgun shells
 Two huntin' dawgs
 And some parts to a Mustang GT."
    Jeff Foxworthy, The Twelve Redneck Days of Christmas

Holiday shopping... AAACK!

What the fuck do all you people want for Christmas/Chanuka/Kwanza/Festivus anyway?

Main Entry: snack·mos·phere
Pronunciation: SNAK-mos-feer
Function: noun
Date: 2003
1 : The empty air between the top of a back of snacks (chips, pretzels, cookies, etc) and the snack itself.

example: "Dude, I got gyped! This bag is like all snackmosphere!"

Main Entry: in·ert
Pronunciation: i-'n&rt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin inert-, iners unskilled, idle, from in- + art-, ars skill -- more at ARM
Date: 1647
1 : lacking the power to move
2 : very slow to move or act : SLUGGISH
3 : deficient in active properties; especially : lacking a usual or anticipated chemical or biological action

I think I finally found a word to describe my situation. I mean... it really makes sense: if you have no chemistry with other people it means you're fundamentally unreactive (a.k.a inert).

Well I get the impression I've got about two days left of real venom in me before I go back to being basically cheerful. However, there's really nothing new to say there so let's talk about something fun: night guards.

The last two dentists I've gone to have commented that I am apprently grinding my teeth. I know I don't do this during the day so I must do it at night. Apparently its what single losers do at night instead of sleeping next to someone they love.

So rather than paying my dentist $400.00 to make one I bought one from the drug store for $20.00. Its pretty cool actually. I still don't have mine trimmed quite right yet so I wake up with a slightly sore jaw, but we're getting there. Actually, I've only had it for two days so I wake up each morning and freak out because for a few second I can't figure out what the hell is in my mouth.

Hee.

"Showers wash all my cares away
 I wake up to a sunny day
 'Cause I love a rainy night
 Yes I love a rainy night
 Well I love a rainy night"
    Eddie Rabbit

Warning: this is going to be a little bitter....

So I got the "Gosh-you're-nice-but-I-don't-feel-we-have-chemistry-its-not-you-its-me" letter from Jill today. I knew it was coming, but I still felt gut-shot when I read it. The stupid thing is that I know she's right. I knew it after our first date, but she was just so incredible I had to give it another shot (and it was a good second shot, too).

Love is so fucked up. I know better than to go forcing something that isn't right, but tell me this: why do some people spend their lives going from one nice relationship to another while the rest of us have to kill ourselves trying to find someone to give us a chance. The real fun part is that even when we do find something promising it either doesn't work out or we fuck it up.

The sad thing is that I'm really not joking about any of this. There are some people who seem to be able to just take their pick of any single people they meet and then the rest of us... well, I have this sinking feeling that I'm the type of person that some woman is going to 'settle' for in their 30s because I'm 'nice' and they don't feel like they can do better.

Well fuck that.

I've never been in love, but I have this feeling that I'll know it when I am. Maybe I'll never find it, but for all the goddamn effort I've put into looking I'm not going to be 'settled' for and I sure-as-shit am not going to be the one doing the settling.

Till then I guess I'll just continue this oh-so-fun cycle of getting my hopes up, getting them smashed (or getting a chance and blowing it), hating all girls and feeling sorry for myself (present state), going numb for a while, and then repeating.

You know... I've been on over 30 dates with 10 different girls this year. I do have something to show for it (Hi Cindy), but what I really want to know is this: Why am I always the one doing the chasing? Because at this point I am really, REALLY tired.