and laugh

goddamnit, what kind of a place is this?

im secondary becuase i always think about how im going to be secondary. that's fun, eh? wanna know the best part? it always comes true. makes sence, dont it? i hate breathing sometimes. fuck this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The preceeding was an excerpt from a very bad night. This entry is actually two put together. Don't you feel like sometimes the answer to all your problems is in the destruction of something else? I know that's not true, but if i can feel better now, i bet i can feel even better later. And maybe that's where i can find the answers.. I need to feel good all the time... What goes on outside doesn't really matter if you're feelin alright on the inside. I like to think of the texture of home made cheeseburgers on my tounge, dripping with cheese, and with just the right amount of ketchup... I go listen to music on my brother's stereo, because it's awesome..... I breathe.... i think.... I write.... I listen.... I imagine myself in a lava lamp, floating blissfully.... And if i can, I look at stars. Suddenly things have meaning if you look at the stars. People say they feel insignifigant when they look, and i can see that; but i look diffrently... I let my mind be boggled by space's (seemingly) endless vastness. I don't know if that was proper english, but it's true. :Þ Look at what's above and all around you. You/the Earth/humans/our solar system/the Milky Way is SSOOOOOOOOO minute when you look from the universe's point of veiw. We are a collection of organisms on a -nothing- planet, orbiting a little thwimp of a sun. we fit into a little tiny corner of a huge openness. How can something as insignifigant as wrecking your car be the end all of the universe? Or getting in a fight... when you fight, you are the equivilent of an ant fighting another ant. You're tiny, and you're nothing... Not to you, or to any one there; your the main atraction right there. But what if there is someone else?...
I'd like to pause to point out how many multiple periods i've used so far.....

12

anyway......
if you were looking at another planet, and you saw two organisms tryin to hurt each other, what would you think?

parents of opposing teams of their kids' little leage games will get into fist-fights, but then they're best freinds when it comes to their city's team. -- St. Louis people hate Atlanta people when its on a national level. But then people will riot at soccer matches because the other fans are rooting for the other country; you're country has to stick together!!!! Now, ingoring the fact that these fights are over a GAME, let's look instead at how they choose their enimies. These people that are fighting side by side were the same people that were fighting each other at their kids' games. How, stupid is that?

What if instead of soccer, we use war... How dumb is it for a country to be in a Civil War when the time, has in the past; and will in the future, come for a war with another country? Or... How dumb is when countries fight each other, when at anytime, our entire planet can be threatened by a larger, stronger force? (*This is where i'm gonna lose some of you*). Do you want to be fighting each other when an army from another planet attacks all of the earth? How retarded do we look now?

~~~

Do you care if two ants are fighting when you spray pesticide?

~~~

these things we worry so much about are just little 'nothings'. Our solar system, or maybe our universe, is possibly resting in the hand of some being that is also small and infignifigant.

and in all this minuteness, i find meaning. this helps me to understand what our place is here. I guess basically i try to be a signifigant 'ant' instead of an insignifigant one. Keep some respect. And be glad that im at least as signifigant as i am.

or maybe i can just appreciate space for its 'space'. look at all that space! there's awhole lot of it. with planets and stars and nebulas and stuff. that's pretty cool too.

I bet you're really sick of reading this shit now.