Come into my cage and take a look out
-Dori
You won't last a day before you shout
"Get me out of this place, I can take it no more
Please help me look to find the door."
But there is no door you realize
You'll have to try life trough my eyes
I tap, I touch, I blink, you see,
But I did not choose this OCD
You look through the cage
As your heart fills with rage
But what did you think it was like for me
To live every day with this OCD?
I fight it alone and try to act tough
Hoping the won't call my bluff
You think that you can lend a hand
But you will never understand
What it's like inside my cage
Every day, page after page
You can't last a day, but I last a life
As it cuts deeper each day like a dull painful knife
Come into my cell
My own private hell
I face it my way
And get stronger each day
Maybe, just maybe, someday I'll find the key
And I'll jump and I'll laugh, for I'll finally be free!
You're trapped inside,
You can't get out,
You're forced to wash and check and count
You try to leave,
You try to stop,
You try to get right back on top
The walls of fear
rise up above,
blocking out what you want to think of
I want to get better,
I want to be me,
I dream of the day when I'll finally be free.
Sarah:)
Once the day begins,
All of the rituals become my life.
They take hours or even the whole day,
To make myself sure of my acceptance in the cynical world.
I do not have the perfect life, body, or mind,
And I don't belong in this world,
Because no one understands,
The strange obsessions of mine.
I try hard to stop.
Yet the tension builds.
My cold clammy palms begin to drip with salty water,
And I can't go on without my compulsions.
Whether it is washing, checking, or repeating,
I have to complete my own chores of life.
After I am finished,
The world is a much better place.
I can finally relax even for only a few minutes,
But the anxiety is released,
Like a rain emmersed from a full storm cloud.
Then the complicated cycle repeats itself.
By Brittany C.
When you look at me
What you see
Is not what's really there.
What you see
When you look at me
Is the mask I daily wear.
A mask of joy
And perfection
Hides my fearful tears.
For you don't know
What I must go through
Everyday I face my fears.
I hide the thoughts
And obsessions
That plague my racing brain.
I won't let you
See my true face
When I'm in such grief and pain.
I hide these fears
For your own sake
My visions you don't want to see.
So I will wear
What you want to see
And mask the horrors or me.
An OCD Teen
God bless my mom and dad
and bless my little child
and take care of my spouse
when things start gettin wild....
and God there's one more thing
I wish that you could do
hope ya don't mind me askin'
but 'PLEASE' bless my Computer too??
Now I know that it's not normal
to bless a mother board
but listen just a second
while I explain to you, "MY LORD"
you see, that little metal box
holds more than odds and ends.
inside those small components
rest a hundred of my 'BEST FRIENDS'
Some it's true I've never seen
and most I've never met
we've never shaken hands
or shared a meal as yet...
I know for sure they like me
by the kindnesses that they give
and this little scrap of metal
is how I travel to where they live.
by faith is how I know them
much the same as I know you.
I share in what life brings them
from that our friendship grew.
'PLEASE' take an extra minute
from your duties up above...
to bless this hunk of metal
that's filled with so much love.
Author Unknown
Anyone
Has never been
And has never reached out
So young and vulnerable
And so,
Who speaks these words
To someone in pain
Has not faced and felt
Their hurt and shame
Deeply comforted
Softly and gently held
When it felt like
No one in the world
Would tenderly hold you
to find that small
defenseless precious being
Inside each of us
who was injured over
and over and over
When they say
"Just Get Over It"
They are talking to themselves
Because they never did.
(Emy on 6/27/98)
To subscribe to Emy's "holistic" OCD mailing list for adults
send an email to ocdlist-subscribe@makelist.com
I'm not okay
MY COMPULSIONS
Dear God,
Krissi D.
I bleed when I'm well
I'm healthy when my body swells
Nothing's right
I agree to disagree
and I'm right when I'm wrong
Something's missing
I love to hate
But I love chance and fate
I can't give
I have all I want,
Yet I have nothing to lose
I'm bruised yet scars don't show
I can't see yet the light has a bright glow
Things are different yet nothing has changed
Everyone is acting calm but still they feel insane
And I sit here
Writing and crying
As everything I can't have
Flies by, laughing
No rules, but no games to play
A straight path has led people astray
Am I the one not able to choose?
No
I simply have nothing left to lose
Stacey L.
Something is implanted in my mind
A fear I cannot release
It holds me in it's grasp
Tighter and tighter as I weep
It pushes me
over and over again
I know I do not need to obey it
but still I feel I must
Ignore it-I try
but it cannot be done
Release me-I cry
but it does not let go
Too long ago I let it take control
and now I have no power over it
It makes me anxious, irritable, and sad
but most of all it makes me mad
because I know that I do not need to do
the things it wants me to
over and over again
but still I do
and I cannot help it
Give me strength God to overcome this force
a force that was implanted in me so long ago
Give me patience, God, to let time cure all
But most of all
Give me the freedom from my tortures
Amen.
