Late that afternoon both riders began sending nervous glances to the heavens as dark clouds began forming, indicating another storm was approaching. Alexis silently cursed her bitter luck, wondering what unseen forces were conspiring to delay her return to Rock Creek. Ever since the arrival of Lou’s letter, her determination to get back to the people she loved was straining her already thin patience. The weather, however, seemed to be working against her at every turn. As she approached Jimmy’s house that morning, the sky had promised a few clear days to allow them quick passage with minimal delays. Now they didn’t even have a full day’s journey behind them and it looked like they would be forced to find shelter and wait out a storm. Just what I need, she thought angrily, stuck in a town with Jimmy.

Jimmy reigned in his horse and looked over at Alexis when she stopped her mount. “What should we do?”

“There’s a town not too far ahead,” she replied with a shrug. “I guess we better push ‘em and try and beat the storm.”

“No good,” he called out as the wind picked up with an icy whistle. “We won’t make it and the horses are too tired to push that hard.”

He fell silent as he surveyed the surroundings and then turned back to her. “There’s a old cabin we use sometimes that’s not too far from here. A bit out of the way, but it’s secure and we’ll be warm. There’s also a place to put the horses up out of this wind and snow.”

Alexis kept her face neutral as she took in what he said. They needed to get out of the cold, and she knew he was right that they would never make the town in time. Nodding her head to indicate it was fine she waited for Jimmy to lead out and when he could no longer see her face, let disappointment wash over her features.

A little while later, they approached a small house and barn nestled against the side of a hill. In the fading light, it appeared the house was empty, but Jimmy had Alexis stay back as he approached and had a closer look. When he determined it was safe, he motioned her to join him and then took their horses into the barn. Alexis picked up their saddlebags and walked into the house and appraised the situation. When Jimmy returned from the barn she was fanning a small fire, willing it to catch the larger pieces quickly and generate warmth.

As she turned from the fire, he handed her some of the food that Celinda packed for their trip, and then the two sat in uneasy silence near the fire eating. Long after the food was finished, they sat staring into the fire, not speaking. After a while Alexis began to yawn and she stood up and reached for her bedroll, indicating she was going to bed.

“Are you ever goin’ to speak to me?” Jimmy asked suddenly.

Alexis whirled around and looked at him. “What would you like to talk about?”

Egged on by the harshness of her voice, Jimmy snapped back. “I don’t know. Let’s start with you finding me, Teaspoon’s death, what’s happening here,” he said as he gestured with his hands to indicate the two of them.

“Well,” she bit out, “I found you. You wanna know how? Too bad, let’s just say I’ve known where you’ve been for a while now. I shoulda just told Teaspoon where you were and let him contact you. Instead I had this stupid notion of talkin’ to you myself and trying to convince you to go back and see him, and if I couldn’t do that, then at least to write him. I wanted it to be a surprise for Teaspoon, ‘cause he missed you. About Teaspoon’s death, I told you everythin’ I know. Maybe when we get to Rock Creek, there’ll be more information then, but I’ve told you everything that Lou told me in her letter.

“And as for this,” she said gesturing to the room and the two of them, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t think there is much to say at all. It’s late and we should probably just get some sleep. If we’re lucky this storm will blow through quickly and tomorrow we can continue on our way.”

“No way, you don’t get off that easy Alexis. I want answers and I think I’m entitled to them.”

“You’re entitled to answers?” she asked incredulously. “It’s always about you isn’t Jimmy? It’s always what you want and everyone else be hanged.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” he bellowed at her.

“Have you ever once thought about the people you left behind in Rock Creek? I know you’re shocked by Teaspoon’s death, but have you ever stopped to think about the rest of us and how we may be feeling? All this time we were ridin’, were you thinking about Teaspoon’s life and everyone affected by his death, or were you just thinking ‘bout yourself?”

“You think I’m not affected by the news of Teaspoon’s death?” he asked bitterly. “Do you honestly think I’m that insensitive?”

“That’s not what I meant. I can see it on your face that you’re hurt. But you’ve never once asked how any of the rest might be takin’ his death. You’ve never asked me how I’m taking it. You’ve been gone for over two years and you’re actin’ like you’re the only one here who’s greiving!”

Silence hung in the air, broken only by the snap of the fire and Alexis’s angry breathing which she struggled to get under control. She blinked rapidly, forcing the tears to remain behind her eyelids as the two stood and stared at each other.

“Are you angry that I haven’t asked how you’re feelin’ or that I left? Is that what this is really about? You’re angry that I left with Rosemary?”

“This isn’t about us!” she shouted. “Don’t you get that? There is no us, so get over yourself. This is about Teaspoon and those of us who love him and miss him terribly. You’re not the only one who’s hurting. His widow, Rachel, Kid, Lou and Buck all miss him.”

“Teaspoon was married?” Jimmy interrupted. “To Rachel?”

“Yes Teaspoon was married and no it wasn’t to Rachel,” she answered with exasperation. “Do you remember his ex-wife Polly that moved to Rock Creek?”

“He married Polly again?”

