bad
the last few days have been pretty bad. nothing major happened or anything, it just feels like every way i turn i get more negativity. i remember i had my three rules: i hate arrogant people I hate fake people i hate assholes and i guess that's still all true, but i found out what i really mean: i hate negativity. maybe i should say negitivity isn't my favorite thing, (making fun of myself). but lately thats all i see. negative here and there and all around. and sadly, i keep it going. when i recieve it, i spread it. as soon as there's any within me, it grows and its so hard to turn away from it. I want to fix it, but i cant go in that direction. i need something drastic. yet something real goddamnit. i mean look at this... the thing that makes me the happiest of all, i cant do. (thats playin my drums for those of you who arent experts in "Tim".) whats wrong with my life? --you know what? im not gonna start with this shit. KTRS had the balls to broadcast over the beggining of Art Bell just now. that pissed me off. i guess i didnt miss anything, but i was looking forward to hearing him, and i had to sit thru this goddamn post show shit. agian for those of you who are amatures in "Tim", football/sports-in-general is not a high priority for me. Art's playin the Doors. wish i had some of their albums. i really need to get more music. i have so little, yet i claim that music is my life. theres just so much stuff i need money for. the job hunt has yet to begin. i was gonna start today, but it got to be a lazy day. like always. taking a break. be back in a few. *a few minutes later* let me tell you something about seizing the day. to me this is soemthing of intrest because its something im not very good at. as you might have read in my other entries, i bitched and moaned all thru highschool, i hated it for the most part. yet i wish i could go back when i compare it to today. and now, i wish it was a few months ago, even when during those months, i was not all that happy. well, msybe i was happy but didnt realize it. otherwise why would i wanna go back? maybe your always happy. maybe you have to relize it, be proactive with your happiness. now is just fine. tomarrow is gonna be cool, yesterday was fun, but live for now. isnt that what all those forwarded emails are about? "yesterday is history, tomarrow's a mystery, today is a gift, the present." i personally dont like these cute little phrases, but they make sence if you look at the meaning. i just find it hard to get past the exorbitant gayness of it. if there were only a way to project these meanings without sounding so rediculous. i didnt spell that right, did I? not sure. i just remembered the icon for the written page on my old site. the site with the cloud background. its an arm smashing the shit out the keyboard. that would feel so, so good right now. Die keyboard, Die. if only all your problems could be solved my beating the holy hell out of something. and all your worry is oblitorated with your target. i guess thats the idea behind all the assault in this world. too bad someone gets bloodied up in the process. the most insignifigant little things can piss you off so much. and why? cuz your grumpy. are you going to let this small little --- im hearing a commercial for my old work on the radio. gay place. screw that establishment. corruption in all its glory. --- inconvenience get you this mad? its pointless, you need not to be angered. anger is weakness. anger is negitive, sadness is negitive, you dont need it.
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