\A New Millenium: A New Start?

Okay, I look at it like this: 'NSync is comin' out with a new album, possibly a new name, and going into the new millenium right along with us. How about we come up with some NEW things to make fun of? I mean, really people. We can't very well have Justin speaking in Ebonics forever, now can we? I say out with the old and in with the new. I personally have come up with some new things to chuckle at based on 1) their recent slew of TV appearances, 2) the titles of their new album, and 3) the "Year In Rock 1999" on MTV. You'll see what I'm talking about. (Basically, this means that the "NSync 'N Da Hood" piece is the last story I will write that is full of the OLD stereotypes.)

Out with the old…

  1. JC: Talking about his crack addiction. (Okay, we know he has big veins, we know he dances like a crackhead, and we KNOW that he meant it on the "Top 40 Favorite Videos" when he said, "Crack…caffeine").
  2. Justin: Making scripts about his uncontrollable urge to revert to Ebonics. Okay, dudes, we KNOW Justin doesn't really talk like that, and probably never will.
  3. Lance: Him looking like a girl. We know he looks like a girl. HE knows he looks like a girl. Hell, even the other boys of 'NSync know he looks like a girl. It was fun while it lasted, but it's time to kick this joke to the curb.
  4. Chris: Talking about how old he is (as if he hasn’t been shamed enough), talking about his hair (since the braids are gone, HURRAY!!!), and talking about how CRAZY he is…10 to 1 says he's no crazier than Lance. It was probably all TransCon's fault. I mean, they totally groomed the boys on their appearance, both within and without. When it's at the point where a twenty-one year old is told to shave his beard and get rid of his eyebrow ring, you know they have too much control. I'll bet that they took Chris' natural excitement and embellished it to the point where he was the "CRAZY" one, as demonstrated through the braids. Now that they've left TransCon, Chris decided to look human again and cut the braids off.
  5. Joey: Making fun of how much he eats. Period. It's old and it's time to move on. Also, the whole, "Actually, I scored ten points, actually" and "We hopefully hope…" It's over and done with.

…In with the new!!

Bear with me on these people. I'm gonna take little things they do, or things I've noticed and pondered and use hypothetical things to make fun of. In other words, THEY AIN'T TRUE!!! Except for maybe Justin's, these new things to make fun of will hopefully NEVER be true…

  1. JC: Stick with me on this one, 'cause people might miss it. This little factor comes from a variety of places, and I'm gonna give a quick explanation before I tell you what it is. The first time I started to wonder about JC was when I saw the "NSync 'N Concert" and saw him push Ruben out of the way. The second time was when he said something like, "We're not some GANGBANGERS rapping about life in the hood, we're just some kids from the suburbs that wanna have fun." Ahem. Since when has Jay-Z, The Notorious B.I.G., Mobb Deep, DMX, Method Man, or Redman gangbanged? (And I ain't talkin' about with a girl here, people…Oooh, I'm sooo nasty!!) Anyway, the final time I started to wonder about JC was when I saw "Head Trip", which is one of the greatest shows on MTV right now. They were making fun of the video "Tearin' Up My Heart", and they had JC talking like a hick redneck from the south. That's when I suddenly go, "What if Louis Farrakhan or Jesse Jackson watched JC as much as me and my sister did? Would they think he was a closet racist?" And from there, people, a new joke was formed, kind of like Rachel's "Ambiguously Gay Duo" from "Just Thrust It". And before you people with NO SENSE OF HUMOR WHATSOEVER trip on me, let me just say that I honestly do NOT think JC is a racist. Hell, I met him one time and he was pretty damn civil to me regardless of the fact that I made fun of them right to their faces. He even called my sister "sweetie", so if I get one damn hate mail saying that JC is not a racist, I will verbally punish you and tear you down to the point where you will wonder if your mother dropped you on the head as a baby. That is all.
  2. Justin: What can I say about little Timberdickhead? The kid is starved for attention. Didja see him at the Billboards? Was it really necessary to tap dance, Justin? Notice how he always has to come up with new accents, hairstyles, clothing styles, and quotes? Anything to put the attention back on his ass. Watch me blow that one little fact out of the water…that and the fact that he's the one that TRULY loves to "Eat, eat, eat, all day long", and not Joey.
  3. Lance: He's gotten bigger, tougher, and a hell of a lot more ass than we thought capable for the horse fucker…er, I mean, LOVER. Hehehehe…. Anyways, I've also noticed that Lance has gone Hollywood on us. I was looking at "Tearin' Up My Heart" and "NSync 'N Concert", and it was like watching them in the MMC days again, even though Lance, Chris, and Joey weren't on it. Lance was so young and innocent looking! Now, he wears his Armani sunglasses and bleaches his hair with the best of 'em. Also, I like to imagine that he's the freakiest out of all the guys, contrary to the whole, "Lance looks like a girl/Lance is gay" subject. I bet Lance has more pictures of naked women than the original Playboy himself, Hugh Heffner. Now, how ya like that, bitch?
  4. Chris: What can I say? He seems to be getting calmer. I'll bet he's actually the responsible one now, only he's trying so hard to cling to his "crazy" demeanor that he winds up sounding stupid as all hell. Remember when him and Joey were judges on the "Say What? Karaoke" finals? Oh, yeah. He sounded quite the fool. Also, since he's the only one that is now OPEN about having a girlfriend, he probably tries to mess with the other guys about it. You know, kinda rub it in. Remember, everyone actually thought Lance would get married first, and here we have Chris "God, I'm 28 and in a boyband and not married yet" Kirkpatrick with a steady. Go on, wit' yo' bad self.
  5. Joey: HE'S NOT DUMB!!! Praise the Lord! He read the teleprompter correctly at the Billboards and even remembered to waggle his eyebrows when he said that he loved "beautiful women". I'll start pegging him as the intellectual of the group…how's that for the new millenium? Also, because we've had Joey labeled as the "slut", (which is no doubt true), just for the sake of comedy, I'm gonna say that he has a girl, too, even though we all know that won't happen for another couple-a hundred years. You'll see where I'm gonna go with this.

So that's the new joke roster. To demonstrate what I mean, I'm gonna write a little story about it in the near future.

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