Alexis nodded. “Almost a year after Kid and Lou got married, Teaspoon got married for what he said would be the seventh and final time. I don’t think this is quite how he was intendin’ to insure that.”

“That’s an awful joke, Alexis,” Jimmy said as he glared at her.

Instantly contrite she softened her voice and said, “I know, I’m sorry. It just sometimes doesn’t seem quite real to me yet. I’ve known Teaspoon since I was a little girl. I can remember like it was yesterday him comin’ over to the house and talkin’ with my parents. After my momma died, he spent a lot of time with us and he became family. He was like an uncle to me. When my pa died and I had that trouble with my husband’s brothers, Teaspoon was right there to help. These last few years have been so wonderful havin’ him in my life again, and now he’s gone.”

She turned and walked a few feet away then said softly, “I’m never going to see him again, and I wasn’t even there for his funeral.”

Jimmy stood rooted to his spot near the fire as he watched Alexis’s shoulders shake with silent tears and her struggle to conceal them. He wanted to comfort her in some way, but knew that any attempt he made would not be welcomed. He was loath to admit it, but she was right in everything she said to him. He hadn’t thought about the others and what they might be feeling. He was acting like his grief was more profound and that Teaspoon’s death had a deeper impact on him than any of the others, but he knew that simply wasn’t true and he had no right to make that claim.

He turned his back on the people that for a year and a half he called his family. Together they had faced so much. They fought together, sometimes they fought each other, but they stood by each other. He thought of scant weeks after they joined the Express, Ike had to testify against Nickerson and they all rode out together to get him safely to Blue Creek. Right then he knew they were coming together as a unit, a group, a family. Then he thought of Ike’s death and the pain they all felt as the first in their family died. That had been the beginning of the end. They slowly fractured apart, never fully healing from the loss. Noah's death further split them, and ended in two members of their family leaving. Cody joining the Army and himself leaving with Rosemary and never speaking with the remaining members again.

Finally he thought of Alexis and Teaspoon. Teaspoon cared for each one of the riders, but there was no mistaking the special place he had for Jimmy. At first Teaspoon had guided him along, offering advice and urging Jimmy to control his temper and trying to take a headstrong boy and turn him into a man. They developed a mutual respect for each other and a unique friendship. After meeting Polly, Jimmy was touched when Teaspoon once told him he saw their relationship as similar to the one he’d had with Polly’s father. When he first met Alexis she intrigued him because she offered another clue to the mystery of Teaspoon’s past. Then something developed between them, which was obvious to all around them. Teaspoon once took him aside and jokingly told him that since he was the closest thing she had to family, when Jimmy was ready to get serious he expected to be notified before they ran off and got married.

Then everything changed when Rosemary came back into his life. He closed his eyes and the image of Alexis’s stunned and hurt face when Jimmy walked into Kid and Lou’s wedding with Rosemary sprang into his mind. He knew he hurt her, but he never said anything to her. The day after Noah’s funeral she gathered the things she’d brought with her to Rock Creek and boarded a stage. Teaspoon was angrier than a caged wildcat the day she left, and he remained that way for weeks. He and Jimmy avoided each other and the day Cody left with the Army, Jimmy packed up and left with Rosemary in the middle of the night. He never said goodbye; he only left a note saying he was doing what he felt was right.

It had seemed right for a while, but lately it was different. It’s not that he believed less in the cause, but he questioned his place in it. He felt like he didn’t belong, that he didn’t have the same passion and intensity for it that Nathan and Rosemary had. He wasn’t being true to himself by staying when his heart wasn’t in it, Teaspoon had taught him that. Maybe by getting some distance, he would gain some insight and direction as to what he should do.

All he knew right now was the close proximity to Alexis was not helping the clarity of his mind. She was angry with him, and rightly so, but what surprised Jimmy most was the pain he felt because she was angry. The dreams of them married and the comfort he felt from them were being ripped away from him by the jarring reality of their animosity. He couldn’t tell if the disappointment and emptiness he was feeling inside was from realizing the loss of the dream, or if it was the overwhelming grief of Teaspoon’s death.

Jimmy realized how tired he suddenly was, and knew that Alexis had been right. They should have just gone to sleep instead of in their grief and anger saying words they could never take back. He pulled himself from his internal reverie and discovered that Alexis was now standing by the window staring out into the night. Her back was stiff and he never would have guessed that moments before she had been crying.

“Alexis?” he said gently, hating to break the peace that had settled in the cabin.

She turned her head slightly, but said nothing.

“It’s pretty cold tonight, I’ll put some more wood on, but I think we should sleep near the fire. It’ll be too cold in the bedroom for one of us to sleep there.”

She nodded her head a fraction, but still didn’t reply. Jimmy pulled on his coat and walked past her to go outside. As he disappeared around the corner to the woodpile, he glanced back and saw she was standing in the same place, the same distant look clouding her eyes.

When he came back with a large armful of wood, the window now was vacant. Entering the cabin, he saw the space in front of the fire was cleared and their bedrolls were laid out. Alexis was sitting on hers, warming herself. The distant look was finally gone when she looked up at Jimmy as he tended to the fire. They each sat there, uncomfortable and unsure of what to say. They knew their emotions were too close to the surface to attempt long conversations.

