Mars: “…And my name’s Mars.”
A: “Moss? Isn’t that a plant?”
B: “No, dude, she said ‘Maus’. It’s German for mouse.”
Mars: “No, no, ‘MARS’. M-A-R-S.”
(Both ignore her and continue to debate.)
A: “No, I’m pretty sure it’s ‘Moss’. Didn’t she say something earlier about plants?”
Mars: “I was referring to the branch that close-lined me, not my name.”
B: “Yeh, but ‘Maus’ makes more sense. She looks kinda mousy. Doesn’t resemble a green leafy thing at all.”
Mars: “Listen, it’s MARS. Like the planet or the Greek God of War. Y’know, ‘Grr… battle battle, kill kill’?”
(Both stare at her in incomprehension, then continue talking.)
A: “Besides, she’s not even German. Why would she have a German name?”
B: “Because it’s cute. ‘Maus’ is a much pleasanter name than ‘Moss’.”
Mars: “Dudes, are you even hearing me? Don’t you know who the Greek God of War is?”
(Both look at her…)
A: “Um, nah. Can’t say I do.”
B: “Wasn’t he the dude who invented the tappy-tappy thing?”
A: “Morse code? No, I’m pretty sure that was some other guy.”
B: “Oh, coulda sworn it was him.”
A: “Anyway, Morse sounds nothing like Moss. Besides, I think she looks like a bryophyte type a’ person.”
B: “Wot’s a bryophyte?”
A: “It’s a moss, stupid.”
Mars: “Agh! You know bryophyte but not Mars? I can’t believe it! No, I refuse to accept it. I’m leaving! Idiots!”
(Mars storms away mumbling things about exacting justice on the human race for its idiocy.)
A: “She sounded pissed, dude.”
B: “She didn’t look pissed to me.”
A: “Course she looked pissed!”
B: “But isn’t that when you’re drunk?”
A: “What are you? British? This isn’t England, moron. We don’t use bodily functions to describe physical states here. We’re more intelligent than that.”
B: “Oh, right, dude.”
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