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| From: | Email: |
| Barak: | FUNNY SHIT... |
| Reponse | Thanks Barak, I'm glad that you like it. |
| Ed | You light up my life man. I figure one of my old roomates from SF must have hooked me up with your email. Just as well because your creativity nurtures my own. You remind me of my old friend I used to sell speakers out of vans with when I was kid. Now I sell and finance Real Estate and I make sure to Fwd these emails to my peers whenever I can. Im watching "Raw Deal" right now and it's so ironic that you remind me of Arnold in this movie. ...sighning off ...and wishing I was Ed Zachary as talented as you Dave! P.S. Can you introduce me to Burt Reynolds? |
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| pangealocal Response: |
who you callin mr beeoch....you're the beeoch, beeoch! i'm goin to be in californiya at chrismas time. my uncle (or dad you can call him hes my moms brother so when im mad at him i call him uncle) is bein detaned in jale out thair. i need to come out a testofeye on his behalf that he is a good father. maybe i could come laugh with you and your'e frends. my sister is comin to and i told wer'e frends. write back so we can hook it up, beeoch. im goin to trye and bring some smoke, if you know what i mene!!! i herd you californiyans have good smoke...maybe my sis can trad some leg for some of your'e good smokey smoke. peace to all my west cost hommies. peace out, beeoch. travis brown, represent sp. tell your'e girlfrends i'll be out so i can spread my seed! |
| Response: | What up T-Bone, Damn kid, you gots to chill on that smoke, smoke ,cause your writing be all broke, broke. How y'all learn to write out there? Y'all crazy. We at Mr. B are all like: Damn this kid needs some glasses or some shit cause he be written all buck wild. You a true free styler homie. Unfortunately, the whole office will be out of town during the Christmas throw down. We all taking a field trip out to Columbia to check out the Donkey Show. We gots to support out fearless leader Mr. B. Next time your in town we'll give you the official B'N'G tour. Straight up hard core pimp shit. Keep it in check my brother. Tell your sister thanks for offering her legs, but we have too many legs here already. Ask her if she has any teeth to throw down. That's one thing we need out here...we need some teeth. Our intern, The Muscle, be toothless (he also pretty ruthless but last time I talked about it he got all buck wild and let loose in my coffee). Good luck out here. Keep rockin and knockin it. All the ladies are out here waiting for your game. Big ups T-Bone. Much Respect, Mr. B staff. |
| pangaealocal | if you think your'e so god damn funny you come out here to arkansas and we'll drag you behind our truck. me and my sister think you must be in californiya and that makes you a homersexul...and what's beter to drag behind you're truck than a richie rich californiyan. my mexican friend, hosay lueis, thinks your'e wite trash and wants to hook you up with his mom cause shes always dating wite trash mofos like you. last week she went on for dates in one night so be ready. we think that melisa girl has the right idea. you need to be eaten by pigs like my uncle was. so go hump your'e surfboard and tell your blonde boyfriend to put his panties back on and get out. hosay lueis moms coming for a visit, beeoch! |
| Response: | Hello Mr. Beeoch, We at Mr. B, Inc. appreciate and enjoy all correspondence from our loyal fan base. It is exciting to see your curiosity regarding Mr. B. Mr. B has been traveling for six weeks and its fans like you that keep us at Mr. B Incorporated happy to go to work everyday. Besides informing every one of his adventures, Mr. B would also like to take time to educate fellow Americans as to the importance of legible writing. Although we at Mr. B, Inc. support your ability to express yourself in word, we would like to you to know that three of our interns (Ham-bone, Muscle and Nacho Cheese) are in the hospital now due to brain aneurysms caused by your unique writing style. On a personal note, we have never seen an email with so many grammatical and spelling errors. Perhaps you were so excited to write to us that you forgot everything you ever learned in English class, I am sure it had nothing to do with the fact that you are from Arkansas. We thank you for your time and effort in writing us. In light of our recent hospital bills, please have someone outside of Arkansas proof read your email before you send them to us. In addition, it is important for all of our readers to respect the rights of everyone in the States. We support your right to drag people behind your truck just as much we support you and your sister humping. In fact, we support mullets, one ply toilet paper and “wite trash mofos” like yourself. Thank you very much for your email. Please give our blessings to your family, Hosay Lueis and Hosay’s mom. We hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. Best regards, Mr. B, Inc. |
| Ali V. | Who the fuck are you, how did you get my goddamn email address and why the fuck do you think I give a shit about your misadventures? Quit filling my inbox with useless crap and Photoshop (or equivalent) modified photos of you and your stupid monkey superimposed on pictures of different places around the world. Asshole. |