“Well, I guess…I’m gonna turn in. Night Jimmy,” Alexis finally said hestitantly. Then she turned away and curled up on her side, drawing the blanket close around her.

“Night Alexis,” he replied and sat for a moment watching her as she settled under her blanket. Knowing the best thing for the moment was to get some rest, he rolled to his side, facing away from her and pulled the blanket tightly around him.

Alexis rounded the curve in the path and saw a house ahead, surrounded on two sides by large trees. The kind of trees that she imagined children laughing and playing under during the warm summer months. The house was unfamiliar to her, but warm and inviting. It was a place one could imagine a young family, starting out in life, small children scurrying in and out of doors. It’s familial warmth pulled her closer until she was standing on the porch, just outside the door.

She was surprised when she heard Lou’s laughing voice floating out the partially opened window. Other cheerful voices mingled with hers and Alexis felt an overwhelming desire to be inside. She knew wherever Lou was; she would surely be welcomed. She raised her hand to knock, but felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her back. She struggled to get back to the house, but the grip on her shoulder grew stronger until she found herself blinking in the bright morning light.

“Alexis, come on, wake up,” Jimmy said, gently shaking her shoulder. “We caught a break last night and the storm passed through quickly.”

She struggled to sit up, running a hand over her face in an attempt to focus her mind on the moment and not the unfamiliar house that recurred often in her dreams. The storm was passed, that meant they could leave and continue on to Rock Creek. Yes, they had caught a break last night. On the trail, they wouldn’t be forced to deal with the things brought up last night. Those topics were best left for another time, when they could talk without their tempers flaring. They did not need to arrive in Rock Creek as angry as they were last night.

“Good,” she finally replied. “Hopefully the weather will hold and we’ll make it there in just a couple of days.”

Jimmy let his eyes roam the countryside as he and Alexis drew closer to Rock Creek. After being gone so long, he wanted to savor the feeling of reaquainting himself with countryside he once knew better than anything. He was surprised as he found himself recalling that just over a certain rise would be a tree, or other such landmarks. The feeling of returning home hit him strongly, and he desperately wished it was under better circumstances.

He glanced over at Alexis and saw the same neutral expression that seemed to be plastered to her face since they left the safe house a couple of days earlier. The ride since then had been civil, but the tension was rippling just beneath the surface and they only spoke when absolutely necessary. They would ride for hours on end, never speaking or hardly acknowledging the other’s presense. Jimmy several times opened his mouth to try and start a conversation, but not wanting to create further problems, closed it again and just kept riding.

As they drew closer, he saw there were more houses and farms scattered around and the town itself was larger. He angled his horse toward town and was surprised when Alexis didn’t follow. She was on a path that skirted the town to the north, and she looked at Jimmy with slight exasperation.

“What?” he asked, trying not to match the tone of his voice to her look.

“Rachel’s house is this way,” she said with a tilt of her head.

“She doesn’t live in town anymore?”

“Not since she married,” she stated.

“Don’t say it. I’da known Rachel was married if only I’d kept in touch,” he said, the sarcasm creeping into his voice.

“Well, yes you would have,” Alexis calmly said. “But that’s not what I was thinking. I was thinking you’re probably gonna be surprised when you hear who her husband is. You know him after all.”

“Really? Who is he?” Jimmy asked, curious and willing to play along with Alexis’s light moment.

“Remember Janus Tarkovsky?”

“Yeah, the guy who became the blacksmith,” Jimmy answered. Then realization dawned. “Rachel and him? Really?”

“Yeah. About six months after…about six months after Kid and Lou,” she said, stopping herself from making reference to Jimmy’s leaving. “She continued to teach until this last year.”

“What happened?” Jimmy finally asked, as Alexis lapsed into silence.

With a smile she said, “sorry, got lost in the memory there. She had a baby in October. A little girl, they named her Adelle. Cutest little thing you ever saw. Lou’s hoping if she has a girl, her’s is half as cute.”

“Lou? Lou’s gonna have a baby?” Jimmy asked.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to keep throwing things at you like you should know. She’s due in another month or so. I was visiting a friend and then was planning on coming back to help her out, since Rachel’s gonna be busy with her own baby.”

Jimmy slowly shook his head, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden bombardment of news. He was glad for the advance notification, but still felt like he’d been knocked from his saddle and he was running after his horse as he tried to process all the things Alexis kept telling him. After a few moments he indicate was ready to continue on, and fell in behind Alexis as she started her horse forward. Suddenly she stopped and turned to face him.

“I just have to say this, and I’m sorry if it sounds mean. But you’ve had a couple of days now to kinda deal with the news about Teaspoon. If you’re still angry and want to lash out, do it to me, but don’t get into some big fight them. Your return’s gonna be uneasy enough as it is, I don’t want you takin’ away from Teaspoon’s memory.”

Jimmy silently nodded, indicating he understood. He waited until Alexis turned her horse again towards Rachel’s and then urged his own forward. Apprehension suddenly filled him as the house drew close and he realized he was going to face people he hadn’t seen in over two years.

On to Chapter 6!