Friday
I arrived in Las Vegas at about..oh, 5 o clock or so cuz my goddamned flight was delayed about 20 minutes. (This will become a theme as I try to return to Iowa.) So yeah, as soon as I step off the plane, I get rushed by Val who sweeped me off my feet in one of those Gone with the Wind moments, jk...but I met up with Val, Kat, Jennifer, along with Kim and a friend of hers named Mary. Anyways, I astonished everyone with my amazing packing ability. Hell I should be on Road Rules...one backpack and my purse, and I didn't even use everything I brought. Woohoo, I am the master! Now on with it...we leave the airport and squeeze into Kim's car. Because of the amazingly slow moving traffic on the strip, it took us a good half hour to drive like 5 miles. Nice. So I was giving Val a lap dance, jk, when I spotted my black rapist van roaming around on the strip. I started like flippin out and was all 'OMG! There's my van!!'. Ok, so it was funny at the time.
So we got ready in our room at the MGM Grand, and headed down to the concert. We had already heard word that N Sync WAS, in fact, also staying at the MGM Grand, however you had to have a key or a card or whatever just to get up to their floor. Sucks..ugh. So we knew that Stevie had been spotted, and I had my radar finely tuned. (Although later I found that it would do me no damn good because he has hair now and my Steve radar only is good when he has no hair. Lol..or something.) The concert was fun, and our seats kicked ass...not to mention the nice view of Justin and Lance's asses as they flew directly overhead. That was pretty phat if you ask me. Lol. Oh and I must say props to the 5 year old that dissed Justin during GMHS when she wouldn't let him sing to her. In a word--hilarious. Ohhh and for all of you people who couldn't go to the show, it was the same as the spring tour, cept they performed Bye Bye Bye. And let me tell you, Lancey-pooh was up there pretending to lasso Toby with the best of em. Classic entertainment.
Aight...moving right along. We were dying in our huge platform shoes and all black ensembles (not to mention the cheetah coat..rarrrrrr. Go Val.), so decided to head up to the room and change. Anyways we met up with these two girls, Maria and Tonya (from Germany and Switzerland)..and those two and Kat went to Mandalay Bay's club, Rum Jungle, where Brit had told us that some of the guys were at. So they took off and Val, Christina, Jennifer, and I followed behind by about 15 or 20 minutes. We couldn't get in of course (well Jennifer could, but the cover was 15 bucks and well, the music blew hard core)..so we just chilled for a little bit. By this time it's like 2 am. So we get bored, and decide to go find something to eat since we haven't eaten since like 11 the previous day. We rode the tram to Excalibur and chilled in there, found something to eat, and just acted obnoxious. Christina went through her rendition of the Justin in my pocket book. 'Sing me a lullaby bitch! Twinkle twinkle little star'. Haha. Then Kat called and was like, "I'm bored, where my girls at? I have some funny stories to tell you." So we told her where to find us and after what seemed like forever, she met up with us.
Aight, now since I was not old enough to get into the Rum Jungle...and don't have a freakin fake ID...which sucked...this is Kat's story, told thru me. In the Rum Jungle there was a VIP section, and Justin and Lance were sitting in there. Justin was like way back in the corner doing shots with some old looking (like 30 was her guess) blonde sitting on his lap. Niiiiice. That just shows me that although Justin may be hot, he has absolutely no taste in women. Lance was just chillin at a table with some girl, drink in hand. Now here's where it gets good. After she called us, she went back in and happened to glance at Lancey-pooh. Lol...well he was just sitting there and Juvenile was playing...and all of a sudden he just did this weird sorta hand motion as he sang (soulfully with eyes closed even...wooo) 'back that ass up'. Lovely. Wish I could have been there to laugh my freakin ass OFF. She said it was just beyond hilarious, and if you can picture it, I'm sure you know what we mean. Oh yes and one other comment by Kat that I found interesting. You would assume that the VIP section would be full of like really really beautiful people. Right? Like good looking guys, and model type women...at least that's what I would assume. Um, NO. All the people in there were average to downright fugly. I guess money can't buy you good taste. Lol.
So yeah...Kat got there and we left the Excalibur...Val and I being very hyper/delirious at this point in time. So delirious in fact, that we were doing ballet stretches on the escalator, perfecting the Justin and Chris walk that is at the beginning of the PPV preshow, and raving about how we needed to find JC for more CRACK. Ahh good times.
Then, we got back to the MGM and were wandering the casino, stealing chip cups and shit...just acting moronic basically...when we spotted him. No, not any members of N Sync. Even better....the scary guy from All Access that attacks JC. So we walk past him and go to the pay phones near him, laughing and just being stupid. Then Christina and I were being REALLY loud and goofy and she picked me up like he does to JC and I was all 'AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'...really loud so he could hear us. Then she put me down and I brushed off my sleeves and was like, 'it's coo man, it's coo'. LOL! Maybe you had to be there, but it was damn funny.
Then, the dude and some slut (which brings me to the question how the hell can that scary guy get a groupie?), along with the sound guy took off through the casino, so we were all let's go upstairs or do something. (It's pry like 3 am by this time.) So we are walking thru the elevator lobby when I spot him. My big New Yorker, my creamy Italian...Stevie...all decked out in khaki and olive, sorta looking like a modern day Peter Pan. Which leads me to my question of the day. Chris said, and I quote "We are DEAD broke"...so if N SYNC is so dead broke, then how can the clingon brother of one of the least popular members have any money to gamble with?? Just a question...maybe someone out there can find the answer to that along with why JRT thinks looking like a human Q-tip is cool. So anyhow, we contemplate going up to Steverino (the REAL Orlando treat...thanks Jennifer!), and we got that bad ass Peter Pan on video gambling his life away...lol. Christina finally goes up to him as he's standing there with the scary guy, the scary guy's evil twin, the sound guy, and the slut..and says, "I'm sorry to bother you...", and he like glares at her with his evil rat eye and is all, "Too late." Whatta bastard. Anyhow she ends up getting a pic with him and Val is in it too...I decided to stay out of it cuz he was being such a rude crackwhore. Maybe he ran out of weed, who knows. So after they got the pic with him, we stood around for awhile and watched him hug some scraggly ass redhead and some more whores.
