Celebrity Dream Date
Carson: We're here at Big Bear Lake in California with 150 girls all trying to win a Valentine's Dream Date with N Sync. Right now, we have the girls grouped into sections wearing a shirt with each of the guys names on it. Lance's are pink, Chris' are gray, Joey's are orange, Justin's are babyblue, and JC's are yellow. These girls havta run up the hill and then slide back down in a raft with 5 girls each representing a member of N Sync. This my look easy but the only catch is you havta dodge sumthin. MTV was clever enough to capture and gag all 5 members of BSB. We'll be rolling them down the hill along with tons of other BSB merchandise. Now if everyone will get on your mark…..GET SET…..GO!!!!!!!!
Up the hill went the 150 girls and down the hill came the Backstreet merchandise. First tons of pounds of tee-shirts and CD's came down but those didn't stop the girls. MTV even threw down Backstreet Boys: All Access and Backstreet Stories video tapes down. But it just wasn't enough.
Finally came the guys. Cassie easily avoided Nick by stompin her pair of Timb's right in his gut. Tammy and Julia nearly kicked AJ and Kevin back up the hill.
Julia: They are NOT about to ruin my chance of getting a date with my Lil' Afro Puff.
Tammy: That's what I'm sayin!
Portia trudged right over Brian and Michelle stomped right on Howie's face with her right foot while snapping in half a single with that GAY Conversational Mix of All I Have to Give. The five girls turned the corner and instantly knew they had a group. They hopped in the raft, Tammy threw her arms up in the air, and they slid down to victory….Some five other girls came down later, but who cares?!
Carson: Well ladies how does it feel to be the first group down the hill??
Cassie: WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE CHRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carson: ooookay. Does that mean your excited to win a chance to go out with N Sync?
Portia: N Sync?! Who's that? Sisqo ain't in no N Sync!
Julia: shhh! Just pretend like you know who they are. I don't wanna get disqualified.
Carson: This next part is called N Step. Get it? N Step???
Michelle: Shut up dork!
Carson: Excuse me. Anyways, the members of N Sync will teach you the moves to Tearin Up My Heart.
Justin and JC go off to teach the girls the routine.
JC: First you're gonna go like this, then you're gonna spin & turn, then…..
Cassie: Now that we've seen can happen to your dance moves when you use what little money you have to buy crank INSTEAD of food, Justin can you show us the dance???
Justin: aight. Peep dis. You do a little shake, a little shimmy, then ya bounce wit me bounce wit me couldja couldja couldja bounce wit me, bounce wit me. Can I get a JRT!!
All the sudden Justin got hit with 6 snowballs.
Justin: Awww man! My fro!
Michelle: Idiot those aren't the moves to Tearin Up My Heart.
Justin: Well, they are today.
Portia: You know what? I can't stand to look at your face anymore! Move out the way!
Portia decides to teach the group another dance.
Portia: See all you gotta do is, spin & step, then butter & fly, pop & lock, and tootsie & roll…
They finally get the dance 2gether. They all come out rockin the Timb's & baggy jeans.
Carson: Alright girls. Are you ready to show us your moves???
The five of them scream and yell. They begin to do their dance. I'm not sure what to tell you it looks like because, well, Portia made and it up! They finish their dance and go and get cheers and high fives. Julia decides to jump in the audience and start crowd surfing. She eventually falls to the ground and tries to start a mosh pit until Big E smacks her with a pole and drags her out.
Carson: ummm, Lance what did you think of their performance?
Lance: well, they had some new choreography. It was really good.
Tammy: yeah, why don't you back that thang up on over here and I'll REALLY show you how to "Giddy Up".
She then starts doin some pelvic thrusts and moves her hand like she's smackin his bootie.
Carson: ooh, aren't we feeling frisky?!
Tammy: Actually, no that's just you, but WHOOPS! I forgot your not gonna get any anyways since you just "…fell for the girl that's on T.V." she sang.
Portia: oh dang! That's was WRONG!
Carson: ha ha. He laughed sarcastically.
The other team sucked but Justin was nice enough to say it was pretty good.
Carson: Is it gonna be group 1???
Lots of cheers and yells
Carson: or group 2??
It was dead silent. Except for Tammy's laughing.
Carson: can you please stop laughing, we're tryin to measure the claps with our trusty Clap-O-Meter.
Tammy: First of all, if you hadn't noticed, that other team sucked! Not to mention NO ONE WAS CLAPPING! And what the heck is a gay Clap-O-Meter? Man, what's up with MTV?
Carson: What do you mean?
Tammy: I mean, they used to have decent and fine looking VJ's like Simon Rex and Bill Bellamy. Then they come up with you. Talk about desperate.
