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        AT CAMP

           Dear Mom,

            Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw                           
            the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 
            sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned 
            because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it 
            happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. 
            He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the 
            search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found                
            him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. 

           Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone 
            without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during 
            the fire so he probably didn't hear him. 

            Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? 
           The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some 
            of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows 
            back. 

            We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car 
            fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK 
            when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have 
            to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't 
            get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we 
            get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the 
            tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take 
            turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and 
            talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a 
            good driver. 

            In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him 
            drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we 
            ever see up there are logging trucks. 

            This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and 
            swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me 
             because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because 
             of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was 
             great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from 
             the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some     
            scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. 

           He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying 
           not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our 
            first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his 
            arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw 
             up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning 
             from the leftover chicken, he said they got sick that way with the 
            food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and become our 
           scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done 
            better while he was doing his time. 

            I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and 
             buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. 

             Love, Cole 

--Author Unknown 

A Simple Answer 

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and  nudged his faithful friend.

 

Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".

Watson said: "I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a moment: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"Why? - What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: "Someone has stolen our tent."

 

  This blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So, she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"

    The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a mini-van."

    But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"

    Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home, because we didn't have that as a prize!"

    The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" So, she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads -
"WIN A BAGEL."

    Once there was a group of hikers climbing Mt. Everest.
The group leader gave the rest of the group some very important advice. "If by chance you see the Yeti, run,
but whatever you do, Don't Touch The Yeti!!"

    That night, after the group had set up camp, one member was in his tent, when the great Yeti came. The Yeti was standing in the doorway. The guy was so scared, he shot out running, but on his way, he touched the Yeti.
The Yeti started running after him. 
The guy was running as fast as he could. 
He got off the mountain, but the Yeti was still following. 
He rented a bike and cycled all the way to the nearest city. 
Later, the man saw the Yeti coming. 
The guy caught a train and headed out of the city as fast as he could.

    A couple days later, he saw the Yeti coming. 
The guy at once, got on a plane to America.
 A few weeks later, he sees the Yeti coming his way. 
The guy starts running as fast as he could, but he was too exhausted. He trips and falls.

 The Yeti comes up to the man.
 The guy gets up to his feet and says, "What do you want?!"

    The Yeti reaches out to him and says,
 "Tag, you're it."

Life Lessons

Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the point of maximum pressure.

The distance to a given camp site remains constant as twilight approaches.

The number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely proportional to the amount of repellent that remains.

The probability of diarrhea increases with the square of the thistle content of the local vegetation.

The area of level ground in the neighborhood tends to vanish as the need to make camp becomes finite.

In a mummy bag the urgency of ones need to urinate is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing worn. It is also inversely proportional to the temperature and the degree to which the mummy bag is completely zipped up.

Waterproof clothing isn't. (However, it is 100% effective at containing sweat).

The width of backpack straps decreases with the distance hiked. To compensate, the weight of the backpack increases.

Average temperature increases with the amount of clothing brought.

Tent stakes come only in the quantity "N-1" where N is the number of stakes necessary to stake down a tent.

Propane/butane tanks that are full when they are packed, will unexplainably empty themselves before you can reach the campsite.

Given a chance, matches will find a way to get wet.

Your side of the tent is the side that leaks.

All foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color when freeze-dried.

Divide the number of servings by two when reading the directions for reconstituting anything freeze-dried.

When reading the instructions of a pump-activated water filter, "hour" should be substituted for "minute" when reading the average quarts filtered per minute.

The weight in a backpack can never remain uniformly distributed.

All tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective trunks at exactly the height of your nose. If you are male, tree branches will also grow at groin height.

You will lose the little toothpick in your Swiss Army knife as soon as you open the box.

Rain. 

Enough dirt will get tracked into the tent on the first day out, that you can grow the food you need for the rest of the trip in rows between sleeping bags.

When camping in late fall or winter, your underwear will stay at approximately 35.702 degrees Kelvin no matter how long you keep it in your sleeping bag with you.

Bears. 

The sun sets three-and-a-half times faster than normal when you're trying to set up camp.

Tents never come apart as easily when you're leaving a site as when you're trying to get them set up in the first place.

When planning to take time off of work/school for your camping trip, always add an extra week, because when you get home from your "vacation" you'll be too tired to go back for a week after.

Rain

Alert!

In case anyone is considering doing some camping this spring or summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.

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