Hmmm...oh yeah, Val and Kat were all we wanna go up to the room, and since Steverino was being such a major pain in the rump..we didn't wanna walk by him again, so Christina and I took the long way around. Val and Kat got in an elevator before we got back to the elevator lobby, so, avoiding Stevie, Christina and I decided to chill down there for awhile. (Hey the boys gotta come home sometime, right?) (Oh by the way...Chris was out with Danielle, and JC was missing in action...no one had seen him, but everyone and their dog WANTED to. I don't get it.) So we chilled down by the damn tree of life or whatever forEVER until we saw Brit and some of her friends, who had just gotten back from the Rum Jungle.
So we talk, and we sit, and we talk and we sit some more. We're all talkin and facing the section of elevators that N Sync would take to get to their floor. Then, Christina goes...(kinda loud)...is that Tyler? So I look up and we have a kinda confused little Tyler looking over at us trying to see who we are, cuz he heard his name and all. (He was wearing the shirt JC wore in All Access. Glad to know that the bro's share.) He was with some bag lady..lol..and as soon as he sorta stopped and was trying to see who said his name, the bag lady grabbed his arm and like ripped it completely out of the socket as she drug him into the casino and away from us. Stupid whore.
Later on...it was like 4 am when we saw Tyler, so it was like close to 5 when we were STILL standing by the damn tree of life. I was standing facing the walkway from the casino to the elevator lobby we were in, and Val was in front of me talking and Christina was on the other side of me. Kat had gone with Brit to get a drink...and I saw these four guys walking toward us. As soon as I saw his spikey hair, I knew that the one in front was Lancey. So I was all mumbling to Val, "omg is that Lance? I think it is...it is!"...like how you do it when you are semi freakin out but you don't move your mouth...lol. Anyhow so he walks in, and is holding his credit card in his mouth (it was pretty cute I must admit), and I was all, "Hey Lance"...and he looked at me (he was like less than 2 feet away...and I was surprised at how short he is...lol. Mini Lancey. Jk.) and goes, "hi!" and kinda waved. Then Christina said "Can we get a picture?". And he was all, "I'm sorry they won't let me in here." (In case ya'll don't know, casinos HATE it when you take pics in them...and videotaping is like illegal. Whoops.) So we were like 'oh ok'..and he was all apologetic. Anyhow since he didn't know where he was going, the three guys he was with were like 'over here man'..and he veered over toward the section of elevators. Suddenly Christina like just TOOK off toward him and hurdled some little girl and jumped in front of him and took a pic. I didn't see his face except for when he like scooted into the elevator, which by the way was one of the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. (I can do an impression of it, but it's too hard to describe ifyaknowwhatimsayin.)
After that, we chilled for awhile, Kat gambled somemore, and we waited to see if JRT or Joey would come back. Christina and Val were back at the tree of life, and like 10 minutes later we went back there to tell them we were bored and heading to bed. (Plus I had heard that JRT was a huge bitch, and so I didn't WANT to meet him..ruins the illusion..not to mention I was still pissed at my husband Stevie for being such a rat bastard.) Those two were chatting with some guy in a TAUPE suit. (ROTFLMAO) So we get up there and the guy is all trying to guess my age, and he guesses that I'm 17!! What an insult..sheesh. So we introduced ourselves, and he wouldn't let go of my hand, he was all...'I like your shirt. Make him beg. I like that.'
Anyhow he stands and talks to us for awhile...by the way his name was Lorenzo...lol...or was it Yolando (right Christina?) And he about had a freakin orgasm when I told him I was from Iowa...lol..cuz he was from Minneapolis, MN..and he was like 'oh I will hook you up girl, cuz you're from Iowa.' So I chatted it up with him for awhile, trying to get us the mad hookups, and then finally gave him our number and went upstairs to beddy-bye, leaving Christina (who is the MOST patient person I've ever met in my life) to wait it out for her Justy and the Joe-ster. (Which by the way, she didn't ever see Justy but saw a pry very wasted Joey!)
So, needless to say, Val and I were going on and on for the video camera, having our own little version of 'Coffee Talk'. Lol. Finally we all laid down and tried to sleep at like 7 am. After hacking up my lung (I practically lost my voice Friday..whoops), I finally drifted off at like 7:30, and then the phone rang at 8:00 AM. Don't people know that 8 am and Jen don't co-exist?? Sheesh people. I was one with the freakin bed, and they have to go and interrupt my much needed beauty sleep. Man. Yeah, so it was my good ole pal Lorenzo (Yolando, whatever) on the phone, and he was gonna 'hook me up'. Too bad he could only hook me up and possibly one of my friends, but only one. So after he talked my ear off for an hour, depriving me of massive amounts of sleep that I so desperately needed, I told him I would have to discuss it with my friends and get back to him. And to answer all your questions, because I am such a nice person (dammit all), I declined his offer because I wanted to hang with the girls who were the only reason I was even IN Vegas.
For more details on what happened Saturday and Sunday, click HERE .