Carson: HEY LOOK! If I were you I shut up if you wanna get a date with N Sync.
Tammy: fine….man, you really AREN'T gettin any.
Carson: Alrighty then, group 1 is moving on!
The girls scream and whatnot. They go backstage for about 10 minutes and wait to be called out.
Carson: Our first contestant came all the way from Virginia and says it has always been her dream to pinch Lance's cheeks…and she's not talkin about the ones on his face. Welcome Tammy!!!!!
*cheers *
Carson: Are you having fun Tammy?
Tammy: Oh yeah, no doubt. I get to see N Sync AND harass you at the same time. What else could I ask for??
Carson: yeah ok (he glared), Joey has a question for you.
Joey: what's the most romantic thing that you would do for us?
Tammy(saying in a low sexy voice)
: Baby, just to make y'all happy, I'd pile all five of y'all into my Isuzu Trooper, all hot and sweaty and stuff, then I'd put on some slow music, like Tupac or somebody…(then her voice raises and she yells): then we'd ride out to TransCon and beat the crap outta Lou Pearlman. Yeah, baby! Woo hoo!!!!!
Then she starts pantomiming like she's shooting a gun in the air.
Tammy: Are ya feelin' my Tims, my baggy jeans, my thug appeal?
They all look at her questionably.
Carson: Yeah whatever, ok. Let's bring out our next contestant. She says the worst thing next to Chris having a girlfriend is, Chris having a girlfriend and it's not her. Let's bring out Cassie!
*cheers*
Carson: Justin has a question for you.
Justin: Which one of us has the nicest bodies?
Cassie: Chris.
Carson: yeah, Chris has a nice butt. Hey Chris remember on TRL when you started backin that thang up and you were wearin a N Stink hat?
Chris: it wasn't an N Stink hat. It was a N Suck hat. Besides I don't have a nice butt.
Cassie was staring at Chris in awe. She never even blinked. She looked like she was in La La land.
Cassie: so, but you have a very big…..HEART (she said quickly snapping outta her trans) , and your so wonderful and caring. That's why I love you!
Everyone gave Cassie an odd look.
Carson: Umm, yes of course.
Carson: Moving on. Our next girl says that she doesn't give a crap about N Sync because she doesn't even know who they are. She only heard that the one with the Afro is gonna be in the "Thong Song" video. Let's bring out Portia!
*cheers*
Carson: Portia, JC has a question for you.
JC: Name your top 5 favorite artist.
Portia: Number 1: Dru Hill, Number 2: Sisqo, Number 3: Nokio, Number 4: Jazz, and Number 5: Woody.
Justin: What about us?
Portia: What about you? Ain't nobody care about you! You DON'T wanna make me havta unleash the Dragon, now do you??
Carson: No no. That won't be necessary. Ok, let's get the next girl. Her name is Michelle and her favorite song to see N Sync perform is For the Girl because she wants to sit in one of the guys chairs. Come on out Michelle!
*cheers*
Carson: Lance has a question for you.
Lance: What's the worst thing that's happened to you on a date?
Michelle: I- I, I, I……
She stuttered.
Carson: Are you okay?
Michelle fell to the floor and started convulsing and Lonnie carries her off stage.
Carson: Our final girl, well, she likes to mosh at Rock concerts as we have already seen. Rock on out here Julia!
She comes out on stage running and jumping. She has a 2-liter bottle of blue Kool-Aid and blue Kool-Aid stains on her shirt.
Carson: Can you give the guys any tips on moshing?
Julia: yeah! Never wear button down Adidas pants!
Carson: yeah, that's important. Also ladies, if you're gonna be in a mosh pit, take out the piercings and wear a sports bra.
Julia: HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She falls on the ground and starts to have laughing spazes. Big E smacks her with the pole again and she stops.
Carson: Let's get on with this contest. From now on it's everyone girl for herself. The guys are gonna ask you questions based on their dating habits. I'm sorry to report but Michelle is in a state of shock and she won't be able to participate.
Carson: First Question. If you went on a date with Joey, and you were only a cup size A, what would you stuff your bra with to make them look realistic A. tissue, B. ziplock bags full of red jello, C. shoulder pads, D. do whatever Britney Spears did?
Cassie: I'd say, do whatever Britney did.
Tammy: I'd say whatever Britney did also.
Julia: I say E. his hands. * Purrrrr*
Carson: Umm, that's not one of the choices.
Julia: oh, of course not. I meant D.
Portia: same here.
Carson: Joey, what's your answer?
Joey: I said do whatever Britney did.
Carson: aw, come on! You guys don't think they're real?
All 4 girls & all the guys except Justin: NOPE!!!!!!!!
Carson: what about you Justin?
