You members of the Obsessive Anna Kournikova Fan Club are just so lucky. We sent one of
our undercover photographers into this trainers office to snap this picture of Anna while
she was getting her body fat content measured. It turns out that she has a body fat content
of 4%. Amazing, we think so. Incidentally, our photographer, Chuck, was posing as a rectal
thermometer used exclusively for elephants. An hour after this picture was taken, we had to
rush Chuck to the hospital after he was stuck into a place that he wasn't able to snap any
pictures.
Most of the following are excerpts from an interview after having defeated Chanda Rubin at Wimbledon.
Do you regret your comments about Venus Williams' play?
What comments?
Didn't you say she wasn't a very good player?
I never said that.
Do you rate her as a contemporary?
Well, she's a player.
What do you mean?
What do you think I mean?
Your next opponent is Barbara Rittner, have you ever played her?
No, I played her once.
Do you ever worry that everybody is talking about how pretty you
are?
I don't worry about anything like that.
How would you describe the experience of Centre Court?
It was a dream come true.
Have you got a favorite player?
Pete Sampras and Boris Becker.
Women?
I don't even have a boyfriend yet.
I mean players.
Oh, well I like Steffi and Monica.
What about Martina?
Oh she's too butch.
Is your boyfriend here?
I'm single.
You're not going out with him?
I'm single.
Do you lust for hockey players?
I'm outta here.
Most of the following are excerpts from an interview after having defeated Helena Sukova at Wimbledon.
What does it feel like to be in the quarter-finals of Wimbledon?
Happy.
Are you playing the best tennis you've ever played?
Maybe.
When you won the match, you did a little push thing.
I was happy.
This has been associated with a dance in America.
Dance?
Yes.
I don't know.
So have you danced with Sergei lately?
Fuck off.
Do you have any information on how your success at Wimbledon
is received in Moscow, in Russia.
No.
Do you care?
What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?
Do you have any free time for going out?
Going out where?
At night, go out.
I don't have time for that now.
What if Sergei shows up?
Interview over!
Most of the following are excerpts from an interview after having defeated Iva Majoli at Wimbledon.
What has made the difference?
What made the difference?
What...
I don't have a boyfriend!
How much time do you spend in the United States at this point?
Basically all my time.
How important is it for you to beat Hingis?
She's the number 1.
Right.
It's important.
Thanks Einstein.
Huh?
So how is Sergei?
Eat dirt.
Can you tell us what the problem was?
I was sore.
You seemed to pull up in your singles match just slightly.
I was sore.
Have you pulled out of your doubles match?
Yes.
What was the reason on that?
I was sore
Did Sergei do that?
What is your problem?
Is the injury worrying you with tomorrow in mind?
Excuse me, what?
Is the injury worrying you with tomorrow in mind?
Oh, the injury?
Yes
No
Tired?
Yes, just a little bit tired.
Do you love grass?
I do.
You shouldn't smoke so much. Does Sergei make you do that?
Piss off.
As it may seem that Anna gets a bit defensive over the topic of Sergei Federov of the
NHL Detroit Red Wings, she claims to have no boyfriend. So all of us here at the Obsessive
Anna Kournikova Fan Club can hold our breath that she might still really be single.
Not that she would bother with any of us. Although you never know how she would react
if you told her you were a proud member of the fan club. With the knowledge that you gain
here you might be able to impress the pants off her.
I didn't say that.
|
