new! again!
i cannot get into freeopendiary.com. very pissed. but, perhaps this is a sign that ive been neglecting my good ol' site. so, here i am. also, at my site i tend to get a little more fillysoficul. at fod.com its more everyday chit chat stuff. and i do alot of stuff like surveys there, its a diffrent feeling. i guess its also just easier there. here i gotta make a whole new page and make sure everything looks good, but there i just gotta hit 'write', and then 'save'. thats it. by the way, if anyone wants to read my crap, just go to freeopendiary.com and type beatboychino in the 'jump to diary' thing here's something ive noticed. i guess there's something about my facial expressions or voice that make people think i dont know much. they feel they have to explain little common sense or obvious things to me. they feel i dont fully understand the concept of the green arrow at a traffic light, or something along those lines. i guess since i dont much about how cars are made, people figure i dont know how cars are driven. that kind of thing i suppose. so they feel this is their time to show me the ropes about stuff id have to be an idiot not to know. and there's only so little you can do. you could either be polite and wait till s/he's done with the entire xplination, --or interupt with "i know". but even if you do that, it doesnt always mean s/he'll stop talking. the xplination just keeps going on and on. --so, you can either give up there, or keep saying, "i know.. i know.. i know. yeah, i know, i know, i know, iknowiknowiknowiknow!!!" and i guess there's just something about me that makes people feel like they just have to overall talk down to me. it happens all the time. it really--, i cant describe that feeling of anger when that happens. ahhhh---- another topic (well, maybe not) but then again, i sometimes feel like they're right. maybe that's why i get pissed. look at all i could have done by now but hav'nt. *sad face* on that open diary site you can leave notes for people in their entries. here's what someone left me when i was talking first about Kyle's death, then about how little ive done in comparison to Kyle, RIP.-- I don't know what I can say other than I'm sorry. I feel for you and I wish there was something I could do. The best advice I can offer you is to not compare yourself to Kyle. He did so much because his time was short, so God gave him the drive to do what he needed to do quickly. Just live your life, not even to the fullest or the best way you can. Just live...just live. Take care ~LBG i need drive. i always forget what i want. my incentive always dissappears because of my laziness. look what its gotten me now. not much. --- you know im sick of writing about this all the time. all though i am taking steps in the right direction, it just doesnt feel like im progressing. and there's not a simple solution. increased religion or increased sex or increased money isnt gonna do it. i just feel completly bogged down. yet there's not much to bog me down. i can see if i actually had a job, but i don't. maybe i dont eat healthily enuff. i dont know. im the perfect sucker to join a cult arent i? -this is a joke- ~i forget how my thoughts went from 'people talking down to me' to 'not getting shit done', but im sure it made sence at the time. on a lighter note, i saw dream theater :) it was not only the shit, it was the fucking shit. at one point i was like two feet away from mike portnoy. if you want more detal, check the site mentioned above... okay, i guess thats it for now. ill type @ya later.
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