Justin tried to pretend like he didn't hear Carson.
Carson: Justin?
Justin: oh, huh, wha? Oh yeah. I dunno. I was too busy starin at her butt.
Tammy: hey, I thought you didn't look at girls butts?
Justin: uhhh, well, I don't. You see Britney ain't no ordinary girl you know.
Portia: and you know that becuz…..
Justin: ummm, becuz…..wait a sec. I don't gotta answer that! Next question.
Carson: One of Lance's fantasy includes A. whipped cream, B. chocolate syrup, C. a dress & some lip stick, or D. a horse whip.
Cassie: uhhhh, D. a horse whip?
Tammy: B. Chocolate syrup
Julia: E. me.
Carson: that's not one of the choices…again!
Julia: whoops! Oh well!
Portia: C. a dress & lip stick.
Carson: Lance what was your answer?
Lance: I said, A horse whip… * oh Toby * he sighed.
Carson: Wow Lance! I didn't know you were such a dog!
Lance: no! It's not like that you see…umm, I'm from Mississippi and it doesn't snow there so I ride horses! Honest!
Carson: Sure whatever! Anyways ,what would you give JC if he was having a bad day, A. a hug, B. chocolate candies, C. flowers, D. a poem?
Cassie: D. poem
Tammy: A. hug
Portia: A. hug
Carson: I'm afraid to ask but, Julia what's your answer?
Julia: hmmmm, E. CRACK!!!
Cassie: dude! You just said CRACK!!!
Julia: Dude! I DID just say CRACK! Hehe!!!!!!!
She starts hysterically laughing…again. Then she chokes on her Kool-Aid. Big E Smacks her with the pole again to help her stop.
Carson: I'm not gonna say anything. JC what's you answer?
JC: I said D. a poem. Where'd you get crack from?
Tammy: Maybe if you went like this (she said signaling to wipe his nose) she wouldn't of said that.
JC: oh
Carson: If you were to buy Justin any gift on the first date what would it be? A. teddy bear, B. a new basketball, C. the new Jordan's, or D. A Britney Spears doll?
Cassie: D. A Britney Doll
Tammy: A Britney Doll.
Julia: E. SCISSORS!!!!!!!!!!
Carson: for what might I ask?
Julia: A HAIR CUT!!! Look at that!!
Portia: yeah I'ma go with E. too cuz that's just NASTY!
Carson: Justin, what's your answer?
Justin: I don't know what those other girls are talking about, knockin on my hair cut and everythang,
Carson: oh, I hadn't noticed it.
Justin: but I say B. new basketball cuz Joey made a major brick last time we played and sent the ball Sailing. Joey plays like a girl.
Joey: I don't play like a girl, I just can't play!
Carson: On to our last question, What kind of girl does Chris like: A. a funny girl, B. a smart girl, C. a pretty girl or D. all of thee above?
Cassie: E. an airheaded bimbo with inflatable chest who people call Dani!!!!
Carson: man, are we bitter.
Cassie: oops! I mean D. cuz I know my little Sketto Baby and he'd say D. all of thee above cuz that reflects me.
Carson: ok.
Tammy: A. because if she was pretty and she went out with you, she'd only want your money. But then again y'all don't have any. and besides if she really WAS smart, she'd never go out with a crazy mofo like you!
Portia: I'ma say B. cuz he ain't good enough to get a girl with all three. Infact none of y'all is! Only Sisqo could cuz he's ALLLLL THAT!!!! He'll kiss the lips AND rub the navel.
Justin: hey, I can do that too, ya know?
Portia: I'm not EVEN gonna start with you, you infected squirrel with a crooked eye!
Carson: ooookay, Julia?
Julia: umm, what were the choices again????
Carson: A. a funny girl, B. a smart girl, C. a pretty girl, or D. all of thee above?
Cassie: You forgot E.
Carson: umm yeah.
Julia: I pick…F. I LOVE ALKYHALL!!!!!
Carson: goodness gracious why did I even ask? Chris what's your answer?
Chris: I picked D, all of thee above.
He looked in the audience and gave Danielle a wink. Cassie then shot Danielle and EVIL look.
Carson: Let's tally up the scores and see who's gonna move on to the finals!…..In first place we have Cassie with 4, Second place Tammy with 2, and sorry Julia and Portia but you guys only have 1 so Cassie and Tammy are moving on to the finals!
Cassie & Tammy stand up and hug and jump and whatnot.
Hmmmmm! I wonder who's gonna win the date! (as if it isn't obvious since I'm writing the story) Better yet, I wonder where they're gonna take her? find out later!!! hey since this was my first story i wrote PLEASE send me feedback getjopartyon@hotmail.com