I PAID MY DUES

In spring when I was just a girl
Adjusting to this cruel world
I paid my dues

Too soon my skin wore callused gown,
I learned to act I learned to frown
And save myself from tears that drown
I paid my dues

I thought I'd entered into hell
Manacled soul, haunted shell
And no-one dried the tears that fell
When I was bade to never tell
I paid my dues

In summer I was no sweet maid
Who lightly laughed and gently played
But braver now and unafraid
My shield defending every raid
Though innocence was torn and frayed
I paid my dues

So bold was I - and brash, I'll bet
With eyes of jade and heart of jet
I never made a teacher's pet
But darkened strangers often met
Who paid for me in coins of sweat
I grinned at their discomfort, yet
I paid my dues

In autumn, life had made of me
The woman of my destiny
No longer desperate to be free
Nor spend my days upon my knees
I built my nest contentedly
Yet craved for something secretly
Uncertain as a memory
I paid my dues

Too few, my options one by one
Had withered in the autumn sun
And all the fantasies I'd spun
Had blown to dust as they'd begun
Too many things were left undone
Too many roads I'd left to run
So even in the autumn sun
When time was short and almost done
I paid my dues

In winter at the summing end
I talk with God like any friend
My eyes are dim, I cannot bend
Nor can I broken bridges mend
No energy can I expend
To clean the slate or to offend
And it becomes a growing trend
To smile as through my days I wend
Yes, still through habit I pretend
I pay my dues

As Earth prepares her dress of snow
I'm at the stage of my last show
Where seeds of resignation grow
So, softly, Death comes tippy-toe
To take its uncomplaining foe
And, though I walk with footsteps slow
I am undaunted for I know:
That heaven's realm can hold no woe
Compared with anything below
And when they ask me, I will show
I paid my dues

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