| Response: | Hello Mr. Asshole, We at Mr. B Incorporated appreciate and enjoy all correspondence from our loyal fan base. It is exciting to see your curiosity regarding Mr. B’s adventures or as you call them misadventures. Mr. B has been traveling for six weeks and its fans like you that keep us at Mr. B Incorporated happy to go to work everyday. We will do our best to forward this email to Mr. B out in the field, but it may take some time in light of Thanksgiving. Although we are sure that Mr. B will enjoy reading your email, we do have reservations about providing your email to Javier. Javier “the monkey” was selected after interviewing thousands of well qualified professional monkeys. In fact, Javier graduated from M.I.T. (Monkeys Institute of Technology) with a masters in electrical engineering and a minor ball room dancing. Although Javier is a brilliant monkey, we fear that any negative fan mail will lead to a possible monkey mental break down or a severe case of monkey depression. We at Mr. B Incorporate support animal rights, especially the mental health of African monkeys. We thank you for your concern and appreciate your time and effort. We wish you and your family happy holidays. Have a great Thanksgiving. Best regards, Mr. B Incorporated |
| Sandra | i was wondering if javier likes to throw his poo poo at people |
| Response: | Dear Sandra, Javier is more into eating his own poo than anything else. But when Javier does poo I throw it at people, cause I really think Javier is to lazy to throw his own poo. |
| Rita | Um, what? |
| Response: | 1+1 = jello |
| Blanche | mr. b youre the dopest. keep on keepin it real. peace-out |
| Response: | No Blanche, you're the dopest! |
| Janell | It's Janell Here. Anyway, wicked wicked & excellent! Trophy work. It is good to know that you still have your sense of humour! You've had me pissing myself with laughter. Take care and keep me up to date with journey's progress! Janell |
| Response: | Thanks Janell. Some people just don't have a sense of humor or they need to take that stick out of there ass. |
| Meslissa | You are a fucking idiot!!!!! Who the fuck are you anyway, and how did an asshole like yourself get my address. It's people like you that make me emberresed to be american. I hope you die on your little adventure. Maybe, I prey, one of those starving people will hunt you down and mutilate you into peices and have you for dinner. I'm sure that you taste like shit, but I bet there is some nutrients in there somewhere. DIE!!!!!!! |
| Response: | Hello Mr. Die, It is a pleasure to hear from you Mr. Die. We at Mr. B Incorporated appreciate and enjoy all comments received related to Mr. B’s travels. Thank you for your prayers…in fact, Mr. B prays for you and hopes that one day you will learn that american is properly spelled with a capital A (“American”), emberresed is actually spelled embarrassed, and that peices is actually spelled pieces. It’s been five weeks and Mr. B has been through two continents already. He plans to travel the world and keep all of his friends and enemies apprised of his travels. We thank you for your support and approval. On a personal note, I would like to say its fans like you that keep Mr. B. going. God Bless you. We at Mr. B Incorporated wish you and your loved ones a happy Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas. Once again, thank you for you support. We love you. Sincerely, Mr. B Incorporated ps: Mr. B is Native American……so step off cowboy. |
| TJ | Yor are the man DAve. YOu RIDE EM cowboys....YYYEEEEE HAAAAA |
| Response: | I'm a WagonBurner, not a cowboy. |
| Kimber | You are a stoner - I know you are!!! The photos of your travels are amazing & heineous & hilarious & would be a fabulous book for anybody's coffee table. |
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| James | Funny as hell! |
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| Kent | that is Fucking HILARIOUS!! Great work. |
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| BR | These attempts at comedy have been lame. Neither remotely funny, nor witty. STOP sending me this crap!!! . |
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| Jewn | Okay Dave248: Only one of the jpeg files you sent had anything on them! I even spent the time to try and save them to disk, then re-open but to find absolutely NOTHING. Common dude, lemme see your mug. xoxo jewn |
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| Michelle | Hi Dave, Are you really in Africa???? When the hell did you decide to go there? When are you coming back? |
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| Erin | I DECIDED THAT YOU SHOULD BE A JOURNALISM MAJOR! YOU NEED TO WRITE FOR AN ADVENTURE MAGAZINE OR SOMETHING! YOUR ADVENTURES IN AFRICA ARE SOOOO FUNNY AND SO IMAGINATIVE! I HAD TO HAVE MY MOM READ ONE OF THEM AND SHE PEED HER PANTS! SHE NOT ONLY WANTS TO MEET THE FUNNY MAN BEHIND THE WRITINGS, BUT ALSO THINKS YOU SHOULD WRITE FOR THE FUNNIES OR SOMTHING! I'LL BE YOUR TOUR GUIDE AND THE OUTDOOR MAG CAN COVER THE EXPENSES OF OUR JOURNIES TO FIND REAL STORIES FOR YOU TO WRITE ABOUT! WHAT DO YA THINK SILLY MAN? |
| Response: | It's Potty time. |
| Alf | Dave: I miss you. This e-mail was just what I needed. |
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| SLATE | It was so fuckin good to hear from ya. I hope you are making people laugh so hard they can't stop fartin. Make sure you look me up when you get back. much luv |
| Response: | It was good to hear from you as well. You should get a lighter. |
| Beth | You are a freak. Do you wanna make out? DAve you make me hot. Do you or Javier want to walk down the isle with me at the wedding? If we do we will have to " do it" later when we get drunk. |
| Response: | Of course I do. |
