(untitled)
lighter in one hand,
I stratch at my legs,
a yin with a yan,
the secret I hold,
the pairing of things,
An OCD Teen
The touch of the knife,
as it cuts through my flesh,
and as the blood pours,
my worries are less,
cigarette unlit,
as I poisen myself,
I don't want to do it,
so gently it seems,
till I notice the blood,
it flows down in streams,
my other half is there,
but he cannot save me,
it wouldn't be fair,
as the top of my back,
it won't go away,
it cuts me no slack,
so uneven it seems,
the things that I do,
are not what one dreams,
thing things that I do,
I don't have a choice,
its easy to give in,
quieten the voice,
sometimes I wonder,
is it all just a dream,
my scares are my refuge,
they show where I've been
IT
If you could see it, i would be to perfect for crystal coloured glass,
light shinning on every contour.
If you could smell it, i would be like a strong sweet purfume crawling up
into your head and warming your brain.
But you can only feel it's indescribable torture, with it's hands around your
kneck choking your words, unblinking your eyes, squeezing your heart until i
cant breathe or love.
It spill overs from thoughts in my head to actions like coffee running onto a
floor and staining the ground, it has to be washed, but i dont care if you
are clean, just as long as i feel complete.
It stands over me, watching everything i do and making myself become
something else for a split second just by giving in to the craving.
Craving isnt something you can alter, fixation is a craving, if it's there,
you'll get it.
Isabel J.
(Untitled)
As I walk down the hall
All I see are smiling people...
Happy teenagers, having fun...
No one knows
What it's like to be me...
I'm trapped in my own personal hell.
A world of panic, worry and doubt
A world of endless tormenting thoughts
A world of embarrassing secret rituals...
I'm praying, God please help me
(But what if I'm praying to the wrong one?)
Images flash through my mind...
What if I try to hurt someone?
What if I get out of control and attempt suicide?
What if something bad happens to my family?
God, I'm so scared...
Of what, I'm not sure...
Why can't I be like you?
Why can't I just be another smiling face?
Why do I have to be so scared all the time?
Why do I have to have OCD?
I pretend I'm happy
I must be a good actress,
No one can see the scared girl
Hiding inside.
They say these are the best years of our lives...
Maybe for them, but not for me.
Maybe someday I'll be better...
Maybe someday I'll be more than just a scared girl
Wishing to be one of them......
~Marshmallows~
Why?
Why am I the one who has these wierd fears
Why do I suffer the way I do
Why am I the only one in the family with this
Why does it seem that the world is falling apart at times
Why does it seem that to feel that my life is going to end
Why do I have obsessions and compulsions
Why can't I change, it seems that it takes forever
Why can't people understand that this is not me
Why do people treat me differently
Why can't I be a normal person
Why is it a daily battle for me to do somethings
Why can't I get this under reasonable control
The reasons why are because:
I have OCD and I'm learning how to fight it
I have OCD and one day I know that
I can beat the battle but it just takes time.
By: Chantel
This is the way that I felt when I was first diagnosed
with OCD since then, I feel like I
have been living without it.
Sweet Dreamer
sweet sleeper
sleep,sleep girl
sleep tight
because you know how you're scared of the light
what the light reveals what consciousness
awakens inside that you try to hide
Lord, I'm told to suck it up
but i can't peel myself off of the cozy covers and live
i exist, yet,i can't take part in life
what holds me back?
pure chemicals?
why?
did i hurt someone along the way so deeply,
so badly that I now must be isolated
in the sweet sanctuary of dreams?
it's sweet yet so bitter because in the interlude
between awake and sleeping I feel the pain
of time wasted and anxieties awakening...
Go to bed, she said
it's nighttime.
you should be asleep.
no, momma
darkness is my haven
when the light reveals itself at the dawn,
that's when sleep takes over and hides me
like a vampire, i sleep
am turned to dust by the light
yet, i'm not the one sucking the life out of
the world it sucks the light out of me
sleep, baby girl
you've got your whole life ahead of you
only, i now that they doubt any future
success on my part
i wonder if they think i don't have a future
oh, she's always making plans,
then discarding them when the going gets rough
i don't discard those plans, daddy
there still in my head
and it's not that the going just gets rough
it's that I can't go. not 'don't' go
really really just 'can't' go
and you say it's lack of will
and you say it's my fault
but sleep is my master and to him I shall bow in
deference to you I am but a failure
to you i am the weak one
the mistake
the human faux pas
i'm sorry, daddy
that i'm not what you wanted me to be
i'm not who you wanted me to be
i can only be this person
with crazy dreams
and i don't know how you expect me to fill
your shoes when they're not my size shape-wise,
i mean
my dreams are too big
i know i can be more that you've ever imagined
just let sleep take me away for a little while...
let me put off those dreams just a little while longer...
Love,
Lisa
There can be miracles when you believe;
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill.
the flame dies out...
I am a smouldering pile of ashes
smouldering, smoking, out...
and the song fades
curtain lowers and the lights fade to black
as I alight on my worn-out bed, bed clothes askew
I resume my position: fetal and cowering from
the dark curtain fallen over my
eyes
blotting out hope, locking in despair
desperate and choking on cries muffled
by my tear-stained pillow...
_________________________
always breaking,
never picking up the pieces
of this shattered soul.
tell me there's a piece of me
still intact,
because i need something
to hold onto.
reassurance is so hard to
come by
when I'm always breaking,
never picking up the pieces.
the point at which my arms can
become
unpinned from my
overflowing hips has yet to come.
_________________________
sanity bespeaks of a grip firmer
than I can afford to hold onto.
anger thrashes and writhes inside
these hands and no longer can I flex my muscles.
my grip is lost and sanity goes with
it,
out the window,
into the brick wall I'm up
against.
In dreams, nightmares, I'm
pinned against this brick
wall.
no place to turn.
hands clawing at me from 3
sides.
up against a wall.
screwed from all sides.
sitting pretty doesn't befit me.
I'm the one avoiding your
gaze,
sparing you the abysmal pain
so obvious
in my eyes.
Lisa
