May 11, 2002
It's the day before Mother's Day. I finally got my mom a gift just a couple of hours ago. I got her cushions for her lawn furniture. It's what she wanted and I hope she likes what I got. If not, I have the receipt somewhere (Hey, where is that thing?).

Some of the family got together at a local buffet today to celebrate Mother's Day. I was there, too. I continued my sad habit of only eating one plateful of grub which defeats the purpose of buffet dining. I don't understand why I do it. I'm a hefty guy with a hefty appetite. I should be piling it in, but I don't. No, I just can manage one measly plate for nine dollars. Maybe I need a tapeworm.

My niece, Keeley, was on the radio Friday. I forget what station it was, but they were having a Mother's Day contest and Keke won! She was asked questions about why she loved her mommy and ended up winning a bouquet of roses for her mother (Hi, Carrie!)
Keke says she's now a radio star and, after listening to a tape of her radio debut, I believe her. 

And finally...

Our friend, Eric, got himself a new motorcycle. It's a bit bigger than his other cycle (RIP) so he's getting used to the added weight of the ride. Congratulations on your purchase, Eric, and listen to Theresa: Wear a helmet!

May 9, 2002
Yo! I'm back and you're still here! Man, you are the best! I can always depend on you when the chips are down! You're too good to me! You're just too good!

So how are things going? Did that rash ever clear up? Did you remember to use the lotion? Yes? Good, good. I'm telling you that stuff works wonders! Especially on your "sensitive" areas! Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to...Are you blushing? I think you're blushing! Oh, wait...that's the rash. Boy, that stuff really spreads, huh?

What have I been doing? Working some overtime at work and working undertime with the site. What else? Hey, the gang got together to film last Sunday! It was an episode of Yakking with Arlo and I think it turned out pretty well. Audrea and Mary played Arlo's guests while yours truly (Of course) played Triple A. Tim was the man behind the camera and Bill was our steady soundman. I think everybody had a fun time. At least, I hope so.

Anyway, we're planning on filming again this Sunday (Hey, that's Mother's Day! You better get your ma something real good this year to make up for last year's fiasco! A talking toilet seat! What were you thinking?). We're planning on filming a lot this summer so new shows are on the way! Yay! I would do some cartwheels, but I'm just too fat!

Hey, I hate to cut this short, but I'm running out of things to say! I hope things are going swell with you and yours! We'll talk again soon. I promise! I promise!

April 19, 2002
Has the buffet become the watering hole for rednecks? That's what a couple of my workaday colleagues theorized after we had lunch at a well-known Chinese buffet today. We had the good fortune to be seated next to a family that expressed their opinions through their mouths and their butts. As they prattled on about the NASCAR schedule, their young son suffered some major gas leaks. Fortunately, I wasn't present for the explosions as I was too busy scooping up ice cream that died from freezer burns weeks ago.

As the meal progressed, a neighboring redneck from another table taunted the gassy child about a missing toy. "I saw him take it away", the balding codger brayed, " They threw it away! I saw them do it!" In reality, the little methane maker dropped the toy on the floor and the buttinski was getting some sadistic thrill by hounding the kid. The kid's family didn't seem to mind that a complete stranger was playing mind games with Junior. They laughed and told the boy to thank the burden to society as he picked up the toy and placed it on their table. 

The two tables seemed to have bonded over the incident. As my colleagues and I departed, the buttinski asked his newfound friends, "What's on them bananas?"  The answer remains a mystery.